NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm in Christchurch, New Zealand, and I'm fully in love (no shit this isn't just a crush) with a girl in Ruakaka - at the other end of the country.

She was a Christian (as am I) last I saw her but from the look of things she's fallen away a bit.
She's been through shit as a kid that I would never wish on anyone, and as a result she has issues trusting men around her (though she knows me well enough to trust me), and now she's into girls at least as much as guys.

I recently asked her straight-up if I had a chance with her and she replied "Maybe..", and I have competion as well.

The fact that she has issues doesn't faze me, nor the fact that after dropping everything here and moving into her town she may still say no.

And, of course, most people around me think I am out of my mind.

Be careful about those girls from rural towns...

Be careful of the woman with lots of "issues". Could lead to alot of headaches.

I'm in Christchurch, New Zealand, and I'm fully in love (no shit this isn't just a crush) with a girl in Ruakaka - at the other end of the country.

She was a Christian (as am I) last I saw her but from the look of things she's fallen away a bit.
She's been through shit as a kid that I would never wish on anyone, and as a result she has issues trusting men around her (though she knows me well enough to trust me), and now she's into girls at least as much as guys.

I recently asked her straight-up if I had a chance with her and she replied "Maybe..", and I have competion as well.

The fact that she has issues doesn't faze me, nor the fact that after dropping everything here and moving into her town she may still say no.

And, of course, most people around me think I am out of my mind.
You're nuts. Now the Old Jerry, there's a cat who knew how to love...

Though seriously...this has got warning bells all over it(bolded). I think your friends have lit up most of them and there is no reason to believe you'd listen to some dude on the internet on the literal other side of the world, so I'll leave it at that.

If you're going to move accross the country in hopes that she'll be your girlfriend or something, at least plan out some sort of job/school excuse to go there.

Be careful of the woman with lots of "issues". Could lead to alot of headaches.I like here because she has issues. I don't get normal people.

Did I mention my competition was another girl?

It's situations like this that make life so interesting...

If you're going to move accross the country in hopes that she'll be your girlfriend or something, at least plan out some sort of job/school excuse to go there.I have no job excuse to be here in Christchurch either. I just felt like a change so I moved here.

I like here because she has issues. I don't get normal people.

You think like I do....probably a bad thing, but eh.


Just ask her if she'd like to go out with you next time you see her. If she says no, move on. If she says yes, hold her to that promise. ;)

You think like I do....probably a bad thing, but eh.


Just ask her if she'd like to go out with you next time you see her. If she says no, move on. If she says yes, hold her to that promise. ;)Read my first post again. She is at the other end of the country and I did ask her out. She said maybe.

Hmmm I am sort of in love with a guy in Sweden, and I am in the UK, so I sympathise with you. But do try and meet her at some stage, that will at least help you determine what she is like in person.

New Jerry and a girl form Ruakaka
sitting in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G

Read my first post again. She is at the other end of the country and I did ask her out. She said maybe.
Hence why I said "next time you see her".

In my experience though...."maybe" = "I'm too polite to say no". I may be wrong, and i'm sorry to break it to you like that, but it's probably best that you move on.

Hmmm I am sort of in love with a guy in Sweden, and I am in the UK, so I sympathise with you. But do try and meet her at some stage, that will at least help you determine what she is like in person.I have met her in person. We both used to live in Dargaville. I tried to ask her out then but she had a boyfriend.

I have met her in person. We both used to live in Dargaville. I tried to ask her out then but she had a boyfriend.
Then by all means, go for it! If you think she is the one don't let it pass away.

and now she's into girls at least as much as guys.
dangerous business mate, dangerous.:(

New Jerry and a girl form Ruakaka
sitting in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-GOne of my favourate songs, but I'm not going that far just for sex. I could fuck a new girl every week where I am if I so wanted, but that's not who I am.

You're not nuts. You love her. This is coming from a fellow kiwi. :/ Well, I am living in Australia, and my Dad's the only kiwi. But goodluck bro.

I'm in Christchurch, New Zealand, and I'm fully in love (no shit this isn't just a crush) with a girl in Ruakaka - at the other end of the country.

She was a Christian (as am I) last I saw her but from the look of things she's fallen away a bit.
She's been through shit as a kid that I would never wish on anyone, and as a result she has issues trusting men around her (though she knows me well enough to trust me), and now she's into girls at least as much as guys.

I recently asked her straight-up if I had a chance with her and she replied "Maybe..", and I have competion as well.

The fact that she has issues doesn't faze me, nor the fact that after dropping everything here and moving into her town she may still say no.

And, of course, most people around me think I am out of my mind.

One of my favourate songs, but I'm not going that far just for sex. I could fuck a new girl every week where I am if I so wanted, but that's not who I am.
you're right.... you should keep it more down-to-earth...

Sex in a tree is dangerous

you're right.... you should keep it more down-to-earth...

Sex in a tree is dangerous

he he :D

Hmmm, I'm in nuts and people think i'm love. Can I be of any help?

Hmmm, I'm in nuts and people think i'm love. Can I be of any help?

So....you're a sperm?

I like here because she has issues. I don't get normal people.

Did I mention my competition was another girl?

It's situations like this that make life so interesting...

Alright 100% honestly she is most likely gay. I'm sure you have thought about this and your like oh she's just experimenting or she's bi or something but your are probably wrong and she's gay. That isn't fun or interesting or anything it just means you are out of luck. If you still want to try by all means but you do realize it could take her years to finally realize that, yep you just don't do it for her because you are a guy and then you are totally in love beyond compare and totally fucked.

Many issues, messing with girls, your competition is a girl, she answers you maybe...sounds pretty much like someone who isn't ready to admit they are a full on lesbian.

Alright 100% honestly she is most likely gay. I'm sure you have thought about this and your like oh she's just experimenting or she's bi or something but your are probably wrong and she's gay. That isn't fun or interesting or anything it just means you are out of luck. If you still want to try by all means but you do realize it could take her years to finally realize that, yep you just don't do it for her because you are a guy and then you are totally in love beyond compare and totally fucked.

Many issues, messing with girls, your competition is a girl, she answers you maybe...sounds pretty much like someone who isn't ready to admit they are a full on lesbian.No, she's bi. I know her.

heres my advice on it, and I give alot of advice so i know what to do

make a move on her, if she denies you, stay where you are, simple as that

dont just ask, make an actual move on her, no point in moving over there to see what slipped through your fingers everyday

I like here because she has issues. I don't get normal people.

Did I mention my competition was another girl?

It's situations like this that make life so interesting...
That's not competition. That's a three way waiting to happen.

heres my advice on it, and I give alot of advice so i know what to do

make a move on her, if she denies you, stay where you are, simple as that

dont just ask, make an actual move on her, no point in moving over there to see what slipped through your fingers everydayI've made my move. All the cards are on the table. She said fucking maybe.:headbang:

If I'm not nuts allready, I soon will be. I'm sleeping half as much now as I used to from all this damn worrying.

heres my advice on it, and I give alot of advice so i know what to doJust because someone gives a lot of advice does not mean that any of it is neccessarily good advice.

I've made my move. All the cards are on the table. She said fucking maybe.:headbang:

If I'm not nuts allready, I soon will be. I'm sleeping half as much now as I used to from all this damn worrying. Therefore let her go. It works.

you're not crazy, you're in love. i would do exactly the same thing if my gf were losing her faith and going bi and lived hundreds of kilometers away.

Hence why I said "next time you see her".

In my experience though...."maybe" = "I'm too polite to say no". I may be wrong, and i'm sorry to break it to you like that, but it's probably best that you move on.

Dude, "maybe" doesn't mean "no". "Maybe" doesn't mean "I'm a lesbian in the closet". "Maybe" doesn't even mean "lets get a threesome" necessarily (although it could). "Maybe" means try harder, and/or I'm not sure if these other things were out of the way how I would feel.

I always said "no" if there was no chance. I said "maybe" if there was a chance, the person just had to do something to prove I should give them that chance. Maybe means go for it if you think its worth trying.

I like here because she has issues. I don't get normal people.

Did I mention my competition was another girl?

It's situations like this that make life so interesting...

But you obviously feel you can trust her.

That's the real interesting bit.

New Jerry and a girl form Ruakaka
sitting in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G

W-I-T-H A S-T-R-A-P-O-N!

Dude, "maybe" doesn't mean "no". "Maybe" doesn't mean "I'm a lesbian in the closet". "Maybe" doesn't even mean "lets get a threesome" necessarily (although it could). "Maybe" means try harder, and/or I'm not sure if these other things were out of the way how I would feel.

I always said "no" if there was no chance. I said "maybe" if there was a chance, the person just had to do something to prove I should give them that chance. Maybe means go for it if you think its worth trying.I've talked to her. "Maybe.." means yes if the girl says no to her. She's apparantly in love with this other girl as much as I'm in love with her.

I'm going anyway. If I can't have her at least I can help her out. She stopped going to church a while ago because they looked down on her, and although she still reads the Bible on her own, she needs other Christians around her. Plus, Ruakaka is pretty colse to Dargaville, where my family lives.

And you don't know, maybe the girl will say no or they'll break up etc.

Bottom line is, I love her too damn much to just give up from a little thing like failure. I'm going to do what I can to help her out, whether I can have her or not, and no matter how many shitty bands she likes.

I don't trust girls from New Zealand in general...

In fact, I don't trust New Zealand in general.. it's like a faggier version of australia with hobbits...

No offence...

Love man, move or die old thinking what could have been.
Move to the other side of the island and get your woman.

Youre gonna uproot your entire life, and move all the way across the country, on a "maybe"?

"Maybe, can mean NO, as well."

How about you tell her your plans, and see what she thinks.
If she thinks it a good idea....she wants you.
If she tries to talk you out of it....take it as a hint.

I don't trust girls from New Zealand in general...

In fact, I don't trust New Zealand in general.. it's like a faggier version of australia with hobbits...

No offence...
Stupidest thing I've heard in a very long time. Get out some more. Get a life.

Anyway. Why would you leave Christchurch for some girl anyway? Fuck that. Make her come to you.

I don't trust girls from New Zealand in general...

In fact, I don't trust New Zealand in general.. it's like a faggier version of australia with hobbits...

No offence...How the fuck am I supposed to read this bullshit without taking offence? :upyours:

How the fuck am I supposed to read this bullshit without taking offence? :upyours:


Grow a thicker skin, and realize the guy who posted that, is probably a douchebag?

I don't trust girls from New Zealand in general...

In fact, I don't trust New Zealand in general.. it's like a faggier version of australia with hobbits...

No offence...

What, are you a south african rugby fan or something?

Youre gonna uproot your entire life, and move all the way across the country, on a "maybe"?

"Maybe, can mean NO, as well."

How about you tell her your plans, and see what she thinks.
If she thinks it a good idea....she wants you.
If she tries to talk you out of it....take it as a hint.1) I have no life here to uproot.

2) Maybe can mean yes too. But in this case it actually means maybe. How about that?

3) She knows my plans. I like to keep all the cards on the table. She didn't say whether she likes the idea or not but she seemed flattered to know what I thought about her.

4) If you'd actually read all three pages of this thread before you'd posted you'd know most of this allready.

1) I have no life here to uproot.

2) Maybe can mean yes too. But in this case it actually means maybe. How about that?

3) She knows my plans. I like to keep all the cards on the table. She didn't say whether she likes the idea or not but she seemed flattered to know what I thought about her.

4) If you'd actually read all three pages of this thread before you'd posted you'd know most of this allready.


1. Try getting one before you gamble everything on a girl you may have no chance with.

2. Maybe isnt a yes or a no....its not really an answer.

3. If she didnt tell you to do it, or indicate that she would like it...then shes probably telling you "dont bother", but doesnt want to hurt you.

4. There were 3 pages...I read em.

Youve already made your mind up, and are looking for encouragement.
Im playing devils advocate.
If you move, and she decides you arent for her, you're gonna be heartbroken.

If this girl wanted you...you would know it.
If shes tempting you to make this move for a chance with her, then shes playing you, and you deserve better.

1. Try getting one before you gamble everything on a girl you may have no chance with.

2. Maybe isnt a yes or a no....its not really an answer.

3. If she didnt tell you to do it, or indicate that she would like it...then shes probably telling you "dont bother", but doesnt want to hurt you.

4. There were 3 pages...I read em.

Youve already made your mind up, and are looking for encouragement.
Im playing devils advocate.
If you move, and she decides you arent for her, you're gonna be heartbroken.

If this girl wanted you...you would know it.
If shes tempting you to make this move for a chance with her, then shes playing you, and you deserve better.1) Meh.

2) Maybe in this case means she doesn't know.

3) She doesn't talk like that. If she didn't want me to bother, she'd say "don't bother".

4) my bad.

1) Meh.

2) Maybe in this case means she doesn't know.

3) She doesn't talk like that. If she didn't want me to bother, she'd say "don't bother".

4) my bad.


Liek I said, I think you've already made up your mind on this.
So, if you are going to go through with this, at least get SOME kind of definate answer.

"Hey, If I uproot everything, and move all the way across the country, to follow you, can I at least get you to go out with me?"

SOMETHING.

If you think you're in love, then yes, you're definitly "technically" nuts! :D

Ruakaka
Where is that? Northland somewhere? Is she a Maori girl? You're planning on leaving Christchurch for this? Hmm. As said earlier, fuck that.

I have met her in person. We both used to live in Dargaville. I tried to ask her out then but she had a boyfriend.
Dargaville sorry but :p

"Rock on!"

Don't need to add anything. Move and live, comrade.

I'm in Christchurch, New Zealand, and I'm fully in love (no shit this isn't just a crush) with a girl in Ruakaka - at the other end of the country.

She was a Christian (as am I) last I saw her but from the look of things she's fallen away a bit.
She's been through shit as a kid that I would never wish on anyone, and as a result she has issues trusting men around her (though she knows me well enough to trust me), and now she's into girls at least as much as guys.

I recently asked her straight-up if I had a chance with her and she replied "Maybe..", and I have competion as well.

The fact that she has issues doesn't faze me, nor the fact that after dropping everything here and moving into her town she may still say no.

And, of course, most people around me think I am out of my mind.
You're from ChCh, whats more to tell you're crazy. I hate ChCh

Dargaville sorry but :p
LMAO.. True love in Dargaville you reckon? Fuck me, that's hilliarous.

You're from ChCh, whats more to tell you're crazy. I hate ChChYeah, I kinda flew down here on impulse because I was sick of home and wanted to get as far away as possible without leaving the country. I was going to go to Invercargil, but I didn't have enough cash for the airfare.

Where is that? Northland somewhere? Is she a Maori girl? You're planning on leaving Christchurch for this? Hmm. As said earlier, fuck that.1) Yes, Ruakaka is a bit south of Whangerei.

2) No, she's white. I don't really get into maori girls.

3) Hey, at least I'll be able to see my family.

1) Yes, Ruakaka is a bit south of Whangerei.

2) No, she's white. I don't really get into maori girls.

3) Hey, at least I'll be able to see my family.
Hmm.. I dunno.
Christchurch is a fuckova lot nicer than Northland.

Not when you don't know anyone down here.

Not when you don't know anyone down here.
Touche.

Well, you seem to have it sorted. You have every reason to go, so go.

LMAO.. True love in Dargaville you reckon? Fuck me, that's hilliarous.
Well you might be able to find a sheep or two but apart from that.......

:fluffle: Roughly 7 years ago I met a young lady named Nicole that preferred to be called "Nick."
She had gone through some seriously arduous things in her childhood.
She had a serious case of low self-esteem.
She hid it with a biting sense of humor.
I had a biting sense of humor then too.
She had a boyfriend.
She lamented that she had never given a girl an orgasm.
I and my friends threw her a 21st birthday party.
She and I left the party to get more acquainted.
We maintained an intermittent affair over the next 2 years.
During that time, she and her boyfriend took to throwing their own parties.
She mentioned to me that they had begun injecting heroin...

I still love her.
I had the opportunity to have her for my own twice.
That "little voice" always told me not to.
I'm glad it did.
I hope she's still alive.
The last time I saw her she had lost a third of her body weight.
I still love her, but I'm glad I didn't date her.

Does any of this sound familiar?
Nothing will convince you not to do this. I can tell. Just remember -- when you come out the other side -- you followed through. You followed your passion to the end. Take pride in that. You're going to need to feel good about something.

Go for it man. If you've got nothing holding you where you are anyway, take the risk, and if you come to regret it that's better that than regretting not doing it.

True love is between one man and one woman, or depending upon your sexual preference, between one woman and another, or one man and another.

Perhaps you are confusing love with lust?

True love is about honesty and respect, and should never be about competition.

If you have to share her affections with another man or another woman then you will not receive the full benefit of a truly loving relationship.

As far as "open relationships" are concerned, they are more about lust than love, and IMHO, those kinds of relationships are doomed to fail.

True love is between one man and one woman, or depending upon your sexual preference, between one woman and another, or one man and another.

Perhaps you are confusing love with lust?

True love is about honesty and respect, and should never be about competition.

If you have to share her affections with another man or another woman then you will not receive the full benefit of a truly loving relationship.

As far as "open relationships" are concerned, they are more about lust than love, and IMHO, those kinds of relationships are doomed to fail.What do you think I am, 13? I know the difference between love and lust.

I am not willing to share her with anyone else, but if someone else gets her instead of me, I still want to be there with her, so I can at least help her clear out all the shit she has fucking up her life. Because I love her.

Does that sound like lust to you?

I recently asked her straight-up if I had a chance with her and she replied "Maybe..", and I have competion as well.

Don't do it. Hurt as it may to leave her alone, you would be setting yourself up for the pain of your life if you went through with your plan, as it seems too possible that she will reject you. "Maybe" is just too vague.

Don't do it. Hurt as it may to leave her alone, you would be setting yourself up for the pain of your life if you went through with your plan, as it seems too possible that she will reject you. "Maybe" is just too vague.Pain is the most effective of all teachers, and something I'm too familliar with to be afraid of anymore.

Did you even read through this thread before you posted? Even if I can't have her, at least I can help her out.

I am nuts though. Without a doubt. A sane man would have stayed in Dargaville for her and never moved to Christchurch in the first place.

What do you think I am, 13? I know the difference between love and lust.
I know lots of people who don't know the difference between love and lust and they are a lot older than 13.

There are some "mature" posters on here that seem to have a skewed idea about love and lust, who talk freely about being in love with someone yet open for sexual pleasures with others. I was not trying to confuse you with those people but then I really don't know you.

I am not willing to share her with anyone else, but if someone else gets her instead of me, I still want to be there with her, so I can at least help her clear out all the shit she has fucking up her life. Because I love her.
Trying to "fix" other peoples lives when they are not receptive nor desire change can cause you nothing but grief. People can only change if THEY are willing to change.

Does that sound like lust to you?
No, it sounds like you have a genuine concern for the woman in question, but perservation of ones' own sanity should take priority over anything else.

Good luck.

I know lots of people who don't know the difference between love and lust and they are a lot older than 13.True that!Trying to "fix" other peoples lives when they are not receptive nor desire change can cause you nothing but grief. People can only change if THEY are willing to change.She seems to be. She's happy that I'm moving up for her and praying and stuff, but old habits die hard so I may have my work cut out for me.No, it sounds like you have a genuine concern for the woman in question, but perservation of ones' own sanity should take priority over anything else.

Good luck.I'm losing my sanity sitting around thinking about her, so I'm thinking the best way to avoid going mad right now is to go.

I'm spontaneous by nature anyway, so if I sit around and try and live a "stable" life for too long I'd probably end up painting myself yellow and run down the street wearing nothing but ladies underwear on my head, just for the sake of doing something random. Then I'd kill myself by swallowing a frisbee.

OK, I'm not going to go out with her. It turns out she is still with her old boyfriend. I thought they'd broken up but it was just a rough patch, which is fair enought for a 3-year relationship.

So I told her to go for it. She's probably better off with this guy than me anyway. There must be something special there to keep two people together for that long, especially since she's only about 17.

At least I talked her out of leaving him for that other chick. Accuse me of being a homophobe, but homosexuality screws people up big time.

I'm still moving up, of course. I miss my family too damn much to stay down here all alone.