NationStates Jolt Archive

Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
It could be any holiday, even Festivus.

Here's part of one I wrote.

Santa shot Jesus in the head
Now ole' Christ is good and dead

Theres a 10 year old out there crying his eyes out because you stole his song.

I think you better go and say sorry.

Once on Christmas eve,
Chuck norris said to me,
if santa doesnt give you lots of joy,
roundhouse kick him and take his bag of toys...

Theres a 10 year old out there crying his eyes out because you stole his song.

I think you better go and say sorry.
Do you hear that? It's the sound of the world's smallest violin playing just for him.

The best one's already been written ...

Hey there Mr. Muslim, Merry Fuckin' Christmas
Put down that book 'The Koran'
and hear some holiday wishes.
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim Ass
And fuckin' celebrate.

:D

Okay here's my attempt at writing a Holiday song. I call it, 'Xmasman'.

Enjoy.


Colours light the city night,
Consumers rushing left and right,
Haemorrhaging cash and gold credit cards,
All in the name of someone else's Lard.

Xmasman, Xmasman, winding your way
From the sporting goods section to the depths of eBay.

Harken ye children there's things to be bought,
And in the Consumerite web we're all caught,
Haemorrhaging moneys nonsensically so,
The good Lard doth smile upon the spending of dough

Xmasman, Xmasman, he'll light the way
From Tierra Del Fuego to north of Gaspé.

The tinsel-topped trees all covered in garlands,
Sweet little oranges imported from far lands,
Turkeys and ham-shanks, cranberries and gravy,
In quantities so vast they could sink a whole navy.

Xmasman, Xmasman, give us this day
Affirm for us all our gluttonous ways.

Later we'll moan and we'll bitch about debt,
Later than that and we'll all soon forget,
But not before New Year's, and not before Lent,
But in-between paycheques when the money's all spent.

Xmasman, Xmasman where did you go?
Where did you go in the post-Xmas snow?

Back to the boardroom, high and away,
To strategize next year's Consumerite day,
Scheming and dreaming of bigger windfalls,
While planning to build still more shopping malls.

Xmasman, Xmasman, he's not the Lard
Best if you don't think about it too hard

Xmasman, Xmasman, buying our souls
In the bakery section by the cinammon rolls.

Jingle Bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost its wheel
And the Joker got away, hey!

It's Christmas Eve and I've only wrapped two fucking presents...

(Pretty well sums it up really)

Been there done that - didn't you know? I wrote 'Holiday' by Green Day. All me. No-one else. Honest.

<_< >_>

Eh? Eh? See what I did there? Holiday? Anyone? Yeah you know it :D

I wrote this when I was a teenager 'cause I was fed up with happy cheerful Christmas poetry. Before you say, I know it's rubbish. Ahem:

It was the night before Christmas, the doorbell rang,
Outside the house, the church choir sang.
My wife opened the door to let them into our home,
But three men came in and asked 'Are you alone?'
She answered 'Yes', perhaps out of fear,
And the men moved on, after knocking her clear.
As they walked through the lounge, I tiptoed downstairs,
My wife lay unconscious, blood flowing and a blank stare.
As one man turned around, I feared for my life,
'But I must act quickly if I am to save my wife'.
The man turned back, and they walked towards my daughter and niece,
So I picked up the telephone and dialled 999 - ambulance and police.
'Come with us,' said one man. 'No.' my niece said,
So he pulled out a gun, and shot her dead.
My daughter gasped 'What have you done, this can't be true',
And with another pull of the trigger, he shot her too.
My daughter screamed out, then took one more breath,
As she collapsed to the ground, I feared this was her death.
The men ran away when the police now arrived,
A doctor ran to my daughter - 'This one's alive!'

A few hours later, the doctor turned away from the hospital bed,
He looked deeply troubled, and I noticed sweat poured from his head.
With sad eyes and a slow voice, he opened his mouth and said,
'I'm sorry. We did all we can, sir. I'm afraid your daughter is dead'.

It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature now stirred, not even a mouse.

Been there done that - didn't you know? I wrote 'Holiday' by Green Day. All me. No-one else. Honest.

<_< >_>

Eh? Eh? See what I did there? Holiday? Anyone? Yeah you know it :D

Wrote it eh .. It's nothing to be proud of :p

Wrote it eh .. It's nothing to be proud of :p

:eek: How can you say that? It may not be the best song on the album, but it's still a good song.

Christmas bills, Christmas bills
Lying on the floor
Everyday the mailman comes
Just to deliver a thousand more, hey!

Hitler the Nazi Leader (leader)
had a very brilliant plan (like a light bulb)
and if you ever saw him (saw him)
you would say that he's the man

then one foggy nazi eve
himmler came to say:
"hitler with your plan so foolish,
where the hell are all the jewish?"

On the first day of May Day, my true love gave to me:

1 - A stateless, classless society
2 - two revolutions
3 - three years of class war
4 - four looted rings
5 - five scorched mansions!
6 - six collectivized Starbucks
7 - seven hammers and sickles
8 - eight fleeing capitalists
9 - nine flaming walmarts
10 - ten goals of Marx
11 - eleven strikers striking
12 - twelve molotov cocktails

On the first day of May Day, my true love gave to me:

1 - A stateless, classless society
2 - two revolutions
3 - three years of class war
4 - four looted rings
5 - five scorched mansions!
6 - six collectivized Starbucks
7 - seven hammers and sickles
8 - eight fleeing capitalists
9 - nine flaming walmarts
10 - ten goals of Marx
11 - eleven strikers striking
12 - twelve molotov cocktails
I think you need to phrase that as a song, not as a shopping list.