NationStates Jolt Archive

You know them...whether they are family members 'friends' or even strangers you happened to interact with. You go out of your way for someone, and they stab you in the back. Share your stories of the ingrates you've encountered in your life. Be sure I'll share mine!

Mmmmm..... Never happened to me really.

So either I must have good people knowledge...or I'm just damn lucky

Happened big time to me. I'd rather not share becasue it's really embarassing.

When I first met my husband, I knew I'd have to share him with his family. I was fine with that. They are three (now four, with my brother-in-law) adults and three children, living together with one and a half incomes. They live far below the poverty line.

We buy them food. Often. Thousands of dollars worth of food. We pay for guitar lessons for the kids, because we want them to have that opportunity. We have given them countless 'loans' (never paid back) for things like immigration fees, essential repairs, etc. I pushed my husband to buy a house for them in his name, hoping we can turn the mortgage over to them somehow, even though they would never qualify for a mortgage on their own.

My husband works like a dog. Two weeks straight, 12 hours a day. When he bought the house for his parents, he put down $5000 on the down payment, went to work for a record 5 and a half weeks, then came back and rewired their house, sanded and restained their floors, and other assorted fix-up tasks, all of this on his 'time off'.

He cut a hole in the dining room ceiling to install an outlet for a light there. The hole was a bit ragged because he had trouble finding the stud. His sister bitched for days about the hole, until her mom plugged the edges up a bit. Then, at tea one night, she was bitching again.

Now, it began first with the familiar litany of how crappy Canadian food is. Food, I must add, that I spent $45 on supplying the with for that meal (this is a BIG family remember). So although I'm used to this, it was rubbing me the wrong way.

Then the sister-in-law starts saying my husband is a lazy Canadian now for not installing a light. I told her he was waiting for her to go buy one. His dad said, "I understand...he works so hard, and all he does is work when he's here, give him a break" to which the sister-in-law says, "his mom's house comes first!"

I just stared at her, and said, "Look, he hasn't done a thing in our house because he's been working on yours." She said, "that's your fault for not telling him to get his work done."

I said very clearly, in Spanish so everyone got it that he helps them because he loves them, and I don't tell him what to do. But I was so furious I couldn't stay another second. I haven't wanted to do violence to another in a LONG time, but she almost drove me to it.

I realised that they take him AND ME for granted. He spends money, and time on them, and our family goes without because of it. That wouldn't bother me, but this ingratitude does. FUCK THEM. I'm sick of this shit, and so is he...finally. It goes way beyond helping them out...his sister admits she only works half time because my husband buys the groceries. And she doesn't seem to understand that my money goes into their pockets too...not just his. He has his own family now, and that's enough. INGRATES. I'm so furious with them, I don't think I can even look at them right now.

You know them...whether they are family members 'friends' or even strangers you happened to interact with. You go out of your way for someone, and they stab you in the back. Share your stories of the ingrates you've encountered in your life. Be sure I'll share mine!
I can't think of any.

When I first met my husband, I knew I'd have to share him with his family. I was fine with that. They are three (now four, with my brother-in-law) adults and three children, living together with one and a half incomes. They live far below the poverty line.

We buy them food. Often. Thousands of dollars worth of food. We pay for guitar lessons for the kids, because we want them to have that opportunity. We have given them countless 'loans' (never paid back) for things like immigration fees, essential repairs, etc. I pushed my husband to buy a house for them in his name, hoping we can turn the mortgage over to them somehow, even though they would never qualify for a mortgage on their own.

My husband works like a dog. Two weeks straight, 12 hours a day. When he bought the house for his parents, he put down $5000 on the down payment, went to work for a record 5 and a half weeks, then came back and rewired their house, sanded and restained their floors, and other assorted fix-up tasks, all of this on his 'time off'.

He cut a hole in the dining room ceiling to install an outlet for a light there. The hole was a bit ragged because he had trouble finding the stud. His sister bitched for days about the hole, until her mom plugged the edges up a bit. Then, at tea one night, she was bitching again.

Now, it began first with the familiar litany of how crappy Canadian food is. Food, I must add, that I spent $45 on supplying the with for that meal (this is a BIG family remember). So although I'm used to this, it was rubbing me the wrong way.

Then the sister-in-law starts saying my husband is a lazy Canadian now for not installing a light. I told her he was waiting for her to go buy one. His dad said, "I understand...he works so hard, and all he does is work when he's here, give him a break" to which the sister-in-law says, "his mom's house comes first!"

I just stared at her, and said, "Look, he hasn't done a thing in our house because he's been working on yours." She said, "that's your fault for not telling him to get his work done."

I said very clearly, in Spanish so everyone got it that he helps them because he loves them, and I don't tell him what to do. But I was so furious I couldn't stay another second. I haven't wanted to do violence to another in a LONG time, but she almost drove me to it.

I realised that they take him AND ME for granted. He spends money, and time on them, and our family goes without because of it. That wouldn't bother me, but this ingratitude does. FUCK THEM. I'm sick of this shit, and so is he...finally. It goes way beyond helping them out...his sister admits she only works half time because my husband buys the groceries. And she doesn't seem to understand that my money goes into their pockets too...not just his. He has his own family now, and that's enough. INGRATES. I'm so furious with them, I don't think I can even look at them right now.

Exactly why socialism and communism are ridiculous. :fluffle:

My story:

I help my friends; they act cool to my face; they talk shit behind my back. They do it to everyone. They're all two-faced; Two-faced and too cowardice to tell people how they really feel.

Oh oh oh...I almost forgot...my husband 'had it out' with his mom over all of this, and she pulls this shit out: the kids apparently 'run out of the house' when I get there because I'm so mean. My husband just about lost it. He told his mom not to make shit up...those kids are NEVER in the house, they are always at a neighbour's and that is a real problem. We hardly ever see them, and when we give them shit, it's because we call them on the things they say that the family doesn't understand (because they don't have very good English comprehension).

I've spent HOURS tutoring those kids, helping them with homework, helping them with their guitar lessons. I'm honest with them (unlike the sister-in-law who is a serial lier) and I don't take any shit from them. But mean? And they run from me? That's all my mother-in-law (who I was fine with before this...now I feel really betrayed by her) can come up with?

*SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION*

<psychotic, rampaging rant of death>
Yep. Veeeery few people are gonna top that one.

Exactly why socialism and communism are ridiculous. :fluffle:
Let them starve why don't you :)

<snip>
Backhand the lot of 'em.

Let them starve why don't you :)

I don't mean to turn this thread into a political one; but yes, if they don't want to work and they can, why not let them suffer the consequence of their actions?

Anyway, back to ingratious bastards.

I don't mean to turn this thread into a political one; but yes, if they don't want to work and they can, why not let them suffer the consequence of their actions?

Anyway, back to ingratious bastards.
Okay okay... uhm....

An uncle of mine bought tools for his dad's b-day that he needed? :confused:

Another favourite story of ingratitude is this...I married my husband's cousin to get him into the country. That's right. You hear about people like me, well here I am. I put myself in serious risk, had my home raided, was questioned, went through hell, alienated my family for a while...and then, literally three days before his papers came, he flew home after leaving us with the bill for the immigration fees, (not to mention the divorce I had to get) and assorted other costs. Whatever, he couldn't handle Canada. I'd have been okay with that, though at the time, that kind of money killed us. But then he runs around Chile talking shit to all our friends and relatives there telling people we were horrible, and we suck and blah blah blah.

I hate people. Hate them all right now.

Yep. Veeeery few people are gonna top that one.
As rants go, it's one of the better ones.

*Gives Sin a useless Internet hug*

Yep. Veeeery few people are gonna top that one.
Just wait until I get to the double whammy my parents laid on me THE SAME DAY things blew up with my in-laws.

Let them starve why don't you :)

Yeah, just cut them loose and see how well they do on their own. Even if they do so badly that you have to take them back at least they should be a bit more grateful.

Just wait until I get to the double whammy my parents laid on me THE SAME DAY things blew up with my in-laws.

Sometimes you just have to go to the closet... get the gun... and do what must be done...

Is this whole thread a vent for you to get things off your chest rather than cause violence, Sinuhue?

Just wait until I get to the double whammy my parents laid on me THE SAME DAY things blew up with my in-laws.

*sits on edge of seat*

*munches popcorn*

I had a friend, grew up with her,we had been friends for like 15 years by the time I got married at 19. A few months after I got married my husband and I were moving out of state. She was depressed, in a go-nowhere job, and on the verge of being kicked out of her parent's home. We offered to let her come with us, fresh start kind of thing. We moved all her stuff down on our moving van, paid for her hotel on the way and all her food. My husband got her a job, a good job, at his company where she could advance quickly, get health ins. all that.
She lived with us for a while, paid no rent, ate our food, and then when I was in the hospital in labor with our first child, she moved out. He couldn't leave me at the hospital, because my labor was going badly, and she had people come in and move her back to Oklahoma. She stole a lot of my stuff, and still owes me $900 in rent (we didn't add up the food and the rest of the stuff).

I talked to one of our mutal friends a while back, and her story goes that my husband and I lived off her, and that we owe her like $600 for babysitting (she has never even met my kids, I was in my first day of a 2 1/2 day labor when she left the apt and I haven't seen her since):mad:

Just wait until I get to the double whammy my parents laid on me THE SAME DAY things blew up with my in-laws.

Oh, do tell!

Oh, do tell!

Much better than TV.

*Hands NM some popcorn*

Oh Sinuhue, that sucks. It must be terrible to live with that.

Just try not to give up on the kids, even if they have terrible parents. It sounds like your father-in-law is a good man too.

Maybe he needs to lay down the law in his house a little more?

For the past eight years, my husband and I have talked about buying my parent's house. My parents started building this thing 13 years ago, and it isn't finished yet. It's a friggin albatross. It's poorly designed (space wise, not structurally), and it would never be the house of our dreams, but we were willing to buy it, and finish it. My parents set aside some land for me and said that the house would be the only expense. Woohoo! We'd have to live further out in the country than we wanted, in a house we don't really want, but the deal was irresistible. So we've been working, setting ourselves up so we can do it...buy the house for enough money to let my parents afford a smaller home on the same piece of land.

I had an inspection done for $400, to make sure the house was sound. I've been planning how the kids are going to be taken care of, how I'll manage driving into the city everyday for Law School...we've been planning everything around this for EIGHT YEARS.

Then my mom gets a real estate agent to appraise the place. The house, unfinished is valued at $145,000...well within our estimates. But wait! Suddenly, with 10 acres, the home is now worth $230,000 and if my parents put $50,000 into finishing it, it could sell (according to this agent, agents who lie for a living) for $280,000! What happened to the free land? Well screw that! Now they can make a profit!

This wouldn't bother me so much had we not talked about this for so, so long with them. We don't want to rip them off, and they have always said they wanted to help us out. If we bought the house as it is at market value, and put in the $50 - $80,000 to finish it, we'd still be within what we thought we'd pay. But now they have it in their heads that it's worth more, despite that added worth being in the land...the land they said since I was a child I would not have to pay for.

Fine. That's their prerogative...they do have to look out for themselves. But this is so eerily like what my Grandma did to my mom...an act that alienated themselves from one another for years, that I can't help feeling this sense of deja vu.

Right now, I want my family to all frig off. My kids, my husband are my concern. The rest of you bastards can all rot in hell. For a while. Until I get my temper back.

Sometimes you just have to go to the closet... get the gun... and do what must be done...
In the UK I would be stuck - no guns. Will a rusty scythe do? I can give 'em tetanus if I miss...

Is this whole thread a vent for you to get things off your chest rather than cause violence, Sinuhue?
YES! I can not confront either my in-laws, or my family without causing a serious rift right now. I can not stop thinking about it either. And I usually forgive in mere minutes, regardless. Right now, I am holding a huge grudge and I've been BOILING now for days (Dem can attest).

Suddenly my family seems like the Brady's...

Much better than TV.

*Hands NM some popcorn*

Ta. This is like a soap-opera, only far better.

Want some nachos?

-snip-

Fucking hell, that's a bitch. My heart bleeds.

Oh Sinuhue, that sucks. It must be terrible to live with that.

Just try not to give up on the kids, even if they have terrible parents. It sounds like your father-in-law is a good man too.

Maybe he needs to lay down the law in his house a little more?
Actually, the father-in-law is the worst of the lot:( He just happened to be reasonable this once. Part of the reason my husband has to buy food is because his dad spends his (little) money on shirts and clothes for himself...clothes he never gets to wear. Oh yeah, and he fathered a couple of other kids when he came to Canada as a refugee before he flew my husband, his sister and his mom over.

So no, they all suck.

In the UK I would be stuck - no guns. Will a rusty scythe do? I can give 'em tetanus if I miss...

Well... I was more referring to what must be done to yourself... But if you feel you must kill people, so be it!

YES! I can not confront either my in-laws, or my family without causing a serious rift right now. I can not stop thinking about it either. And I usually forgive in mere minutes, regardless. Right now, I am holding a huge grudge and I've been BOILING now for days (Dem can attest).

Sinuhue, were you in the US, I'ld offer to let you come over to my place (also out in the country) and blow off a few hundred rounds. It's very calming.

*munches nacho's*

Actually, the father-in-law is the worst of the lot:( He just happened to be reasonable this once. Part of the reason my husband has to buy food is because his dad spends his (little) money on shirts and clothes for himself...clothes he never gets to wear. Oh yeah, and he fathered a couple of other kids when he came to Canada as a refugee before he flew my husband, his sister and his mom over.

So no, they all suck.

Wow. Life must suck in...

*Looks at location*

Female, Canada.

Actually, the father-in-law is the worst of the lot:( He just happened to be reasonable this once. Part of the reason my husband has to buy food is because his dad spends his (little) money on shirts and clothes for himself...clothes he never gets to wear. Oh yeah, and he fathered a couple of other kids when he came to Canada as a refugee before he flew my husband, his sister and his mom over.

So no, they all suck.

I hope karma is swift and hilariously ironic for you in regards to your in-laws if it's any condolence.

Actually, the father-in-law is the worst of the lot:( He just happened to be reasonable this once. Part of the reason my husband has to buy food is because his dad spends his (little) money on shirts and clothes for himself...clothes he never gets to wear. Oh yeah, and he fathered a couple of other kids when he came to Canada as a refugee before he flew my husband, his sister and his mom over.

So no, they all suck.

Oh dear. They're really starting to sound as though they have no redeeming qualities.

As much as I normally believe in supporting friends and family, sometimes you just have to pull the plug. Only you know how much is too much. I've had to do it twice myself - when a relationship is too emotionally (or financially) draining and it's destroying you, you have to either change it or end it.

Although my stories aren't as rending as yours, in one case it was my best friend in high school who was suicidal and had bi-polar disorder. I spent so much time worrying about her, looking after her, finding reasons for her to live that I wasn't moving on with my own life. I graduated from high school, and I had to decide if I was going to look after her, or move away to university. It was a very, very hard decision to make.

Then while I was in University, my (new) best friend turned out to be a secret junkie. Her brother and I spent years trying to help her turn a new leaf. Finally I said "enough, I can't do it anymore, this hurts too much". I feel bad for her family, they're not giving up, but it doesn't seem to get better.

Maybe it's my inborn suspicion of every single other person on this planet, maybe it's just luck but I've never had anything this bad happen to me.

Ugh. And from family - that's the worst. Just when you're hoping this time it will be different it isn't. Family can raise your hopes the highest, and drop them the furthest.

Sin, this just sucks so much. I'm so sorry.

Snuhue, are you able to say no? Or are you one of these people who is just too kind and gets pushed over. Anyway I feel for you and hope it gets better.

:fluffle:

Snuhue, are you able to say no? Or are you one of these people who is just too kind and gets pushed over. Anyway I feel for you and hope it gets better.

:fluffle:

Ah, the old pushover.

I sorta fall into that catergory. And believe me, you do NOT want to be like me.

I don’t owe anybody anything no matter what they’ve done for me, unless they have written legal contract saying otherwise. If that makes me an ingrate, then so be it.

Sinuhue- I am going to tell you what has helped me to get along better with my in-laws, and even my own family (which are both almost as what you described)

KMA, (kiss my....well you get the idea) I can't say it has really made them like me much, but I am not as stressed out.


You can only do your best, you are not here to please anyone else, if they don't like it tell them "KMA"

Their bad attitude isn't your problem. You are not responsible for them, and as soon as they figure out that you know that they will either

1) Be nicer
2) leave you alone.

either way things get better :D

I'm sorry Sinner - you SO don't deserve that kinda treatment with all you do for them. *bearhug*

I don't have any stories right now, because I don't want to stir up bad emotions in my brain.

*hugs Sinuhue*

When I first met my husband, I knew I'd have to share him with his family. I was fine with that. They are three (now four, with my brother-in-law) adults and three children, living together with one and a half incomes. They live far below the poverty line.

We buy them food. Often. Thousands of dollars worth of food. We pay for guitar lessons for the kids, because we want them to have that opportunity. We have given them countless 'loans' (never paid back) for things like immigration fees, essential repairs, etc. I pushed my husband to buy a house for them in his name, hoping we can turn the mortgage over to them somehow, even though they would never qualify for a mortgage on their own.

My husband works like a dog. Two weeks straight, 12 hours a day. When he bought the house for his parents, he put down $5000 on the down payment, went to work for a record 5 and a half weeks, then came back and rewired their house, sanded and restained their floors, and other assorted fix-up tasks, all of this on his 'time off'.

He cut a hole in the dining room ceiling to install an outlet for a light there. The hole was a bit ragged because he had trouble finding the stud. His sister bitched for days about the hole, until her mom plugged the edges up a bit. Then, at tea one night, she was bitching again.

Now, it began first with the familiar litany of how crappy Canadian food is. Food, I must add, that I spent $45 on supplying the with for that meal (this is a BIG family remember). So although I'm used to this, it was rubbing me the wrong way.

Then the sister-in-law starts saying my husband is a lazy Canadian now for not installing a light. I told her he was waiting for her to go buy one. His dad said, "I understand...he works so hard, and all he does is work when he's here, give him a break" to which the sister-in-law says, "his mom's house comes first!"

I just stared at her, and said, "Look, he hasn't done a thing in our house because he's been working on yours." She said, "that's your fault for not telling him to get his work done."

I said very clearly, in Spanish so everyone got it that he helps them because he loves them, and I don't tell him what to do. But I was so furious I couldn't stay another second. I haven't wanted to do violence to another in a LONG time, but she almost drove me to it.

I realised that they take him AND ME for granted. He spends money, and time on them, and our family goes without because of it. That wouldn't bother me, but this ingratitude does. FUCK THEM. I'm sick of this shit, and so is he...finally. It goes way beyond helping them out...his sister admits she only works half time because my husband buys the groceries. And she doesn't seem to understand that my money goes into their pockets too...not just his. He has his own family now, and that's enough. INGRATES. I'm so furious with them, I don't think I can even look at them right now.
Sin, (IMO) take that unholy bitch off your Christmas list right now and write several letters to your in-laws; one for that harridan sister, another for his smother and a third for daddums. Round it all out by writing a letter for them as a group.

Don't hold back; vent. But take the time to frame your dispirit and dismay in such a way as to underscore the gross imbalances in your relationship, and to spell out in minute detail the degree to which you and yours are underwriting them and their lifestyle choices. Treat it as you would any arsehole you've encountered here on NS. I know you, you could sink a battleship with a keyboard. Don't give them an inch, they'll take it and your gas money too, while they're at it.

Turn the taps off. By all means, continue to help the children, and certainly give them birthday and Christmas gifts, but as for the rest? Feh. If one of my sisters-in-law treated me that poorly, while I'd done without in the name of family, not only would I have belted her a decidely hard one across the chops, I would never again contribute in any way, shape or form to her personal fiscal or emotional well-being.

If she wants to live her life as a user, a loafer, an a hard-hearted, wholly self-interested, materialistic little shit you should edit her out of your lives altogether. You're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better off without her.

I hope karma is swift and hilariously ironic for you in regards to your in-laws if it's any condolence.

Also if it was to be caught on a video camera even better.

Damn... talk about the in-laws from hell...

I agree with the "kiss my ass" philosophy on this. Fuck 'em. They're not worth your time and money, since all they do is bitch bitch bitch. Cut them loose to fend for themselves for a while. Still give birthday presents to the kids, but see how long they can last without your help. It might make them consider how much of an impact you made.

As for your parents... well... kinda flakey of them... but coming from a densely populated area like I do... 280,000 is a hell of a deal for a house and 10 acres of land, even if it is Canadian dollars.

Here, it costs 500,000 USD to buy a bungalow on a 40 by 80 ft. lot.

I too feel that someone I know is a bit ingrateful. She's a lesbian and has severe emotional problems, having tried to kill herself a couple times in high school. There were several other times when I talked her out of it. I was always there for support if there was a crisis. However, she still often goes on about how she doesn't matter to anyone and no one would care if she died, or she has no friends or crap like that. It's getting kind of old. I feel like a bad person for thinking so, but it is.

Sadly, I know several people similar. At first I helped them through, but then they started to lean on me too much. Thought about telling them to sort through themselves, but felt rather bad about it. Despite it the constant "Nobody will ever love me, I have no friends, nobody would care if I died" bit rather ground away that empathy. Dunno what's happened to 'em now.

As for you, Sin(rather forget the full name; curse you short-term memory!), I'd say..well...nothing new actually. Everybody before me has happened to type it out before I got here. Though I could, perhaps, see some strain on you husband if this happened, as the amount of anger created when funds where cut would be positively monumental(possibly). Which would be the biggest pain in the entire process, but other than that the idea would be sound. Teach them to give you some bloody respect.

You know them...whether they are family members 'friends' or even strangers you happened to interact with. You go out of your way for someone, and they stab you in the back. Share your stories of the ingrates you've encountered in your life. Be sure I'll share mine!
The most glaring case I've been involved in was when I was in private practice as a mediator/arbitrator. It was the largest case I've ever had, about 1/2 million dollars. The complainant was granted a significant portion of the amount at dispute, then told me she couldn't pay her portion of my fee because she "didn't have enough money." Groan. :(

It was shortly after this that I started a policy of not hearing a case unless both parties paid their portion of the fee before I would even schedule a hearing. Serves me right for being so trusting of people when there's money involved.

Smack 'em down hard, Sin.

Smack 'em down hard, Sin.
Kehehehehe...I caught up on this thread late last night when I couldn't sleep...and despite all my outrage at the shit I'm going through with my in-laws, I found myself actually defending them in my head...they aren't THAT bad, it's just that you should never mix family or friends and money.

Oh, and to clarify to everyone, I don't think my parents are being ingrates. They were going to give me land for FREE for Dob's sakes:), it's just a shitty pile of shit on top of all the other crapilicious stuff going on right now.

Thanks for letting me rant!!!!!

Sinuhue, were you in the US, I'ld offer to let you come over to my place (also out in the country) and blow off a few hundred rounds. It's very calming.

*munches nacho's*

That works for me. Also, I find that people who know that I am carrying a gun all the time, and shoot it almost every day, tend not to give me any crap.

I don't have to make any threats, or talk mean. They just don't bother with the crap.

Given that Sinuhue lives in northern Alberta, if she wanted to blow off a few rounds to let off steam, I have no doubt she has access to a firearm and ammunition. Even if it's just borrowing it from a friend down the road.

Given that Sinuhue lives in northern Alberta, if she wanted to blow off a few rounds to let off steam, I have no doubt she has access to a firearm and ammunition. Even if it's just borrowing it from a friend down the road.
Well, yeah. Are people assuming I need to come down to the states to fire off some rounds? I can head out to my dad's place any time....oh wait, maybe not a good idea....:p

Kehehehehe...I caught up on this thread late last night when I couldn't sleep...and despite all my outrage at the shit I'm going through with my in-laws, I found myself actually defending them in my head...they aren't THAT bad, it's just that you should never mix family or friends and money.

Oh, and to clarify to everyone, I don't think my parents are being ingrates. They were going to give me land for FREE for Dob's sakes:), it's just a shitty pile of shit on top of all the other crapilicious stuff going on right now.

Thanks for letting me rant!!!!!
I WAS gonna suggest nuking them, but then you posted this.

:D

how's this for ingrates.

apparently my older sister owes my mom some money, and she's making money by selling vacuums, and isn't paying my mom a single dime. on top of that, I was told that she'd visit me tonight for my birthday. but nooooooo.... she's "stuck in traffic" (presumably because of the weather today) and turning around, and yet she's coming here for her own birthday which is on the 18th.

:gundge: