NationStates Jolt Archive

(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.


(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

(1) I don't want to work for a living.
(2) I don't want to pay taxes.
(3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.
(4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

I lost track of fallacies. I stopped counting at seven, because they stared repeating. My head hurts. I need a percocet.

Proof denies faith. You cannot "covince" a believer that God doesn't exist. Stop trying.

Proof denies faith. You cannot "covince" a believer that God doesn't exist. Stop trying.
With 60 oz of whiskey and a joint, you can convince anyone of anything.

With 60 oz of whiskey and a joint, you can convince anyone of anything.

Not true. No amount of booze or pot would ever be enough to convince me that Michael Jackson is human.

With 60 oz of whiskey and a joint, you can convince anyone of anything.
Depends on how much proof you've got in the whiskey.
I made a pun! Yeah!
Oh, and can someone please tell me whether this is parody or real? I'm leaning towards parody, but I'm feeling really addled just now, so I can't be sure.

It's a parody, HN.

It's a parody, HN.
Good, the reactions of some other people (I'm looking right at you DrunkenDove, using my eyes to bore through to your soul and lay bear all your innermost secrets) was leading me to believe that my Bullshit sensor was off the mark.

In fact that's just copy and paste with no souce link.

(I'm looking right at you DrunkenDove, using my eyes to bore through to your soul and lay bear all your innermost secrets)

His gaze burns the flesh of mortal men!

*Collapses in agony*

His gaze burns the flesh of mortal men!

*Collapses in agony*
Damn straight. Suffer for your sins! SUFFER!!

In fact that's just copy and paste with no souce link.
Sorry, It's an email going around.

Sorry, It's an email going around.

Heavy snippets from:

http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

Science is always in suspicion....

I really, really like these two:

ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
(2) They're so good that they must have been designed.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)
(1) Real men like beer.
(2) God allowed real men to make beer.
(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

Those are the best arguments for divinity I've ever heard. And Dog damn, I've heard quite a few here by now.

Edit: 5 DDs (Devalued Dublonas) to the first one who guesses what I'm eating & drinking right now ;)

Sorry, It's an email going around.
Ya you know what else is going around? *grrrr*

I don't know you well enough to get into that. (Whale biologist!)

Funny post nonetheless.

I really, really like these two:

ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
(2) They're so good that they must have been designed.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)
(1) Real men like beer.
(2) God allowed real men to make beer.
(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

Those are the best arguments for divinity I've ever heard. And Dog damn, I've heard quite a few here by now.

Edit: 5 DDs (Devalued Dublonas) to the first one who guesses what I'm eating & drinking right now ;)
M'kay, what is the use of damning something that supposedly doesn't have a soul?
WHOOPS - PRECEDENT ALERT - see the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree!!!

On your edit .... Smoked Austrian Cheese on Rosemary & Garlic Triscuit, washed down by a snort of Perrier.
?

M'kay, what is the use of damning something that supposedly doesn't have a soul?
WHOOPS - PRECEDENT ALERT - see the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree!!!Well that was because the Devil likes figs, and Jesus, ever the nice guy, wanted to give the devil something nice.

And sure, figs don't have souls.. But they're eaten in hell all the same.On your edit .... Smoked Austrian Cheese on Rosemary & Garlic Triscuit, washed down by a snort of Perrier.
?Ah.. No. I don't eat animal products. And I'm not quite gay enough to drink that shit :D

I wonder though, what in the name of Dog is Triscuit? Triangular Biscuits, perhaps?

Well that was because the Devil likes figs, and Jesus, ever the nice guy, wanted to give the devil something nice.

And sure, figs don't have souls.. But they're eaten in hell all the same.Ah.. No. I don't eat animal products. And I'm not quite gay enough to drink that shit :D

I wonder though, what in the name of Dog is Triscuit? Triangular Biscuits, perhaps?
You know i really didn't try very hard at figuring what you were drinking and eating, my bad. I guess i exemplified Freud's projection in that case. I called Orson and he sent me to his voice mail ... :(
So ... when you say animal products, you mean nothing coaxed out of an animal as well?

Triscuit is that little wheat/fiber product that some famous nun was endorsing a decade or two ago ...i think it was "Mary" from The Sound of Music. And yes, now (FINALLY!) they come in a triangular-shaped variety. F*ck, it took 'em years to recognize there was more than one flavor to help push the blockage through your innards with, now they've got flavors that'll stay with you 'til splashdown!


Funny story about figs ... you know i read somewhere that Jesus was actually pissed off at figs because of his earlier "experimental" days, you know, the ones inbetween, oh i dunno, BIRTH until his THIRTIES .... he apparently was reenacting certain parts of the bible for humility/understanding, and mistakenly used a poison oak leaf instead of a fig leaf when he was reenacting parts from Genesis with Adam. It goes on to say that he hadn't developed the ability to identify the leaf by sight, so when it got mixed in with a bunch of other leaves he picked out from a merchant in his eastern travels, he didn't know the difference. Boy howdy, did he learn.
If that isn't enough, he determined that taste was the best way to discern the difference. Thankfully though, he also came across another merchant with strange spices and powders for use in stage shows (which of course could come in useful later on), and he got a good dose of saltpeter so the issue of the fig leaf (or any abrasive cloth) wouldn't be much of an issue for a while, mercifully. I think that time helped cement the importance of baptism in his mind, eventually recounted by word of mouth later on and incorporated into the apostles' rants.

You know i really didn't try very hard at figuring what you were drinking and eating, my bad. I guess i exemplified Freud's projection in that case. I called Orson and he sent me to his voice mail ... :(
So ... when you say animal products, you mean nothing coaxed out of an animal as well?Harh! I'm really curious about what his viocemail said though. Kill the suspence, eh?
Other than that, I'm pretty much a vegan. Though I'm very fond of both my leather boots & jacket.Triscuit is that little wheat/fiber product that some famous nun was endorsing a decade or two ago ...i think it was "Mary" from The Sound of Music. And yes, now (FINALLY!) they come in a triangular-shaped variety. F*ck, it took 'em years to recognize there was more than one flavor to help push the blockage through your innards with, now they've got flavors that'll stay with you 'til splashdown!Nice, I'll have to look out for those :)
- nothing beats new foods.Funny story about figs ... you know i read somewhere that Jesus was actually pissed off at figs because of his earlier "experimental" days, you know, the ones inbetween, oh i dunno, BIRTH until his THIRTIES .... he apparently was reenacting certain parts of the bible for humility/understanding, and mistakenly used a poison oak leaf instead of a fig leaf when he was reenacting parts from Genesis with Adam. It goes on to say that he hadn't developed the ability to identify the leaf by sight, so when it got mixed in with a bunch of other leaves he picked out from a merchant in his eastern travels, he didn't know the difference. Boy howdy, did he learn.
If that isn't enough, he determined that taste was the best way to discern the difference. Thankfully though, he also came across another merchant with strange spices and powders for use in stage shows (which of course could come in useful later on), and he got a good dose of saltpeter so the issue of the fig leaf (or any abrasive cloth) wouldn't be much of an issue for a while, mercifully. I think that time helped cement the importance of baptism in his mind, eventually recounted by word of mouth later on and incorporated into the apostles' rants.Have you ever considered the possibility that poison Oak-leaves maybe weren't poisonous before he pulled that idiotic stunt? - Maybe it's just an after effect.
That would really explain why he was pissed enough to damn figs. Think about it; some mortal, damned lemming-like animal waltzes around with a leaf on his cock, and the froits ends up tasting lovely. Jesus does the same, and the whole plant turns mildly poisonous!

- And it even fits with the jealous, childish God from the OT :p

Harh! I'm really curious about what his viocemail said though. Kill the suspence, eh?
Other than that, I'm pretty much a vegan. Though I'm very fond of both my leather boots & jacket.Nice, I'll have to look out for those :)
- nothing beats new foods.Have you ever considered the possibility that poison Oak-leaves maybe weren't poisonous before he pulled that idiotic stunt? - Maybe it's just an after effect.
That would really explain why he was pissed enough to damn figs. Think about it; some mortal, damned lemming-like animal waltzes around with a leaf on his cock, and the froits ends up tasting lovely. Jesus does the same, and the whole plant turns mildly poisonous!

- And it even fits with the jealous, childish God from the OT :p
FLORT!!!!!
Now my wife sittin' next to me, on her laptop, thinks i've got too much sugar in my system, or i need to go to bed, or both .... partially true, i guess.
Well, the voice mail said something about catching up with whomever the caller is in a dark, inter-dimensional medium as soon as possible, and just leave a light impression after the aoum.

Ya know the part that got me laughin' was the part about Jesus and the waltzing with fig leaves (Dances With Focus Groups, curteousy of The Simpsons). It may help to understand that one of the apocrypha mentioned Jesus' cohabitation with Mary (one of many, i imagine), and ya know, he did hang out at the salamander inn. The gift that keeps on giving ... hope he kept the receipt!!!
It could be he gave the sores to the leaves, indeed!!! Scratchy, itchy, flaky ....
I'm gaining new reverence for the bible, it might seem.


EDIT: As per the overt heresy here, well, as Barney said in his beautiful cinema from, again, The Simpsons ...
"Don't cry for me ... i'm already dead."

EDIT, the Sequel:
You know, on reflection, i bet there's a peculiar parable involving Jesus and the prune. I think you know what i'm talking about.