NationStates Jolt Archive


No respect at all...

N Y C
27-11-2005, 19:34
It is very rare that I will do free writing in my own time. But I had such a funny/depressing experience on Thanksgiving eve in terms of life as a teenager I just had to write this down.
No respect at all...
One would think, in today’s progressive society, that teenagers would at least be afforded the same respect given to dogs. Alas, this seems not to be the case. Having lived all of my almost 14 years in New York City I can tell you that even there, on that ultra-liberal American island off the coast of Europe, it’s still difficult being a teen. No matter how well behaved my friends and I are, every single business we enter seems to hold a personal grudge against us. I know there’s that stereotype of kids and teenagers causing trouble but, honestly, we aren’t all menaces to society.
Let’s take, for example, a day last week. It was Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, so our school let out at 12:00 instead of the normal 3:30. We had already planned everything out earlier in the week: a walk over to a cheap place for lunch, followed by a movie. It turned out that the time we wanted to see had sold out, so we had about 3 and a half hours to blow. No problem.
For lunch, we split up: some of my friends went to a sandwich shop, while two other friends and I went to the Chinese restaurant next door. Big mistake, as we found out. Practically the moment we sat down, an irate woman who spoke so fast she was unintelligible came to take our order. We told her we weren’t ready, and she stormed off in a huff.
It was unusually cold for November, but thankfully, we got our tea pretty quickly. I’m not a student of Chinese culture, but I believe tea is normally served with cups, no? It took another five minutes to get the attentions of one of the hypersonically zipping waiters, when, finally, we got our cups.
By then, we were ready to order, having been there about 15 minutes. But did they notice us? Nope. All around us, people who had sat down about the same time were contentedly waiting for their food, or already eating. But there we sat, the lone teenagers in the joint, ravenous and trying desperately to hail one of the waiters again. I basically had to stick my hand out in the middle of the aisle to stop one of them, who grudgingly took our order, but not before pointing out we mispronounced what we ordered. Gee, sorry. Chinese Menu Pronunciation isn’t a mandatory class until 10th grade.
Astonishingly, our food actually arrived on time, and we gobbled it down despite the several vegetables in the soup we couldn’t identify on the menu. I got up to go to the bathroom and almost bumped into someone who hissed that it was rude of me to not get out of the way of someone careening down a two foot wide aisle at 50 miles per hour.
Finishing up the meal, we asked for the check. Unlike our other experiences, it was delivered at lightning speed, as if they wanted us out as fast as possible. I fumbled around in my jacket for my wallet; I had agreed to pay for this one. Seconds later, Irate Woman looped back, barking at us “You pay now! NO STALL! You pay!” I wondered what the ratio between customers at that restaurant and those who commit suicide is.
Now, my friends urged me to not leave any tip at all but, being the guilt-ridden gentleman that I am, I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Besides, imagine what the woman’s reaction might have been. Instead, I did put a very paltry tip on the table; less than 10% if I remember correctly. I was flabbergasted by what happened next. As we were getting ready to go, the waitress returned to take the bill, looked at the tip, and actually TURNED AROUND and refused to take it. Oy vey…
Fed up, I put a few more coins on the table and we angrily left. Our other friends were not quite done eating yet, so we decided to go over to the Borders adjoining the movie theater to look at CDs. Sadly, the horror continued.
When we got upstairs to the CDs, we dumped our heavy stuff in the corner. I’m talking about backpacks brimming with 5 days of homework and heavy winter coats. We didn’t want people to trip, so we put them off in a corner where no one would notice them. Naturally, a passing clerk’s teen-senses were tingling, so we wound up lugging this heavy stuff as we browsed the store.
Our excellent luck continued as my friend dragged me to the kids section to look for a gift for someone. Remember Irate Lady? Well, guess what? Conveniently, her older, American , librarian sister was standing right next to us. Approaching suspiciously, she interrogated us: “What are you kids doing out of school so early in the afternoon?”
Oh great, the truancy police. Yet, staying collected, I put on my sweetest, most responsible sounding voice to respond.
“You see, Madame, we have a half day today, as tomorrow is Thanksgiving.” I don’t know about the rest of the country, but in New York City everyone is out for the holiday by the time we had this conversation.
Affirming that she had heard of the holiday, she gave a brisk nod and walked away slightly, her eyes boring into us like drills. Thankfully, her monster-like gaze was drawn off us…to my other friend, whom she promptly snapped at for using the digital music catalogue. Apparently, anyone using technology put in the store for your convenience but is under the age of 16 is by default “playing” with it.
Groaning and sadly reiterating this tale for the rest of our friends, we settled in for the long wait for our movie to start and, at the back of my mind, I half-jokingly wondered if I was channeling Rodney Dangerfield.
I don’t get no respect, no respect at all…
The South Islands
27-11-2005, 19:38
That sucks.
Ashmoria
27-11-2005, 19:43
you, sir, were the victim of prejudice.

in those people's minds the only thing a teen male is doing in the middle of the afternoon is causing trouble.

youll probably see alot more of it as chirstmas approaches and people let stress turn them into assholes.
N Y C
27-11-2005, 20:12
yep, I agree. It's really been the last 6 months-year that people treat me like this instead of as a cute ickle kid.:rolleyes:
The South Islands
27-11-2005, 20:14
yep, I agree. It's really been the last 6 months-year that people treat me like this instead of as a cute ickle kid.:rolleyes:

Well, you are cute... ;)
N Y C
27-11-2005, 20:15
*Pushes away TSS' bottle of Jesus Juice.*
Kroisistan
27-11-2005, 20:21
It's essentially prejudice, and it's wrong that you should have to suffer under it.

Sadly though our culture sees teens as a group as out of control. My recommendation - carry yourself with dignity and respect, dress to impress, be a gentlemen and project the feeling that you're a fellow human being on their level and not just some kid. Usually seems to work.
Banduria
27-11-2005, 20:23
yep, I agree. It's really been the last 6 months-year that people treat me like this instead of as a cute ickle kid.:rolleyes:
That started happening to me too around the age of 13-14... of course, it helped that I was really an asshole. ;)

Wait until you start growing facial hair (if any) or just growing. By the time you get to be about 5'6" or 5'7", people will mistake you for an adult, unless you really don't act like one (and I tended to be very mature and responsible at that time... a lot of people mistook me for an 18 year old long before I had reached that august turning point).
Banduria
27-11-2005, 20:25
yep, I agree. It's really been the last 6 months-year that people treat me like this instead of as a cute ickle kid.:rolleyes:
That started happening to me too around the age of 13-14... of course, it helped that I was really an asshole. ;)

Wait until you start growing facial hair (if any) or just growing. By the time you get to be about 5'6" or 5'7", people will mistake you for an adult, unless you really don't act like one (and I tended to be very mature and responsible at that time... a lot of people mistook me for an 18 year old long before I had reached that august turning point).
PasturePastry
27-11-2005, 20:54
In places of business, one teenager is bad enough, but several? That's enough to set anyone's spidey senses tingling.

Common assumptions about teenagers:
- teenagers think that they are above the law because they are minors
- teenagers are more loyal to their peers than any laws of society
- teenagers have no respect for others because they have no respect for themselves

The accuracy of these assumptions, admittedly, varies from teenager to teenager, but that's where most people start from and modify it based on their interactions from there on out. What's the best thing to do: ignore them and treat people with respect. For the backpack thing, I would have recommended asking one of the clerks if there was a convenient spot to set them down rather than just plunking them somewhere that was considered to be out of the way.

Respect is something that you earn, so it's just a matter of behaving in a way that will earn respect. It's what you do do rather than don't do that will make the difference.
[NS]Simonist
27-11-2005, 20:56
It's essentially prejudice, and it's wrong that you should have to suffer under it.

Sadly though our culture sees teens as a group as out of control. My recommendation - carry yourself with dignity and respect, dress to impress, be a gentlemen and project the feeling that you're a fellow human being on their level and not just some kid. Usually seems to work.
I tried that as a well-bred, decently raised teenage girl (well, except as a lady rather than a gentleman, but you get the point), and I speak from experience -- this can backfire horribly. Fellow teens will think you're snobby, and many adults will think you're up to something. Intellectual rivalry turned out to be the best option for me -- I let them know that just because I'm younger than them doesn't mean I'm any less deserving of respect and consideration, especially when I'm fully capable of understanding the situations from more than a child's perspective.

Or you need to go rob a 7-11, because that's what they expect from you anyway, right?
Ashmoria
27-11-2005, 21:04
imagine how much worse it would be if you were black
N Y C
27-11-2005, 21:06
Well, yes, to some degree, although I don't exactly live in KKK country.
I <3 NY
Wanksta Nation
27-11-2005, 21:08
Well, yes, to some degree, although I don't exactly live in KKK country.
I <3 NY
And what, may I ask, is "KKK country"?
Ashmoria
27-11-2005, 21:08
dun matter

a black man can be 45 years old, wearing a suit and tie and (some) white women will get off the elevator rather that risk riding with him.
Vaitupu
27-11-2005, 22:14
hmm...the chinese place...was there a big crowd? I doubt there was, but if there had been, then it would have made sense for them to try to make people go faster (however, their choice of methods was inappropriate). I would suggest finding out her name and writing a letter to the owner.

The record store, I guess I can understand them not wanting the bags to be laying around, even if just in a corner. Things get stolen, and the store gets blamed

My suggestion? Be disgustingly polite. Not so much that it comes off as condescending, but be genuinly polite and respectful. Rub their faces in the fact that a 14? year old is better behaved and well mannered than they themselves are.

I know how you feel. I ate at a thai place on my campus. Their clientel is almost entirely university faculty and students. I go in with my roommates and a friend of ours. I have an eyebrow ring, 10g ear piercings, and fireengine red hair. My friend has an eyebrow ring, one roommate has the same red hair I do, but in just clumps. the final roommate looks "normal". the normal one got the best service and got a smile from the waitress. I was met with a scowl, and was lectured for ordering by the number on the menu instead of the name (sorry, but c19 is easier to remember than basil fried rice and chicken with a side of crab rangoons.) Even the normal one had ordered by number, but just got a smile. She left the bill infront of the normal one, and looked very shocked when I took it from him and paid.

Moral of the story? People suck.
N Y C
27-11-2005, 22:15
nope, the crowd was pretty average, and yes, I try to be as polite as possible. For some reason, I'm NEVER thanked for holding doors open...:rolleyes:
Ekland
27-11-2005, 22:18
It is very rare that I will do free writing in my own time. But I had such a funny/depressing experience on Thanksgiving eve in terms of life as a teenager I just had to write this down.
No respect at all...

*snip*
I get where you are coming from, believe me I do. Although I suppose I had it better then most, at around 15-16 I was very commonly mistaken for being at least 18 and at most 20 (which helped my being in college full time at 16.) I was very much ahead of my age and I tended to at least try and socialize with people much older then me; I guess I don't need to tell you but pre-conceived prejudices and stereotypes are an absolute bitch to overcome. Especially considering you simply don't have the time to try and improve your image with the majority of the people who treat you like shit off-handedly.

As for advise, [NS]Simonist has the right idea. Trying to forge yourself into something specifically to suck up to adults is guaranteed to backfire; either with your peers, the people you are trying to impress, or both which generally leaves you totally fucked. Intellectual rivalry is the best way to go about it. This was personally right up my alley because at the time I had a tendency to be brutally honest and was very sharp for my age. Catching people off guard and forcing them to reevaluate their preconceptions to whatever extent is immeasurably better then trying to pander to them or being suffocatingly polite (which generally only breeds suspicion).
Cahnt
27-11-2005, 22:23
And what, may I ask, is "KKK country"?
Georgia, at a guess. Weren't they based in Atlanta, originally?
N Y C
27-11-2005, 22:23
I do try to carry on intelligent...very intelligent...conversations with adults.
N Y C
27-11-2005, 23:16
Of course, in many cases, like restaurants, you don't really have any chance to make an impression on anyone...
Equus
28-11-2005, 00:00
The accuracy of these assumptions, admittedly, varies from teenager to teenager, but that's where most people start from and modify it based on their interactions from there on out. What's the best thing to do: ignore them and treat people with respect. For the backpack thing, I would have recommended asking one of the clerks if there was a convenient spot to set them down rather than just plunking them somewhere that was considered to be out of the way.

Frankly, I'm surprised they were allowed to haul backpacks around a CD store, teenagers or adults. Most places I go to have mandatory bag checks, regardless of the age of the person carrying the bag. Given how easy it is to shoplift a CD, I don't blame them. And it's not ageist to require everyone to check their bags - although at some point you have to worry about the honest of the person holding your stuff.

On the other hand, I remember once having my bag searched at a movie theatre. I guess they were looking for contraband junk food or something, and it really pissed me off. They didn't offer to check the bag until after the show, they just insisted on going through it. It contained a change of stinky clothing that I had cycle-commuted in. It was quite embarrassing.
N Y C
28-11-2005, 00:32
well, there weren't any places to check your bag, so I didn't have much choice.
Kyleslavia
28-11-2005, 00:42
The situation you experianced is quite strange. I have never experianced a situation in which I was treated differantly because of being teenager. Perhaps it's just because I live in a rural town rather than the city?
PasturePastry
28-11-2005, 00:56
Of course, in many cases, like restaurants, you don't really have any chance to make an impression on anyone...

Well, in restaurants, there's usually a sign that says "please wait to be seated" and that's a good time to make an impression. That's also a good time to identify how many people are in your party. Who knows? They could have just been oblivious and assumed that all of you were with adults and were waiting for them to show up before they took orders. I don't know if that was the case or not. If there is no sign or a sign that says "please seat yourself" you can still stand there until someone acknowledges you. They will eventually because you would be blocking other customers from getting to the dining area. More often than not "may I help you?" is a euphemism for "what are you doing here?" but if you respond as though they were offering help, then they are obliged to play along.

Also, I would think most businesses would be accomodating when it comes to finding a place for backpacks. If your backpack is not with you, then there is no chance for you to be shoving merchandise into it. Even if you don't see a designated area, just ask anyone that works there. Businesses are customer service oriented and generally will make an effort to accomodate you. If nothing else, it shows courtesy and you may be less scrutinized by the person you asked.
Zarathoft
28-11-2005, 01:24
In places of business, one teenager is bad enough, but several? That's enough to set anyone's spidey senses tingling.

Common assumptions about teenagers:
- teenagers think that they are above the law because they are minors
-teenagers are more loyal to their peers than any laws of society
- teenagers have no respect for others because they have no respect for themselves



That one I would say is true to almost all people who have real friendships. There are plenty of times when only me, or one of my friends(yes we kinda hold up our end of "misbehaving teens") deserve to get in trouble, or only one of us is caught. But we usually all go together rather then leaving one alone. Off course it's taht "loyalty" that's gotten us innocent ones in lots of trouble. Or have gotten all of us a lot of bloody lips/noses, black eyes, and bruises.


Tho one thing taht really gets on my nerves personally, is that just because I have long hair and a tendency to mumble and do some stupid things doesn't make me a stoner! Constantly people are calling me a stoner. I'll be walking done the street and I'll here people mumble "there's a druggie" or "stoner". I've never had drugs directly in my life. I've probably inhaled second hand, but not intentually.
Grave_n_idle
28-11-2005, 01:29
It is very rare that I will do free writing in my own time. But I had such a funny/depressing experience on Thanksgiving eve in terms of life as a teenager I just had to write this down.…

I'm not really sure I can do much to sympathise with someone complaining about having to wait for service in a restaurant, on one of the busiest business days of the year...

or, for that matter, complaining about someone correcting their (incorrect) pronucniation of words in the other person's langauge... especially if you CHOOSE to enter a 'foreign culture' venue....

Personally, I think you got lucky... I mean, bags in the corner in the store? You COULD have been held on suspicion of shop-lifting.

Hell - you COULD have been held for suspicion of terrorism!
N Y C
28-11-2005, 03:27
I'm not really sure I can do much to sympathise with someone complaining about having to wait for service in a restaurant, on one of the busiest business days of the year...

or, for that matter, complaining about someone correcting their (incorrect) pronucniation of words in the other person's langauge... especially if you CHOOSE to enter a 'foreign culture' venue....

A. The restaurant was actually quite empty, and other people who sat down at the same time got attention much more quickly
B. I sometimes correct pronounciation but, as I said, snapping at someone is NOT a nice way to correct them
Nadkor
28-11-2005, 03:46
I never got that when I was a teenager. It was far more likely that somewhere would want to serve us and get our money, and be nice enough about it that we would return.
Lunatic Goofballs
28-11-2005, 04:11
Sorry.

I'm afraid a lot of the flak you are getting is probably my fault.

You see, I was a teenager once... :p
Vaitupu
28-11-2005, 05:44
For some reason, I'm NEVER thanked for holding doors open...:rolleyes:
Welcome to the northeast.

Sorry.

I'm afraid a lot of the flak you are getting is probably my fault.

You see, I was a teenager once...
NOW it all makes sense;)
Svalbardania
28-11-2005, 06:33
NOW it all makes sense;)

Dammit, you beat me to it.

Don't cramp my style, man! You just did that to spite me, coz you hate me, just like everyone else in the world!

*note the mock emo/angsty teen*
Jennislore
28-11-2005, 07:27
It kinda sucks—I probably won't be recognized as an adult for another 10 or 15 years upon sight. :( I take after my mum—once when she was 24, someone at work (she was an actress) called the police because they thought she was underage. Also, when my sister was my age, she got given wine lists when she went to restaurants (before she dyed her hair blue, of course). I get age-8-and-under kids' menus. >:(