NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I had to write this paper for a prof of mine a year ago, and then recently I was shown by a friend who told me that someone, in my class, had decided to post it on bash.org; I was surprised and went to the site and found it, then I decided to post it here, for all your enjoyment. AND I EARNED A GOOD DAMNED GRADE FOR IT TOO! so enjoy. :p

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e., Hell is exothermic). Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e., Hell is endothermic). So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Mrs. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.

OLD.
Also, I don’t believe you wrote it.

Hmm. I always thought souls didn't have a mass. When I touched on the philosophy of the mind, people like Descartes always claimed a physical and mental world exist seperatly and our soul was not physical.

That's almost as old as the internet itself. Nice try pretending you wrote it. Well, not really.

OLD.

First archived on Usenet: Jan 25 1997.

Given:

hell is hot;
the "reaction" in hell is the torturing of souls;
exothermic reactions give out heat;

Hence hell is exothermic. You could've saved loads of time if just wrote that.

I guess its true, can't ever take anything at face value, tisk tisk tisk. Thats fine if you don't believe me, I'll have to did through my other old word.docs and find another funny-ass one I could put up here...but wait..no nvm, you'd just claim it as hypocracy and I'd rant, then yor mother would give me a call, then I'd rant again and we'd all end up in a mess. So, nah I'll leave it at this.

I guess its true, can't ever take anything at face value, tisk tisk tisk. Thats fine if you don't believe me...

So what year did you 'write' it?

I guess its true, can't ever take anything at face value, tisk tisk tisk.


It's hard to take it at face value when you're claiming you wrote it 'a year ago' when the first time I saw this was at least 5 years ago, and I've seen it many times since in various places. hm?

lol you didn't write this and it's not even funny

here i made a picture of india for you

http://www.maj.com/gallery/turbomotive/turbomotive/handmap.jpg (http://www.freewebs.com/runeforumwalker/india.GIF)

Is hell endothermic or exothermic?

Yes.

*pencils a check mark*

NEXT!!

It's hard to take it at face value when you're claiming you wrote it 'a year ago' when the first time I saw this was at least 5 years ago, and I've seen it many times since in various places. hm?

You know Al Gore invented Lollerskates.

The essay is older than you are. Taking credit for other people's bad jokes: how I wish I could be like you.

It's hard to take it at face value when you're claiming you wrote it 'a year ago' when the first time I saw this was at least 5 years ago, and I've seen it many times since in various places. hm?


Ah, I missed his claim that he wrote it 'a year ago'.

(To the tune of the chimes of Big Ben) Bull-shit, Bull-shit. Bull-shit. Bull-shit


http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.punk.europe/msg/4e63cc03a152d1df?hl=en&

Souls have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic :rolleyes:

Souls have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic :rolleyes:

Ba-zing :p

So, I had to write this paper for a prof of mine a year ago, and then recently I was shown by a friend who told me that someone, in my class, had decided to post it on bash.org; I was surprised and went to the site and found it, then I decided to post it here, for all your enjoyment. AND I EARNED A GOOD DAMNED GRADE FOR IT TOO! so enjoy. :p

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e., Hell is exothermic). Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e., Hell is endothermic). So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Mrs. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.

:rolleyes:

You know, if you're going to plagiarise something, try to make sure it's not something that everyone has read a gazillion times from a gazillion different sources for the past SEVERAL years. Sheesh.

What disgusts me even more so than the plagiarism itself is the assumption that nobody will see through such a pathetic attempt.

Hey, guess what? There was this one time, when I was serving in the American Navy as Captain of the USS Lincoln, when we almost started a war with Canada, right, but...oh, I'll let you look for yourself - someone from the crew must have posted this on the internet, I can't believe it!

http://www.exchangedlife.com/humor/jokes/navy_vs_canada.shtml

Not only am I 18, I'm British, but it's still true, honest! ¬_¬

So, I had to write this paper for a prof of mine a year ago, and then recently I was shown by a friend who told me that someone, in my class, had decided to post it on bash.org; I was surprised and went to the site and found it, then I decided to post it here, for all your enjoyment. AND I EARNED A GOOD DAMNED GRADE FOR IT TOO! so enjoy. :p

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e., Hell is exothermic). Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e., Hell is endothermic). So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Mrs. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.


QUICK! Get your lawyers! Someone with a time machine STOLE your paper, went into the past, and POSTED IT ON THE INTARWEB!!!!

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

:rolleyes:

You know, if you're going to plagiarise something, try to make sure it's not something that everyone has read a gazillion times from a gazillion different sources for the past SEVERAL years. Sheesh.

What disgusts me even more so than the plagiarism itself is the assumption that nobody will see through such a pathetic attempt.

Seconded. I think it's even been posted in NS once (at least) before.

But it's amusing to see him think he can get away with it. :p

Give him credit for posting something entertaining, anyway.

Hey guys. I wrote this a few years ago, thought you might find it interesting. I did it for a 9th grade physics class at F. Raudulent High School in Poser, California.

Energy = Mass X (Speed of light)^2

And by way, I got a hell of grade for it.

To give him credit, his attempt to claim credit for this is actually funnier than the joke itself. Thanks.

Souls have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic :rolleyes:
I remember seeing a shirt in Kirkbride Hall that said the same thing, except with electrons :D

So, I had to write this paper for a prof of mine a year ago, and then recently I was shown by a friend who told me that someone, in my class, had decided to post it on bash.org; I was surprised and went to the site and found it, then I decided to post it here, for all your enjoyment. AND I EARNED A GOOD DAMNED GRADE FOR IT TOO! so enjoy. :p

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e., Hell is exothermic). Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e., Hell is endothermic). So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Mrs. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.


Souls are like light, or gravity, they have no mass.

You know Al Gore invented Lollerskates.
I heard it was the Interweb.

Souls are like light, or gravity, they have no mass.
Shouldnt you be saying Souls dont exist?o_O

Souls are like light, or gravity, they have no mass.
Before you make that assertion, I want to see some empirical evidence :P