NationStates Jolt Archive

NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED: GOVERNMENTIUM

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant
neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take 4 days to complete,
when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
:D

This joke was posted last week. Why do people never use the search function before posting a joke they found online?

Ah, this must be the isotope of Governmentium called Conservative Governmentium.

See, this thread had been done before, and it didn't work too well the first time.

The epitome of conservatism! :p

Is it possible to strip away all the neutrons, effectively creating 'small governmentium?'

Yes. However, the atom then collapses, as it doesn't have enough mass to stay together.

Guess what? I discovered libertarium!
It's much smaller than govermentium (it's a subatomic particle actually), but has the following traits:
-Will neutralize or minimize all future reactions when combined with governmentium
-Bonds extremely well to Constitutium
-Reacts violently with Authoritarium, Conservitum, or Liberium
-There are two isotopes: 'big-L' (Libertarium) and 'little-l' (libertarium)
-When decays, will become Objectivium
-Often mistaken for Ayn Randium

Stick to your day job.

Stick to your day job.
At least I'm persistent

Guess what? I discovered libertarium!
It's much smaller than govermentium (it's a subatomic particle actually), but has the following traits:
-Will neutralize or minimize all future reactions when combined with governmentium
-Bonds extremely well to Constitutium
-Reacts violently with Authoritarium, Conservitum, or Liberium
-There are two isotopes: 'big-L' (Libertarium) and 'little-l' (libertarium)
-When decays, will become Objectivium
-Often mistaken for Ayn Randium

Also reacts violently to environmentalism, compasionism, and commonsensism.

Guess what? I discovered libertarium!
It's much smaller than govermentium (it's a subatomic particle actually), but has the following traits:
-Will neutralize or minimize all future reactions when combined with governmentium
-Bonds extremely well to Constitutium
-Reacts violently with Authoritarium, Conservitum, or Liberium
-There are two isotopes: 'big-L' (Libertarium) and 'little-l' (libertarium)
-When decays, will become Objectivium
-Often mistaken for Ayn Randium
not as funny as the original.

That joke is older than time itself.

So old, in fact, that one has to imagine that someone has already done Nationstatium

Yea I remember reading that joke a while back, I didn't think it was that funny.

I quite liked it it works for this country at least

Lmao!

What is it with stealing and relabeling very old jokes at the moment? :confused:

Isn't this just a rip off of the 13 year old administratium satire?

Administratium, the heaviest known element, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it a mass number of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to its discoverers, a tiny amount of administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

Also related, Bureaucratite:

Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium; Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite.

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits.

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excrutiatingly long and painful and rarely completely successful. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion

Who can tell me the atomic weight of bolognium?

Lmao!

You, sir, are easily amused. :D

Haha, all of posted were amusing. :)

However, I've never seen any of these before, so I find them funny. :)

Haha, all of posted were amusing. :)

However, I've never seen any of these before, so I find them funny. :)
Same here. It may not be new, but it's new to me, so I find them funny.

That joke is older than time itself.
Uh.... Hmmmm.... I'll leave that gapping hole of logic alone