NationStates Jolt Archive

been flicking through that "did i turn lesbo" thread and there's a fair amount of talk about womens' mind games. things like intentionally leaving replying to phone calls for x many days or posing impossible or ridiculous questions that the other person can't possibly answer right. there was another good example in that thread about bunny ears earlier today (here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=457720))

so, to the blokes of NS: what mind games have you been subjected to in the past? whats your opinion? do you play them on women yourself?

to the ladies, do you play such games on the men in your life? or on other women too? i'm not saying all women do, for the record, but i'm asking you cos us blokes are too simple to bother with anything of the sort :p
if you do, why? compulsion? is it natural or something you learn?
what is the general purpose of these mindgames? malicious or harmless?

as usual with my threads i'm throwing out specific questions to just stimulate any and all replies - i just wanna see some opinions (so answer my questions if you like. don't really mind)

i'm lucky enough to be involved with a girl who doesn't use any kind of mindgames to my knowledge, and thats great because i don't see the point in messing with someone just to find out something you could just have simply asked them. i find the idea quite unpleasant and i'd rather just be straight up and honest with someone.
that opinion is kinda based on kantian ethics ("treat others as an end in themselves, not a means to any other end" sort of thing), but also on respecting others in life enough to not mess them around...

To address the question: I've had no real problems with women.. I've heard stories of all kinda of vindictive and evil acts that certain women are responsible for, but I've never seen it first-hand.. so I don't have so much faith in the stereotype..

They shit me to tears. I generally respond to passive aggressiveness in particular by being a complete bitch myself.

Yes, i'm a guy, but I can still be a bitch.

To address the question: I've had no real problems with women.. I've heard stories of all kinda of vindictive and evil acts that certain women are responsible for, but I've never seen it first-hand.. so I don't have so much faith in the stereotype..
I've had no real problems with women either, short of my lack of involvement with them. :(

I've had no real problems with women either, short of my lack of involvement with them. :(

Meh.. that ceased to be a problem about the time the horomones finally drained out of my brain a few years back.. nowadays, I'd call it a blessing. :) Gotta look on the bright side of things..

The women in my family play a lot of mind games (manipulative stuff) so I am trying to unlearn what I was taught.

They have a problem with the way I treat my husband (which is like a person) because they don't understand it.

instead of "I sure wish someone would turn on the heat, I am freezing"

I say "Sweetheart will you turn on the heat please?" (if I haven't gotten up to do it myself already)

I remember when my husband and I went out on our first date, he didn't call for like 4 days after and people kept telling me not to call him because I would sound desperate, and meanwhile people were telling him not to call me because he would sound desperate.

I think we realized early on (about 5 days after the first date) that we should just be honest and deal with the consequences later.....

Passive Agressiveness is bull shit.

I've also had great experience dealing with women's vindictiveness. Not directed towards me, but just in general. It's rather irritating. When another male and I butt heads, we deal with our shit. Conflict resolved. We don't even have to resort to violence. But it's done with. With women... some things never get resolved.

It's kind of sad how much I love that gender of our species.

Ever heard the line "Behind every great man, is a great woman."

We can probably blame her for all of the problems of the universe.

I think we realized early on (about 5 days after the first date) that we should just be honest and deal with the consequences later.....
good :)
honesty is the best policy as they say :P


i remember last year at uni i was living with my mate and his g/f. sooo often she would get angry for apparently no reason at all, or storm through the house or start slamming things around cos my friend hadn't picked up on one tiny thing or hint, or had somehow failed some kind of mindgame that we hadn't even noticed. his response was to give her the cold shoulder and ignore her (and smoke more with me :D) till she'd calmed down, but it was hell... :(

luckily nobody in my (very small) family plays mindgames (bar me sometimes but 99% of the time when i do i don't realise i'm being manipulatlive till its too late :( but they are very minor ones compared to the stereotype...)

sooo often she would get angry for apparently no reason at all, or storm through the house or start slamming things around cos my friend hadn't picked up on one tiny thing or hint, or had somehow failed some kind of mindgame that we hadn't even noticed.

Grrrrrrrrr. I can't stand that.

And the whole purposefully ignoring thing that they do....

My solution:
"Why aren't you talking to me?" "Oh...*no reason*..." "Oh, okay." *goes about business and doesn't care*

Take that!

Grrrrrrrrr. I can't stand that.

And the whole purposefully ignoring thing that they do....

My solution:
"Why aren't you talking to me?" "Oh...*no reason*..." "Oh, okay." *goes about business and doesn't care*

Take that!
ah generally i want to find out whats up... and walk right into the trap. but usually its worth it to wring some honesty out of them ;)

The only time I respond with "Nothing" when something is wrong is because I get tired of discussing the same subject for the umpteenth time. I figure if my significant other is too dense to get it the first 500 times, he's never going to. Why chew on an old bone?

The one thing I will admit to doing is giving "puppy dog eyes" when I really want him to do something for me. I can't help it. It works everytime... when he doesn't close his eyes or look away in time.

I've never played mind games out of malice. I'm not really aware of what "playing a mind game" entails.

ah generally i want to find out whats up... and walk right into the trap. but usually its worth it to wring some honesty out of them ;)

I generally like to, but it's too friggin' difficult, and as you said, you walk right into the trap. If you ignore them, chances are they'll get frustrated and spill it.

It's so cliche. Ugh.

The one thing I will admit to doing is giving "puppy dog eyes" when I really want him to do something for me. I can't help it. It works everytime... when he doesn't close his eyes or look away in time.


That's EVIL. You're right, there's almost no way to resist it...

(Unless you are looking to have something bought to you and the target has no money. That's an easy excuse)

I do the puppydog eyes as well. But then again so does my partner, so meh. Were very open about whatever's going on, so no mindgames here. Although the way he asked me out was a bit... odd. Well, he didn't actually ever ask me out... Like I said. Odd.

http://tinad.myblogsite.com/_photos/Puss_in_Boots.jpg
evil.

http://tinad.myblogsite.com/_photos/Puss_in_Boots.jpg
evil.

*kills and eats it*

That's EVIL. You're right, there's almost no way to resist it...

(Unless you are looking to have something bought to you and the target has no money. That's an easy excuse)


It's very well planned out when I utilise the eyes. I make sure what I want isn't out of reach. Also, it's a tactical maneuver that can't be used too often or it's liable to lose it's undeniable power.

I'm realy overgeneralizing here, so please note that. I'm not saying all women are like this. I'm just saying I think this is where the stereotype comes from:

I think the average woman thinks more emotionally then the average man. I think men often think of the practical things in a relationship but sometimes are lax on the emotional aspect while woman think of the emotional things and are sometimes lax on the practical aspect (again this is an overgeneralization). Because of this I think woman seem to care more about how they feel and how the guy feels. This causes them to do things that don't make sense to guys because guys are thinking practically and not emotionally.

For example: If a guy likes a girl just a little then he will generally do whatever he feels comfortable doing with her.

If a girl likes a guy just a little it gets more complicated. She worries about things like "Does he like me more then I like him?" If so she will act standoffish, she might like you, but not want to hurt your feelings so she doesn't want to come off too strong.

In fact a lot of woman cause more problems then they solve by worrying too much about the guy's emotions. If a guy likes them and they just want to be friends, instead of saying so and potentially hurting his feelings the girl will sometimes act crazy instead. Some girls instead of rejecting you, will act mean and avoidant. They think it will be easier for you if you decide you don't like her yourself instead of getting rejected. Or perhaps instead of doing it for your sake, they can't force themselves to flat out reject you because they don't want to see you hurt and its easier to just act cruel and or avoidant. I've had girls behave this way towards me. The problem is that the guy still feels rejected, but now feels extra hurt because a friendship has been ruined and it just plain sucks to be treated badly. If these girls could stop thinking about emotions for a little bit and think practically they would realize this.

Because the girl is worried about getting the guys emotions at the right level to match her emotional commitment she will say things that contradict what she really wants to do. For the example above. The girl may like being friends with the guy. So she will probably enjoy hanging out with him and the guy will notice. So the guy doesn't understand why she seems to enjoy being around him, but at the same time the girl is acting like she hates him. Some girls seem to fail to realize that guys are also capable of sensing the girls emotions. Its very difficult for them to sucessfully play the games they sometimes play. I don't think confusion is their desired result, but the guy gets confused because of the difference between what his emotional senses tell him and what the girl says.

Oh, but the opposite stereotype is the emotionless guy who flat out rejects a girl with no sympathy because he's thinking about doing what he needs to do when he should be thinking of her emotions and be a little kinder in his rejection.

Again this is an overgeneralization. I've seen guys do the "mind games" thing and girls do the "cold emotionless" thing.

I have had girlfriends who were really bad. They were clearly irritated, and so I would ask whats wrong and they would respond with "nothing. you wouldnt care/get it anyways" or just a simple "nothing". Bugged me to all shit, so now, when put in that situation (and I'm not saying if I really think something big is going on and they're afraid to talk about it...I only do this when the "nothing" becomes constant and for every little problem) I just say okay and walk away like nothings wrong. It tends to get them even more angry, but when they bring it up, I just tell them calmly that they said nothing was wrong, and I have no reason to doubt them

yes, its a bit of manipulation on my part. But its only used as antimanipulation strategy. Now, I try to bring it up at a good (read: not fighting) time, and if that doesnt work, I run. I run far and fast.

And women always wonder why men control the world...

It's because they can't even get along with themselves long enough to try and take over.

At least men can present a united front...