NationStates Jolt Archive

If you don't remember, I wrote twelve dialogies in parenting. Basically thigns your child should do or know. I present the next lesson.


#13 Masochism

Billy: Dad?
Dad: Yes, son?
Billy: Why do some people like to get hurt?
Dad: It's a strange thing. They called masochists.
Billy: Maso-what?
Dad: I can't explain it to you.
Dr. Phil: But I can.
Billy: Dr. Phil!
Dr. Phil: How are you?
Billy: Fine, but what's a masochism?
Dr. Phil: Well, I can't tell you, but I can sing it to you. Masochisst, assemble!
-Czardas, myself, Tribes, the South Islands, Grainne Ni Malley, and Saddam appear-

(this is to the tune of Oklahoma!, well most of it)

All:
Masochism!

Masochism, why we take great pleasure from our pains
We wear leather all day, but we're not gay
We just like the feel of it against our skin!

Masochism, where the fashions of the day are chains
We don't care what we pay, we love to fray
If it hurts, we just do again!

It turns on our adrenal glands
Making us tremble, from toes to hands
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
We love sadomasichism
Masochism, ooooahhhhhh!

Masochism, it makes you work up a sweat
And the boiling oil and the erotic toil
Will make you shout loudly with glee!

Masochism, why we refer to each other as 'my pet'
We defile the soil, because we're very loyal
To our pain-filled sexuality!

We fill all who love us with awe
Later they regret what they saw
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
We love self-mutilation
Masochism, ooooahhhhhh!

Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso
Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso

It turns on our adrenal glands
Making us tremble, from toes to hands
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
We love sadomasichism
Masochism, M-A-S-O
CH-ISM
MASOCHISM!

Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fin :)


An Athar Inc. Production

You're a strange, strange person.










































I like that.

thats the catchiest tune i've heard all day.
i think i'd even give Springtime For Hitler a run for its money :eek: :p

-snip-
You'd be surprised how many times I hear that in a day.

Reminds me of this, by Tom Lehrer...


-The Masochism Tango-
I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand...
Yeech!
It's here that I must be.

My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.

My soul is on fire,
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire when we tango.

You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Ev'ry time I hear drums.

And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we'll never part.

I know too well
I'm underneath your spell,
So, darling, if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart... [hiccup]
'Scuse me!

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

What's the tune?

I don't think it has a tune that's preused, I think Lehrer wrote the music too.

I can imagine the choreography.

Why do I have to stand next to Saddam? He looks kind of weird in fishnets and he's getting a little crazy with that whip. :eek:

I can imagine the choreography.

Hmm, a porn musical.


I suppose it is a niche market.

Here's a tazer, that should keep him occupied for a while.

Thanks!

*zaps Saddam 563,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001.99 times and once more for good measure*

Here's a tazer, that should keep him occupied for a while.

Taser ;)

Thomas A Swift's Electric Rifle.

:)

Fiddlebottoms: Ehoi?
Fiddlebottoms' Mind: *Boggles*
Fiddlebottoms: Good, um, show. I think. *Claps*

Fiddlebottoms: Ehoi?
Fiddlebottoms' Mind: *Boggles*
Fiddlebottoms: Good, um, show. I think. *Claps*
It' better than my 'I want to be an abortionist' song.

You got moxie, kid. And by moxie, I mean a screw loose and a few gears short of clocktower.

: original evidence gone. Now I can claim conspiracy!


Curses. I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids.

Fiddlebottoms: Ehoi?
Fiddlebottoms' Mind: *Boggles*
Fiddlebottoms: Good, um, show. I think. *Claps*

Unfortunately for you, because you wrote "Mind" in the second line, the third line i saw "Bottom". So now, I imagined someone's rear clapping and going "Good, um, show. I think".

I am severely traumatized now.

Unfortunately for you, because you wrote "Mind" in the second line, the third line i saw "Bottom". So now, I imagined someone's rear clapping and going "Good, um, show. I think".

I am severely traumatized now.
After a while you get used to it. *shrugs*

Unfortunately for you, because you wrote "Mind" in the second line, the third line i saw "Bottom". So now, I imagined someone's rear clapping and going "Good, um, show. I think".
Note the bolded part, it is a lie (lies are bad, mmkay?) It isn't at all unfortunate for me. In fact, it causes me merriment when I inflict suffering (which is why I didn't get to sing that song, I'm a sadist) upon other people. Rather, it is unfortunate for you that I have broken your mind.
I am severely traumatized now.
I seem to have that effect on people. I don't know why because I am such a nice and rational person who enjoys highlighting woords to imply emphasis at ranndom intervals.

You should publish this crap.

Seriously.

Note the bolded part, it is a lie (lies are bad, mmkay?) It isn't at all unfortunate for me. In fact, it causes me merriment when I inflict suffering (which is why I didn't get to sing that song, I'm a sadist) upon other people. Rather, it is unfortunate for you that I have broken your mind.

I seem to have that effect on people. I don't know why because I am such a nice and rational person who enjoys highlighting woords to imply emphasis at ranndom intervals.

I never said I didn't like being traumatized (double entendre? perhaps.. perhaps....no). Which is why, I say unfortunately for you. Because, fortunately for me, and unfortunately for you, it is quite fortunate that for my fortune, it is unfortunate for you.

A whole load of nothing takes up space, have you noticed?

You should publish this crap.

Seriously.
I can't. It's part of my parole.

I never said I didn't like being traumatized (double entendre? perhaps.. perhaps....no). Which is why, I say unfortunately for you. Because, fortunately for me, and unfortunately for you, it is quite fortunate that for my fortune, it is unfortunate for you.
Then you should have been more specific that my misfortune came from your fortune at your own, initial misfortune (which can, with minimal mental harranguing be used as a manner to connect our own particular topic of conversation back to the OP, as both situations revolve around the issue of masochism). If I had known that, rather than your misfortune being the root of mine, the situation was reversed so that your fortune was causing me misforution, I would have replied in a manner very different.
However, once again unfortunately for me, my fortune wasn't to have the proper facts about your fortunes and, instead, I was mislead about your fortunes. This, in turn, has doubled the original cause of the matter by heaping a further misfortune upon my head and again granting a point towards your own total.
In summation: . . . fuuuuuuuuuck . . .

Then you should have been more specific that my misfortune came from your fortune at your own, initial misfortune (which can, with minimal mental harranguing be used as a manner to connect our own particular topic of conversation back to the OP, as both situations revolve around the issue of masochism). If I had known that, rather than your misfortune being the root of mine, the situation was reversed so that your fortune was causing me misforution, I would have replied in a manner very different.
However, once again unfortunately for me, my fortune wasn't to have the proper facts about your fortunes and, instead, I was mislead about your fortunes. This, in turn, has doubled the original cause of the matter by heaping a further misfortune upon my head and again granting a point towards your own total.
In summation: . . . fuuuuuuuuuck . . .

Agreed. (I gave up around the 4th line >.>)

Agreed. (I gave up around the 4th line >.>)
Read the summary out loud, that gives you the full effect of having read the essay without actually, y'know, reading.

AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FACT: I am, bilingual, I speak Bureaocrat and English with remarkable efficiency. I'm also a part-time Trilingual (I can speak in tongues when the dark things come into my head, but on those nights I must go out at night and feed on the flesh of the living, so I don't talk about it much.)

Read the summary out loud, that gives you the full effect of having read the essay without actually, y'know, reading.

AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FACT: I am, bilingual, I speak Bureaocrat and English with remarkable efficiency. I'm also a part-time Trilingual (I can speak in tongues when the dark things come into my head, but on those nights I must go out at night and feed on the flesh of the living, so I don't talk about it much.)

Unfortunately I have sort of a stutter, so my attempt at reading it aloud was a miserable failure. Bureaocrat is a hard language to master. Everyone should be forced to learn it.

*wipes away tear*

that was beautiful.

That was awesome. Simply awesome.

Kinda reminds me of This song:

FREAKIN' AT THE FREAKERS BALL
Shel Silverstein

LEAD-IN: There's gonna be a Freakers Ball,
Yes, yes, tonight at the Freakers Hall,
Yeah and you know that you're invited,
One and all.

C'mon babies… grease your lips…
Put on your hats, and swing your hips.
Don't forget to bring your whips.
We're goin' to the Freakers Ball.

Blow your whistle…bang your gong --
Roll up somethin' to take along.
Feels so good… it must be wrong –
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

All the fags and dikes, they're boogyin' together --
Leather freaks dressed in all kinds of leather.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too,
Screamin' "Please hit me" and "I'll hit you".

F.B.I. dancin' with the junkies –
All the Straights swingin' with the Funkies
'Cross the floor and up the wall
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

Everybody is lovin' each other --
Brother with sister… son with mother.
Smear my body up with butter,
And take me to the Freakers Ball.

So pass that roach and pour the wine --
I'll kiss yours and you'll kiss mine.
I'm gonna boogie til I go blind --
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.

Black ones, white ones, yellow and red ones --
Necropheliacs lookin' for dead ones.
The greatest of the Sadists and the Masochists, too --
Screaming' "Please hit me" and "I'll hit you".

Everybody ballin' in batches --
Pyromaniacs strikin' matches.
I'm gonna itch me where it scratches --
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball, y'all
Freakin' at the Freakers Ball.




How do I join this harem your sig speaks of?

How do I join this harem your sig speaks of?
Simply click the link. However, since the first thread was a bit long, we created a new one.

http://s13.invisionfree.com/Athar/index.php?showtopic=97

Just join the forum. We have several people who post on the forum, but don't live in the region.

Simply click the link. However, since the first thread was a bit long, we created a new one.

http://s13.invisionfree.com/Athar/index.php?showtopic=97

Just join the forum. We have several people who post on the forum, but don't live in the region.

nice