NationStates Jolt Archive

If you accept it, you will ascend straight to heaven at the time of the rapture, where it turns out that they are the father, son, and the holy ghost, whoever's left gets to be court band. Those who deny the greatness will plummet directly to hell. How do I know? Lets look at the facts:

FACT: The Sox won the series because Steve Perry went to every Game and sang Don't Stop Believing from the stands

FACT: Gary Pihl deflected Comets Levy-Schuhmacher 9 into Jupiter by playing "More than a feeling"

FACT: The song "Carry on my wayward son" is capable of catapulting spaceships beyond the speed of light.

FACT: Anyone too close to Foreigner when they play "Jukebox Hero" Bursts into flame. A hard rockin' guitarist is born from the ashes

Sorry, my stereo doesn't play crap.

Sorry, my stereo doesn't play crap.

*hands you a special brownie*

*hands you a special brownie*
*chewing*

It still won't play crappy radio-filler from the 70s, I'm telling you. No matter how many of these delicious and highly illegal brownies you keep feeding me.

*burps*

Y'know those ads on late-night television? The ones that talk about 'the music of your life', but it's always somebody else's life? That's what I'm talkin' bout.

*licks fingers*

Good brownies.

*chewing*

It still won't play crappy radio-filler from the 70s, I'm telling you. No matter how many of these delicious and highly illegal brownies you keep feeding me.

*burps*

Y'know those ads on late-night television? The ones that talk about 'the music of your life', but it's always somebody else's life? That's what I'm talkin' bout.

*licks fingers*

Good brownies.

Oh yeah, exactly. I can't stand Jefferson Airplane and that god-awful song, "We Built This City on Rock 'n' Roll". How the fuck[/I[ could somebody write such garbage and manage to make it [I]popular?

If you accept it, you will ascend straight to heaven at the time of the rapture, where it turns out that they are the father, son, and the holy ghost, whoever's left gets to be court band. Those who deny the greatness will plummet directly to hell. How do I know? Lets look at the facts:

FACT: The Sox won the series because Steve Perry went to every Game and sang Don't Stop Believing from the stands

FACT: Gary Pihl deflected Comets Levy-Schuhmacher 9 into Jupiter by playing "More than a feeling"

FACT: The song "Carry on my wayward son" is capable of catapulting spaceships beyond the speed of light.

FACT: Anyone too close to Foreigner when they play "Jukebox Hero" Bursts into flame. A hard rockin' guitarist is born from the ashes

Lo, you are mistaken. For these are not bands of good, but of evil.

But behold, for I shall show you a mystery, and we shall all be changed.

Even these bands of evil, which you name by their dread monnikers of "Journey", "Boston", and "Kansas" are not the final source of all evil in the music world today.

Yea, even as St. John the Baptist paved the way for our Lord and Saviour, these heathen bands but paved the way for the one true source of all musical Evil, merely preparing the path for a band that would cause all that is good in music to shrivel and die in the face of ultimate sin.

And I shall now name that which has come, the final source of musical sin:

Behold! I name them as....

Hootie and the Blowfish

(crosses self, sprays holy water over computer, venerates nearest icon)

Hootie and the Blowfish

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

*sprays you with a firehose*

I bought a new vacuum cleaner recently, while we're on the topic of things that suck.