NationStates Jolt Archive

Rather than teach kids about sex through days of babbling, I compiled it all into this one song.


On the first day of intercourse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
The claps, now I cannot pee

On the second day of intercourse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee.

On the third day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the fourth day of intercourse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the fifth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the sixth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the seventh day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the eigth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
HPV and genital warts
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee


On the ninth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Nine cases of publc lice
HPV and genital warts
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the tenth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Ten cases of gonorrhea
Nine cases of pubic lice
HPV and genital warts
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the eleventh day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Eleven cases of chancroid
Ten cases of gonorrhea
Nine cases of pubic lice
HPV and genital warts
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

On the twelfth day of intercouse, Paris Hilton gave to me...
Twelve cases of hepatitis
Eleven cases of chancroid
Ten cases of gonorrhea
Nine cases of pubic lice
HPV and genital warts
(I wish it would just fall off)
Seven cases of scabies
Six cases of trichomoniasis
Chlamydia!
Four cases of the crabs
Three cases of syphilis
Two cases of herpes
and the claps, now I can't pee

It's guranteed to keep them abstinent, or your money back!

Just a note scabies is highly contagous and does not need sexual contact to spread :)

Other then that I would take your class in a heart beat

Very good.:p

Public lice?

*shudders*

Desperate Measures']Public lice?

*shudders*
Yes, apparently there is such a thing.

Lol... a lot better than my health class, thats for sure...

Your health class sounds like a lot more fun than the one I had last year...

Public lice?

Your health class sounds like a lot more fun than the one I had last year...
It's a hell of a lot shorter too. (And cheaper.)

Nice going. :D I think it's important that we educate kids about the dangers of Paris Hilton...

Surely the point of sex education is to educate, not to make people abstain?

Surely the point of sex education is to educate, not to make people abstain?
Uh, yeah, sure...

Surely the point of sex education is to educate, not to make people abstain?

Dude I remember My sex ed course, we of course a female teacher, i swear she was obsecced with the male gentials, i was for one hour and she spent most of her time talking about the boys and the girls kept giggling. She also talked about erection in the middle of the night, and saying " if she had one she'd be pround and tell her parents how her body works." Me and my friends couldn't sit still for anything:sniper: :sniper: :sniper:

Surely the point of sex education is to educate, not to make people abstain?
Well, you can educate, while making sure people know that they do have the choice if they want to have sex or not. It's important to stress that abstinance is a good thing, and not for religious reasons, but for spiritual reasons.

After all, if you give yourself when you don't feel ready, you're really doing yourself no favour...

Your health class sounds like a lot more fun than the one I had last year...
Surely the point of sex education is to educate, not to make people abstain?

Dude I remember My sex ed course, we of course a female teacher, i swear she was obsecced with the male gentials, i was for one hour and she spent most of her time talking about the boys and the girls kept giggling. She also talked about erection in the middle of the night, and saying " if she had one she'd be pround and tell her parents how her body works." Me and my friends couldn't sit still for anything

^ Goddamn it, only press the 'submit reply' button once.

*has ten sudden cases of Deja Vu* :(

Dude I remember My sex ed course, we of course a female teacher, i swear she was obsecced with the male gentials, i was for one hour and she spent most of her time talking about the boys and the girls kept giggling. She also talked about erection in the middle of the night, and saying " if she had one she'd be pround and tell her parents how her body works." Me and my friends couldn't sit still for anything
Um.. please don't ask why i have four posts, i kept click because it took forever, okay?

Well, you can educate, while making sure people know that they do have the choice if they want to have sex or not. It's important to stress that abstinance is a good thing, and not for religious reasons, but for spiritual reasons.

After all, if you give yourself when you don't feel ready, you're really doing yourself no favour...

Absolutely, I agree with that; I just objected to the way the original post was phrased. Made it seem as though the aim of sex education is to stop people having sex, whereas a good sex education course would educate about the potential risks and about the emotional side of things - why it is harmful to have sex when you're not ready, why relationships are important and whatnot. Ah well, probably just me being pedantic.

*has ten sudden cases of Deja Vu* :(
Did it burn, burn, burn, like the ring of fire?

it doesn't scan and public lice are the same as crabs

Absolutely, I agree with that; I just objected to the way the original post was phrased. Made it seem as though the aim of sex education is to stop people having sex, whereas a good sex education course would educate about the potential risks and about the emotional side of things - why it is harmful to have sex when you're not ready, why relationships are important and whatnot. Ah well, probably just me being pedantic.
And further, whiel it is humerous, I don't think Neo's idea is necessary effective as it is crude.

it doesn't scan and public lice are the same as crabs

:D

Dude I remember My sex ed course, we of course a female teacher, i swear she was obsecced with the male gentials, i was for one hour and she spent most of her time talking about the boys and the girls kept giggling. She also talked about erection in the middle of the night, and saying " if she had one she'd be pround and tell her parents how her body works." Me and my friends couldn't sit still for anything

:p

Wow, am I seeing double, or is there many instances of the same post on this page? :rolleyes:

Did it burn, burn, burn, like the ring of fire?

It tingled like unwanted sexual contact. :(

...


I'm assuming. It's never been unwanted before. ;)

And further, whiel it is humerous, I don't think Neo's idea is necessary effective as it is crude.
It's making fun of sex education as it stands today. When I had it, all we did was look at pictures of people with STDs and listen to abstinence only talks. Basically I condensed it all into one song.


Also, I ran out of STD's so I was redundant.

Not only am I trying to get over a song about STDs being sung to the tune of "On The First Day Of Christmas", I am having serious issues with the fact that you continued to have sex with Paris Hilton after the first two times!

Oh yeah. I almost forgot... my brain hurts now thanks to the octuplets of identical posts.

It's making fun of sex education as it stands today. When I had it, all we did was look at pictures of people with STDs and listen to abstinence only talks. Basically I condensed it all into one song.


Also, I ran out of STD's so I was redundant.

Jeez, is that how they do stuff where you are? We got taught how to put condoms on bananas. Seriously.

It's making fun of sex education as it stands today. When I had it, all we did was look at pictures of people with STDs and listen to abstinence only talks. Basically I condensed it all into one song.


Also, I ran out of STD's so I was redundant.
When we had sex ed... uh... Damnit! I know I had sex ed, why can't I remember a damn thing about it? Oh right, I kind of read a fiction novel while the teacher was talking.

Though we did get a whole proper 2-week long lecture about all the ins and outs, though, I think the crudest thing I ever saw, which was related to sex ed, while not in sex ed, was a video of a woman giving birth and from the POV of the doctor. Gotta love biology class!

Jeez, is that how they do stuff where you are? We got taught how to put condoms on bananas. Seriously.

That's really stupid. Bananas don't GET STDs! :rolleyes:

That's really stupid. Bananas don't GET STDs! :rolleyes:

It was a girls' school so we didn't have any boys to practise on :(

That's really stupid. Bananas don't GET STDs! :rolleyes:
Though they can get...uh... you know...uh... warts or infected from bugs!! :p

Jeez, is that how they do stuff where you are? We got taught how to put condoms on bananas. Seriously. For some reason, my form didn't get a sex ed class - but it sounded something like the whole banana thing. I would have viewed the lesson as an excuse to have arguments with the woman (always a woman), and make inexplicably offensive and random comments.:) What's the point of sex ed? No one takes it seriously!

For some reason, my form didn't get a sex ed class - but it sounded something like the whole banana thing. I would have viewed the lesson as an excuse to have arguments with the woman (always a woman), and make inexplicably offensive and random comments.:) What's the point of sex ed? No one takes it seriously!
Especially when you're a teenager - at that age, you know everything! The adults are treating you like you don't! :D (just kidding ;))

It was a girls' school so we didn't have any boys to practise on :(

Surely you can have a couple shipped in for the day. I volunteer. :D

Especially when you're a teenager - at that age, you know everything! The adults are treating you like you don't! :D (just kidding ;)) Actually, I don't know everything. I don't want to know about pubic crabs or whatnot!:eek:

Surely you can have a couple shipped in for the day. I volunteer. :D

I'm with you, amigo! :D

Surely you can have a couple shipped in for the day. I volunteer. :D

LOL. Literally, I proper chuckled. :D

It was a girls' school so we didn't have any boys to practise on :(

I remember the banana, too. What is it with all-girl schools. At mine it was like the nuns could smell a guy coming from 5,000 miles away. There was no being sneaky about it either. We couldn't even meet our boyfriends on the other side of the gate at lunch time without Sister Mary Elizabeth charging forward and screaming at the top of her voice, "Get away from here!!!" to the poor fools.

Actually, I don't know everything. I don't want to know about pubic crabs or whatnot!:eek:
So, I could shatter your youthfu; innocence forever if I decided to tell you wgar it is...? :D

So, I could shatter your youthfu; innocence forever if I decided to tell you wgar it is...? :D Probably lice.

Hmm… if I ever find any condoms that belong to a friend, I'll get the crabs somehow, and put them inside… that would be very amusing…

I remember the banana, too. What is it with all-girl schools. At mine it was like the nuns could smell a guy coming from 5,000 miles away. There was no being sneaky about it either. We couldn't even meet our boyfriends on the other side of the gate at lunch time without Sister Mary Elizabeth charging forward and screaming at the top of her voice, "Get away from here!!!" to the poor fools.

Oh man, you had nuns? Nah ours was firmly secular, thank fuck. Just all-female for academic reasons.

Surely nuns wouldn't want you using condoms though?

Probably lice.

Hmm… if I ever find any condoms that belong to a friend, I'll get the crabs somehow, and put them inside… that would be very amusing…
Pubic lice... little bugs, much like what you get on your head, only down in the genitals and they aren't the nice kind either!

And if you want condoms, go to your local radio station!

(In my case - the Edge 102 building! They give 'em away for free!)

Oh man, you had nuns? Nah ours was firmly secular, thank fuck. Just all-female for academic reasons.

Surely nuns wouldn't want you using condoms though?

I was flabbergasted, thinking it impossible myself. I wasn't drinking that day either. They had a whole troupe come in and do a skit. I think the nuns got somebody else to come in and teach us sex ed so they wouldn't have to, though.

Condoms were never even mentioned to us in sex ed.nor were stds.it was more like a biology class on the male reproductive system.and not a very good one.

you all talk about your sex ed classes like you only had, like, one of them? somehow i got treated to a whole bunch..

the first we had was in elementary school, 3rd grade if i'm not much mistaken. it basically consisted of watching a freaky ed film that i remeber gave me laughing fits even at that age..but then it *was* ridicoulus! it started out with a smimming pool and you saw little men swimming in it towards the other end, and then came something you thought were a shark until it reached the end and climbed out and you realized it was another little man, only that he had a pointed hat on that made him look like a shark..and so there was a lady at the other end where he climbed out, and then the two danced and swirled around and everything became blurry and then there was a baby. the end. i unfortunately don't remember if and/or what was being said afterwards.

the second was in orientation school, that is 5th or 6th grade, and it was the hwole biological stuff...male/female reproductional organs and all..plus we got to ask "questions we always wanted to ask but never dared" anonimously on pieces of paper..not a lot of fun as our teacher answreed nearly every one of them with either "this really depends on the individual now" or "there is no general rule on this". duh.

the third wa sin 9th grade and it was all about STD's, especially HIV/AIDS, and, once again, "all you want to know/ask". the most hilarious and most memorable part there was the first session when we determined democratically how we were going to call all the body parts and/or actions related to anything sexual as my teacher was very keen on "not offending anyone" by the use of any word some people migth be uncomfy with. took us for ages. :rolleyes: oh, and we did get to handle condoms too. only that we didn't practise on bananas but on wooden penis models the arts teachers made.

i like to imgaine how the wife comes in and says "but honey, what are you doing there?"
"oh, i'm just making a couple of wooden penises here. i'll be upstairs in a minute"

anyhow..ye.

you all talk about your sex ed classes like you only had, like, one of them? somehow i got treated to a whole bunch..

(...) schnippel

Not only you. Pretty much the same here.

But I still wouldn't take this class 'cause its teachings are flawed: Clap = Gonorrhea.

Not only you. Pretty much the same here.

But I still wouldn't take this class 'cause its teachings are flawed: Clap = Gonorrhea.
You try thinking of twelve STDs while smoking constantly.

Not only you. Pretty much the same here.

might that be because we both enjoyed the abovementioned in the same educational system? :) )IIRC)

We got the awesome condom on a bottle demonstration. Replacing the previous year's condom on a vibrator demonstration, which envoked the wrath of the one non-atheist family at the school.

You try thinking of twelve STDs while smoking constantly.
:p Hehe, I'd come up with new ones that sound like kitchen utensils...

:p Hehe, I'd come up with new ones that sound like kitchen utensils...
I'm always afraid of getting spatula or colander...

I'm always afraid of getting spatula or colander...

Or mabye.....

Cheese Grater!

Bum Bum Bum...

Or mabye.....

Cheese Grater!

Bum Bum Bum...
You shame me...

*shakes head is utter disgust*

You shame me...

*shakes head is utter disgust*

Bitch...

Bitch...
I was tossing up between disgust and distain... and ended up settling on tossing all over my desk...

I was tossing up between disgust and distain... and ended up settling on tossing all over my desk...

Hehehehe...You messed up your desk.

Hehehehe...You messed up your desk.
On the plus side, it's stopped all my papers blowing about

On the plus side, it's stopped all my papers blowing about

What exactly did you toss upon your fine desk, oh Black Jewish Catholic guy?

I attend a Catholic Secondary school (13-18 yr olds). When I had sex-ed in my first year there, we had this amazingly HOT teacher. So it was all quite strange. A hot Catholic teacher teaching us about sex. It was fun.

oh yes! let's hijack the thread, it's time it turned to a "fun with hot teachers" discussion anyhow-

okay, maybe not.

oh yes! let's hijack the thread, it's time it turned to a "fun with hot teachers" discussion anyhow-

okay, maybe not.
I was more talking about the interesting nature in which the sex-ed class took place. Btw, yes. I would take the OP's sex ed course.

and if it only were to hear/see neo-k sing, yeah.

What exactly did you toss upon your fine desk, oh Black Jewish Catholic guy?
Wouldn't you like to know...?



No seriosuly, would you?!

Wouldn't you like to know...?



No seriously, would you?!

I am profoundly curious.

Pass...

I'm still trying to find a cure to dipperitis :D

I am profoundly curious.
Seamen, as in Navy Personnel..

Seamen, as in Navy Personnel..

I see.

I never knew I exited your seamen so much.

I see.

I never knew I exited your seamen so much.
Oh yes, my Seamen always come rushing out my battleship when you're around...

:headbang:

and if it only were to hear/see neo-k sing, yeah.
My voice would cause your insides to implode and your skull to crumble within your brain. Then you would hear all sorts of color before you finally died of boredom.

Oh and I don't mind you hijacking this thread, as long as it deals with sex (ed)