NationStates Jolt Archive


Nothing like giving them something to think about.

Amtray
14-12-2005, 19:10
Just pulled this of the Hunter S Thompson site and nearly pissed myself laughing.There is nothing like feeding the religious right some of their own rubbish.
Dear Dr. Laura
Page added Sep-27-00
Last updated March 2005

In the late 1990s, Dr. Laura was a huge lightning rod for a number of things, especially the photos of her that showed up on the Internet and her comments on homosexuals. I listened to her show a couple of times, and I honestly can't imagine why anyone would call and take advice from her. Do you suppose she gets a kick from demeaning people over the air?



Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obliged to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality? I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread. (cotton / polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan
Melkor Unchained
14-12-2005, 19:42
As funny as some of this is, pointing out contradictions in the Bible never really has been particularly effective against Christians [just as pointing out contradictions has never been effective in shutting up the political Left]. Most of the time, they just ignore it altogether, or claim that it's an issue of 'interpretation.' The second argument may actually have some merit, but you can't just turn around in the next breath and tell me that the Bible needs to be taken literally.

The Bible should definately not be used as any sort of moral code; for the reasons you posted and more. Read it, but don't take it too seriously; the world needs more atheists and there's no faster way to get there than by reading the goddamn Bible.
Liskeinland
14-12-2005, 19:44
As funny as some of this is, pointing out contradictions in the Bible never really has been particularly effective against Christians [just as pointing out contradictions has never been effective in shutting up the political Left]. Most of the time, they just ignore it altogether, or claim that it's an issue of 'interpretation.' The second argument may actually have some merit, but you can't just turn around in the next breath and tell me that the Bible needs to be taken literally.

The Bible should definately not be used as any sort of moral code; for the reasons you posted and more. Read it, but don't take it too seriously; the world needs more atheists and there's no faster way to get there than by reading the goddamn Bible. As far as I know, the Mosaic and Levitican laws are defunct and were only intended for the time before Jesus, since Jesus later said that they were only a stop-gap measure "Because you hardened your hearts against the Lord".

Therefore Levitican law is inapplicable. Although the OP's version was funnier.
I V Stalin
14-12-2005, 19:49
[just as pointing out contradictions has never been effective in shutting up the political Left]
Or, indeed, the political right. Or just about anyone, for that matter. Be honest here, you just felt the need to get in a dig at lefties, didn't you?

The Bible should definately not be used as any sort of moral code; for the reasons you posted and more. Read it, but don't take it too seriously; the world needs more atheists and there's no faster way to get there than by reading the goddamn Bible.
Amen to that :p
Melkor Unchained
14-12-2005, 19:51
Or, indeed, the political right. Or just about anyone, for that matter. Be honest here, you just felt the need to get in a dig at lefties, didn't you?
Except that I don't consider myself part of the 'political right,' and to date my morality has not suffered form the exposure of a contradiction. Nice try.

And yes, yes I did. Point?
The Squeaky Rat
14-12-2005, 20:05
As far as I know, the Mosaic and Levitican laws are defunct and were only intended for the time before Jesus, since Jesus later said that they were only a stop-gap measure "Because you hardened your hearts against the Lord".

Therefore Levitican law is inapplicable. Although the OP's version was funnier.

And yet in every topic on homosexuality on this forum a Christian will post the Leviticus quote. To which Grave_n_idle will then respond with knowledge of Hebrew etc...
I V Stalin
14-12-2005, 20:07
Except that I don't consider myself part of the 'political right,' and to date my morality has not suffered form the exposure of a contradiction. Nice try.

And yes, yes I did. Point?
I wasn't trying to imply you're part of the political right, nor was I trying to compromise your morality. And, erm, I didn't actually have a point. C'mon, this is General you're posting on!
Amtray
14-12-2005, 21:02
I love it when the people try to use the bible to justify homophobia and the like.Sooner or later theese people are going to open the bloody thing and find that there should be only one message that really counts.Do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you were in their position.Or as Bill S Preston put it "Be excellant to each other"
Kefren
14-12-2005, 23:50
Something funny was here


I love it when they do these kinds of things :p
Keruvalia
15-12-2005, 00:06
Therefore Levitican law is inapplicable.

Still applies to Jews and my heart is not hardened against God, thank you very much. Torah does not restrict us, it sets us free.

Anyway, as to the OP, does Freedom of Speech include ad nauseum repetition? ;)
Liskeinland
15-12-2005, 00:20
Still applies to Jews and my heart is not hardened against God, thank you very much. Torah does not restrict us, it sets us free. I might be incorrect regarding the "hearts hardened" part - that was about divorce.

I thought you were a Muslim? As far as I know, Muslims view Jesus as a prophet, whereas Jews mostly regard him as a false Messiah.