NationStates Jolt Archive

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D

Yes he did flip out

Your dad doesn't get out much, does he?

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D
Holy shit batman what happened next??

In...happiness I hope.

That's funny.

Worst thing I ever said in front of my parents came after a long deployment on the USS JFK. I had a cross-country flight back to Ohio to visit the folks and we sat down to a nice dinner of barbecued chicken. After a couple bites, I blurted out "That's pretty fucking good chicken!". And turned bright red immediately. Mom eventually forgave me, but not for a while.

Wow, makes me feel lucky to be able to read out Profanisaurus ("The ultimate swearing dictionary", see www.viz.co.uk) entries infront of my family.

At christmas too :P.

Your dad doesn't get out much, does he?

No, it's just that they expect a lot out of me as their son. I am expected to not tarnish the family name by involving myself in immorality.

Holy shit batman what happened next??

Nothing. I walked away feeling very sheepish. Sure this girl looks great and has a nice body, but I must put her needs above my own. I also have to control that insatiable desire my creator put in my to grab that girl and
'tap that'.

I'm waiting.

No, it's just that they expect a lot out of me as their son. I am expected to not tarnish the family name by involving myself in immorality.

Tarnishing the family name has worked quite well for a number of historical figures.

Still, I don't see how banging a chick tarnishes anyone's name.

Ahh... brings back the memories of when a joint fell out of my cigarette pack and my mom found it on the floor.

Still, I don't see how banging a chick tarnishes anyone's name.

Maybe it tarnishes her name?

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:

"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D
If I was you father I would be proud of you.

If I was you father I would be proud of you.

At this juncture I am reminded of the Blur song "Boys & Girls" which I shall hastily quote, "always should be someone you really looooooove".

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D
Sorry but..........
http://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gifhttp://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/laugh.gif

No, it's just that they expect a lot out of me as their son. I am expected to not tarnish the family name by involving myself in immorality.
Sex is evil now? I didn't get the memo.

Maybe it tarnishes her name?
Come on, we have a higher opinion of ARF than that, don't we?

Worst thing I ever said in front of my parents came after a long deployment on the USS JFK. I had a cross-country flight back to Ohio to visit the folks and we sat down to a nice dinner of barbecued chicken. After a couple bites, I blurted out "That's pretty fucking good chicken!". And turned bright red immediately. Mom eventually forgave me, but not for a while.
You worked for the government? I'm shocked. :eek:

Anyway, what are your parents like? Puritans or something? What you said is not that bad.

Sex is evil now? I didn't get the memo.

No. Sex outside of marriage is fornication, expressly condemned by the bible. (Read 1st and 2nd Corinthians-Paul wrote a LOT about that)

Come on, we have a higher opinion of ARF than that, don't we?


You worked for the government? I'm shocked. :eek:

Anyway, what are your parents like? Puritans or something? What you said is not that bad.

If I marry that girl, I will tap/hit/bang her. But not until.

Tarnishing the family name has worked quite well for a number of historical figures.

Still, I don't see how banging a chick tarnishes anyone's name.
Banging a chick is usually how the family name survives from one generation to the next.

:p

If I marry that girl, I will tap/hit/bang her. But not until. No you won't! You will not, sir! You will control yourself forever, sir!

Although the word "tap" makes me think of the horrible Floodlet spores in Halo...

I've said too many stupid things to remember any.

You worked for the government? I'm shocked. :eek:

Anyway, what are your parents like? Puritans or something? What you said is not that bad.
My mom didn't like me working for the Marine Corps, either. And 'fuck' is just one of those words we used at the dinner table.

Holy shit batman what happened next??

They resorted to cannibalism.

That's funny.

Worst thing I ever said in front of my parents came after a long deployment on the USS JFK. I had a cross-country flight back to Ohio to visit the folks and we sat down to a nice dinner of barbecued chicken. After a couple bites, I blurted out "That's pretty fucking good chicken!". And turned bright red immediately. Mom eventually forgave me, but not for a while.

... Or do you perhaps mean "Friggin' Chicken"?

... Or do you perhaps mean "Friggin' Chicken"?
I'm sure what I meant to say was "Mom, this is the most delightfully tasty chicken I've had the opportunity to consume in quite some time."

Unfortunately, several months on a deployment with a bunch of sailors and Marines shortened that statement to the bare minimums.

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D


Well i gotta say its the funniest thing ive heard all day

Banging a chick is usually how the family name survives from one generation to the next.

:p

It's within the bounds of marriage.....

Ahh... brings back the memories of when a joint fell out of my cigarette pack and my mom found it on the floor.
Been there...only it was back when i was a "ghetto," smoker...using tinfoil for bowls and whatnot. I was stoned, didn't feel like going downstairs to throw the thing in the trash, and my mother found it in my room.

I've quit smoking since then...

And as to what you said to your father man; I'm not sure what he's pissed about- He should be happy that you're not gay...

but I must put her needs above my own.
And what if she wanted you to ravish her?

And what if she wanted you to ravish her?

then its "TROOPS, MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS!"

assuming by ravish, you mean fuck.

No, it's just that they expect a lot out of me as their son. I am expected to not tarnish the family name by involving myself in immorality.
what about immortality?

They resorted to cannibalism.
holy cow I just about spit my orange juice out reading that. think "dawn of the dead" with ARF running from his hungry dad

I generally wouldn't have sex before the first week of going out with a girl, simply because I'm in no rush to get AIDS. But screw, pun not intended, waiting until marriage - I don't get to get married until I'm >26, and I'm 18 and a half now - then again, I'm half Spanish and I'm there 1/6 of my life, and frankly, it's impossible to stay a virgin when you're an American in Europe - well, at least until 2003 [Iraq].

No, it's just that they expect a lot out of me as their son. I am expected to not tarnish the family name by involving myself in immorality.

Oh, dear, you're serious, aren't you?

Oh, dear, you're serious, aren't you?
Some of us have a wee bit of Decorum you know.

Some of us have a wee bit of Decorum you know.

There is decorum (which is a poor choice of word by you, by the by) and then there is puritanism and antiquated notions of "morality."

There is decorum (which is a poor choice of word by you, by the by) and then there is puritanism and antiquated notions of "morality."
Touche on the Decorum on my part.

I don't think it was the martest thing to say by him.

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D

Erm.... why?

If I marry that girl, I will tap/hit/bang her. But not until.
Sorry, you should have mentioned that you were one of those people. (or is it just your parents?)

...cum to the dark side, my friend ;)

My mom didn't like me working for the Marine Corps, either. And 'fuck' is just one of those words we used at the dinner table.
All I can say is: you Southern people are even more strange than the average American.

And what if she wanted you to ravish* her?
He would have to hold back. Blessed indeed.

*kudos on word usage!

All I can say is: you Southern people are even more strange than the average American.
And damned proud of it! :p

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D

Why would he flip out?

Why would he flip out?
Because some people still think it is their business when two other people have sex. This is especially true if one or both of the other people are their children.

:p

Because some people still think it is their business when two other people have sex. This is especially true if one or both of the other people are their children.

:p

Now that was scary/creepy that you would say that. Secret you've been hiding?

Now that was scary that you would say that. Secret you've been hiding?
Personally, no. But see my comment above (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10160834&postcount=37) about being from the South. :p

Personally, no. But see my comment above (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10160834&postcount=37) about being from the South. :p

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b383/DrkHelmet/Forum%20Pictures/marvinohno2jl.jpg

If that's what passes for crude at your house, you'd hate to meet my family.

Worst thing that happened to me was my mom found a porn mag under the bed. All she said was 'At least your looking at women'. In front of all the family:gundge:

Worst thing that happened to me was my mom found a porn mag under the bed. All she said was 'At least your looking at women'. In front of all the family:gundge:

Don't worry, It's even more embarrassing when someone walks in on you watching a video.

Worst thing that happened to me was my mom found a porn mag under the bed. All she said was 'At least your looking at women'. In front of all the family:gundge:
A friend of mine who has a teenage son recently had to handle a family crisis where his wife found a porn magazine under his son's bed. His wife brought the evidence to him and told him to go have a conversation with their son. So my friend took his son aside and told him, "Look, you really need to find better places to hide this stuff," and gave him some advice on the matter. Now that's realistic and practical parenting!

What's the big deal? I certainly looked at my share of Playboy and Penthouse back in the early 1980s, and I'm not going to be too concerned if my son starts looking at pictures of naked women some time around the year 2020. Hell, I expect it! It's a normal enough part of any teenage male's development, and as long as he doesn't become completely obsessed with pornography, I won't worry about it too much. (And yes, I will tell him about good places to hide the evidence from his mom. What's a dad for, anyway?)
:p

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D
ROFLMAO!!! Your dad would have appoplexy if he heard some of the conversations I've had with my kids over the years! I wanted them to know that sex was fun and not to be feared, coupled with a healthy respect for things like early pregnancy and STDs. Apparently it took :)

Don't worry, It's even more embarrassing when someone walks in on you watching a video.

Yeah, that would suck. Although, were you just watching? Or engaged in another activity;)

A friend of mine who has a teenage son recently had to handle a family crisis where his wife found a porn magazine under his son's bed. His wife brought the evidence to him and told him to go have a conversation with their son. So my friend took his son aside and told him, "Look, you really need to find better places to hide this stuff," and gave him some advice on the matter. Now that's realistic and practical parenting!

What's the big deal? I certainly looked at my share of Playboy and Penthouse back in the early 1980s, and I'm not going to be too concerned if my son starts looking at pictures of naked women some time around the year 2020. Hell, I expect it! It's a normal enough part of any teenage male's development, and as long as he doesn't become completely obsessed with pornography, I won't worry about it too much. (And yes, I will tell him about good places to hide the evidence from his mom. What's a dad for, anyway?)
:p

I agree but you shouldn't have those conversations at the dinner table! Embarrassed much? I think I was!

holy cow I just about spit my orange juice out reading that. think "dawn of the dead" with ARF running from his hungry dad
LOL i did just knock over my speakers reading this so be happy thinking you didnt knock anything over...

cannibals... lol

Seems that NSers aren't very good at hiding things. :p It's a normal enough part of any teenage male's development I don't know any normal teenagers. Or at least, don't speak to any. :p

Yeah, that would suck. Although, were you just watching? Or engaged in another activity;)

At that stage, just watching...fortunately. I've had a couple of close calls, but I haven't actually been sprung in the act :p

I agree but you shouldn't have those conversations at the dinner table! Embarrassed much? I think I was!
Well, yeah, you need to pick your venue, and that wasn't it. (Although, from your mom's point of view, it was probably a good one.)

But if your dad was there, I'm sure he was doing his best to hide a smile, and thinking to himself, "That's my boy!"

:p

I don't know any normal teenagers. Or at least, don't speak to any. :p
Granted, "normal" is a relative term where teenagers are concerned. But some are less psychotic than others, and luckily those are the ones who are most likely to survive to adulthood.

That's funny.

Worst thing I ever said in front of my parents came after a long deployment on the USS JFK. I had a cross-country flight back to Ohio to visit the folks and we sat down to a nice dinner of barbecued chicken. After a couple bites, I blurted out "That's pretty fucking good chicken!". And turned bright red immediately. Mom eventually forgave me, but not for a while.
ROFLMAO!!! Just now read this. :D

When I came back from two years in Vietnam, I had picked up the traditional military slang and used it until it was almost second nature to me. My parents had this cat that was a fairly normal size when I left, but a diet rich in nutrients had made the damned thing balloon to about twice its size! When I walked in the door and saw it, the first words out of my mouth were, "What the fuck, over?" ROFLMAO!

Neither my father nor my step-mother was amused, but my younger brother laughed his ass off! :D

Granted, "normal" is a relative term where teenagers are concerned. But some are less psychotic than others, and luckily those are the ones who are most likely to survive to adulthood. Excuse me, I have every intention of surviving to adulthood.

Maybe someone should start a "What would you do if you found p0rn in your kid's room?" thread...

.Worst thing I ever said in front of my parents came after a long deployment on the USS JFK. I had a cross-country flight back to Ohio to visit the folks and we sat down to a nice dinner of barbecued chicken. After a couple bites, I blurted out "That's pretty fucking good chicken!". And turned bright red immediately. Mom eventually forgave me, but not for a while.

ROFLMAO!!! Just now read this.:D
When I came back from two years in Vietnam, I had picked up the traditional military slang and used it until it was almost second nature to me. My parents had this cat that was a fairly normal size when I left, but a diet rich in nutrients had made the damned thing balloon to about twice its size! When I walked in the door and saw it, the first words out of my mouth were, "What the fuck, over?" ROFLMAO!

Neither my father nor my step-mother was amused, but my younger brother laughed his ass off!:D
Both are hilarious.

Excuse me, I have every intention of surviving to adulthood.

Maybe someone should start a "What would you do if you found p0rn in your kid's room?" thread...

Done (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=461102);)

Excuse me, I have every intention of surviving to adulthood.

Maybe someone should start a "What would you do if you found p0rn in your kid's room?" thread...

Careful what you wish for. That thread has more posts than this one. Glad I did my part:D

Anyway, back on topic ;) I have slips of the tongue all the time. Like swearing furiously at the monitor, not realising my parents are a room away (and I mean proper swearing - heavy references to ancestry and night-time occupation).

then its "TROOPS, MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS!"

assuming by ravish, you mean fuck.

:D Man you guys are making me die with laughter today!:D

I was walking through the living room at my parents' house when a commercial goes by with this girl advertising some sort of cosmetic. I pointed her out to my dad and I ment to tell him the girl I'm going to go out with when I get back to school looks just like her (to a T literally). However, instead I said:


"Yeah dad, that's the girl I'm going to bang when I go back to school"

Yes he did flip out, and he did need CPR, with a double shot of adrenaline and the 'paddles' to get back on his feet. :D

If I was your dad, heck, I'd be handing you the WHOLE box of condoms.

Honestly, your dad just can't take a joke. I've done that plenty of times before, and my dad's only ENCOURAGED me....I think he was joking though....uh, the point is, go get'er tiger!!!

Granted, "normal" is a relative term where teenagers are concerned. But some are less psychotic than others, and luckily those are the ones who are most likely to survive to adulthood.

Well, I only have some 150 or so days to go until i'm no longer a teenager, and i'm pretty damn crazy. I'd say i've done well. :D

Both are hilarious.
I have laughed about that incident with the cat ever since it happened. My brother ( step-brother, actually ) and I crack up over it to this day, especially since my father's only response was, "Harumpfh! Let's leave the field language in the field!" :D

Yeah, that would suck. Although, were you just watching? Or engaged in another activity;)


I got caught once.:eek: You don't want to know how my mother reacted. My dad just said "Lock the door next time".

:D Man you guys are making me die with laughter today!:D
See how little it takes to make a soldier happy! :D

See how little it takes to make a soldier happy! :D

I know something that would this soldier very happy....

Oh, different thread. :D

Why the hell is this thread so wide?

EDIT: It's gone now. I had to follow the text by scrolling sideways.

I know something that would this soldier very happy....

Oh, different thread. :D
ROFLMAO! No shit! High-fives, dood! :D

EDIT: I'll tell you the same thing I use to tell Mr. Charles, "Git chew sum!" Totally different context, but still very applicable. :D

Last X-mas having just walked in the door at my mothers and wile trying to say hello to everyone, my Grandmother started hassleing me about being late and how I was just like my father so in the holiday spirit I turned and said" Gram, why don't you go fuck yourself you fucking bitch". It was the start of an interesting breakfast, It was also the first time I know of that anyone stood up to the old bitty.

ROFLMAO! No shit! High-fives, dood! :D

EDIT: I'll tell you the same thing I use to tell Mr. Charles, "Git chew sum!" Totally different context, but still very applicable. :D

What would make me a happy soldier again is to get my sister back with the family and for my ex-girlfriend to stop running away from her friends and God.

That would make me very happy indeed.

What would make me a happy soldier again is to get my sister back with the family and for my ex-girlfriend to stop running away from her friends and God.

That would make me very happy indeed.
Understandable. Just try to keep in mind that sometimes we run more from ourselves than from that which we seem to be running.

I got caught once.:eek: You don't want to know how my mother reacted. My dad just said "Lock the door next time". No, we do want to know how your mother reacted.

I couldn't phase my dad with anything like that. he's in his 60's, but now that i'm in college he'll gladly recall his early years, tripping shrooms driving cross county with his younger brother.

No, we do want to know how your mother reacted.


She kicked the crap out of me. My mother's a bit psycho.

When I walked in the door and saw it, the first words out of my mouth were, "What the fuck, over?"
What does that phrase mean? It makes no sense to me.

Maybe someone should start a "What would you do if you found p0rn in your kid's room?" thread...
If you're going to use a zero, spell it "pr0n".

Well, I only have some 150 or so days to go until i'm no longer a teenager, and i'm pretty damn crazy. I'd say i've done well. :D
You are a very similar age to me. I'm twenty y.o. in 95 days. Though I've never been caught with porn. I stopped using it when I realised that my mind was a much more exciting lover.

There is decorum (which is a poor choice of word by you, by the by) and then there is puritanism and antiquated notions of "morality."
Although I would advise against plunging into marriage before having sex with someone, I say let ARF live his life the way he wants to.