NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I was on my way to school this morning, and running late. I had a French test first period, so even though it was snowing, I decided to take my bike. That was my first stroke of genius.
Then, on my way out of the parking lot of my appartment complex, going down the steep hill and turning on to the road... I saw a car coming and decided to accelerate. I deserve a darwin award. Like, I demand one. I may still be alive, and fertile, but I will personally prevent myself from ever reproducing in order to keep my genes out of the gene pool.
In order to be on time for one stupid French test... I risked life and limb, and BROKE MY FUCKING ANKLE!

I'm so angry with myself. I can't walk, and I don't have a car, so I can't even get to school. I won't be able to work for at least two, maybe four weeks...
And I'm in pain, and I'm a real bitch when I'm in pain. I also spent the whole day in emergency (though there was one extremely hot doctor to distract me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been).
Wow. What an incredibly shitty day. I'm totally in shock.
I want to hear about other people being idiots so that I don't feel so bad....
Go.

Darwin Awards are for people who die in the act of their stupidity.
You can try harder.

Darwin Awards are for people who die in the act of their stupidity.
You can try harder.Darwin Awards are for people who remove themselves from the gene pool. Very few people do it willingly, but I am, and you can't stop me.
Tell me about other stupid people, damnit!

Of course you can get to school. It's called crutches and waking up an extra half hour early.

Darwin Awards are for people who remove themselves from the gene pool. Very few people do it willingly, but I am, and you can't stop me.
Tell me about other stupid people, damnit!
Find the thread about broken bones.

Edit: Here it is. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=455168)

Well, let's see there was the time that five or six of us were going the Cities pon Hwy 52 in an old hearse with too much colt 45 and pot and me with a pocket full of hash. We had a flat tire and a very nice Highway Patrol Officer stoped to help us. We had no spare so he offered to give one of us and the flat tire a ride to the nearest gas station. How the hell did I end up going on one of the longest rides of my life. Beats me. I was either very lucky. Or, that Patrolman was very stupid.

So, I was on my way to school this morning, and running late. I had a French test first period, so even though it was snowing, I decided to take my bike. That was my first stroke of genius.
Then, on my way out of the parking lot of my appartment complex, going down the steep hill and turning on to the road... I saw a car coming and decided to accelerate. I deserve a darwin award. Like, I demand one. I may still be alive, and fertile, but I will personally prevent myself from ever reproducing in order to keep my genes out of the gene pool.
In order to be on time for one stupid French test... I risked life and limb, and BROKE MY FUCKING ANKLE!

I'm so angry with myself. I can't walk, and I don't have a car, so I can't even get to school. I won't be able to work for at least two, maybe four weeks...
And I'm in pain, and I'm a real bitch when I'm in pain. I also spent the whole day in emergency (though there was one extremely hot doctor to distract me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been).
Wow. What an incredibly shitty day. I'm totally in shock.
Darwin Awards are for people who remove themselves from the gene pool. Very few people do it willingly, but I am, and you can't stop me.
Don't worry, you'll soon get what you deserve, lesbo-nazi. :upyours: :gundge:

Oxwana, you are brilliant, and I <3 you.

Please don't reproduce though.

I want to hear about other people being idiots so that I don't feel so bad....
Go.
I’m never an idiot, ever.

I’m never an idiot, ever.
Just like Ayn Rand?

I did something roughly similar to you, Oxwana. Only I decided to turn into a gravel driveway on my bike, in front of a car going 110 kmh on a highway, figuring I had enough speed to outrun it. I did. But I was going so damn fast, I skidded on the gravel and wiped out, twisting my bike onto me, and piercing my leg with a spoke. No broken bones, but some serious sprains.

The next accident wasn't my fault, but oddly enough, was in the same driveway. Maybe it was the guy who I cut in front of last time, no doubt scaring the shit out of. Anyway, a van clipped my bike as it passed me, and sent me spinning into the gravel again. This time I got thrown OFF the bike, thank goodness...but I ate gravel. And it had to be picked out of my knee.

I think of the second accident as a reminder not to do stupid shit like I did the first time. And a lesson was learned. I was not to visit that friend again...her gravel was out to get me.

Of course you can get to school. It's called crutches and waking up an extra half hour early.It takes me about twenty minutes to walk to school as is, and it's dangerous to walk on ice with crutches. I have trouble making it to the loo on my own, so I think I'd need an extra hour to get ready, and an extra half hour to walk, and an extra ten minutes to get up the three flights of stairs leading up the hill to my school, and an extra ten to get to my class on the third floor.
I'll pass, thanks.

It takes me about twenty minutes to walk to school as is, and it's dangerous to walk on ice with crutches. I have trouble making it to the loo on my own, so I think I'd need an extra hour to get ready, and an extra half hour to walk, and an extra ten minutes to get up the three flights of stairs leading up the hill to my school, and an extra ten to get to my class on the third floor.
I'll pass, thanks.
Excuses, excuses.

I risked life and limb, and BROKE MY FUCKING ANKLE!
I'm so angry with myself. I can't walk, and I don't have a car, so I can't even get to school. I won't be able to work for at least two, maybe four weeks...


I'd let you borrow my wheelchair, but then I couldn't get to class. ...Oh, hell. It's snowing here and I'm probably stuck anyway. Wanna rent it for a few days?

*SNIP*
I also spent the whole day in emergency (though there was one extremely hot doctor to distract me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been).
*SNIP*


Since you've turned "lesbo," I'm assuming the doc was female? :rolleyes:

Since you've turned "lesbo," I'm assuming the doc was female? :rolleyes:Oh, I still like guys.
But this doctor was a woman.

Since you've turned "lesbo," I'm assuming the doc was female? :rolleyes:
Probably. :rolleyes:

*sigh* Lesbo-nazis. Can't live with them. :rolleyes:

Probably. :rolleyes:

*sigh* Lesbo-nazis. Can't live with them. :rolleyes:Please leave.

Please leave.

Yeah, you're interfering with the attention-whoring.

Please leave.
Good. The sooner you actually CAN die and get the Darwin Award, the better. :p

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/1810/zap1mi.gif

*unsubscribes*

Yeah, you're interfering with the attention-whoring.

No, you and him are being pricks for no reason.

Feel sorry for you breaking your ankle.

Does having a serious knife fight with my brother qualify? Neither of us got hurt tho, so probably not.

Oh, I still like guys.
But this doctor was a woman.

Seems that its no longer just 2 females that you like now :)

Does this help to reduce your confusion a bit?

Sure I think she could be a canidate for a darwin award. She did remove herself from the gene pool. Though the fact she is still fertile could be a problem. How do we know she won't change her mind? What if she accidently gets pregnant? I say we withold her from being a canidate for the darwin awards until she gets her tubes tied.

Oh and I say a canidate since removing herself from the genepool is all you need to be to be a canidate. But the actual darwin awards are reserved for people that remove themselves in a remarkable fashion. Even if she did get hit, unfortunately way too many people die by getting hit by things when they are worried about being late somewhere. Unfortunately Oxwana is just not stupid enough to win the darwin award.

Oh and Oxwana you should focus on men again. If not for any other reason then that we are much simplier to understand and I don't think what you did merits your removal from the gene pool. Let natural selection decide if you get removed or not. Now I don't understand all the guys encouraging lesbianism, sure you might enjoy fantisizing about them, but all and all it just means that there are less women to go around. If anything you should encourage guys to be gay, which would mean less competition.

:rolleyes: I recently created three opportunities to remove myself from the gene pool. god must have appreciated the humor I provided that day, as I was allowed to live and share my experiences with others.
(1) While working on the electrical system in my basement, I decided to remove an outlet without shutting down the circuit. I began unscrewing the outlet with my hand on the shaft of the screwdriver. The screwdriver slipped and jammed into the main wires, sending 120-volt vibes throughout my body. Fortunately, my convulsions jerked me free, but i stumbled into a tool shelf and power saws, drills, and other heavy objects rained down on me.
(2)Scraped, bruised, and stunned, I collected my wits and decided I had been wrong to neglect shutting off the circuit. The fuse box was located in the ceiling, of all places. I climbed a step stool beneath it, reached up with one hand, and released the safety catch. The five-pound wooden door swung down and smacked me in the face, happy to break my nose (which it DID decide to do) and knocked me off the ladder and onto the concrete floor.
(3)Now I was mad. I grabbed the nearest object, a crescent wrench, and whipped it at the fuse box. It ricocheted from the fuse box door to the basement window, shattering the window and sending shards of glass everywhere. Still stunned form the blow from the fuse box hatch, I walked barefoot across the floor...
After bandaging my feet, cleaning various scrapes and wounds, and staunching the blood flow from my nose, I called it a day.

You know, the darwin awards do have an honorable mention category for people who dont completely remove themselves form the gene pool. She would definitely be a candidate for that sub-genre.

No, you and him are being pricks for no reason.

No, I've got a reason. It's what I am.

Feel sorry for you breaking your ankle.

Does having a serious knife fight with my brother qualify? Neither of us got hurt tho, so probably not.It doesn't exactly qualify you for a Darwin, but it does make me feel much better. Since you made me feel better, I'll be as nice about this as possible. You and your brother were total idiots at that time. And now I feel much better about my own idiocy, which at least had a purpose.


Seems that its no longer just 2 females that you like now :)

Does this help to reduce your confusion a bit?As my friend from the GSA at my school said, it was "Only a matter of time before there are many, many girl crushes. Oodles of dyke love!"
And yes, it has helped to reduce my confusion a wee bit. I'm still kind of confused as to why my lady-lovin' has come on so suddenly...

Oh and I say a canidate since removing herself from the genepool is all you need to be to be a canidate. But the actual darwin awards are reserved for people that remove themselves in a remarkable fashion. Even if she did get hit, unfortunately way too many people die by getting hit by things when they are worried about being late somewhere. Unfortunately Oxwana is just not stupid enough to win the darwin award.Damnit!:(
Did I mention how it was snowing out when I decided to take my bike? >hopeful puppy dog expression< Am I stupid enough?

edit: I answered the rest of your post here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=9989140&posted=1#post9989140).

You know, the darwin awards do have an honorable mention category for people who dont completely remove themselves form the gene pool. She would definitely be a candidate for that sub-genre.

Well if you make yourself sterile that would count wouldnt it? I mean the guy that actually blew his balls off while playing with a loaded 45 in his waist band. That has to have its own catagory for sure.

As my friend from the GSA at my school said, it was "Only a matter of time before there are many, many girl crushes. Oodles of dyke love!"
And yes, it has helped to reduce my confusion a wee bit. I'm still kind of confused as to why my lady-lovin' has come on so suddenly...
Eh, same thing happened to me too. Though maybe not suite so suddenly, because I'd been wondering for many months if maybe I wasn't really straight.

Well if you make yourself sterile that would count wouldnt it? I mean the guy that actually blew his balls off while playing with a loaded 45 in his waist band. That has to have its own catagory for sure.

Yeah, that qualifies for the Darwin award. As long as you remove yourself from the gene pool, you're in.

You know, the darwin awards do have an honorable mention category for people who dont completely remove themselves form the gene pool. She would definitely be a candidate for that sub-genre.And you deserve your own genre.
Well done.

OMG that is the most awesome thing i have ever heard
i personally want to have your babies (eventhough you are removed from the gene pool)
:fluffle:

-snippage-
I'm so angry with myself. I can't walk, and I don't have a car, so I can't even get to school. I won't be able to work for at least two, maybe four weeks...
This is a bad thing how?
And I'm in pain, and I'm a real bitch when I'm in pain. I also spent the whole day in emergency (though there was one extremely hot doctor to distract me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been).
Wow. What an incredibly shitty day. I'm totally in shock.
I want to hear about other people being idiots so that I don't feel so bad....
Go.
I wasnt an Idiot i kicke arse today and only have a grazed elbow for my trouble, but thats ok because it is a battle wound.

When I was a lad, I jumped on the hood of a friend's car while it was moving through a parking lot. I was hoping to emulate a "movie hero clingling desperately to the hood of a car" kind of moment. Unfortunately, I slipped off. Sideways. My leg sprawled in front of the front wheel. . .which proceeded to roll over my leg.

The day before, I had been wearing shorts and took my motorcycle for a short ride. . .after getting home, I burnt my calf on the exhaust pipe. It blistered up.

The car rolled right over the burn.

Luckily, my leg came out unbruised and unbroken.

The burn blister tore off and had nasty bits dug into it. Excruciating pain.

2 counts of idiocy = me.

Well, when I was about 12, I made a bet with someone. I was supposed to roll down a looooooong slope of a hill on my bicycle (gaining some SERIOUS speed in the process), and then, near the end of the slope, I would pass between two trees growing very close to each other. If I miss, I hit a tree, and at that speed it would break my bike and probably my skull too.

Well, my aim was perfect. I didn't miss. The trouble was, though, that the handle bars of the bike were wider than the gap between the trees. So I barely had the time to remove my hands from the handle bars, and once they simultaneously hit the trees I was shot forward like a stone out of a slingshot. Flying was cool, landing wasn't.

Actually a guy who supplies 'goods' for 'our' 'work' once sand blasted his hand.o_O

Lascivious Maximus tried to tackle a Vehicle once.:p

I'm not sure that i've ever come close to death as a result of my own stupidity. And if I ever did, I was too stupid to notice. Hows that? :D

Sucks about your ankle, but at least you don't have to bother about that test for a while...and you have plenty of spare time to study for it now, heh, heh.

Once because i was bored i thought it would be good idea to take a rifle for target practice and shoot at some tin cans, but since it was cold outside i decided to do it in the basement, forgetting about one detail,bullets plus concrete equals ricochet,mind you i 12 at the time, does that count? since i couldn't procreate at the time.

So, I was on my way to school this morning, and running late. I had a French test first period, so even though it was snowing, I decided to take my bike. That was my first stroke of genius.
Then, on my way out of the parking lot of my appartment complex, going down the steep hill and turning on to the road... I saw a car coming and decided to accelerate. I deserve a darwin award. Like, I demand one. I may still be alive, and fertile, but I will personally prevent myself from ever reproducing in order to keep my genes out of the gene pool.
In order to be on time for one stupid French test... I risked life and limb, and BROKE MY FUCKING ANKLE!

I'm so angry with myself. I can't walk, and I don't have a car, so I can't even get to school. I won't be able to work for at least two, maybe four weeks...
And I'm in pain, and I'm a real bitch when I'm in pain. I also spent the whole day in emergency (though there was one extremely hot doctor to distract me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been).
Wow. What an incredibly shitty day. I'm totally in shock.
I want to hear about other people being idiots so that I don't feel so bad....
Go.

On the other hand, you now have a perfect excuse for missing the French test, and should be allowed to make it up later. Plus, you can impress your French teacher with your dedication and zeal for French - you risked your life to take that test! That's got to be worth a few extra points. And, of course, any poor performance in school for the next few weeks can be blamed on the pain and the drugs.

Do not underestimate the power of positive spin. Spin is your friend. It can turn an act of idiocy into one of sheer brilliance.

:p

And I'm in pain, and I'm a real bitch when I'm in pain.


Ah, come on, I'll kiss your ankle to comfort you.

On the other hand, you now have a perfect excuse for missing the French test, and should be allowed to make it up later. Plus, you can impress your French teacher with your dedication and zeal for French - you risked your life to take that test! That's got to be worth a few extra points. And, of course, any poor performance in school for the next few weeks can be blamed on the pain and the drugs.

Do not underestimate the power of positive spin. Spin is your friend. It can turn an act of idiocy into one of sheer brilliance.

:pI like the way you think.
I did risk life and limb (mostly limb) to take that test!
I'm taking T3s, so that's a decent excuse for being a little out of it, and I'm in pain, so I get to scream at people whenever I want (which I did last night). It's too bad I didn't get a concusion (though I really can't afford to have a fifth without causing permanent damage).

I know that my French teacher will let me take up the test, but it won't look good, seeing as how i haven't studied even a little since I've been stuck at home...

I actually had the pleasure of watching a man chase a half full beer can across a busy street in Las Vegas this summer...

You can only imagine the hilarity that ensued.....

;)