NationStates Jolt Archive

"With the implementation of the Eurodollar underway in Europe these last few years, the European Union is trying to find new ways to standardize practices in Europe.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!"


Comment: ok..silly...but seriously...wouldn't it be nice if English were a little more phonetic??

This is so old.

This is so old.
I KNEW you'd be the first to jump in here to say that...

And like all things 'old'...some of us haven't seen it before, making it 'new' to us.

I KNEW you'd be the first to jump in here to say that...

And like all things 'old'...some of us haven't seen it before, making it 'new' to us.
It was posted in here just a couple of weeks ago...still funny though.

This is so old.
I think it's been less than a month since it was last posted. That time I pointed out that it continues to use 'c' (for example, in 'changes'), after abolishing that letter in a earlier paragraph.

It was posted in here just a couple of weeks ago...still funny though.
I missed it then.

My father spells phonetically...it's truly painful to read his writing. He always says that when they 'finally standardise English' HE'LL be the only one spelling properly for a change:). I'm glad he isn't holding his breath though.

I think it's been less than a month since it was last posted. That time I pointed out that it continues to use 'c' (for example, in 'changes'), after abolishing that letter in a earlier paragraph.
And 'u' seems to make both the short 'u' and the 'oo' sound in the last paragraph.

I seen this joke a while ago, but it still amuses me.


To answer your question, however.... No. It might make some logical sense, but it'd be so difficult to impliment, and look silly! Plus all those US corruptions of English would become correct... and that's INTOLERABLE. :p

I think it's been less than a month since it was last posted. That time I pointed out that it continues to use 'c' (for example, in 'changes'), after abolishing that letter in a earlier paragraph.
It never actually abolishes the 'c'. Just the hard c and the soft c. How else are you going to sound 'ch', without using a 'c'?

I KNEW you'd be the first to jump in here to say that...

I live to foil you in matters pertaining to language.

And like all things 'old'...some of us haven't seen it before, making it 'new' to us.

Yeah, but that don't make no less old. *is in a Z-snap mood tonite with you being a poor purveyor of Z-snap worthy material*

I seen this joke a while ago, but it still amuses me.


To answer your question, however.... No. It might make some logical sense, but it'd be so difficult to impliment, and look silly! Plus all those US corruptions of English would become correct... and that's INTOLERABLE. :p
No, we'd definately have to stick with Canadian/British English for SOME things...I'm willing to spell flavour without the 'u'...but we should drop the 'z' and use 's' all the time with words like specialise, realise, etc...and we can meet in the middle and use 'shun' for all the 'tion words.

I live to foil you in matters pertaining to language. But it makes you predictable, Fass...careful...



Yeah, but that don't make no less old. *is in a Z-snap mood tonite*I still love the fact that such a motion has a name...

It never actually abolishes the 'c'. Just the hard c and the soft c. How else are you going to sound 'ch', without using a 'c'?
Make 'ch' a separate letter like the Spanish (though they've changed that...most Spanish speakers still think of it as separate). That way you save the 'c' for 'ch'.

But it makes you predictable, Fass...careful...

Of what? I was made that long ago.

I still love the fact that such a motion has a name...

I still love the fact that cultural imperialism can spew forth such minutiae and make them stick.

I still love the fact that cultural imperialism can spew forth such minutiae and make them stick.
You've lost me.

No, we'd definately have to stick with Canadian/British English for SOME things...I'm willing to spell flavour without the 'u'...but we should drop the 'z' and use 's' all the time with words like specialise, realise, etc...and we can meet in the middle and use 'shun' for all the 'tion words.

Why drop the "z" for "s" in such words when the sound made sounds like a z?

I mean, if "specialize" were pronounced "special-ice" then the "s" would make sense. But it sounds like "special-ize"... so the "z" should stay (or be introduced for Brits)

hehe

(to the poster who would, there is no need to remind me that many words in English are not spelled phonetically)

You've lost me.

I do that a lot.

Why drop the "z" for "s" in such words when the sound made sounds like a z? Hmmm...I guess that depends on who is talking...because I pronounce specialise, realise, and so on with an 's' sound, not a 'z' sound. The 's' is a bit longer than the short 's'...but it still doesn't have that 'z' sound to it.

I do that a lot.
What...lose me in particular, or people in general?

Hmmm...I guess that depends on who is talking...because I pronounce specialise, realise, and so on with an 's' sound, not a 'z' sound. The 's' is a bit longer than the short 's'...but it still doesn't have that 'z' sound to it.

"ice" as opposed to "eyes"?

"ice" as opposed to "eyes"?
Not quite 'ice', but not 'eyes' either. Then again, I doubt even you pronounce it with the full on 'z' as in 'zoo' sound...it seems to be something in the middle. And 'eyes' doesn't sound like 'z' to me, more like a longer 's'.

What...lose me in particular, or people in general?

You know, I think both. Maybe it's me, maybe it's you, maybe it's them. Maybe it's my current state of anorexia - I don't know. Must you question me so fervently, like a petulant child, the insolence of whom I shall not dwell on, but in lieu shall go and stuff my cavernous belly.

You know, I think both. Maybe it's me, maybe it's you, maybe it's them. Maybe it's my current state of anorexia - I don't know. Must you question me so fervently, like a petulant child, the insolence of whom I shall not dwell on, but in lieu shall go and stuff my cavernous belly.
What's with you and your gut? Why are you putting off nourishment? And I question you, not as a petulant child, but rather as a puckish instigator, revelling in your odd responses...and if my questions spark in you a pandiculation rather than a cachinnation, then off with you!

What's with you and your gut? Why are you putting off nourishment?

Oh, it's a malaise. A most decrepit infirmity of languor in relation to sustenance.

And I question you, not as a petulant child, but rather as a puckish instigator, revelling in your odd responses...and if my questions spark in you a pandiculation rather than a machination, then off with you!

You snare me with an enticement so volitional that I with but a just margin prevail in evading the talons of your wicked machinations.

You snare me with an enticement so volitional that I with but a just margin prevail in evading the talons of your wicked machinations.
Why evade? You know full well you would enjoy my 'machinations' as you call them...despite your espoused preferences.

Why evade? You know full well you would enjoy my 'machinations' as you call them...

You baptised them thusly, not I.

despite your espoused preferences.

They are what keep me scathelessly inviolable.

They are what keep me scathelessly inviolable.
Ah well. I can dream...and scheme...and continue to cream...

Ah well. I can dream...and scheme...and continue to cream...

Yours is not the cream, but the trickle.

Yours is not the cream, but the trickle.
You cease to be my source of afflatus. Good day.

*Katganistan slaps everyone around with a large ghoti*




;)

*Katganistan slaps everyone around with a large ghoti*


Ghoti.
It's an alternative spelling of "fish" by a Victorian spelling-reform advocate to demonstrate the inconsistency of English spelling:"gh" as in "cough", "o" as in "women", "ti" as in "nation".

Google is my friend!

Why waste time reforming english? Just make everyone learn Irish.

Simple.

Three pages in, and nobody has even attributed the original idea.

Here's Mark Twain's quote. (http://www.wisdomquotes.com/001233.html)

This is so old.

Didn't Mark Twain write it? Except for the Euro bit, that's just an update.

Three pages in, and nobody has even attributed the original idea.

Here's Mark Twain's quote. (http://www.wisdomquotes.com/001233.html)

Didn't Mark Twain write it? Except for the Euro bit, that's just an update.

Master of perfect timing strikes again. :D

Why waste time reforming english? Just make everyone learn Irish.

Simple.

Yes. A language that has reformation built right into it. I used to go to school in Ireland. Several years of studying it when my brain was supposed to be at its most receptive to languages and all I took away from it is Bruscar means garbage bin and gustiar means mouse trap. Oh, yeah, and saucpan means saucepan.

Seriously, isn't Irish Gealic pretty much on par with civil war reenacments as far as authenticity goes?

Oh, it's a malaise. A most decrepit infirmity of languor in relation to sustenance.



You snare me with an enticement so volitional that I with but a just margin prevail in evading the talons of your wicked machinations.

sounds like you need a heaping plate of good old fashioned meat loaf, mashed pot(-atoes) and green beans!

hehe

If you have lived in England or spent anytime with the English, you can tell this joke must have been written buy one of them at some point. It's clearly a joke about the Germans, because if you read it in an English accent you end up sounding how a German accent is portrayed in British television by the end of it. So, by having English as the official language instead of German, and then reforming it, you get German (well, the English satirical verison of it rather than the language itself!) anyway.

I think that is supposed to be the joke, yes? We need an English person to confirm.

Inglish can bi perfectli riten juid a eslaitli modifaid vershon of Espanish. Yost get rid of de extra vagüels, dat ar cos for moch confushon and serf no porpos enigüey.

Seriously, isn't Irish Gealic pretty much on par with civil war reenacments as far as authenticity goes?
No...there have always been people speaking it as the first, and in some cases only, language...so we know what it is without having to make it up.

...this is so old.

(so is pointing out when something is so old. :) )