NationStates Jolt Archive


Who's fault?

Tluiko
19-11-2005, 00:12
It's good to be back at the nationstatesforum (though I really should be preparing some experimrents right now). (And I am sorry for the mistakes... I guess my English suffer a little from not speaking English at all during the last few month.) But maybe I should come to the point.
So, let's tell a little story...
I started studying physics a month ago, so I made some new friends including one girl...
She is a very motivated and good student (best grade possible when graduated from school, has several scholarships), but nevertheless is not very confident and always doubts whether she is good enough. From some intense and interesting conversations with her I know that she had to suffer a lot some years a lot, because a lot of envious(?) other students always said that she just had good grades because she learned a lot and not because she was intelligent. Moreover I started to like her a lot and I guess she also likes me.

Today we had a chemistry lecture and I sat next to her. Because I didn't understand anything I started talking to my other neighbor...

In chemistry lectures the professor in the end always makes some experiments to show how interesting chemistry is (the experiments do not have any connection to the content of the lessons). Nevertheless the girl I mentioned before started to wirte down anything the professor said abeout the experiments. Thus I ironically asked her whether she wanted to learn all that by heart. She just said: "If you were quiet, I would be able to listen."
So I shut up and didnt say anything anymore.
But during the next hours I somehow realised that she was angry at me.
Because I had no opportunity to talk to her before, I asked her via ICQ why she was angry with me and said that I was sorry. She just said that I was right to be sorry and went offline. I tried to call her about 10 times, but she did not answer the phone (she cant know that it was me, so I hope she just wasnt home, which unforutnately is relatively unlike, because 2 times I got the busy signal...
Now I dont know what to do and am a sad...
(I could have told the story in even more detail, but then this would be somewhat long.)
Drunk commies deleted
19-11-2005, 00:19
Weird. She's that angry because you spoke to her? Maybe she's psycho. Maybe she's angry about something you said or did earlier.
Tluiko
19-11-2005, 00:25
I'm sorry if I didnt get that one right...
she is angry beacause of the "learning" by heart thing... not only, but especially that may sound weird, but I really knew that she suffered quite a lot from the bullying some years ago, and so If I had though about it a little I would have known that she would be hurt and I guess that wath makes her angry: I did think about what I sad be before...
And I have to admit that my "Do you want to learn all that by heart?" might have sound derogative...
Drunk commies deleted
19-11-2005, 00:29
I'm sorry if I didnt get that one right...
she is angry beacause of the "learning" by heart thing... not only, but especially that may sound weird, but I really knew that she suffered quite a lot from the bullying some years ago, and so If I had though about it a little I would have known that she would be hurt and I guess that wath makes her angry: I did think about what I sad be before...
And I have to admit that my "Do you want to learn all that by heart?" might have sound derogative...
I can't see how that would be offensive. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but if she'll take offense at that you should really think about whether or not you're willing to put up with that kind of behavior. I can't see someone being traumatized because people picked on her for having a good memory.
Mauvasia
19-11-2005, 00:39
Yes, it is your fault. In fact, it is always your fault. You should learn to live with it and stop complaining on places that don't help any, like NS General, to people who won't help either, like me. :p

Please do not take this advice seriously. This post brought to you by the Official Rock Thrower of the NS Forums. Thank you and have a nice day.
Pure Metal
19-11-2005, 01:26
sounds to me like you could have been a little more sensative/tactful, but then again she sounds pretty touchy and oversensative herself... my guess is if she can't take a joke, maybe she's not the one for you (or anybody perhaps)... i don't know if that was the question or not (didn't see one and i'm tired), but thats what i guess this boils down to.

as for what to do now, let things cool off for a bit and explain that you didn't realise you were being insensitive. if she doesn't accept it, she's not much of a friend
AllCoolNamesAreTaken
19-11-2005, 01:36
The other person you turned to talk to...was it a girl? Because if so, then THAT was your true mistake.

If not, then tell her honestly that you respect her intelligence and dedication to bettering herself. If she doesn't get over it...she may just be a psycho.
Tluiko
19-11-2005, 11:40
The other person you turned to talk to...was it a girl? Because if so, then THAT was your true mistake.

Yes it was and I see what you mean, but this other girl was more or less my best friend here so even if that was the point, she should be able to deal with that;)
German Nightmare
19-11-2005, 11:51
Yes it was and I see what you mean, but this other girl was more or less my best friend here so even if that was the point, she should be able to deal with that;)
No! That's women for you.

If you want something from girl A there must not be a girl B. Never. Never ever. Ignore them all until girl A says otherwise. And even then, only girl A exists for you. That's how it works.

Or else you see what happens...

(Believe you me - been there, done that, didn't know either at the time!)