NationStates Jolt Archive

When Jesus died and came back to life, people were amazingly nonchalant about it. They were, like, "Whoa! Jesus! You're alive again! WOW! That's pretty amazing. Have some wine." and not "AAAIIIEEE!!! THE DEAD WALK!!! RUN! THE DEAD ARE COMING TO GET US ALL!!! AIEEEE!!!!" as people form a mob of torch-and-pitchfork bearers to take on the zombie Jesus.

Then again, Jesus was pretty easy going about it too. You know, he stuck around for forty days saying, "Yep. I'm alive. ...Yeah, I told you I was the Son of God." Then he got his fill of wine and went to Heaven anyway.

Mellow guy.

But what about you? Suppose you could choose to die and come back. But only once. How would you use that power?

insurance fraud

Big life insurance policy.

"accidental" death.

Profit.


I'm taking it with me, biyatch!

Hey, you're right! I never thought about it that way, but you are sooo right...

*venerates LG*

insurance fraud
My entire office jsut turned around as I non-desicreetly burst out laughing to this one. Welcome to NS.

I would run around and freak out all the people who annoy me. I mean if they thought I was dead, and I show up the next day, that would be pretty freaky right?:p

i would try to scare everyone that thought that i was dead :D

Wonder what it's like to be hit by a bus?

I'd use it to start a Zombie Apocalypse. See, before I died I'd create a zombie irus, and also a cure/vaccine/zombie repellant. Then I'd infect myself with my zombie virus and die, and become a zombie and taking the secret of the cure/vaccine/zombie repellant with me to my walking deadhood. Then, upon resurrection, I would innocculate myself against zombies and zombism and then take advantage of remaining fractions of humanity, desperate to not become or be eaten by zombies.

I would run around and freak out all the people who annoy me. I mean if they thought I was dead, and I show up the next day, that would be pretty freaky right?:p
It'd be better if you casually wondered over to your own funeral eating a sandwich...

I'd use it as proof that I have been sent by the gods to bring wisdom to mankind. Basically, the Jesus route, except I'd make something of it and build one Hell of an empire before punching out the second time.

Scientology becomes the second wierdest religion out there. It's true I died and was ressurected by his noodly appendege.

1. Run for President while prfessing my deep faith in Jesus.

2. Arrange to be killed publicly and messily by an assassin.

3. Come back 3 days later.

4. Secure the red states' vote.

5. Piss them off with my Liberal/Left governance.

l would really really like to come back and scare the hell out of people.
But I want to have wings or something. I'd be all like "WoooOOOOooo!!! I am the angel of death! FEAR ME!!!"

I'd try to keep it a secret. Otherwise people might try to kill me because they wanted to see if I could do it again, or because they thought I was an unholy abomination.

I would get a tattoo with all that insurance money... Then I would go out and shop. THEN, I would walk into my own funeral. With a jalopeno pepper.

I'd try to keep it a secret. Otherwise people might try to kill me because they wanted to see if I could do it again
I just had the mental image of the teletubbies chasing you off a cliff screaming "AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!", and all through it that sun/face thing just looks on in grim silence.
That show was of the devil, and I am glad that I no longer am regularly exposed to children who might watch it.

I just had the mental image of the teletubbies chasing you off a cliff screaming "AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!", and all through it that sun/face thing just looks on in grim silence.
That show was of the devil, and I am glad that I no longer am regularly exposed to children who might watch it.

Yes, I will have to buy an anti-teletubbie weapon if I ever get resurrected,

I'd give my extra life to someone already dead like Douglas Adams.

When Jesus died and came back to life, people were amazingly nonchalant about it. They were, like, "Whoa! Jesus! You're alive again! WOW! That's pretty amazing. Have some wine." and not "AAAIIIEEE!!! THE DEAD WALK!!! RUN! THE DEAD ARE COMING TO GET US ALL!!! AIEEEE!!!!" as people form a mob of torch-and-pitchfork bearers to take on the zombie Jesus.

Nonchalant? QUOI???!!

Then they went away quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed, and ran to announce this to his disciples.

When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.

Then they went out and fled from the tomb, seized with trembling and bewilderment. They said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.

When they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. After this he appeared in another form to two of them walking along on their way to the country. They returned and told the others; but they did not believe them either.

...but their story seemed like nonsense and they did not believe them.

But they were startled and terrified and thought that they were seeing a ghost.

While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed...

Granted that the John Gospel talks only of their surprise and joy and Thomas's initial disbelief, but it certainly doesn't say they took it nonchalantly or it wasn't a big deal. Now that that's out of the way...

But what about you? Suppose you could choose to die and come back. But only once. How would you use that power?

I say I'd store it up, like any good video gamer would. One question: if you die of old age, and come back after that, does it mean that you'll soon die of old age again?

Nonchalant? QUOI???!!

Granted that the John Gospel talks only of their surprise and joy and Thomas's initial disbelief, but it certainly doesn't say they took it nonchalantly or it wasn't a big deal. Now that that's out of the way...

I say I'd store it up, like any good video gamer would. One question: if you die of old age, and come back after that, does it mean that you'll soon die of old age again?

Did you totally miss the point of the thread, or are you purposely trying to turn it into a religious debate?

OH! I'd also kill everyone I hated right before I killed myself. After all, you can't try a dead man for murder.

Did you totally miss the point of the thread, or are you purposely trying to turn it into a religious debate?

Hey, he spent three paragraphs talking about people being nonchalant about Jesus' resurrection. He spent only one paragraph talking about the thread title. I answered both. :)

And, like I said, I'd save the extra life like any good video gamer would.

I have semi done that. I had some friends who thought I was killed in a plane crash. It was interesting as my cellphone had broke the same week, so no one could reach me through it. I ended up dropping by and visiting on a charter trip. Needless to say, they were supprised to see me.

Hey, he spent three paragraphs talking about people being nonchalant about Jesus' resurrection. He spent only one paragraph talking about the thread title. I answered both. :)

And, like I said, I'd save the extra life like any good video gamer would.

LMAO!! :D

LMAO!! :D

I would tell everbody what's really going on in the afterlife. Or I'd just eat all the banana splits I could find. Both sound good.

"That J3su5 guy's got terrible lag! It took him three days to respawn!" :eek:

I would tell everbody what's really going on in the afterlife. Or I'd just eat all the banana splits I could find. Both sound good.

Even better. Eat all the banana splits you can find BEFORE you die. As you do so, corner the banana and split market. I mean ice cream. The banana and ice cream markets. Then die from extreme banana split obesity... and come back. Make sure people know you actually died.

Circulate a rumour that your new banana split recipe grants immortality. By the time you die the second time, it'll be too late for them to catch on!

I'd borrow an idea from George Carlin.

I would go to one of those faith healers like Benny Hinn or one of those. I'd get in line, wait for exactly the right moment, and just as Benny is laying his hand on my head, I'd DIE!!!!

Three days later, I'd wake up and enjoy the headlines. :)

Question!

This rebirth. If we are horribly mangled and/or paralysed in a process, but don't actually die, can we assume our bodies to be repaired to their former glory on second life, or do we merely resurrect in our otherwise damaged form?

When Jesus died and came back to life...<snip>

Heh. Sigged.

Question!

This rebirth. If we are horribly mangled and/or paralysed in a process, but don't actually die, can we assume our bodies to be repaired to their former glory on second life, or do we merely resurrect in our otherwise damaged form?

I would say that would depend on how long before death one were mangled and what part to play that mangling had on the person's death. For instance, Stephen Hawking would come back just as paralyzed as before. But someone run over by a threshing machine and surviving for a week before succumbing to a rejected torso transplant would come back fully healed. :)

If I came back for forty days I would see if I can break the record for killing as many people as I could in that amount of time. Might as well get some company to play Craps with.

Question!

This rebirth. If we are horribly mangled and/or paralysed in a process, but don't actually die, can we assume our bodies to be repaired to their former glory on second life, or do we merely resurrect in our otherwise damaged form?

Didn't Jesus still have the wounds made by the nails in his hands after his resurrection? Death on a cross results from a combination of thirst, exhaustion, blood loss and suffocation, none of which leaves a permanent mark on a body (well, other than killing it of course). I think we're talking about the kind of resurrection where you live in the same shape in which you died.

Actually, it's pretty lucky that Jesus wasn't executed by decapitation. Probably wouldn't have made as good of a story then.

"Yay, I have returned. Oh sorry, I guess a bit of duct tape is too much to hope for?"

2. Arrange to be killed publicly and messily by an assassin.
3. Come back 3 days later.


Just to let you know. In Christian Apocalyptic Litereature, that is one of the things that is going to happen to the Anti-Christ only he is going to recover from a Fatal Injury rather that come back to life. So when you said that I immediately thought of the Anti-Christ.

OH! I'd also kill everyone I hated right before I killed myself. After all, you can't try a dead man for murder.
Or they can just try you on all the murders, and then enjoy double jeopardy in your next life. :)

I would say that would depend on how long before death one were mangled and what part to play that mangling had on the person's death. For instance, Stephen Hawking would come back just as paralyzed as before. But someone run over by a threshing machine and surviving for a week before succumbing to a rejected torso transplant would come back fully healed. :)
So... what if Stephen Hawking was to die in an operation that attempted to fix his paralysis by rewiring his neural pathways? Could his condition be held as a cause of his death? Similarly, could an HIV victim's disease be held as a cause for when he dies of some other illness?

Didn't Jesus still have the wounds made by the nails in his hands after his resurrection? Death on a cross results from a combination of thirst, exhaustion, blood loss and suffocation, none of which leaves a permanent mark on a body (well, other than killing it of course). I think we're talking about the kind of resurrection where you live in the same shape in which you died.

Actually, it's pretty lucky that Jesus wasn't executed by decapitation. Probably wouldn't have made as good of a story then.

"Yay, I have returned. Oh sorry, I guess a bit of duct tape is too much to hope for?"
Interesting thought! Would Jesus have come back to life again if he'd been cremated?

"Yay, I have returned. Oh sorry, I guess a bit of duct tape is too much to hope for?"

Although now that I think about it, it would offer a neat explanation as to why duct tape is called "Jesus tape" in Finland. Always wondered about that one...

Although now that I think about it, it would offer a neat explanation as to why duct tape is called "Jesus tape" in Finland. Always wondered about that one...
It is? I'm sooo remembering that and pestering Finns next time I go to the mainland! :p

It is? I'm sooo remembering that and pestering Finns next time I go to the mainland! :p

Yeah. I think the best explanation I've heard was "you don't believe a grown man stays on a cross with three nails, do you?".

Yeah. I think the best explanation I've heard was "you don't believe a grown man stays on a cross with three nails, do you?".
LOL! :)

Yeah. I think the best explanation I've heard was "you don't believe a grown man stays on a cross with three nails, do you?".
I heard a story once about a marketing company that got into trouble when they used Jesus on the cross to advertise a particular brand of nails. They changed their strategy to show him legging it, with the slogan "They should have used our nails".

i know i'd stay cross if i got nailed 3 times...

1. Run for President while professing my deep faith in Jesus.

2. Arrange to be killed publicly and messily by an assassin.

3. Come back 3 days later.

4. Secure the red states' vote.

5. Piss them off with my Liberal/Left governance.
LOL :D
A perfect plan! I think I'm in love...

It'd be better if you casually wondered over to your own funeral eating a sandwich...
sure, but my kids would be there, and I wouldn't want to traumatize them, I would probably you know show up to church and creep out this lady that annoys me

"I have traveled from beyond the grave to give you a message from God.......he says you should have been nicer to me............."

like to go to my own funeral, calmely look at my family and..

scream: I TOLD YOU YOU'D ALL BE THE DEATH OF ME!!!!!

or step out of the coffin and say.

is this the best you guys thought i'd deserved??? for shame

So... what if Stephen Hawking was to die in an operation that attempted to fix his paralysis by rewiring his neural pathways? Could his condition be held as a cause of his death? Similarly, could an HIV victim's disease be held as a cause for when he dies of some other illness?

*fidgets*

Um...

I'll tell you what: Try it out then tell me the rules. :)

not "AAAIIIEEE!!! THE DEAD WALK!!! RUN! THE DEAD ARE COMING TO GET US ALL!!! AIEEEE!!!!" as people form a mob of torch-and-pitchfork bearers to take on the zombie Jesus.
:eek: sweet zombie jesus! he stinks! ewwwwww...


ah i'd probably just use my power to really freak out people at my funeral :)


or write a best-selling book on the death experience and leave all the money to my family

Obviously, I'd say that I was Christ, and everyone would think it was the Second Coming. And everyone would listen to me, and I would solve all the world's problems. Easy.

Alternatively, I'd just start my own religion and become filthy rich and powerful.

Or, in the most lucrative idea yet, I'd write a book about what death is like. Can you imagine? Every single person on earth would buy that.

Just to let you know. In Christian Apocalyptic Litereature, that is one of the things that is going to happen to the Anti-Christ only he is going to recover from a Fatal Injury rather that come back to life. So when you said that I immediately thought of the Anti-Christ.
You needn'tt worry about Gymoor, he isn't the Anti-Christ, I already have that position covered. Oh, and FYI, when the time comes it'll be better if you don't try anything foolishly righteous or rebellious.
It only causes needless excitement and melodrama.

I would die a horrible gruesome death (Hopefully coming back whole) and then coming back a day later and pretending like it never happened, and whenever somebody asks you about it or mentions it, glaze your eyes over and say something like "I was on a fishing trip. Yes, that's what I was doing. Fishing. With the fish and all."

I'd go to the middle east, and be like, "Virgins? I hate to break it to ya, Ahmed, but they are all sluts up there"

It'd be better if you casually wondered over to your own funeral eating a sandwich...
Lol awesome idea and you could ressurect yourself inside the coffin and burst out yelling SURPRISE!!

You needn'tt worry about Gymoor, he isn't the Anti-Christ, I already have that position covered.
Yeah, I nearly got suckered into that. Dodged a bullet, man; the staff is lousy and the wages are appalling (though the working conditions weren't bad, it must be said). In the end, I figured that if it turns out the demand for apocalyptic battle goes up, there'll be so many more people hiring that guys like us'll be able to name our terms.

1. Run for President while prfessing my deep faith in Jesus.

2. Arrange to be killed publicly and messily by an assassin.

3. Come back 3 days later.

4. Secure the red states' vote.

5. Piss them off with my Liberal/Left governance.
Awesome. Although I may disagree with you on some issues politically, your political plan is genious.:eek:

Interesting thought! Would Jesus have come back to life again if he'd been cremated?

Quite probably. Just add water ;)

Quite probably. Just add water ;)

New in Christian stores: Instant Jesus! Just add water! Now with 25% more holyness!

I would die the most interesting death I could. And then I'd sneak out of the casket just before the funeral. Then during the interment I'd walk up to my casket and do the sobbing routine. Then I'd laugh my ass off as everybody screams and elderly women faint.

What, finally dead and then have to return? No way

LOL :D
A perfect plan! I think I'm in love...

Well if you qualify under these 3 criteria, you might have a chance:

1. Female
2. Of legal age
3. With a pulse

Oh, easy.
Someone came up with a similar one already, but:

First, I'd enjoy this life, nearly all the way to the end. (There's no need to cut Life #1 short by much.)

Then, once I was old and thinking that the end might be near, I'd lure all my (still-living) enemies to some state which has the death penalty, where I'd massacre them.
I'd plead guilty to the massacre, get sentenced to death, and get executed.

Then resurrect. The sentence would have been already carried out, leaving me home free for Life #2.

Added: Before I did the massacre, I'd try to stash a big wad of money somewhere, so I start my new life well-set.

Funny thing is, when Jesus was resurrected his friends didn't recognise him.

Catch my gf sleeping with another woman :D

Just to let you know. In Christian Apocalyptic Litereature, that is one of the things that is going to happen to the Anti-Christ only he is going to recover from a Fatal Injury rather that come back to life. So when you said that I immediately thought of the Anti-Christ.
Can anyone check this for me (I threw my last bible out when the pages started falling out).
I'm fairly certain that Jesus died very quickly a matter of hours not days as usual, he died soon after being given a vinegar drink by some of his followers and the herbs they took with them to embalm him were medical herbs. If this is true then it's possible that Christ was the anti-christ. I need to get me a new bible.

As for me if I came back I'd make sure I got the hell out of the mid-west before anyone found out. And do the talk show circuit, maybe write the worlds first complete birth to death auto biograph.

Well if you qualify under these 3 criteria, you might have a chance:

1. Female
2. Of legal age
3. With a pulse

1. Yes
2. Yes again
3. *checks wrist* Yep

However...

4. Married. Sorry, Gymoor, I was just toying with your affections. ;) :fluffle:

I'd kill the guy who killed me.

Here's to gravedigging!

I'd slaughter as many politicians as I could with that free death.

Scientology becomes the second wierdest religion out there. It's true I died and was ressurected by his noodly appendege.
RAmen to that.

I'd give my extra life to someone already dead like Douglas Adams.
Actually that guy earned it. I almost kicked that motherf*cker down a flight of stairs. I seriously spent a few seconds contemplating the ramifications.
Some people are *NOTHING* in person like the person they purport to be on parchment. :mad:

New in Christian stores: Instant Jesus! Just add water! Now with 25% more holyness!

Act fast and get your Jesus with a box of Christ Chex!

Start your day the holy way
With Christ Chex!

I'd go freak out George Romero.

Actually that guy earned it. I almost kicked that motherf*cker down a flight of stairs. I seriously spent a few seconds contemplating the ramifications.
Some people are *NOTHING* in person like the person they purport to be on parchment. :mad:
Ohh..this sounds like good goss. Do spill.

Here's to gravedigging!

I'm normally against grave-digging.....

But since this is a thread about ressurection - it seems appropriate.

Proclaim my messiah-ness, gather a huge following, and claim that we must wipe out anyone who does not accept me as their Lord within seconds of their first seeing me. That way, I get to cause millions to billions of deaths, and rule the world all at the same time. Assuming I succeed...well, its a helluva way to go out a second time.

Ohh..this sounds like good goss. Do spill.
I haven't told ya that yet?
I saw him at a "great communicators series" convention in Anchorage a few years back (obviously)
A lot happened. He said almost nothing about his books, except for the environmental run he was having (point in his favour).
He was pretty convinced, though, that Americans:
don't have a sense of history,
don't give a sh*t about sustainability,
don't know the difference between an Australian and a Brit,
and don't know what a barrister is.
After about an hour and a half of berating us, he took questions.
My friend and i (the phantasmic Punjab the Sane) were on opposite sides of the room to ask him stuff.
-

This is part one. I don't wanna get logged out so i'll add to the series shortly.

I was first - i asked him two questions.
The first was if he had anything to do with the '57 "Spaghetti weevil" farce the BBC ran,
and the second was if, since a set of stills had been made with movie sets, if he intended to continue in that fashion, with those actors, since the comic book version differed from the stills.
The first answer he gave was that he didn't know what i was talking about, so i explained, and he said, "Oh, that's ancient history". (Note: I'm NOT exaggerating. That's verbatim.)
The second, he said he didn't have much to do with some of the set envisionments (he divorced himself from most other HGTTG pursuits, and by this point he didn't even want to talk about it)
-

I clarified that the book didn't give certain details about makeup and such, and he took it to mean i was being discriminating in a racist fashion (which i'm pretty sure i'm not), and huffed about how little minded that mindset was. Needless to say i didn't get many more answers from him, especially about what i was asking about.

My friend, who was also donned with a towel, was then neglected for four more people until both sides of the auditorium pointed out that he'd been standing for 20 minutes without being addressed.

My friend pointed out that the book title was actually based off of his experience drunk on a hillside with "A Hitchhiker's Guide to Europe", and asked if there were other experiences he'd lifted for his literary works.
He brought up the flight napkin riff.
He also went right back into his environmental angle.
--
I'll type more when prompted, else i'll TG.

We listened to him berate us a bit longer and then left the stage, where most of the audience looked quizzically at each other and then opted to line up for the book signing. We were just about last to it, since we had both been a bit disillusioned in the experience ...

Here's a blast from the past. :)