NationStates Jolt Archive

On the BBS I run, I've got a thread where I do a sex Q&A thing, with people posting questions about sex, which I then answer. I thought I'd share this one from today:

Can Canadians have sex? Like, is it physically possible?

The short answer is no. But it's the explanation that's interesting. You see, it's a little known fact that the Barbie and Ken dolls were actually directly modelled on a Canadian couple of the same name. Betcha didn't know that, eh? Contrary to popular belief, the dolls are, in fact, anatomically correct, as Canadians have no genitalia (or nipples, for that matter).

http://www.marysspidersweb.com/Page77_pict01414.jpeghttp://www.marysspidersweb.com/Page76_pict01694.jpeg

Lacking genitalia, however, does not prevent Canadians from reproducing -- obviously, because otherwise we wouldn't have Michael J. Fox, Shania Twain, or 90% of the NHL.

Instead of sexual reproduction, Canadians reproduce by budding. At some point in his or her life (indeed, sometimes more than once in a lifetime), a mature Canadian will grow what appears to be a pimple in his or her armpit. This "pimple" is actually a zygote, which continues to grow in the armpit region until it reaches the size of a human fetus, at which point, it drops off and begins life on its own. However, it should be noted that these "pimples" are frequently "popped" by unknowing Canadians -- in effect, an unintentional abortion -- which is why the population of Canada has never exploded.

This asexual method of reproduction has been kept relatively quiet, though, as Canadians generally sprout the bud during the summer, and it doesn't grow to a noticeable size until early winter. The bud grows to its full size over the course of the winter, when Canadians are all snowed in their houses, and detaches itself from the armpit before the spring thaw, thus ensuring the continuation of the Canadian species.

I met a canadian once and he told me that he kept a gun in his pants, but then he took out his truncheon and thwacked me with it. It really hurt.

Were you making fun of his "pimple"?

Were you making fun of his "pimple"?
No! I just asked him if I could borrow a Compact Disc!

No! I just asked him if I could borrow a Compact Disc!


If he hit you for that, I shudder to think what he would've done had you made fun of his bud...

If he hit you for that, I shudder to think what he would've done had you made fun of his bud...
What do you think he would have done?

Dunno. For all I know, he might've unleashed Chuck Norris on your ass.

Oh yeah.... as if we could ever have invented hockey if we'd had zygotes hanging from our armpits all winter......:rolleyes:

What is it with Chuck Norris? I don't even know who he is...

What is it with Chuck Norris? I don't even know who he is...


Blasphemer! :eek:

Oh yeah.... as if we could ever have invented hockey if we'd had zygotes hanging from our armpits all winter......:rolleyes:

Well duh! We only grow zygotes once or twice in our lifetimes. That gives us plenty of time to play hockey. We only have to sit out one or two seasons. That's why we invented hockey on TV, so zygote-bearers can maintain their attachment to the national pastime during the gestation period.

Avril Lavigne.

Well duh! We only grow zygotes once or twice in our lifetimes. That gives us plenty of time to play hockey. We only have to sit out one or two seasons. That's why we invented hockey on TV, so zygote-bearers can maintain their attachment to the national pastime during the gestation period.

Zigactly!

Avril Lavigne.

She's hot. Too bad she's uber-annoying...

Canadians do, indeed have genitals, and can have sex.

I know for a fact that at least one of them can, anyway. But she was from Newfoundland, and I understand that the rules for Canadians don't always apply to Newfies.

:p

Canadians do, indeed have genitals, and can have sex.

LIES!

Yeah, imagine having no genitals AND living in Canada. You'd go insane

Canadians may not have genitals, or sex-based reproduction, but they DO have orifices and they CAN have recreational sex based on the biology documented so far by Mattel.

Dobbs to Operations:

They have yet to deduce the significance of Kraft Dinner with regards to our reproductive cycle.

Advise.

Dobbs to Operations:

They have yet to deduce the significance of Kraft Dinner with regards to our reproductive cycle.

Advise.

You eat Kraft Dinner too?

What a lame post. Have you nothing better to do than take the piss out of Canada?

What a lame post. Have you nothing better to do than take the piss out of Canada?

And what a great first post from you! :rolleyes:

You eat Kraft Dinner too?
No no no this is verging on creepiness. Are you telling me you eat KD?

Have you nothing better to do than take the piss out of Canada?
Why not? We take the piss out of them all the time. Bad habit, really but it's deeply ingrained into the national character.

No no no this is verging on creepiness. Are you telling me you eat KD?

Almost every night.

Canadians may not have genitals, or sex-based reproduction, but they DO have orifices and they CAN have recreational sex based on the biology documented so far by Mattel.


my thoughts exactly but presently much less crudely than I would have put it.

Why not? We take the piss out of them all the time. Bad habit, really but it's deeply ingrained into the national character.

The piss trade is in fact guaranteed and endorsed by NAFTA. Hooray!

Almost every night.
Dobbs to Operations:

Subject Kimchi may be getting too close. Request instructions.

WHAT!?

Canadian's can't have SEX!?

How can I fantasize about Neve Campbell now?

This thread sucks. Or prevents the thought of sucking. Which is much, MUCH, worse.

Dobbs to Operations:

Subject Kimchi may be getting too close. Request instructions.

I have three kids - you try serving something else and see if they eat it.

Maybe my kids have been replaced by aliens...

How can I fantasize about Neve Campbell now?

Neve Campbell's father, Jerry, was my highschool drama teacher. I met her on any number of occasions, when she was still pre-pubescent.

LIES!

I have genitals.

*shifty eyes*

Wanna look?

Neve Campbell's father, Jerry, was my highschool drama teacher. I met her on any number of occasions, when she was still pre-pubescent.

This may be the period I am least interested in her.

Unless I was already planting the seed for a later conquest...

Okay, I suppose that's weird to hear about someone you knew, right?

Okay, I suppose that's weird to hear about someone you knew, right?
Quite.

Dobbs to Operations:

Subject Kimchi may be getting too close. Request instructions.

Ops to Dobbs:

Take him out.

:p

I have three kids - you try serving something else and see if they eat it.

Maybe my kids have been replaced by aliens...

I was making KD for my daughter one night, and lo, we were out of milk! Thinking fast, I plopped some yogourt into the pot instead.

Wow. So creamy and thick! And it made it taste cheesier too, somehow.:)

I was making KD for my daughter one night, and lo, we were out of milk! Thinking fast, I plopped some yogourt into the pot instead.

Wow. So creamy and thick! And it made it taste cheesier too, somehow.:)

I've used sour cream instead of milk, but the kids can tell if I stray from the instructions on the box.

:confused: wait how do they pee :confused:

:confused: wait how do they pee :confused:

Simple. They don't. They secrete urine through their sweat glands.

I've used sour cream instead of milk, but the kids can tell if I stray from the instructions on the box.

Sour cream? :eek: That's naaaaaaasty.

Is it just me or do a lot of Americans seem to like insulting Canadians?

Is it just me or do a lot of Americans seem to like insulting Canadians?
Oh, it's okay. We Canadians insult americans on a regular basis too.

It's sort of a friendly neighbourhood thing. ;)

Is it just me or do a lot of Americans seem to like insulting Canadians?

We don't go after Canadians in particular. We're equal-opportunity insulters. :p

should i be worried that my step sis is Canadian *hides in corner*:eek:

should i be worried that my step sis is Canadian *hides in corner*:eek:

Not worried, no, but you definitely won't be nailing her. :p

We don't go after Canadians in particular. We're equal-opporunity insulters. :p
its true we insult any one the comes acrossed r minds

Not worried, no, but you definitely won't be nailing her. :p
lol

Canadians generally don't have to make fun of Americans; they do perfectly well on their own, unfortunately.

Canadians generally don't have to make fun of Americans; they do perfectly well on their own, unfortunately.


Damn straight!





















Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...wait a minute...

Is it just me or do a lot of Americans seem to like insulting Canadians?
It's part of the Canadian culture to make fun/insult close friends. The Americans can't grasp the fact that we actually love them, it's just that we're afraid to show our emotions. And we know why that is! *looks at first post*

Damn straight!

*snipped for relative brevity*

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...wait a minute...
Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Wiseguy, eh?

It's part of the Canadian culture to make fun/insult close friends. The Americans can't grasp the fact that we actually love them, it's just that we're afraid to show our emotions. And we know why that is! *looks at first post*

Yup, it can only lead to frustration. ;)