NationStates Jolt Archive

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?

I would hope those last couple would be fair game in most relationships.

Unless you appear in the porn...

"honey, thats not me...look, it says right there 'uncredited male #3'...have you ever known me not to take credit?"

I dont get cheating...

If you are with a person I would think you were with him or her because you think he or she is THE PERSON you want to be with and not some "second choise" you know.
If you are with a person I would think you think that person is the one you love and want to be with.

If it's a sexual thing then you should talk to your partner and do some new stuff to make it fresh but if you have done all that you can to freshen your partnership and it does not work you should go your own ways and agree to and then change partners not cheat.

Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?

Um, I would like to say that porn is something every normal guy looks at, unless she specifically says that she doesn’t want you doing it then no I don’t believe it is unfaithful.

Fantasizing it something everyone does, just keep it to yourself, don’t let it become a deluded reality of your own brain, and try not to do it.
i know that not thinking about it goes something like this :headbang:
:)

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?Not as faithful as I'd like to be, I think..
Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless? My partner would know about it. It's one thing to have sex with some random person, it's another entirely to do it behind the back of someone who trusts you.
Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone? Depends. To me there's a huge difference between thinking someone's hot & liking someone's personality. The former isn't a big deal to me, but the latter is a relationship ender.
Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness? Again, It's not something I'd keep secret.
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?Heh, I don't see how it's possible not to fantasize about others. And no, I don't consider it cheating. Say hello to the thought police from me though.

i'm in a long-distance relationship at the moment and this sort of thing hasn't really been a topic of discussion yet... so i guess i can answer for myself but i realise i may well be treading on eggshells/shooting myself in the foot here :eek: :p


Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
not without the knowledge of my partner, no, but i would consider seeing others at the moment. but it depends on what you mean by "seeing" others: sex or one-night stands, yeah. to have a whole other (potentially or actually) meaningful relationship with someone i would consider kinda unfaithful.
not much chance of me having sex though in my current situation, so i guess it doesn't apply too much to me :p



Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
don't know, depends on the intention. if its harmless flirting (some people just do it all the time without realising) then sure, whatever. if its flirting (or more) with the intention of 'seduction', i'd rather she didn't do it when i was there :p
i've been told i do it a bit unintentionally (without realising) so i suppose i can't have any real problems with it (or much choice seeing how i don't realise...)
i'd probably feel more comfortable with any situation like this (and be more able/more comfortable answering hypothetical question on it if we had some ground rules here...)

Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
no. porn is porn, its pixels and dots on a screen to satisfy sexual urges. it means nothing compared to what two people in a relationship have with each other
if she (or myself for that matter) descended into the world of porn for her/my satisfaction all the bloody time i might twig something's not going quite right in the bedroom, but other than that a bit of porn every now and then must be healthy ;)

Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?
can't really stop yourself being attracted to others, but you can stop yourself fantasizing about others... but again, no real problems there for me. i'd be quite happy to as long as i know it doesn't or can't go any further than that (assuming fantasizing about someone you know IRL and not movie stars...)

i basically don't really mind what i do/she does as long as it doesn't jeopardise what we have (and that we have appropriate mechanisms for trust). being open about things - like 'seeing' other people, porn (i have a porn stash *admits*), unfulfilled sexual desires or one's fantasies - i feel would be best. people are irrational, have fantasies and urges, and sometimes they aren't about your partner, but you have to work together and do what you can to stop those building up into frustration. sometimes that'll mean being "grown up" and trusting enough to be open with one another and have a open relationship (being able to sleep with other people when it doesn't mean anything).
i don't really know, i'm ranting and probably talking complete bullshit in the opinion of those who have experience in these matters :p
but just to clarify, reason why i talked a lot about what she does is cos the same applies to me, and the only real way of seeing what would be ok for me to do is to put myself in her shoes... or visa versa... ah you know what i mean :headbang:

I consider myself to be very faithful.

No, I wouldn't consider seeing others.
There's nothing wrong with flirting though. I actually sometimes do it without knowing it. As long as it's just idle chitchat and clever banter.
I would not consider porn cheating. My ladyfriend already knows I look at porn, though.
I do fantasize sometimes, but I kow it's unrealistic. It's not cheating, as long as nothing ends up happening.

It's not cheating if you do it standing up.

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful? All dodgy.
There's no point cheating in a relationship - you just need to wait a while and your partner will most likely do it first.:)

Um, I would like to say that porn is something every normal guy looks at, unless she specifically says that she doesn’t want you doing it then no I don’t believe it is unfaithful.

I have to take some issue with the "every normal guy" part. I know quite a few guys who don't particularly like porn for one reason or another. I don't think that one's appreciation or lack of appreciation of porn has much to do with whether one is a "normal" guy. Different people like different things, regardless of what popular stereotypes say.

As for the original question, I think the key as to whether one's porn stash makes them in any way unfaithful lies not in any objective standard or what any outside party thinks but what the specific person you're involved with thinks. If your partner knows and doesn't mind, of course it's not being unfaithful. If you feel the need to keep it a secret from your significant other, one can presume that you think your S.O. will be unhappy with you if he/she finds out. If you are doing something that you know would make your S.O. unhappy, you're being, if not unfaithful, at least kind of a jerk. And even the most forgiving partner might be at least a little annoyed if you say one thing and do another. I certainly was never upset to know guys I was dating owned and watched porn, but I might well have been rather irritated if they had told me, "I don't need porn - I have you!" and then I'd caught them jerking off to bosomy blondes with boob jobs the next day. Honesty = good.

As for everything else - same deal, really. If your partner knows and doesn't object, you're doing fine. If your partner knows and does object, you're not. If your partner doesn't know and would object if he/she did, you're not. As long as everyone is being honest and respecting each other's feelings, it's all good. I personally wouldn't flirt even remotely seriously with someone if I was involved with someone else and would never even consider doing more than flirting, and I'd be (and have been) furious and hurt if someone I was dating did so - but I've always made that clear from day one and let it be known that if he doesn't want to conform to those expectations, he shouldn't be dating me, because we'll both end up unhappy.

... I know quite a few guys who don't particularly like porn for one reason or another...

Those guys are lying to you. They like porn.

Those guys are lying to you. They like porn.
A truism if ever there was one.

Those guys are lying to you. They like porn.

Heh. That may well be true in some cases, but in others, I can't come up with any reason whatsoever they would bother lying about it. A notable example would be the male friend who is dating a girl who's actually been featured in half a dozen professional pornographic movies and who owns a vast collection of movies and pictures of her porn star friends. He has frequently bemoaned the fact that he simply doesn't find said pornographic materials the least bit interesting, since she'd love it if he did. That seems like it would be an extremely stupid lie, really. :p

Heh. That may well be true in some cases, but in others, I can't come up with any reason whatsoever they would bother lying about it. A notable example would be the male friend who is dating a girl who's actually been featured in half a dozen professional pornographic movies and who owns a vast collection of movies and pictures of her porn star friends. He has frequently bemoaned the fact that he simply doesn't find said pornographic materials the least bit interesting, since she'd love it if he did. That seems like it would be an extremely stupid lie, really. :p

Ah... I see. He is the exception that proves the rule. He is that rare person that has porn fatigue. He's just plain porned out.

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?In a past relationship I was unfaithful, but in my current one of almost 6 years I've been monogamous.

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless? If you mean simply going out to lunch or something, yes. I've done it. (I also mean others as in potential partners/sexual partners.) If you mean sex, no, the guilt I had last time pretty much means I will never cheat again.

Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone? I've flirted, but cybersex/phone sex are no nos.

Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?No. If my partner had one and I found out, I wouldn't consider that to be unfaithful, though depending on what it is I might find it to be creepy.

Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?Yes, I do, and I wouldn't say it's unfaithful.

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
Without a partner's consent, I would call it unfaithful. The consent can be explicit ("you can sleep with so-and-so") or implicit ("I don't mind if you sleep with other people") but there has to be consent, otherwise it's dishonest and showing no respect for the person you are supposed to care about's feelings.

Personally, I wouldn't consider it at all just because it's not something I would want. Whether I'd be able to give that consent... I don't know. It's easy enough for me to say yes, I'd be fine with it, but in reality I think I might be too insecure to deal with that. It wouldn't be anything to do with feeling betrayed, but it damaging my self-esteem. I really can't know what effect it would have on me unless it happened.

Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
I wouldn't flirt with the intention of it going anywhere but I enjoy harmlessly flirting (playful banter, that kinda thing) and don't see anything unfaithful about it.

Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
No, and if my partner had a collection of porn I really could not care less.

Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?
I don't really see anything wrong with fantasizing about other people. They're just fantasies. A lot of my fantasies I want to keep as fantasies, so it makes more sense not to mix with them the reality of a relationship I'm in.

I suppose the only ground rule for me is being open about things. Anything else is up for discussion.

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?

I see my friends and people from work after work; my fiance knows my friends and knows of my coworkers. I don't feel I need to ask permission or inform him of every little cup of coffee I have, but if I'm going to dinner with a friend I'll mention it.

As people who know me from #nationstates_general know well, I am a very huggy person online, but it goes no further than that. I don't feel the need to flirt or cyber with someone else.

I don't consider porn unfaithful. I would consider an addiction to it, perhaps, unhealthy.

Fantasies being unfaithful? Are you kidding?! :-D Anyone who says they don't fantasize is probably not telling the truth. Besides, I assume that if I have fantasies, so does he. ;) Don't ask, don't tell.... or better yet, SHARE! :)

porn is something every normal guy looks at, unless she specifically says that she doesn’t want you doing it

My opinion is this: unless the porn is being used to the point where the woman is feeling ignored, it's not anyone's place to try to regulate someone else's behavior.

If the woman feels she IS being ignored and the porn takes first place, she should explain that.

If he does not choose to change, and she is not happy, she should go elsewhere. This BS of telling ones partner what to do is simply that: BS. If neither person cares enough about the other to take their feelings into account on matters, they should not be together.

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?

Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?
Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?
Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?
Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?

I think seeing others is wrong...but an internet sexcapade is legal...so long as there are no long term engagements.

i would not cheat. ever. even if there was no chance of being caught, no harm to be done, nothing at all, i am with my girlfriend to be with my girlfriend. not to be with anybody else. if your girlfirend leaves you wanting to cheat, then you need to either change your attitude or find a better girlfriend.

My opinion is this: unless the porn is being used to the point where the woman is feeling ignored, it's not anyone's place to try to regulate someone else's behavior.

If the woman feels she IS being ignored and the porn takes first place, she should explain that.

If he does not choose to change, and she is not happy, she should go elsewhere. This BS of telling ones partner what to do is simply that: BS. If neither person cares enough about the other to take their feelings into account on matters, they should not be together.

since i've been with my girlfriend, i've completely given up on porn. i was sorta semi-pornless before that too, but not completely, and i'm rather glad that i am now. now that i think about it, it's kinda weird though, cuz we're not even doing anything that could be filmed and sold as porn. so how does that sooth my craving for naked boobies?

i think, having thought about and discussed the issues of this thread with her, the definition of "cheat" is really quite subjective - just look at the differences in opinion displayed in this thread...

so i can now defiantly say, i would not cheat as per my g/f's understanding/definition of the term.
and thats what really matters - coming to an agreement over where the 'line' is, and both agreeing not to cross it. i happily agree on that :)

i think, having thought about and discussed the issues of this thread with her, the definition of "cheat" is really quite subjective - just look at the differences in opinion displayed in this thread...

so i can now defiantly say, i would not cheat as per my g/f's understanding/definition of the term.
and thats what really matters - coming to an agreement over where the 'line' is, and both agreeing not to cross it. i happily agree on that :)

Bingo...

Just how faitful are you/would you be in a relationship?

Completely, totally and without reserves. Faithful to my death.


Would you consider seeing others, without the knowledge of your partner, even if it was completely harmless?

Not if there was anything flirtatious going on; if there was, I'd tell my partner as much, and make it very clear to the third party I'm not open for flirtation. If said third party kept trying to seduce me or had a behaviour I might deem inappropriate, I'd stop seeing him.


Would you consider indirect means, like flirting (or more) on the internet or telephone?

Nope. I may occasionnally be known to flirt jokingly, but only with people I know would never be really interested in going out with me. Ambiguity is looking for trouble.


Would you regard a collection of porn your partner doesn't know about but that you enjoy on a regular basis as an act of unfaithfulness?

Nope, because my partner would be notified of the existence of my porn collection, and that my partner has no right to restrict my thoughts or fantasies. Being unfaithful involves acting upon an object of desire other than your partner; simply being attracted to or having a fantasy for another is not an act of unfaithfulness as long as you remain true to your partner.

That, and porn does not hug you when you come back from work. It doesn't give you a massage when your back muscles are sore. It doesn't have feelings and doesn't constitute a threat to a healthy couple as long as it is not abused and doesn't replace the sex life between the two partners.


Would you fantasize about others? And would that be being unfaithful?
Yes I would, and no it wouldn't, for reasons exposed just above. I'd rather have a partner that watches porn and jacks off than have a partner who doesn't and flirt with others. The chances I'll get ditched for the porn flick are considerably thinner than the chances I'll be ditched for another human being.

Me... in a relationship?

I think I can safely exclude myself from the validity of this thread. ;)

Bingo...
:)
this is not a one-smilie post. see? no spamming here... move along now...nothing to see here....

[/own little world]