NationStates Jolt Archive

WARNING: ALL ADVICE IN THIS THREAD IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOUROUS AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. ANY AND ALL BAD ADVICE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IS NOT THE FAULT OF ANY AND ALL POSTERS IN THIS THREAD.

-Want to get out of a parking ticket? Just shoot the meter maid!

-Black shoe polish makes an excellent stain remover!

-Against the Israeli occupation? Just join HAMAS and become a suicide bomber!

-Wearing black and maroon striped shirts is the ultimate fashion statement!

-Hit your head against a wall repeatly when some one tells you not to!

-All "wet paint" and "high voltage" signs are a farce.

Add your own, comment, etc.

Apple pie satisfies the most.

Excuse me Zexland? Did you purposefully rip off the "Ask Rotovia: Bad Advice Thread" or just fail to sufficiantly credit him for all his glory?

-Dr Rotovia

nationstates does not prevent studying. its 100% non-addicting...

-Bullets bounce right off you if you're wearing a bank robbing outfit!

-Slurping hot coffee is good for you!

-Girls LOVE it when you vomit in their cars!

Excuse me Zexland? Did you purposefully rip off the "Ask Rotovia: Bad Advice Thread" or just fail to sufficiantly credit him for all his glory?

-Dr Rotovia

Rotovia is a real medical doctor. Take his words like words from God. He is infallible. He is devine.

Rotovia is God.

Rotovia is a real medical doctor. Take his words like words from God. He is infallible. He is devine.

Rotovia is God.
The man's got a point, he made out with Fass afterall!

Excuse me Zexland? Did you purposefully rip off the "Ask Rotovia: Bad Advice Thread" or just fail to sufficiantly credit him for all his glory?

-Dr Rotovia

This thread is completely and totally unrelated to any and all threads started by Rotovia and I have no prior knowledge of them.

End-of-term exams are optional. As are all classes leading up to aforementioned exams. Go to the cafe and make merry, young students.

(That's been my technique through college. So far, so good.....guess that's what you get when you're really only in the class to provide opposition to the majority views *cough*'specially Poli Sci*cough*)

The man's got a point, he made out with Fass afterall!
You're jealous, arn't you?

Bank-robbing is not a crime and banks LIKE it when you take their money because they always feel they have too much of it.

Rotovia is a real medical doctor.

Oh, please. He's about much as a doctor as Dr. Dre.

Oh, please. He's about much as a doctor as Dr. Dre.

Dr. Dre is a doctor. thats why they call him "doctor" dre. duh... :p

If ever caught in a Star Trek movie, be sure to wear a red shirt.

I've managed to convince someone that Stop signs with white borders are optional.

If ever caught in a Star Trek movie, be sure to wear a red shirt.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.
In the original Star Trek, the Redshirts were the extras that always got killed on away missions.

Being not a Trekkie, it pains me that I clicked that "Reply With Quote" button at such a speed.....

I blame my sister. Yeah. My sister.

ETA:
Oh, the stop sign thing reminded me....we were driving around on the Plaza (if you've been to KC and driven the Plaza (which most of you haven't) you may already know where this is going) and I jokingly told my friend that because of the layouts of all the One Way signs, all the "good" parking garages were quite well hidden from the public, and you had to really time it well and avoid the cops to get into them. Apparently, the next time he was down there, he got a huge fine for cruising around the wrong way for, in his words, "quite some time" before getting caught and realizing how TOTALLY full of crap I am.

This might be why I have more credibility in internet forums than IRL.....

This thread is completely and totally unrelated to any and all threads started by Rotovia and I have no prior knowledge of them.
*Maddox styled round house to the face*

That's how we take copyright in Australia!

You're jealous, arn't you?
A little. I hear is cock is so huge he has to hire a dozen midgets to carry it around...:(

I don't get it.
It's a Trekkie thing... Most of us laughed in private...

A little. I hear is cock is so huge he has to hire a dozen midgets to carry it around...:(
:eek: So Fass is like a Scandinavian Onyx-of-sorts?

*Maddox styled round house to the face*

That's how we take copyright in Australia!

Ow!

*Recieves 134 points of damage*

Don't do that, or I'll use my ultimate weapon! *Takes out dictionary and shows it menacingly to everyone.*

Oh, please. He's about much as a doctor as Dr. Dre.
Firstly, Dr Dre has a PhD in Yo Mamma!ology. Secondly, I'm so much a Dr that just looking at me turns you into a neurosurgeon... so far I haven't found a way to use that for any helpful purpose...

Firstly, Dr Dre has a PhD in Yo Mamma!ology. Secondly, I'm so much a Dr that just looking at me turns you into a neurosurgeon... so far I haven't found a way to use that for any helpful purpose...

That's it! YOU HAVE INCURRED MY WRATH! KKKKAAAAAY-YYYYYYYYAAAAAH!

*Takes out and reads from dictionary*

*Rotovia writhes in pain, suffering 58 points of spelling damage.*

A little. I hear is cock is so huge he has to hire a dozen midgets to carry it around...:(

Not quite a dozen, but close to it.

-Make sure to call your girlfriend mom!

-Kicking people in the shins is a beloved greeting in most countries.

-Yelling out your need to go to the bathroom is not only socially accepted, but appealing too!

-Always answer questions with a long made up story about pickles that doesn't have any thing to do with the question.

-Kicking vending machines for free drinks is a great idea!

ALWAYS bump threads long forgotten on NS general!

1. Always flip police officers and yell obscenities out your window as you speed past them.
2. When too drunk to walk, drive. It's less complicated than heel-toe, heel-toe.
3. Ask your parents to borrow $1000 dollars after wrecking their brand new car.
4. Ask a nun if she would like to have wild, kinky sex with you in the name of satan.
5. Swallow every household chemical you can find and wash it down with motor oil.

5. Swallow every household chemical you can find and wash it down with motor oil.

Wait, if motor oil is considered a household chemical, do you wash it with motor oil?

Lots of milk + warm booze = good idea.

Showcasing your OCD tendencies is a good way of demonstrating to the boss that you really care.

Your ex wants to hear from you at 4 AM, because when you are drunk and exhausted, you are at your most sincere.

Simonist']Being not a Trekkie, it pains me that I clicked that "Reply With Quote" button at such a speed.....

I blame my sister. Yeah. My sister.
I remember that sister. She's also the one who hid her porn and cocaine supply in the lock box under your bed and then quite fiendishly slipped the only key to open the box into your wallet for your parents to find.

Let the salesman be your guide as to how much car you can afford.

On Tuesdays, end every sentence with the word "Fucko", but with no added emphasis.

Joke with police about how you could probably grab their gun faster than they could stop you.

Street prostitutes are a safe, relaxing way to satisfy your urges.

It is unlawful for airport security to detain you for faithfully serving your God, but you must announce your rights loudly, beforehand.

It is okay to ask your wife for permission to sleep with another woman, so long as you name the woman specifically, provide a detailed list of reasons why you want to have sex with her, and explicitly agree to abide by your wife's decision.

Odd growths on your body are just your organs making backup copies. Don't bother your physician with this kind of thing.

Crest Campaign in England.
Brush Your Teeth With Our New Sugar and Stone Paste for a Litle Better Smile.
No Teeth is Better Then Some or Brown.

Drink Cola For Stronger Bones.

Want to Save Money? Drink Sea Water.

Need Money? Kill Grand Ma and Grand Pa and Then Move on to Ma and Da.
Your Set For Life Either Way.
nasty I know.

Lame I Guess

Wait, if motor oil is considered a household chemical, do you wash it with motor oil?

I've never considered motor oil to be a household chemical, but if you do then wash it down with gasoline or whatever you want to wash it down with.

Let the salesman be your guide as to how much car you can afford.

On Tuesdays, end every sentence with the word "Fucko", but with no added emphasis.

Joke with police about how you could probably grab their gun faster than they could stop you.

Street prostitutes are a safe, relaxing way to satisfy your urges.

It is unlawful for airport security to detain you for faithfully serving your God, but you must announce your rights loudly, beforehand.

It is okay to ask your wife for permission to sleep with another woman, so long as you name the woman specifically, provide a detailed list of reasons why you want to have sex with her, and explicitly agree to abide by your wife's decision.

Odd growths on your body are just your organs making backup copies. Don't bother your physician with this kind of thing.

LOL! Funny! You win at life!

LOL! Funny! You win at life!

Everytime you say that, a kitten masturbates.

Everytime you say that, a kitten masturbates.

If I could lick myself, I'd do it. But I'd use a condom, because my wife says that it tastes too salty.

If I could lick myself, I'd do it. But I'd use a condom, because my wife says that it tastes too salty.

Quite enough.

Quite enough.

Great, over 400 posts, and the first time I say something sincere, I'm reproached.

Well, I am sorry...

Seriously, though, yeah, sorry.

Great, over 400 posts, and the first time I say something sincere, I'm reproached.

Well, I am sorry...

Seriously, though, yeah, sorry.

Sorry.

To be taken seriously on NS General, you must have at least 1,000 posts, and a credible street rep.

Dog.

I convinced a ROTC cadet that government surgeons would come to her house remove a part of her brain to make her more easy to control. Took another 45 minutes to make her stop crying and see that I was just kidding. Either that or those surgeons already got to her.


Washing your penis with gasoline is a sure fire way to prevent all STD's.

Pink insulation tastes just like cotton candy.

To be taken seriously on NS General, you must have at least 1,000 posts, and a credible street rep.
Alternately, saying something that is blatantly sarcastic that obviously contradicts an earlier statement that sort of made sense will convince everyone in the Universe that you really do think Catholicism is perfect in everyway and has never facilitated oppression of any sort.
Dog.
I see your dog, and raise you an otter.

Alternately, saying something that is blatantly sarcastic that obviously contradicts an earlier statement that sort of made sense will convince everyone in the Universe that you really do think Catholicism is perfect in everyway and has never facilitated oppression of any sort.
.

wait...what? I dont' get it...

Also, my toe hurts.

Alternately, saying something that is blatantly sarcastic that obviously contradicts an earlier statement that sort of made sense will convince everyone in the Universe that you really do think Catholicism is perfect in everyway and has never facilitated oppression of any sort.


Indeed.


I see your dog, and raise you an otter.

I raise a Fass.

wait...what? I dont' get it...
Whenever you make a joke on NS without practically screaming from the rooftops that you are "j/k", some tool is bound to take you seriously and try to start a debate on it. Example:
SOME D00D: Religion is bad.
ME: Damn straight! The only way to prevent religious wars is to declare war on religion. It's about time we persecute some tolerance into those bigotted oppressors! Tolerance by fire, that's the ticket!
SOME OTHER D00D: HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST KILLING CHRISTIANS! THAT IS MEAN AND YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR *blah, blah, blah*
THIRD D00D: I think he was being sarcastic.

I raise a Fass.
I'll see your Fass, and raise a Hasselhoff.

I see your Hasselhoff and raise you Dan Rather.


With Demi Moore as colateral.

I see your Hasselhoff and raise you Dan Rather.


With Demi Moore as colateral.

Fold.

I see your Hasselhoff and raise you Dan Rather.


With Demi Moore as colateral.

Dude...No.

A million Dan Rather's are worth one Fass.

Get your exchange rates right.

Dude...No.

A million Dan Rather's are worth one Fass.

Get your exchange rates right.
And one Hasselhoff is worth 2.71828183 Fass', so you're still behind.

When's the last time you checked the Homosexual Stock exchange?

When's the last time you checked the Homosexual Stock exchange?

They have to trade on a separate exchange now? Man, this discrimination blows...

They have to trade on a separate exchange now? Man, this discrimination blows...

Of course. There are only so many qualified homosexuals in the world these days.

-If you visit China, be sure to wear your Japan Rocks t-shirt.

-If you invent a device that lets you stab someone in the face through the internet, don't try to mass-produce and sell it.

-Be sure to make a great entrance to a party by shooting at the roof with a shotgun as you walk in.

-Sticking your hand in a pot of hot coffee solves more problems then it creates...

-Attacking feminism will ensure that you get laid...

-The idea that falling of a ten-story building will result in your death is propaganda put out by the New World Order...

-Everyone can out-drive the cops in a car chase, it is so easy...

-Now is a good time to join the U.S. Military...

-Buy Star Wars episode II...

-Now is the time to visit the Middle East...

-Don’t worry about your credit card debts, that new law passed by Congress will help you…

I don't get it.

That's just embarassing. There's a thread about who the best mathmetician is not far from here, and you don't know about red shirts and star trek?

remove yourself from nationstates. you're not geek enough :D

Gangsta rappers like it when you sleep with their pregnant married sisters.

If you want to succeed in life, get pregnant when your 15.

When being sentenced by a judge, yell "Is that all you got, bitch?"

When you get drunk and bang a fat chick, tell all your friends. They will appreciate your honesty and never mention it again.

If you buy drugs, and think they are bunk, take it to the police, they will test it for you.

No matter what, when you see a hole in the wall, stick your penis in it.

The best defense when someone pulls a gun on you is to spit in their face and call their mom a whore.

Dentists are not very smart. When your tooth hurts, get an 18 volt cordless drill and go to town. It doesn't hurt.

No matter what, when you see a hole in the wall, stick your penis in it.
Why wait to find a hole? It is an even better plan to make the hole in random walls and then shove your penis through. The people on the other side are always hot women who will appreciate having some stranger thrust his genitals at them through a wall.

Gangsta rappers like it when you sleep with their pregnant married sisters.
Married?

Married?
Yeah, marriage. That's the thing where a man in a funny robe makes you promise not to stick your penis in other people while you are sticking your penis in this one woman who you gave a round bit of metal to.

Yeah, marriage. That's the thing where a man in a funny robe makes you promise not to stick your penis in other people while you are sticking your penis in this one woman who you gave a round bit of metal to.
No, I mean the gangster rapper's pregnant sisters are married?

When going trick'or'treating in mostly black neighborhoods, a ghost costume gets the most candy. Just throw a white sheet over you with eye holes and you are a scary ghost!

That's just embarassing. There's a thread about who the best mathmetician is not far from here, and you don't know about red shirts and star trek?

remove yourself from nationstates. you're not geek enough :D

You'll NEVER silence me! You can not fathom my awesome-AAAAAHHHH! WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!! OW! OW! STOP HITTING ME!

*gets thrown out*

Fine! I'll go start my OWN forum! With, uh, blackjack! And hookers! in fact, forget the whole forum thing anyway!

-Looking animals in the eye and showing your teeth is the best way to communicate with them.

-Always make sure your friends don't get sarcasm: They love to learn it the hard way.

When you're constipated, eat lots of cheese.

Eat the yellow snow.

Call the IRS, give them your name and Tax ID, then ask if hookers and beer are allowable business deductions.

Spray-paint obscene words on the front windows of the police station.

Disrespect an outlaw biker's Colors.

Walk into a bar full of Marines and yell "Jarheads suck swabbie cocks." They love it when you do that...

If you need extra Christmas cash, just borrow it from your 401K

Get a credit card, make sure you keep your FICO score perfect

It's a conspiracy with the motor oil companies that you need to change your oil, just let it stay in there and hose off your engine quarterly that way your oil doesn't get dirty

Lie to your kids about everything, they won't have to grow up ever :D

Watch "The Wall" while tripping on acid, it's less weird that way.

British policeman are pansies because they don't carry guns, grab their hat and tease them with it...

The most beautiful food cooked by the hoopiest food froods, is a Doner Kebab with extra chilli, best if you get it before it has cooked (I know it is hard to believe but some places actually cook it:eek: )

Amuse your local bank workers by running in with a sports bag wearing a motorcycle helmet and carrying a table leg in a plastic bag, they love it

whenever approaching a police or military VCP always turn your headlights to full beam and rev the Engine agressivley

-Make sure to call your girlfriend mom!
I actually know someone who does that. They've been going out for two years now...

- Get your news from CNN

Okay...Puddytat did it.

- If ever you are near a robot with the size of a planet, talk to him about life.

- If anyone asks you to join them in a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, agree wholheartedly and drink as many at a time as you have mouths.

- Feel free to leave your towel on Frogstar World B when hitchhiking the galaxy. They'll keep it safe so you can come back and get it.

Eat the yellow snow.

Ding, ding, ding!
We have a winner!

When going trick'or'treating in mostly black neighborhoods, a ghost costume gets the most candy. Just throw a white sheet over you with eye holes and you are a scary ghost!

I don't get it.:confused:

Fine! I'll go start my OWN forum! With, uh, blackjack! And hookers! in fact, forget the whole forum thing anyway!
I think you regained your nerd status right there. With honours!

Maineiacs' dating tips:

1) Girls love farts.

2) Condoms? Who needs 'em?

3) Remember ladies, it's never too early to talk about engagement.

4) Ogling the waitress is a good thing.

5) Hooters is the perfect place for a first date.

6) Make sure she knows if her dress makes her look fat. After all, you'd want to know, wouldn't you?

7) Another for the ladies: it's good etiquette to describe your ex-boyfriend's sexual prowess in great detail.

8) Only wusses bathe.

9) Don't worry, ladies, guys like not knowing what you're thinking. And yes, we can read minds.

10) Age of consent is really more of a guideline than an actual law.

For the bettors:

The Columbus Blue Jackets will win the Stanley Cup.

1. listen to the advice on this thread

2. always explain your jokes with great detail, so those who don't get it will

3. girls LOVE having sex on their first date, despite all their efforts to stop you

4. when in a synogogue, tell everyone your a nazi. you'll make instant friends

5. pretend to be a gangsta, all the "real ones" do

6. it's OK to yell out your own jokes at a stand-up comedian show

7. when in a movie, standing up and acting along with the story adds to everyone's great experience

8. actors in a play or musical don't mind your negative remarks

9. the best way to prevent babies is to stab her stomach

10. you can outrun a cop easily, because they get fat off doughnuts

11. in fact, dropping just one doughnut is more than enough to get them all off your trail

12. :) :sniper:
is the best way to take care of n00bs who write too much on forums and/ or kill jokes

-Hitting a tombstone with your car is good luck.

-A machine gun fired at full auto at the ceiling gives an aura of professionalism to your actions, do it while in an important board meeting.

-Smashing random windows with a baseball bat is a cure for cancer.

I think you regained your nerd status right there. With honours!

I was paraphrasing Bender from Futurama.

Bad advice:

Greet your roommate's girlfriend with the name of the woman he is always talking about (Laura), before he introduces her (Helen).

Bad advice:

Greet your roommate's girlfriend with the name of the woman he is always talking about (Laura), before he introduces her (Helen).

Did you do that once?;)

The first thing anyone with a new Subaru WRX should do is:

-Put a Blow Off Valve on
-Boost controller FTW
-Install an intake
-Engine Management sucks

That is all.

Edit: sorry just came back from Subaru forums. :)

-Hitting a tombstone with your car is good luck.
someone actually did that once! and it had his name on it! and he survived! his car didn't though

Ding, ding, ding!
We have a winner!

:: Bows ::

Thenk yew, thenk yew!

Gotta run with my award - I left my car running in the 'no parking' zone, blocking a fire hydrant with my wallet lying on the front seat, and the windows rolled down.

:D

:: Bows ::

Thenk yew, thenk yew!

Gotta run with my award - I left my car running in the 'no parking' zone, blocking a fire hydrant with my wallet lying on the front seat, and the windows rolled down.

:D

Some bad advice: don't worry, just leave it. Nothing bad will happen to it.

--To Avoid testicle swelling apply leeches to infected area.

-Some jobs are easier to do when you're drunk, like brain surgeon.

-Violence solves all problems.

-Kicking small children will bring good luck.

-Shout "All your base are belong to us" out loud a lot, no matter what the situation.

Some bad advice: don't worry, just leave it. Nothing bad will happen to it.Great - Thanks!

I guess I've got enough time to chug this half-gallon of cheap-ass bourbon, then.
:D

Girls love a man with flatulence.

On Star Trek, if Kirk ever asks you - a nobody previously not seen before - to beam down to a strange planet with him, do so. Chances are it'll be lots of fun and absolutely no danger to you whatsoever.

Chances are it'll be lots of fun and absolutely no danger to you whatsoever.Make sure you wear a red shirt when you go - It's the intergalactic symbol for 'don't shoot!'

nationstates does not prevent studying. its 100% non-addicting...

amen to that:D

Great - Thanks!

I guess I've got enough time to chug this half-gallon of cheap-ass bourbon, then.
:D

More bad advice: why don't you take some painkiller pills unapproved by the FDA with that?

-When someone asks you if you're a god, say no.

-Pain don't hurt.

-Wrestle tigers for fitness and prestige, trust me, they look more fierce than they really are.

On St. Patricks day, go into the irish neighborhoods wearing orange. All the residents will shower you with free beer and bricks!

-Make sure to call your girlfriend mom!


or by their/your sister's name :) it ALWAYS makes them horney;)

-make long speaches with a long monotoned voice
-make help files for help files (some do actualy need that..)
-always wake your friends up with a megaphone and an air horn they'll love it^^
-learn computer programing off of an english teacher IT WORKS!
-"all your base are belong to us" is the worlds greatest song in history
-tickle a racoon they like being tickled
-DO DRUGS

Everytime you are asked to send in a photo, send in a nude shot, especially if it's going with your resume` to a potential employer of the opposite sex.

When the sign says "do not feed the bears", you'd better feed the bears.

Wear a sign that says "kick me harder" and walk around a place where people wear steel-toed boots.

If you gain control of a middle eastern country, go ahead and stockpile WMDs while pissing off the Americans. Nothing bad can possibly happen.

Whenever ordering any kind of chicken from a drive through ask: Can I get bird flu from this?

When you go to any fast food place, demand a Big Mac, all stores sell them even though it isn't on the menu. All stores except McDonalds, they only sell Whoppers.

Trust the IRS.
Roaches are nothing to worry about, so just ignore them.

If a window is broken, kick it. It worked for the car, didn't it?

Burn down random buildings.

Parachutes and seatbelts are for wimps.

Ignore the Jury Duty Summons, they'll have enough people without you.

Tell your boss exactly what you think of her, she'll appreciate it.

Let your adult children come home to live with you and don't set any time limits or ground rules.

Traffic laws are for the other guy, so speed, dart in and out of traffic, and don't signal, nothing will happen to you

Roadkill ? No no, think of it as "Super happy flat meat snack"

please be sure to share your latest pornographic exploits and explorations with the whole family.

Beastiality, wrong ? They meant to say, right, very right.

Rice wine is not alcoholic, so just drink tons of it whenever you want, especially when you're about to drive a car.

-Wear an Orange Shirt in an Irish Pub

-Try to be a rapper in the hood when you are a pasty Anglo-Saxon white kid from suburbia

1. Smoking crack has many beneficial attributes, including increase in stamina and penis size. Smoke it every half hour. Look at this woman (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c330/cfig0669/smiley_face1.jpg). She has obviously benefitted from crack.

2. Babies really do come from storks. If you see one, shoot it.

3. If you hear moaning in your parents' bedroom, run in to see what is wrong. Chances are one of them is dying.

And one Hasselhoff is worth 2.71828183 Fass', so you're still behind.

Heh. e.

When you're at a large party, it's always good to make out obliviously with your significant other, especially if nobody else is behaving similarly. And don't worry about it if you later date one of the other attendees. They'll probably have forgotten it, and even if they remember, it's not at all embarrassing to discuss.

-Wear an Orange Shirt in an Irish Pub

I don't get it.

If ever caught in a Star Trek movie, be sure to wear a red shirt.


:D :D :D And stand as close to Kirk as possible

On St. Patricks day, go into the irish neighborhoods wearing orange. All the residents will shower you with free beer and bricks!


Don't forget to call us stupid drunken Paddy bastards. We love that. :p


And on Paddy's Day, stand in the middle of O'Connell St in Dublin wearing nothing but some Union Jack boxers and sing the British national anthem as loudly as possible. Nothing bad ever happens to people who do that.

All Irish people know where the leprechauns hang out, so just ask them they'll show you.

Always ask the girl/guy you've just started seeing if their mom/dad is hotter then they are

Hold frank and open discussion about your sex life with your significant others parents

Park in disabled zones, its ok honest...

Speed limits? PAH!

Stare at the sun as long as you can, it helps you see in the dark

Hold frank and open discussion about your sex life with your significant others parents.

Also, remember they will appreciate your honesty so be sure to tell them you're only with their son or daughter for the sex.

1. Smoking crack has many beneficial attributes, including increase in stamina and penis size. Smoke it every half hour. Look at this woman (http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c330/cfig0669/smiley_face1.jpg). She has obviously benefitted from crack.



ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!! My eyes! :eek: *gouges out own eyes (which BTW, is easy and fun to do)*

Also, remember they will appreciate your honesty so be sure to tell them you're only with their son or daughter for the sex.

Or cause the hot mom is already spoken for :p

Never ever finish everything on your plate when eating authentic Italian food made by an Italian lady. And by all means do not ask for 2nds.

Or cause the hot mom is already spoken for :p

Or because the dad is already having an affair with his secretary. :D

Smoking in petrol station forecourts is cool and totally safe.

When the big red button says 'DO NOT PRESS' that's only to stop people accidentally setting it off, so go ahead and press it.

Try Dr. Pepper.

Necrophillia is a socially acceptable past time and dead girls don't say no.

Staring at random people in the street is a form of polite greeting.

Remember to spit at everyone bigger then you, its good luck.

Always address police officers as 'PC Plod' 'Pig' or 'Aren't you that guy from the Rodney King video?'

Always laugh before asking if someone is alright after they've hurt themselves. It's only fun until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious!

Make sure to make openly suggestive comments to your server while on a date. Everyone likes comments!

Or because the dad is already having an affair with his secretary. :D


Hell. who isn't? :fluffle:

Always laugh before asking if someone is alright after they've hurt themselves. It's only fun until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious!

Make sure to make openly suggestive comments to your server while on a date. Everyone likes comments!


And long lingering eye contact with the waiter/ress is also completely acceptable, shit its required on a first date.

Hell. who isn't? :fluffle:

It's only because the secretary looks like this (http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=secretary+costumes/v=2/SID=w/l=IVS/SIG=1200d1csv/EXP=1135995367/*-http%3A//www.staciescloset.com/images/3289.jpg).

Be sure to video tape all of your affairs so that, when it's time to break up with your SO, you can show them why. The detailed explanation will be appreciated. Add narration to the tapes. Your SO will want to be friends with you afterwards.

It's only because the secretary looks like this (http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=secretary+costumes/v=2/SID=w/l=IVS/SIG=1200d1csv/EXP=1135995367/*-http%3A//www.staciescloset.com/images/3289.jpg).

Be sure to video tape all of your affairs so that, when it's time to break up with your SO, you can show them why. The detailed explanation will be appreciated. Add narration to the tapes. Your SO will want to be friends with you afterwards.


Woof! :D

And remember to take personal articles from your SO without asking so you can build a shrine to them in the back of your closet

Woof! :D

And remember to take personal articles from your SO without asking so you can build a shrine to them in the back of your closet

And stalk them. They won't call the police. Restraining orders are fake. Ignore them.

Oh yeah, and always start every conversation with the phrase 'You suck'


EDIT: Whooo 100 posts! Yeah! :D

And stalk them. They won't call the police. Restraining orders are fake. Ignore them.

Police batons are made out of sponge foam anyway, so they don't hurt.

Plus mace is an aphrodisiac

Ignore all street signs that are red.

Stabbing motions are a respectable greeting.

Make paper mache` models of everything, it won't make you look wierd.