NationStates Jolt Archive

If you think you qualify, there's a contest for you. (http://mrhetero.com) And no, I'm not making this up.
Mr Heterosexual Contest 2006
A Celebration of God's Creation

A real competition that will bring fun and laughter as we celebrate
God's design. Come be a part of the fun either as a contestant or an
audience member.

Look at the list of events.

Strength - how many oprah magazines can you tear?

Talent - your choice

Intellectual - answering random questions such as your favorite
heterosexual role model

Competition - name that food
...........more events to be announced.

Let the mocking begin.:D

I was all set to say George Burns...

I have to wonder--if this is about being hetero, why rip Oprah magazines in half? Shouldn't they be trying to rip magazines like Honcho in half? Rough Rider? Blue Boy?

I'm bisexual. Can't enter the contest.

I'm bisexual. Can't enter the contest.
I don't know, dude. None of those events look like thier anything that heteros would be better at. Though I don't know what heteros would naturally be better at...

I don't know, dude. None of those events look like thier anything that heteros would be better at. Though I don't know what heteros would naturally be better at...
Oh, I see... I go into the closet, enter the contest, win, and then come out when they hand me the award... except that instead of them finding out that I'm gay, they find out I have twice the chance for a date on Saturday night... and that I share my lovers... and I only top...

Fass. :p

Oh, I see... I go into the closet, enter the contest, win, and then come out when they hand me the award... except that instead of them finding out that I'm gay, they find out I have twice the chance for a date on Saturday night... and that I share my lovers... and I only top...
That would be funny. :D Might see a few heads explode.

That would be funny. :D Might see a few heads explode.
I am the embodiment of the iconoclast. Then I would pull out my voter registration card, the camera would zoom in, and people would see that I'm a Republican...

Here's a contest...
http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/magazine/article.php?article=315

ast year in late October, an unbelievable qigong stunt caught the world's attention. Three men dragged a truck loaded with 100 passengers a meter across a Taipei parking lot. While towing a meter isn't very far (even with a 10-ton load) the size didn't matter as much as the method. They pulled it with their penises. That's right - read that again if you must - three men hauled 10 tons of truck and passengers by roping their penises to the truck fender and pulling backwards. These men practice the most forbidden qigong kungfu of all - they train their genitals.

The three men were students of a renowned Taiwan master named Tu Jin-Sheng. Master Tu has staged several similar stunts and is quite famous for doing so. A year earlier, his 70-year-old student Huang Tian-Yu made the news by putting his manhood on the line. He lifted 150 kilograms (330 lbs.) using only his penis. Squatting in horse stance upon two raised pedestals, Huang wore a kilt-like skirt to cover his private parts while a massive stack of weights dangled beneath him. His septuagenarian face glowed with genuine elation instead of the grimacing wince that appears on most men at the mere suggestion of such a bizarre act.

Penis training is often ridiculed in the martial arts, perhaps out of envy, perhaps because it seems so absurd. Bring it up around the most macho martial arts men, and they will be crossing their legs and giggling like schoolgirls. But as Tu sees it, people train every other part of their body except their sexual organs. He considers his method as the only way to correct this oversight. While most people think the only exercise a penis gets is ejaculation, Tu's method treats the penis like an arm, a leg or any other part of the body. Tu comments "People compete will all their four limbs, why not this?"

I am the embodiment of the iconoclast. Then I would pull out my voter registration card, the camera would zoom in, and people would see that I'm a Republican...
Well, you'd be a Republican until the mob of angry homo-haters strung you up. Then you'd be a dead Republican (still able to vote in some areas). :D

Well, you'd be a Republican until the mob of angry homo-haters strung you up. Then you'd be a dead Republican (still able to vote in some areas). :D
Yes, I'd still be able to vote, but not often. You have to be a Democrat to vote dead and often.

You know, just the other day I was asking myself, "How could the traditional image of masculinity possibly be any sillier?"

Yes, I'd still be able to vote, but not often. You have to be a Democrat to vote dead and often.
Oh I don't know--I think it depends on which party is counting the votes.

You know, just the other day I was asking myself, "How could the traditional image of masculinity possibly be any sillier?"
Ta Daaa! You can always count on a homo-hating fundie to go that extra step.

Here's a contest...
http://ezine.kungfumagazine.com/magazine/article.php?article=315
This is the first 70 year old getting 20 year old tail not for the money...

Ta Daaa! You can always count on a homo-hating fundie to go that extra step.
I'm a born again Christian, too.

This is the first 70 year old getting 20 year old tail not for the money...
I bet he could lift Fass off his feet without using his hands...

I don't know, dude. None of those events look like thier anything that heteros would be better at. Though I don't know what heteros would naturally be better at...
During the food identification contest, if you say something tastes like "Dick" you're out, and if you say "These eggs taste like dick, and not the good kind of dollop of whipped creme on top dick, but the bad kind of sweaty just been in your own asshole back alley gangbang." They all run away because then they know that they are truly in the presence of "t3h gh3y".

I'm a born again Christian, too.
Yes, but obviously not a homo-hating fundie. The two are not identical.

Yes, I'd still be able to vote, but not often. You have to be a Democrat to vote dead and often.
Not just any Democrat, a Chicago Democrat.

You have to love the marketing: "Holland Church: Where The Bible Is Preached'. Personally I prefer those Liberal churches where they read the minutes of ACLU meetings.

You have to love the marketing: "Holland Church: Where The Bible Is Preached'. Personally I prefer those Liberal churches where they read the minutes of ACLU meetings.
You mean the Unitarian Universalists?

lol. That's gay.

I wonder if there will be any smoked meat log in the food tasting competition?

I Am All That Is Man.

I wonder if there will be any smoked meat log in the food tasting competition?

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1131355134/Conan_OBrien_Hotdogs_for_Homophobes

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1131355134/Conan_OBrien_Hotdogs_for_Homophobes
Quality nice.

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1131355134/Conan_OBrien_Hotdogs_for_Homophobes
My mind just boggled.
Of course, it isn't a real hotdog until you've squirted it with a layer of fresh, white, creamy horse radish sauce. Then you've got to slide it all the way back and bite off as much as possible. Then be sure to chase it with a pair of melon balls.

My mind just boggled.
Of course, it isn't a real hotdog until you've squirted it with a layer of fresh, white, creamy horse radish sauce. Then you've got to slide it all the way back and bite off as much as possible. Then be sure to chase it with a pair of melon balls.
Oh, you don't play "Hide The Salami"?

Oh, you don't play "Hide The Salami"?
Why hide it? I like it just fine where it is.
Actually, a little to the left would make it- Yes, there.

Why hide it? I like it just fine where it is.
Actually, a little to the left would make it- Yes, there.
I'll ask you to remove that hydroponic cucumber, wash it, and return it to the kitchen, please.

Well, you'd be a Republican until the mob of angry homo-haters strung you up. Then you'd be a dead Republican (still able to vote in some areas). :D

Hmm I thought it was clearly Democrats that had a corner in this market. I give you the Washington governers race as a prime example. Thousands of verifiable voter fraud. Here in Washington if your spouse is dead. You are voting Democratic than it is ok to assume that the dead spouse would have voted Democratic. Therefore it is ok to cast a vote for them. Think that's funny? Well that is exactly what happened here.

Hmm I thought it was clearly Democrats that had a corner in this market. I give you the Washington governers race as a prime example. Thousands of verifiable voter fraud. Here in Washington if your spouse is dead. You are voting Democratic than it is ok to assume that the dead spouse would have voted Democratic. Therefore it is ok to cast a vote for them. Think that's funny? Well that is exactly what happened here.
First off, no it didn't, and second of all, why do you have to bring this kind of crap into an otherwise funloving thread? It's not like there aren't any number of other ways for you to talk about it elsewhere on this very forum.

First off, no it didn't, and second of all, why do you have to bring this kind of crap into an otherwise funloving thread? It's not like there aren't any number of other ways for you to talk about it elsewhere on this very forum.
It's ok - not all Democrats or Republicans are fun loving.

It's ok - not all Democrats or Republicans are fun loving.
I know--but we can put aside our differences for this, surely. I mean, we've been chatting like old buddies in here today. :D

I know--but we can put aside our differences for this, surely. I mean, we've been chatting like old buddies in here today. :D
Oh, us - no problem.

This is so pathetic, I don't know if I should laugh at or pity.

I'll prolly end up doing both, as usual when it comes to straight men.

This is so pathetic, I don't know if I should laugh at or pity.

I'll prolly end up doing both, as usual when it comes to straight men.
I think if I lived anywhere near there, I would enter, just so when it came to the food idenitfication question, I could answer every selection "spotted dick."

If you think you qualify, there's a contest for you. (http://mrhetero.com) And no, I'm not making this up.


Look at the list of events.

Strength - how many oprah magazines can you tear?

Talent - your choice

Intellectual - answering random questions such as your favorite
heterosexual role model

Competition - name that food
...........more events to be announced.

Let the mocking begin.:D
Looks like it has to find a new venue (http://www.logoonline.com/news/story.jhtml?id=1518555&disableFeatureRedirect=true&contentTypeID=1087). I would point out out that it's odd that the even the church won't host it. Though it might be too small a church, I don't know...