NationStates Jolt Archive

Not mine--I just came across this today while following links from other blogs. This one is from a place called Acephalous (http://acephalous.typepad.com/acephalous/2005/11/my_morning.html):
My Morning: A Play in One Uncomfortable Act

ME: Do do do do WHOA!

HALF-NAKED COUPLE IN MY OFFICE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

ME: What?

HALF-NAKED FEMALE: DON'T YOU KNOCK? (putting shirt back on)

ME: Before I come into my office?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! (buttoning pants)

ME: (starting to enjoy this) I have a student coming in two minutes. Finish up.

HALF-NAKED, BLUE-BALLED MALE: GO ALREADY!

ME: (closes door, waits one minute, knocks) Are you decent?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GO THE FUCK AWAY! THIS IS PRIVATE! WE'RE BUSY!

ME: (holding the door half-open) I'm coming in.

HALF-NAKED MALE: STOP HARASSING US YOU PERVERT OR I'LL REPORT YOU!

ME: (still holding door) You'll report me for your having sex in my office?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GO THE FUCK AWAY!

ME: (still holding door) That's it. Put your clothes back on. You can't have sex in my office.

HALF-NAKED MALE: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE COME IN HERE!

(my student walks up)

MY STUDENT: What's going on?

ME: (still holding door) Some people are trying to have sex in my office. I keep interrupting them.

MY STUDENT: Are they really having sex in there?

HALF-NAKED MALE: THIS IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT!

ME: (props open door with rubber stop) They're trying.

This continues for a couple more minutes. He shouts profanity, she starts crying, &c. About two minutes later the couple emerges and I get some nasty looks. Who am I to stop them from having sex in my office?

I can't even imagine walking on on something like that without pulling out my camera phone or kicking someone in the ass. And I especially like the notion that interrupting two people having sex in your office somehow constitutes sexual harassment.

...Interesting

LMAO aww man thats great. I'd probably have faked calling security on their asses just to see the reaction.

I think the best possible reaction would have been to just walk into the office and go about your everyday business completely ignoring the couple.

There's only one sensible thing to do in a situation like that. The two key words are 'camera' and 'blackmail'.

Seconded, when the student walked in it would have been $less.

There's only one sensible thing to do in a situation like that. The two key words are 'camera' and 'blackmail'.
Not hand lotion and tissues?

I'd assuming his office has a lock, and he has a key..
So lock the door, and call the poilice or security :rolleyes:

Or offer some condoms, then a minute later offer to bring some coffee, and then cake, and go on and on like that.

Not hand lotion and tissues?
Depends on the quality of the scene. :D

Random lol

http://67.15.181.134/4555/79/emo/126.gif

The classy way to deal with it ;)

http://67.15.181.134/4555/79/emo/126.gif

The classy way to deal with it ;)
Mummy, what are those happy people doing?

LMAO aww man thats great. I'd probably have faked calling security on their asses just to see the reaction.
Hell, I'd call security for real. Trespassing, lewd conduct, and at the rate the guy was going it wouldn't have taken much to provoke an assault out of him too. Try explaining all of that to a judge.

:p

You should've flat out called security. You know, walk right by them to your desk and pick up the phone. It looks even worse for him if he even touches you.

It can happen to the best of us! Take that as being walked in on or walking in on...

Minuta']It can happen to the best of us! Take that as being walked in on or walking in on...
That's why you never start to get intimate when you hear the car pull up. Heh...

Was she attractive? You should have just stayed & watched. :p

I think the best possible reaction would have been to just walk into the office and go about your everyday business completely ignoring the couple.

I agree. :)

Ah, brings me back to my crappy movie theater usher days, where people bonin' in my 'office' was known as 'Tuesday.'

LMAO aww man thats great. I'd probably have faked calling security on their asses just to see the reaction.
What do you mean probably?
I'd so call security.

Ah, brings me back to my crappy movie theater usher days, where people bonin' in my 'office' was known as 'Tuesday.'
That must have been a hell of a job.

Haha, how amusing, almost make me want to become employed