NationStates Jolt Archive

Perhaps this is just my luck, but I'm telling you it's getting on my nerves.

I'm currently on vacation in Sanibel, FL, just off the coast of Fort Myers (I come from Alliston, Ontario, 45 mins. NW of Toronto), and I decided to check out the Fort Myers nightscene, because, well, Alliston doesn't have one (unless you count a movie theatre that shows this week's DVD releases on screen). The club I went to was great (Ricochet), but my experience there wasn't.

I met a girl (as could be reasonably assumed under the circumstances) and things actually went well. We danced, talked, shared a drink together, and then she told me that she needed to find her friends. I then received that line I always dread- "I'll be back". At the time, I didn't think that much about it since (I thought) I had reason to believe that she'd be true to her word. I should have trusted my instincts. She did come back, but I was essentially avoided, and I was left to ponder what the heck I did wrong. When I finally mustered the courage to talk to her again (because I really liked this girl even though I had NO chance at all with her given the distance), she told me- as I had already known- that it was her first night out in Fort Myers and that she didn't- and I quote- "want to be glued to one guy". I told her I was cool with that, and essentially left it at that. The good part is that there's no animosity between us (she told me that I didn't do anything wrong, and she did give me a nice hug goodbye), but it was not an experience that I particularily enjoyed.

What I should have told her- though I didn't really get the chance- was that if I had been told that earlier (when she initially left me) then I would have liked it much better than what actually happened. Obviously, I don't like "screwing up", but if I don't know what is going on then what can I do? I've taken the whole thing as a learning experience, so hopefully things can work out better next time.

Still, the whole thing made me wonder if we- as a whole- just need to be straight a little more often. Too often in all walks of life we're told things that are sugarcoated because of a fear that "revealing the truth" is simply more damaging to the psyche, when I just showed today (for me anyway) that it does not. Now, I'm not here advocating for a Dr. Phil-type approach (he's just a little too blunt), but I do think it's misunderstood that sometimes- and I know it's a cliche, but it's a useful one- that honest really is the best policy. Going back to my situation, yeah, I understand that at a club there's a heightened sense of "restraint" because of the perception that "all the guys are after sex" (I'm not one of those guys- I'll take sex whenever I can get it but I'm also interested in the person (while we're at it, please no posts about "when sex is right" because that's not what the topic is about here)), and that partially explains what happened to me, but it still frustrated me that I had to get "a line" instead of the truth, because I'm telling you things would have worked out a lot better if she was upfront.

I'm about to log off now, so I won't be able to respond until tommorow, but until then, think about this- does our society need to speak the truth more often or is the truth really too hard to bear?

Haha, for a second there I thought you were going to go on a scandalous gay-bashing session.


But yeah




People lie. It's what we do, what we started doing as kids, and what we most likely continue to do until we die. It sucks sometimes, but you can learn to just not worry about it.

Haha, for a second there I thought you were going to go on a scandalous gay-bashing session.
Same here.

And you're right. That's why I don't lie about my feelings.

beats me, im just really glad this didnt turn out to be a thread on why people should pretend to not be gay.

I am as truthful as possible. Though when guys are trying to crack on to me in a club, I try to be tactful, because they are generally bigger than me and seriously intoxicated, and I don't know if they're gonna get violent. Or nasty. I've been called some pretty foul names by guys who I turned down. So now I feed all guys lines unless I've known them beforehand, because I don't like being called a slut/whore/frigid bitch.

Although I do realise most guys aren't like this, it's hard to tell which ones are and aren't.

One of the fundamental rules of human interaction is:

Everyone lies. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Paranoia? Lack of trust? Cynicism? Bullshit. Assume people can't be trusted to tell the truth unless you have evidence to the contrary for a specific person on a specific issue.

Why aren't we straight with people? It's hard to look someone in the eye and say, "I have absolutely no interest in you." We figure that we're going to hurt them eventually, but we don't want to do it now, so we put it off- in their view, we 'string them along.' There's not much anyone can do about it except look into themselves and see if they have the strength to be honest.

Side note: I, for one, don't always bullshit. When I give a compliment, I mean it, and on the rare occasions where I give an insult, I really mean it- no matter the circumstances of my speaking. The only point where I get hung up is when trying to be negative but nice- ye olde "Do these pants make my butt look big?" scenario.

Man, you'd probably get way more chicks if you didn't live in canada.. I've visited there once... boresville! If you moved to a larger town in the states, like New York, or Chicago, or Annapolis, or something, there'd be a lot more girls. I mean, yeah, what that girl did sucked.. but you are from canada.. no offence, but girls really aren't into the whole lumberjack thing here in America. but yeah, I too thought that this would be a gay bashing thing, and was delighted to start arguing about something. Anyways, I don't know if she dissed you because she found out that you are from canada, or if it was just because she had another, equally valid reason, but it sucks for you.

I think that people aren't "Straight" because they really don't care about anyone elses feelings. And why should they? it doesn't get them any further in life, being sneeky and underhanded will get you ahead though, and just refusing to talk to some canadian you meet in a club can save you a lot of hassle. That's what I think.

Well it could be worse. You could live in a country where everything is subtlely laced in sarcasm...

Why do we lie?

Becuase saying "I dont want to be tied down" is nicer than saying "Youre kinda cool, but that pimple on your face make me want to squeeze your head."

Or, "Im not ready for a relationship", is nicer than saying "Youre about as attractive as Urkel."

Its simply more polite, and wont hurt your feelings as badly.

Of course she would never have been straight up with you in the first place. If she had, then you would have thought she was a bitch, or at least, she would have thought you would have thought that. She would rather that you would wait around in hope than having you think something bad of her. She wasn't straight up because either she didn't think of it, she didn't feel it was socially acceptable, or because of sub-conscious self-preservation as I have just argued for.

Haha, for a second there I thought you were going to go on a scandalous gay-bashing session.

I realized that I put the wrong title after I went to bed (I was slightly inebriated last night), though as a side note, one girl did once tell me if she wasn't lesbian she'd date me (no, it's not the same girl here).

Man, you'd probably get way more chicks if you didn't live in canada.. I've visited there once... boresville! If you moved to a larger town in the states, like New York, or Chicago, or Annapolis, or something, there'd be a lot more girls. I mean, yeah, what that girl did sucked.. but you are from canada.. no offence, but girls really aren't into the whole lumberjack thing here in America. but yeah, I too thought that this would be a gay bashing thing, and was delighted to start arguing about something. Anyways, I don't know if she dissed you because she found out that you are from canada, or if it was just because she had another, equally valid reason, but it sucks for you.

I think that people aren't "Straight" because they really don't care about anyone elses feelings. And why should they? it doesn't get them any further in life, being sneeky and underhanded will get you ahead though, and just refusing to talk to some canadian you meet in a club can save you a lot of hassle. That's what I think.

Haha- after my experience in Fort Myers, I agree (though I've been to a few good parties in Canada). Perhaps I need to visit the smaller clubs (i.e., not the ones that charge $30 cover), but Torontonians don't seem to have any idea how to really party, though I'm at a loss as to why.

I'm thinking though if I was dissed for being Canadian it would have been because, well, I don't live in Fort Myers, which would have made sense- why should she waste her time with someone who'll only be there for two weeks? She didn't seem to have any apprehensions about me being Canadian- she was from New Jersey and lived in Michigan- but I do know that angle (though, in my experiences, I don't really come across that too often).

I admit this is probably more personal than "a hot topic", but this whole experience was "the last straw" if you will. I've had one too many party experiences where the girls shied away from me thinking all I cared about was getting in their pants, when I'm not that single-minded. Nice guys DO go to clubs and it's frustrating I get no recognition for that, but I realize for girls who don't know me they won't know that.

I am as truthful as possible. Though when guys are trying to crack on to me in a club, I try to be tactful, because they are generally bigger than me and seriously intoxicated, and I don't know if they're gonna get violent. Or nasty. I've been called some pretty foul names by guys who I turned down. So now I feed all guys lines unless I've known them beforehand, because I don't like being called a slut/whore/frigid bitch.

Although I do realise most guys aren't like this, it's hard to tell which ones are and aren't.

If you ask me, I'd probably prefer the nasty comment, since at least I get closure. I'm not one of those guys who doesn't understand that "no really does mean no".

Still, though, the guys who need to resort to insults aren't worth it anyway, and they're really just trying to boost their egos, because, hey, they're "not supposed to be rejected". That's the way I look at it. I'd take it a lot more personally if someone I know insulted me but a total stranger? I don't think much of it. No use getting worked up over someone I'll never have to deal with again.

Of course she would never have been straight up with you in the first place. If she had, then you would have thought she was a bitch, or at least, she would have thought you would have thought that. She would rather that you would wait around in hope than having you think something bad of her. She wasn't straight up because either she didn't think of it, she didn't feel it was socially acceptable, or because of sub-conscious self-preservation as I have just argued for.

I wouldn't have liked to have been rejected (who does), but I wouldn't have called her names- I'm good at letting things go. In fact, I would have preferred honesty if for nothing else but the opportunity "to move on to the next girl". As I said before, I'm not one of those guys who has a monstrous ego- I'll accept rejection since not everyone's going to like me.

Why do we lie?

Becuase saying "I dont want to be tied down" is nicer than saying "Youre kinda cool, but that pimple on your face make me want to squeeze your head."

Or, "Im not ready for a relationship", is nicer than saying "Youre about as attractive as Urkel."

Its simply more polite, and wont hurt your feelings as badly.

I dunno. I understand that argument, but I don't buy it. I'd rather be told up front that I have a gay man's chance at Oral Roberts University (oh, the irony of that name). I hate politeness if it means lying. It's one thing if the situation requires tact, but I don't think that much tact is needed in order to either get told to focus your energies elsewhere or extricate yourself from unwanted attention. You can tell someone you're not interested without being a prick/bitch AND use direct language. It's all about tone and intent.

Honey, don't resist the faggotry.

Lick the "button".

Speaking as a person who has not only worked in and gone to clubs, but actually lived in one (as in I had mail reception there) I can honestly say, in my experience, what makes women want to wander around after talking to a seemingly nice fellow. It's a bit of a two-parter.

1) Money. there was no mention that I saw of you buying the girl drinks, or any of that. Most women, in my experience, don't go to clubs to pick up the 'nice guy'. they go to drink, hang with their female friends and dance for the most part. If a guy's paying for their indulgences, they'll stick around. If it's just nice casual conversation and such, the eyes will start wandering towards the next pocket.

2) Girls that chat up guys don't want nice. They want adventurous, mysterious, streetwise and, of course, well endowed in the wallet. I've seen and known guys that are the biggest jerks ever, and they'd have women they just met acting like they were an oxygen tank and the women all had emphysema. Not because he was nice, funny or attractive, but because he was loaded and willing to spend. Horrible, but true. Why do I say this?

Because many women that go to clubs are vapid, shallow creatures (this is an observation based on reality). Of course there are those that aren't, but believe me they're the exception rather than the norm. You seem like an honest, kind and straightforward person, so i'll give you my honest opinion.

Going to clubs to get a relationship going is a dead-end, even if it's a one-nighter. You're more likely to meet someone that'll rob you blind than get a night of 'good feeling'. You'd probably do better in a smaller, more casual atmosphere. A good poetry club, perhaps, or a lounge. I always loved going to lounges when I wasn't working at the clubs in NYC. Although the basic idea is the same as the clubs (IE booze and women about), the feel about those places was a complete 180. Cozy, intimate settings with people of some intelligence who actually wanted to talk for conversation's sake. It's all about finding your spot in the social circuit, and working it well.

Just a heads-up there.

I was expecting for you to see she was Lesbian.

Still, the whole thing made me wonder if we- as a whole- just need to be straight a little more often. Too often in all walks of life we're told things that are sugarcoated because of a fear that "revealing the truth" is simply more damaging to the psyche, when I just showed today (for me anyway) that it does not.
We sure do! I think this is why people are so often alarmed or surprised by what they say (particularly women), because I tell the truth with minimal sugar coating.

I understand that at a club there's a heightened sense of "restraint" because of the perception that "all the guys are after sex" (I'm not one of those guys- I'll take sex whenever I can get it but I'm also interested in the person (while we're at it, please no posts about "when sex is right" because that's not what the topic is about here)), and that partially explains what happened to me, but it still frustrated me that I had to get "a line" instead of the truth, because I'm telling you things would have worked out a lot better if she was upfront.
Why are men always portrayed as troglodytes in this stereotype?

Why does everyone pretend that most of the women who go there are not also after sex? Most people who go to clubs are not "interested in the person" because you're not really able to talk to people at a club.

So now I feed all guys lines unless I've known them beforehand, because I don't like being called a slut/whore/frigid bitch.

Women are particularly bad at this. You people think that you should "preserve [insert person]'s feelings" when in fact this approach leads to more sorrow and confusion.

Because many women that go to clubs are vapid, shallow creatures (this is an observation based on reality). Of course there are those that aren't, but believe me they're the exception rather than the norm. You seem like an honest, kind and straightforward person, so i'll give you my honest opinion.

Going to clubs to get a relationship going is a dead-end, even if it's a one-nighter. You're more likely to meet someone that'll rob you blind than get a night of 'good feeling'. You'd probably do better in a smaller, more casual atmosphere. A good poetry club, perhaps, or a lounge. I always loved going to lounges when I wasn't working at the clubs in NYC. Although the basic idea is the same as the clubs (IE booze and women about), the feel about those places was a complete 180. Cozy, intimate settings with people of some intelligence who actually wanted to talk for conversation's sake. It's all about finding your spot in the social circuit, and working it well.

Just a heads-up there.
Excellent posting. I would advise RomeW to read this one.

::snip::
I admit this is probably more personal than "a hot topic", but this whole experience was "the last straw" if you will. I've had one too many party experiences where the girls shied away from me thinking all I cared about was getting in their pants, when I'm not that single-minded. Nice guys DO go to clubs and it's frustrating I get no recognition for that, but I realize for girls who don't know me they won't know that.

::snip::

I wouldn't have liked to have been rejected (who does), but I wouldn't have called her names- I'm good at letting things go. In fact, I would have preferred honesty if for nothing else but the opportunity "to move on to the next girl". As I said before, I'm not one of those guys who has a monstrous ego- I'll accept rejection since not everyone's going to like me.

I am going to agree with Sakkra's post here. You have the totally wrong attitude for a club. You want to know why she wasn't straight with you? She was either waiting for a drink or trying to see if you were like some wild fantasy she probably had at some point. Turns out you didn't fill that role so she just finished talking to you and left. I'm sure she enjoyed your conversation but she didn't go to a club to talk, none of them do. It is a club which means dancing drinking and possibly getting some hot person to sleep with you. That is all a club is.

The nice guys who go to clubs are misguided, listen to Sakkra and check out some more intimate settings for being nice.

As for honesty to allow you to "move on" sure I guess that would be nice but you aren't gonna get it. Why? because you should have moved on the second she wasn't paying attention. It is assumed at a club you aren't going to find a life-long relationship and so there is no need for honesty. She rejected you when she said "I'll be back" she knew it and so did you. You even admit that you knew what it meant. So why didn't you listen to yourself?

She was honest, she gave you a line that feels a little better than saying "I don't like you". You should have proceeded to move on to other girls and if she did come back than finding you talking to other girls would only make you look more disirable. Basically you knew exactly what was going on but you fooled yourself into thinking you were making some sort of relationship.

straight or gay ?

Why are men always portrayed as troglodytes in this stereotype?

Why does everyone pretend that most of the women who go there are not also after sex? Most people who go to clubs are not "interested in the person" because you're not really able to talk to people at a club.

Well, I made that distinction since, well, that's my experiences, at least in Canada. I keep getting turned down because my motives get misinterpreted- I'm fully aware that's there's just as many women inside a club that want sex as badly as the men do.

Speaking as a person who has not only worked in and gone to clubs, but actually lived in one (as in I had mail reception there) I can honestly say, in my experience, what makes women want to wander around after talking to a seemingly nice fellow. It's a bit of a two-parter.

1) Money. there was no mention that I saw of you buying the girl drinks, or any of that. Most women, in my experience, don't go to clubs to pick up the 'nice guy'. they go to drink, hang with their female friends and dance for the most part. If a guy's paying for their indulgences, they'll stick around. If it's just nice casual conversation and such, the eyes will start wandering towards the next pocket.

2) Girls that chat up guys don't want nice. They want adventurous, mysterious, streetwise and, of course, well endowed in the wallet. I've seen and known guys that are the biggest jerks ever, and they'd have women they just met acting like they were an oxygen tank and the women all had emphysema. Not because he was nice, funny or attractive, but because he was loaded and willing to spend. Horrible, but true. Why do I say this?

Because many women that go to clubs are vapid, shallow creatures (this is an observation based on reality). Of course there are those that aren't, but believe me they're the exception rather than the norm. You seem like an honest, kind and straightforward person, so i'll give you my honest opinion.

Going to clubs to get a relationship going is a dead-end, even if it's a one-nighter. You're more likely to meet someone that'll rob you blind than get a night of 'good feeling'. You'd probably do better in a smaller, more casual atmosphere. A good poetry club, perhaps, or a lounge. I always loved going to lounges when I wasn't working at the clubs in NYC. Although the basic idea is the same as the clubs (IE booze and women about), the feel about those places was a complete 180. Cozy, intimate settings with people of some intelligence who actually wanted to talk for conversation's sake. It's all about finding your spot in the social circuit, and working it well.

Just a heads-up there.

Well, at this particular night, the ladies drank for free. I offered to pay but there was no reason for me to- she drank for free anyway. As an aside, it was the oddest "Ladies Night" I've ever seen, since I paid less to get in ($3 as opposed to $5 for the women), but I suppose it evened out since the women drank for free.

I don't usually offer to pay for a drink since I've always assumed that it could have been interpreted as "too forward", but I realize this is a bit naive- "club" and "forward" go well togther. Maybe I will offer to buy more drinks (it'll work at the lounges too).

She was honest, she gave you a line that feels a little better than saying "I don't like you". You should have proceeded to move on to other girls and if she did come back than finding you talking to other girls would only make you look more disirable. Basically you knew exactly what was going on but you fooled yourself into thinking you were making some sort of relationship.

I suppose I was a little more pissed about this occassion because, in all my experiences going out (I should qualify- "Ricochet" is more of a pub/club than an outright danceclub, and it WAS less intimidating overall than an outright club), I- for the lack of a better word- "advanced" further with this girl than I did with any girl in Toronto in that (in recent memory) I've never shared a drink before with a girl and that I've never seen someone who was- at least at first- as interested in me as she was. I meet so many "guarded" women in Toronto it was simply a revelation to meet one that wasn't, hence why I was more frustrated when this didn't work out. It was, to say the least, a learning experience I'll take with me back home.

I realized at least now I'm not much on the "$30, wear-a-suit" type club because I'm not that vapid as an individual, nor do I have $1 million. However, I have had several women at the clubs who were happy to know a guy like me existed (no joke), and I have at least made a few friends from my nights out. I have been thinking about the lounge thing anyway- at least the lounge/club thing because, hey, I like dancing too :D. I'll see how things go- at least, next year I'll be in Toronto so I have a bit of exploring to do :D.

Haha, for a second there I thought you were going to go on a scandalous gay-bashing session.


But yeah




People lie. It's what we do, what we started doing as kids, and what we most likely continue to do until we die. It sucks sometimes, but you can learn to just not worry about it.

Agreed.

Perhaps this is just my luck, but I'm telling you it's getting on my nerves.

... does our society need to speak the truth more often or is the truth really too hard to bear?
If you're expecting women to always "level with you," you're in for an exceedingly disappointing time in life. Women are almost always more concerned with "salving a guy's feelings" than they are with the hard, cold truth. They will almost always find some way to make themselves feel better about having parted company with you if they can figure out a way to let you down easy.

I tried and tried to teach my daughters that one of the kindest things you can do is be very blunt and brutally truthful with guys: "Look, Chuckie, the chances of our ever getting together is the same as a snowball's chance in hell. You're too ugly, you walk funny, you pick your nose and you're an intellectual midget! Get lost! NOW! If you come back, I'll send my Dad, who is a former Special Forces instructor, after your sorry ass!"

They listened, but didn't do it. [ wonders why not! ] :D

Guys, on the other hand, will always put the most hopeful spin on what a woman says; hope springs eternal. Besides, some women are ambivalent enough about how they feel that they actually do try to leave the door open to future possiblities. So guys are faced with three alternatives: 1. assume the worst ( which sucks ), 2. assume the best ( which sometimes sucks ), 2. avoid women ( which isn't an option for most of us ). So we tend to assume the best and take our chances.

i think its time you faced a sad truth

people lie. they lie all the time. they lie about stuff they have no need to lie about. they lie when it would be better to tell the truth.

and furthermore

EVERYONE DOES IT.

your "job" is to figure out what the underlying truth is. it aint easy. especially since we lie to ourselves almost as much as we lie to other people.

good luck.

i think its time you faced a sad truth

people lie. they lie all the time. they lie about stuff they have no need to lie about. they lie when it would be better to tell the truth.

and furthermore

EVERYONE DOES IT.

your "job" is to figure out what the underlying truth is. it aint easy. especially since we lie to ourselves almost as much as we lie to other people.

good luck.
Heh! What a cynical viewpoint! The fact that it's true doesn't make it any the less cynical. :p

Well, at this particular night, the ladies drank for free. I offered to pay but there was no reason for me to- she drank for free anyway. As an aside, it was the oddest "Ladies Night" I've ever seen, since I paid less to get in ($3 as opposed to $5 for the women), but I suppose it evened out since the women drank for free.
I would boycott such a discriminatory club. Actually, come to think of it, how did they make sure that all the men simply didn't get the women to get free drinks for them?

I don't usually offer to pay for a drink since I've always assumed that it could have been interpreted as "too forward", but I realize this is a bit naive- "club" and "forward" go well togther. Maybe I will offer to buy more drinks (it'll work at the lounges too).
I avoid paying for the indulgences of my women as much as possible. It's not that I'm a scrooge, it's just that I don't want to attract women who only want me to buy them things. That is, I want to attract women. I don't want my wallet to attract them.

Speaking as a person who has not only worked in and gone to clubs, but actually lived in one (as in I had mail reception there) I can honestly say, in my experience, what makes women want to wander around after talking to a seemingly nice fellow. It's a bit of a two-parter.

1) Money. there was no mention that I saw of you buying the girl drinks, or any of that. Most women, in my experience, don't go to clubs to pick up the 'nice guy'. they go to drink, hang with their female friends and dance for the most part. If a guy's paying for their indulgences, they'll stick around. If it's just nice casual conversation and such, the eyes will start wandering towards the next pocket.

2) Girls that chat up guys don't want nice. They want adventurous, mysterious, streetwise and, of course, well endowed in the wallet. I've seen and known guys that are the biggest jerks ever, and they'd have women they just met acting like they were an oxygen tank and the women all had emphysema. Not because he was nice, funny or attractive, but because he was loaded and willing to spend. Horrible, but true. Why do I say this?

Because many women that go to clubs are vapid, shallow creatures (this is an observation based on reality). Of course there are those that aren't, but believe me they're the exception rather than the norm. You seem like an honest, kind and straightforward person, so i'll give you my honest opinion.

Going to clubs to get a relationship going is a dead-end, even if it's a one-nighter. You're more likely to meet someone that'll rob you blind than get a night of 'good feeling'. You'd probably do better in a smaller, more casual atmosphere. A good poetry club, perhaps, or a lounge. I always loved going to lounges when I wasn't working at the clubs in NYC. Although the basic idea is the same as the clubs (IE booze and women about), the feel about those places was a complete 180. Cozy, intimate settings with people of some intelligence who actually wanted to talk for conversation's sake. It's all about finding your spot in the social circuit, and working it well.

Just a heads-up there.


While I don't agree that a poetry club is a good venue for getting your rocks off I have to agree that many of the more 'open' women in clubs are just out for their 'expenses'. They'll notice a guy checking them out and ask him to buy them a drink(seen it happen, had it happen to me when I was younger and foolish, not nice ladies). If the guy falls for the blushing, eyelid fluttering routine and buys a drink the girl is fine. She'll sit and chat a while. Then she asks for another drink, and another and soon the guy's out of cash and the girl is out of there and on to the next sap in line.
Best night out I had was in a pub, with a lovely young woman who paid for drinks for both of us(I paid for my rounds, she paid hers) and we sat and talked for hours, we connected, not because of the size of my wallet or her breasts, but because we didn't let any of that 'chase the prize' bull get in the way.

Man that kind of behaviour (what happened to RomeW, not me) gets on my wick.:mad:

Now I'm a little more calm (sorry folks :headbang: ) I just want to say that society itself teaches us to lie at the same time that it tells us its wrong. Advertising is the prime example. How many people actually believe that buying Tommy Hilfiger (for example, I'm not hating on any particualr label/fashion/product/corporation) will make them look like the guys/girls in the ads? Everything at some level is a lie. But every lie has a grain of truth, you just got to look for it.

Women are particularly bad at this. You people think that you should "preserve [insert person]'s feelings" when in fact this approach leads to more sorrow and confusion.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. I tend to feed guys lines because in my experience it leads to less situations that I can't control. Macho guys + lots of alcohol and drugs = bad, bad situation. I've seen and heard what happens to girls who turn down the wrong guy with "you're not my type" or "I'm not interested in you". I don't want to be in that situation. So it's safer to say, "look, I'm not actually looking for a relationship right now, and I really don't wanna get involved with someone at all." Either that or I flat out lie and tell them I have a boyfriend. Saves the violence, name-calling, scene-making.

Rome, my man, I'm letting you know that you got what you deserved. As the others have said your approach is all wrong and all you do is chase after women. I'm glad that you're over me, but it's too bad that we couldn't stay friends. Yes others. I have dated this guy before, and there are some good qualities in him, but it takes a lot of guts to overlook the other qualities. I won't get into it, but I know that it's hard for you to have courage, and I wish you luck, and to maybe take on the initiative instead of letting time pass you by, ie: like spending so much time on here and then sleeping in until who knows when. Old habits never die I guess. I still care, but my caring is depleting rapidly. It's too bad that I have given up and that so have you on repairing things. So best of luck, you'll need it.

(I come from Alliston, Ontario, 45 mins. NW of Toronto), and I decided to check out the Fort Myers nightscene, because, well, Alliston doesn't have one (unless you count a movie theatre that shows this week's DVD releases on screen).

The Circle. :D

Yeah, I'm from near Alliston.

I would boycott such a discriminatory club. Actually, come to think of it, how did they make sure that all the men simply didn't get the women to get free drinks for them?

Hey, I liked the club...Ricochet was the least intimidating experience I've ever had in a nightclub, and while my experiences with that girl didn't pan out, it was still great knowing that it was easy to get "a decent shot". It was easily the friendliest place I've been to, and I'd go back.

While I don't agree that a poetry club is a good venue for getting your rocks off I have to agree that many of the more 'open' women in clubs are just out for their 'expenses'. They'll notice a guy checking them out and ask him to buy them a drink(seen it happen, had it happen to me when I was younger and foolish, not nice ladies). If the guy falls for the blushing, eyelid fluttering routine and buys a drink the girl is fine. She'll sit and chat a while. Then she asks for another drink, and another and soon the guy's out of cash and the girl is out of there and on to the next sap in line.
Best night out I had was in a pub, with a lovely young woman who paid for drinks for both of us(I paid for my rounds, she paid hers) and we sat and talked for hours, we connected, not because of the size of my wallet or her breasts, but because we didn't let any of that 'chase the prize' bull get in the way.

Man that kind of behaviour (what happened to RomeW, not me) gets on my wick. :mad:

Thanks. I've always known I wasn't the only one bilked but it's nice to know I have support. :) I've never had a girl flush me clean for drinks though...maybe I'm the lucky one. :p

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. I tend to feed guys lines because in my experience it leads to less situations that I can't control. Macho guys + lots of alcohol and drugs = bad, bad situation. I've seen and heard what happens to girls who turn down the wrong guy with "you're not my type" or "I'm not interested in you". I don't want to be in that situation. So it's safer to say, "look, I'm not actually looking for a relationship right now, and I really don't wanna get involved with someone at all." Either that or I flat out lie and tell them I have a boyfriend. Saves the violence, name-calling, scene-making.

I think what he means are situations like what happened to me- this girl told me "I'll be back" thinking I'd be happier than with a straight-up answer of "it was nice talking to you but I'm going to go back to my friends now", when the truth is I would have been happier with the latter answer. Rejection hurts, but getting "strung along" hurts even worse.

Though I do want to ask you- and any other girl who's used the line "I'll be back"- why do you use it?

What I should have told her
"listen honeybuns, i dont wanna be stuck with just one person either, so why dont you come back to my place for a little, then we can all forget about it tomrrow"(:fluffle: )
or something like that....
EDIT:messed the quotation up

I think what he means are situations like what happened to me- this girl told me "I'll be back" thinking I'd be happier than with a straight-up answer of "it was nice talking to you but I'm going to go back to my friends now", when the truth is I would have been happier with the latter answer. Rejection hurts, but getting "strung along" hurts even worse.

Though I do want to ask you- and any other girl who's used the line "I'll be back"- why do you use it?

Well, I've never actually told a guy I'll be back unless I actually intended to return, so I don't really know...

"listen honeybuns, i dont wanna be stuck with just one person either, so why dont you come back to my place for a little, then we can all forget about it tomrrow"

I'm staying with family, and I'm not sure it would work when she's with another guy...though when she was talking to me we were close enough to kiss each other...the thought DID cross my mind. I then thought it would have been too much, but now I'm wondering if it might have actually worked.

Well, I've never actually told a guy I'll be back unless I actually intended to return, so I don't really know...

I see. Anyone else want to explain? It's racking my mind. :S

When I first saw this, I thought it was a gay-bashing thread!

:p

I see. Anyone else want to explain? It's racking my mind. :S
ill be honest, im not entirely sure (im not a big clubber, and have never really been in a non-serious relationships that hasnt been a well defined fling), but i think theres probably an obvious answer, or maybe several.
first off its an easy way out, its not fun to tell people, "im just not interested", "im actually into the other guy accross the room", "i just wanted free drinks", "you smell funny" or whatever it is, so just say...im goin to the washroom and sneak out hte window?,
second it could become habitual, if you go out looking for free drinks every few nights, youd have 1 or 2 standard blow off lines id presume.

again these are just theories

When I first saw this, I thought it was a gay-bashing thread!

:p

I realized after the fact I gave it the wrong title...but I was slightly drunk when I wrote it. :p

ill be honest, im not entirely sure (im not a big clubber, and have never really been in a non-serious relationships that hasnt been a well defined fling), but i think theres probably an obvious answer, or maybe several.
first off its an easy way out, its not fun to tell people, "im just not interested", "im actually into the other guy accross the room", "i just wanted free drinks", "you smell funny" or whatever it is, so just say...im goin to the washroom and sneak out hte window?,
second it could become habitual, if you go out looking for free drinks every few nights, youd have 1 or 2 standard blow off lines id presume.

again these are just theories

Thanks for the effort. However, wouldn't a line such as "I'm going to the bathroom", or "I'm going to step outside" work better than "I'll be back?" At least with the former you KNOW the person may not come back- the latter just makes the utterer a bald-faced liar.

Thanks for the effort. However, wouldn't a line such as "I'm going to the bathroom", or "I'm going to step outside" work better than "I'll be back?" At least with the former you KNOW the person may not come back- the latter just makes the utterer a bald-faced liar.
standing theory is some people just arent that rational