NationStates Jolt Archive


I feel so bad.

Dakini
22-12-2005, 04:54
After all that stuff with my bf last week, he ends up calling me and convinces me to let him come over and I said I'd give him another chance but that I wasn't sure things were repairable.

I really don't think things are repairable now and I'm just going to hurt him more and he's trying to be better, but I'm going to dash those hopes. :(

The moral of the story: It's better to be alone, so much less complicated.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:02
na, it just sucks till you find the right guy.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:03
I shouldn't have caved and let him have this other chance.
Eutrusca
22-12-2005, 05:04
I shouldn't have caved and let him have this other chance.
Proabably not. How would you feel about calling him and cancelling?
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:06
Proabably not. How would you feel about calling him and cancelling?
bad idea. break ups over the phone are not the best way out. but i agree. if you know its not going to work, dont lead him on.
Cannot think of a name
22-12-2005, 05:07
I shouldn't have caved and let him have this other chance.
Not to kick someone when they're down, but no you shouldn't have. The dude needs to move on and he can't do that if he thinks he even might be able to come back. You can still be supportive of him being better and assure him that this will make his next relationship better but this ship has sailed.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:07
Shitty time of the year for it though. :(
Eutrusca
22-12-2005, 05:08
bad idea. break ups over the phone are not the best way out. but i agree. if you know its not going to work, dont lead him on.
First breakups are best not handled over the phone, I agree. But isn't this the second ( or even more ) time she's told him she's not interested? Or did I misread?
Cannot think of a name
22-12-2005, 05:10
Shitty time of the year for it though. :(
Just remember what he called you. Trumps timing.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:12
First breakups are best not handled over the phone, I agree. But isn't this the second ( or even more ) time she's told him she's not interested? Or did I misread?
It's not that I'm not interested... well... that might be the case now, it's complicated.

For a while I thought I might not be interested, but I chalked it up to stress a bit, I recently finished exams and I don't really think about much else when there's a lot of pressure at school.

And then last week he was being a jackass, so we kinda broke up and then he convinced me to let him come over for the weekend and try to work things out. (there was nothing physical the entire weekend...) I dunno, I think I've completely lost interest in him romantically.

There are so many ways in which this thing wouldn't work, he wants to get the hell out of this province but I kinda like it here for one thing.
Lovely Boys
22-12-2005, 05:12
After all that stuff with my bf last week, he ends up calling me and convinces me to let him come over and I said I'd give him another chance but that I wasn't sure things were repairable.

I really don't think things are repairable now and I'm just going to hurt him more and he's trying to be better, but I'm going to dash those hopes. :(

The moral of the story: It's better to be alone, so much less complicated.

Sounds like what is happening with my non-existant, can't be bothered returning text messages boyfriend - I'm sorry, I'm going to leave him, quite frankly, I'm sick and fucking tired of doing ALL the leg work, doing all the work in the relationship, maybe once he is single again he'll realise that a relationship is a two way street.

Fuck, I swear, all guys are assholes - and guys, if you're not ready for a relationship, don't get into one, don't look for one - wait until you have your shit together.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:13
Just remember what he called you. Trumps timing.
That's fair enough.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:16
Sounds like what is happening with my non-existant, can't be bothered returning text messages boyfriend - I'm sorry, I'm going to leave him, quite frankly, I'm sick and fucking tired of doing ALL the leg work, doing all the work in the relationship, maybe once he is single again he'll realise that a relationship is a two way street.

Fuck, I swear, all guys are assholes - and guys, if you're not ready for a relationship, don't get into one, don't look for one - wait until you have your shit together.
we're not all asshole, i promise. its just us less ass-holish ones usually get pushed to the background by the loud obnoxious ones.
Eutrusca
22-12-2005, 05:20
Fuck, I swear, all guys are assholes - and guys, if you're not ready for a relationship, don't get into one, don't look for one - wait until you have your shit together.
As if. That's like preaching to a wall!
Eutrusca
22-12-2005, 05:22
we're not all asshole, i promise. its just us less ass-holish ones usually get pushed to the background by the loud obnoxious ones.
Well, it's usually the nicer guys who allow the "loud obnoxious ones" to shoulder them asside. It's also the nicer guys who tend to give up too easily. God, if I knew at your age what I know now ... holy shit! LOL!
Cannot think of a name
22-12-2005, 05:22
we're not all asshole, i promise. its just us less ass-holish ones usually get pushed to the background by the loud obnoxious ones.
The line between confident and asshole is hard to see.

Actually, the line between insecure and asshole is also hard to see.

A lot of things are hard to see until you spend some time with people.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:24
The line between confident and asshole is hard to see.

Actually, the line between insecure and asshole is also hard to see.

A lot of things are hard to see until you spend some time with people.
true enough i supose.
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 05:34
Here is my honest opinion one should not start a relationship to begin with till after they have graduated from college and started a decent job. Then when they do start looking go back to their roots preferably someone from the same religion and stuff those tend to last longer. Belive it or not i am a guy and still single.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:37
I'm in uni, he's already finished college... while I think that one should at least get out into the world before a serious relationship, I see no problem with casual dating at least.

But yeah, oh man, I can't see us growing old together. We have such different ideas about everything. I'm so stupid to have let this continue.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:38
I'm in uni, he's already finished college... while I think that one should at least get out into the world before a serious relationship, I see no problem with casual dating at least.

But yeah, oh man, I can't see us growing old together. We have such different ideas about everything. I'm so stupid to have let this continue.
not stupid. just confused. if you've made up your mind now, then just end it cleanly.
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 05:43
Then break up with him gently. start off by turning down a few dates every once and a while then when it gets to the point of a month between dates tell him straight he probably will have left anyway by then spreed this over six months. I would also sugest that in the mean time go to your church mosqu synogog athiest comunity or temple and get in touch with your religion and start seeking some guidence for your life. If you do not know were you are going beyond your phisical life you can loss yourself easily.
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 05:49
Piekrom']Then break up with him gently. start off by turning down a few dates every once and a while then when it gets to the point of a month between dates tell him straight he probably will have left anyway by then spreed this over six months. I would also sugest that in the mean time go to your church mosqu synogog athiest comunity or temple and get in touch with your religion and start seeking some guidence for your life. If you do not know were you are going beyond your phisical life you can loss yourself easily.This is BAD ADVICE. No want want's to be broken up with "gently". Just tell him that you want to end it, permanently, and that last weekend was a mistake. It'll suck, but at least It'll be truthful. You sound pretty definate about the downsides of this relationship, and that it isn't working, nor will it work out. Why are you dragging your feet then??
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:51
This is BAD ADVICE. No want want's to be broken up with "gently". Just tell him that you want to end it, permanently, and that last weekend was a mistake. It'll suck, but at least It'll be truthful. You sound pretty definate about the downsides of this relationship, and that it isn't working, nor will it work out. Why are you dragging your feet then??
i agree. better to end it quick and painless. otherwise your just stringing him along.
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 05:52
You obviously do not mind him going crazy and pulling a gun out on you kreitz
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:52
Piekrom']Then break up with him gently. start off by turning down a few dates every once and a while then when it gets to the point of a month between dates tell him straight he probably will have left anyway by then spreed this over six months.
I wouldn't want to string him along that much. The most I would put it off is until after the holidays.

I would also sugest that in the mean time go to your church mosqu synogog athiest comunity or temple and get in touch with your religion and start seeking some guidence for your life. If you do not know were you are going beyond your phisical life you can loss yourself easily.
huh?
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:54
This is BAD ADVICE. No want want's to be broken up with "gently". Just tell him that you want to end it, permanently, and that last weekend was a mistake. It'll suck, but at least It'll be truthful. You sound pretty definate about the downsides of this relationship, and that it isn't working, nor will it work out. Why are you dragging your feet then??
Well, right now I am because I'm not talking to him until tomorrow at least... so there's nothing happening on this tonight.
I also tend to be rather indecicive and am always terrified of hurting people's feelings so I would really like to minimize that if at all possible.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:54
Piekrom']You obviously do not mind him going crazy and pulling a gun out on you kreitz
...
that happened to you recently?
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 05:54
that last part is to help you find your self and people who think like you. it is a very strong way of getting in touch with your self
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 05:54
Piekrom']You obviously do not mind him going crazy and pulling a gun out on you kreitzI'm working with the assumption that Dakini isn't dating a homocidal maniac. He might be upset, but considering his history, its no more than he deserves.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:55
Piekrom']that last part is to help you find your self and people who think like you. it is a very strong way of getting in touch with your self
I don't think anybody really thinks like me. The closest I'd get there would be one or two people in my classes...
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 05:55
...
that happened to you recently?

No but remember that guy in the news who killed the girls parents and then she ran away with him. some guys can be crazy. You might want to make it by saying that we could still be friends if you still have atlest some feeling for him.
Summerslacker
22-12-2005, 05:58
i wont deny that some guys are psycopaths, but thats like telling people not to eat and fish because blowfish are poisonous.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 05:58
I'm working with the assumption that Dakini isn't dating a homocidal maniac. He might be upset, but considering his history, its no more than he deserves.
No, I really don't see him trying to kill anybody.

If anything I'd have to find some of his friends and make sure that they go keep an eye on him should he try to do something stupid in what would be surely an alcohol filled evening.
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 06:00
Well, right now I am because I'm not talking to him until tomorrow at least... so there's nothing happening on this tonight.
I also tend to be rather indecicive and am always terrified of hurting people's feelings so I would really like to minimize that if at all possible.Yes, I had the same problem with my ex-boyfriend - but then he was the sweetest person alive, was in love with me, and didn't call me names, ever (unless they were nice). It is hard to hurt people, that's undeniable, but just know that its in his best interest to know the truth, and dragging it on WILL NOT make it better - in fact, he'll feel worse about being lied to. It isn't easy, but it's right, if your reasons are true. From what you've told us in the past, you have plently reasons to drop this guy. In any case, it isn't like breaking up has to be the end of your relationship - if you're smart, you can maintain a good, caring, fun relationship as friends.
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 06:03
Do you have any girl friends who might like him introduce them to one another.
Dakini
22-12-2005, 06:04
Yes, I had the same problem with my ex-boyfriend - but then he was the sweetest person alive, was in love with me, and didn't call me names, ever (unless they were nice). It is hard to hurt people, that's undeniable, but just know that its in his best interest to know the truth, and dragging it on WILL NOT make it better - in fact, he'll feel worse about being lied to. It isn't easy, but it's right, if your reasons are true. From what you've told us in the past, you have plently reasons to drop this guy. In any case, it isn't like breaking up has to be the end of your relationship - if you're smart, you can maintain a good, caring, fun relationship as friends.
He has this whole all or nothing sort of thing whereby he wouldn't be friends with me if we broke up. I wouldn't mind being just friends with him though. He is a good guy, he's just an complete idiot with this relationship.
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 06:11
He has this whole all or nothing sort of thing whereby he wouldn't be friends with me if we broke up. I wouldn't mind being just friends with him though. He is a good guy, he's just an complete idiot with this relationship.I can see how that makes things hard. It isn't nice to give up on someone you obviously care about just because you're not interested in them romantiacally anymore. Luckily, mine didn't object to still staying friends at all, so I still feel that we have alot to give each other. Maybe you just have to be more assertive and state that disspearing from each other's lives isn't an option. Tell him straight up that you won't accept his being immature about it, but make it final. You probably have to give each other a few weeks or a month with no talking, and then maybe meet him in casual setting and resume a normal type of interaction. I know it isn't conventional (I have no idea why) but it has worked for me so far.
Palladians
22-12-2005, 06:21
...look, if you're getting like this over any relationship, you're not ready to be in any relationship.
It is like fishing.
1. Breaking up is best fast.
You would not want to fight for a long time unless you wanted a struggle to tell the rest of your life... or you were clinging on to a failing relationship.
2. There are other fish in the sea.
Cliché.
3. No fish is better than the other.
"Better" is artifactual.
4. The longer one doesn't eat, the more desperate it gets for food.
You'll find someone or someone will find you if you're both desperate enough.
5. If you cannot break it off there is something wrong.
Seek help, professional would be best.

Constantly (for more than a few days where you regularly talk) thinking about what you are going to say to the person beforehand is a good warning sign something is wrong.

[...]Tell him straight up that you won't accept his being immature about it, but make it final.[...]
Word.
Lovely Boys
22-12-2005, 06:38
we're not all asshole, i promise. its just us less ass-holish ones usually get pushed to the background by the loud obnoxious ones.

Well, ok, he got himself a job - and he has been busy - but at the same time, he didn't even txt message me and say, "thanks for the messages babe, I'm really busy with the new job and all....etc", the fact is, he didn't even do that! for a whole week, I tried contacting him via his mobile phone and email as well - didn't even answer that or reply to my calls, either via my land line or mobile phone.

THEN to make matters worse, he is distant, I mean, I'm sitting there on the seat, and want to give him a cuddle and kiss, but he doesn't even come close to me as if to indicate something like, "I'm interested" - hell, we haven't even kissed! I swear there is more guy-guy action occuring at the National Homophobic Society than there is occuring in this thing (can't even classify it as a relationship!).

The only thing I guess is going for me is my personality, as looks wise, I'm sure road kill has been luck at the relationship game.
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 06:48
It souds like he isn't worth the trouble. Hell, maybe he's just not interested. You're definately not in "relationship" territory if he doesn't return calls and you haven't kissed. But I object to the roadkill comparison - you're damn cute.
Lovely Boys
22-12-2005, 07:09
It souds like he isn't worth the trouble. Hell, maybe he's just not interested. You're definately not in "relationship" territory if he doesn't return calls and you haven't kissed. But I object to the roadkill comparison - you're damn cute.

<blush>

Well, the thing is, had this been like this, then ok, but at the beginning he indicated he wanted a long term, real, non-fake etc. relationship - bugger, maybe next time I'll do the snuggling, give him the hint that if he is shy and wants a damn good snog, all he has to do is jump on me :)
Kreitzmoorland
22-12-2005, 07:20
Well, I'm a big advocate of pouncing. So go for it. Just make sure he isn't the type to get freaked out and crawl away. Timid types are so difficult to deal with.
[NS]Piekrom
22-12-2005, 17:01
he almost sounds like me except that he is in a relationship while i am not.
Eruantalon
22-12-2005, 17:05
After all that stuff with my bf last week, he ends up calling me and convinces me to let him come over and I said I'd give him another chance but that I wasn't sure things were repairable.

I really don't think things are repairable now and I'm just going to hurt him more and he's trying to be better, but I'm going to dash those hopes. :(

The moral of the story: It's better to be alone, so much less complicated.
YOU IDIOT! From what you have told us, he deserves NOTHING! Never speak to him again. And please, stop wallowing in self-pity.
Eruantalon
22-12-2005, 17:15
THEN to make matters worse, he is distant, I mean, I'm sitting there on the seat, and want to give him a cuddle and kiss, but he doesn't even come close to me as if to indicate something like, "I'm interested" - hell, we haven't even kissed!
Do you think he could be shy or afraid to do anything?
Lovely Boys
23-12-2005, 05:23
Do you think he could be shy or afraid to do anything?

Well, thats the thing - I'm gonna see him soon, see how this 'date' goes, if no, well, bugger it - I'll remain single for the rest of my life, live in a small flat, 100s of cats and a life time supply of Gin and Tonic to keep me depressed.
Strasse II
23-12-2005, 05:52
na, it just sucks till you find the right guy.

There will never be a "right" anyone....

Love is like a flower, eventually even the most beautiful kind dies.....
DaWoad
24-12-2005, 03:53
Sounds like what is happening with my non-existant, can't be bothered returning text messages boyfriend - I'm sorry, I'm going to leave him, quite frankly, I'm sick and fucking tired of doing ALL the leg work, doing all the work in the relationship, maybe once he is single again he'll realise that a relationship is a two way street.

Fuck, I swear, all guys are assholes - and guys, if you're not ready for a relationship, don't get into one, don't look for one - wait until you have your shit together.
hey that hurts . . .(and for the record yes I am a guy) I know some pretty cool/nice guys whoeve been hurt much worse by a gril than anyone else coulda done. so if your callin all guys asholes maybe you should start wonderin what they think of you
DaWoad
24-12-2005, 03:57
Well, ok, he got himself a job - and he has been busy - but at the same time, he didn't even txt message me and say, "thanks for the messages babe, I'm really busy with the new job and all....etc", the fact is, he didn't even do that! for a whole week, I tried contacting him via his mobile phone and email as well - didn't even answer that or reply to my calls, either via my land line or mobile phone.

THEN to make matters worse, he is distant, I mean, I'm sitting there on the seat, and want to give him a cuddle and kiss, but he doesn't even come close to me as if to indicate something like, "I'm interested" - hell, we haven't even kissed! I swear there is more guy-guy action occuring at the National Homophobic Society than there is occuring in this thing (can't even classify it as a relationship!).

The only thing I guess is going for me is my personality, as looks wise, I'm sure road kill has been luck at the relationship game.

dmnit now i feel bad about my previous post but some of it still stands . . .guys can be cruel and al but the worst i;ve seen a girl do to a guy was much worse than I've ever seen a guy do to a girl . . . .(again for record: i happend to think that the girls nice and i hated the guys guts)
The Dudeland Isle
24-12-2005, 04:14
There will never be a "right" anyone....

Love is like a flower, eventually even the most beautiful kind dies.....

You're either a pessimist of the highest order, or you've been hurt badly in a relationship...

And Dakini? My advice: :sniper:
Undelia
24-12-2005, 04:55
Do what makes you happy. That’s all you can do in this world. Fuck everyone else.
Eruantalon
25-12-2005, 02:09
Well, thats the thing - I'm gonna see him soon, see how this 'date' goes, if no, well, bugger it - I'll remain single for the rest of my life, live in a small flat, 100s of cats and a life time supply of Gin and Tonic to keep me depressed.
No you won't, you'll find another man! I won't tolerate any stories of sorrow!

Fuck everyone else.
So is this your new signature or catchphrase or something?