NationStates Jolt Archive

Your humor for the day... scientific, non-partisan, and irrelevant...

http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i3/kansas.html

Barring the acquisition of either a Kansas-sized pancake or a pancake-sized Kansas, mathematical techniques are needed to do a proper comparison. Some readers may find the comparing of a pancake and Kansas to be analogous to the comparing of apples and oranges; we refer those readers to a 1995 publication by NASA’s Scott Sandford 3, who used spectrographic techniques to do a comparison of apples and oranges.

So, if you walk to the edge of Kansas, you fall into the abyss?

So, if you walk to the edge of Kansas, you fall into the abyss?
Yeah, but we prefer to call it Missouri.

Yeah, but we prefer to call it Missouri.

Yeah, but since Missouri has, you know, actual hills here and there, it's not terribly hard to climb back out of the abyss, at which point you'll discover that you have magically regained your ability to evolve, which should be cause for celebration. :p

Yeah, but since Missouri has, you know, actual hills here and there, it's not terribly hard to climb back out of the abyss, at which point you'll discover that you have magically regained your ability to evolve, which should be cause for celebration. :p
OT

Missouri was cool. I enjoyed visiting there. Nice countryside, and St.Louis was fun to party in. I had a great meal in Kansas City, Missouri too. Never been to the state of Kansas though. Is it true they still torture heretics there?

Wow.

OT

Missouri was cool. I enjoyed visiting there. Nice countryside, and St.Louis was fun to party in. I had a great meal in Kansas City, Missouri too. Never been to the state of Kansas though. Is it true they still torture heretics there?

They only torture 'em if they can catch 'em. Their communal decision to ban all evolution has unfortunately left them behind most humans in speed, agility, and intelligence, so you're likely to be able to get away from them without much trouble.

Did your great meal in KC involve barbecue? Because it should have. :)

So Kansas folks are now "Flatter than pancakians"? :)

So Kansas folks are now "Flatter than pancakians"? :)
Well, their heads are certainly flatter than pancakes. :p

Kansas has to be the most boring state I've ever had to go through. I don't see how people can LIVE there without going crazy.

Kansas has to be the most boring state I've ever had to go through. I don't see how people can LIVE there without going crazy.
They do go crazy. Then they move to Oklahoma. :D

Kansas may seem boring, but at least it's blessed (or cursed, rather) by interesting weather. Iowa is worst. Nothing but corn fields in all directions.

They only torture 'em if they can catch 'em. Their communal decision to ban all evolution has unfortunately left them behind most humans in speed, agility, and intelligence, so you're likely to be able to get away from them without much trouble.

Did your great meal in KC involve barbecue? Because it should have. :)
Oh hell yeah! Brisket, ribs, and some kind of sausage. I think it was called hot links or something.

As a Kansan, lemme just ring in on a few points:
1) we do have hills and we do have trees. The hills just aren't the size that every other state gets
2) Interesting weather? Definitely a curse.
3) They don't torture heretics, they just run them out of town. The coyotes take care of the rest, especially in the far West.
4) The decision to not teach evolution was by no means "communal". My entire area was in support of evolution, most of the Topeka and Wichita areas were in support of evolution....it was mainly the rural bumpkins and the right-wing freaks that did us in, and we're none too happy about it.
5) If nothing else, look at it this way: at least you guys don't have to deal with the true Kansans on this board....all you get is me and folks like [NS]Olara, who are from large cities and are world-minded. God forbid you ever break down outside of WaKeeney....it would terrify the average NSer. That's the other upside to living in Kansas; if we ever get stuck in such a situation, all we have to do is talk slow and say we're from Newton or Ark City, as we know the jargon. You guys would be goners.

Simonist']As a Kansan, lemme just ring in on a few points:
1) we do have hills and we do have trees. The hills just aren't the size that every other state gets
2) Interesting weather? Definitely a curse.
3) They don't torture heretics, they just run them out of town. The coyotes take care of the rest, especially in the far West.
4) The decision to not teach evolution was by no means "communal". My entire area was in support of evolution, most of the Topeka and Wichita areas were in support of evolution....it was mainly the rural bumpkins and the right-wing freaks that did us in, and we're none too happy about it.
5) If nothing else, look at it this way: at least you guys don't have to deal with the true Kansans on this board....all you get is me and folks like [NS]Olara, who are from large cities and are world-minded. God forbid you ever break down outside of WaKeeney....it would terrify the average NSer. That's the other upside to living in Kansas; if we ever get stuck in such a situation, all we have to do is talk slow and say we're from Newton or Ark City, as we know the jargon. You guys would be goners.

As yet another Kansan (this thread'll get us coming out of the woodwork now) I feel I should expand on some of these. Well, not so much should as I'm incredibly bored and it will waste my time.

1. If you drive out west the hills slowly progress to a level smaller than the GRAVEL every other state gets. On a side note to the driving out west, once you hit Colorado--sunflowers as far as the eye can see. Turn back to Kansas, BOOM gone. Great job there sunflower state. Woo, tangent.

2. Understatement. Oh, god, understatement.

4. The ID decision was left, by the state, to separate school boards. Out in Johnson County (where I'm from) it was shot down so fast. Then again, JC was (possibly still is) the third richest county in the US (which sucks for me since I'm broke and everything is now more expensive)... never seen such a group of people so sumarily obsessed with education. [Which is probably related.] One recurring annoyance to the people here is that we can't give enough money to our schools.

5. I don't know if you count JC a big city, but it is a suburb of one (actually, of Kansas City, Missouri rather than Kansas City, Kansas--I'll never figure out how the civic planning comittee thought that one out). And they don't get many Kansans here because the liberalism would give them an aneurism. Proud home of the Republican Party, Kansas is (as a state). As a side note, if the NSers here are capable of surviving the Republican Feedback Field over the area they'd find most Kansans openly helpful... so long as they kept their mouths shut on politics or religion... oh... right... nevermind then. ;) [Though maybe we've had separate experiences because I've never been around WaKeeney myself... at least... not while I was paying attention.]

Well, that was pointless...

[Though maybe we've had separate experiences because I've never been around WaKeeney myself... at least... not while I was paying attention.]

Well, that was pointless...
Having grown up in Nebraska, about 70 miles north of Wakeeney, and now living in Missouri, about 50 miles SE of Johnson County, I must say if I had the choice I would rather have car trouble in Wakeeney. (Which by the way I have.) I have to say that rural Kansans make Ozark Hillbillys seem sophisticated, but they have a heart of gold and put themselves out for others. Johnson County people are......well.....ah........rude, self indulgent, snooty, demanding........... Yes, rural kansas thinks history ended 2000 years ago. They don't accept modern thinking. But they do follow the "golden rule".

The funny part of that is, when it comes to agriculture, They are some of the most advanced. They use equipment and techniques that make farmers here in Missouri look like Amish. They are also some of the most literate people in the world. I never met an illiterate person til I moved to the KC area. They just have this split between education that benefits business and education that has social, personal beliefs overtones.

Kansans are really a facinating people.

As yet another Kansan (this thread'll get us coming out of the woodwork now) I feel I should expand on some of these. Well, not so much should as I'm incredibly bored and it will waste my time.

1. If you drive out west the hills slowly progress to a level smaller than the GRAVEL every other state gets. On a side note to the driving out west, once you hit Colorado--sunflowers as far as the eye can see. Turn back to Kansas, BOOM gone. Great job there sunflower state. Woo, tangent.

2. Understatement. Oh, god, understatement.

4. The ID decision was left, by the state, to separate school boards. Out in Johnson County (where I'm from) it was shot down so fast. Then again, JC was (possibly still is) the third richest county in the US (which sucks for me since I'm broke and everything is now more expensive)... never seen such a group of people so sumarily obsessed with education. [Which is probably related.] One recurring annoyance to the people here is that we can't give enough money to our schools.

5. I don't know if you count JC a big city, but it is a suburb of one (actually, of Kansas City, Missouri rather than Kansas City, Kansas--I'll never figure out how the civic planning comittee thought that one out). And they don't get many Kansans here because the liberalism would give them an aneurism. Proud home of the Republican Party, Kansas is (as a state). As a side note, if the NSers here are capable of surviving the Republican Feedback Field over the area they'd find most Kansans openly helpful... so long as they kept their mouths shut on politics or religion... oh... right... nevermind then. ;) [Though maybe we've had separate experiences because I've never been around WaKeeney myself... at least... not while I was paying attention.]

Well, that was pointless...

Don't know which part of Johnson County you're from, but in MY district there was a huge debate over the whole thing. There were plenty of parents that didn't want it taken out. Ergo, yeah, I know eveyrthing you were totally going for in points 3 [edit: 4, actually....it seems you skipped 3] AND 5, plus I'm well-enough versed in the Western and Southern regions of the state (having spent enough time in both, between college and summer jobs) to know about point 1.

Johnson County people are......well.....ah........rude, self indulgent, snooty, demanding.......
....Despite my overwhelming urge to strike this down, I find it far too close to the general truth....damn.