NationStates Jolt Archive

Self-Explanitory.

I'll start -

-"Hey, wanna smell something weird?"
-*searching a bag* "Damnit... where did I put my Beretta?"
-*With an earpiece* "Hear me now? Good... we're blowing in 4. Charlie-Hotel, you're go."
-*Talking on a cell phone* "Funny thing is, I had no idea that condom was used, either..."
-*With a blow-up doll in your arm* "Quite a looker, ain't she?"

So then the doctor tells me that I'm contagious for another 24hrs...

"Yeah, so I heard viruses spread faster in close quarters..." *Sneeze*

*on cell* "BUY! BUY! WHAT? NO SELL IT YOU FOOL! WAIT...WAIT....THEN BUY IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

*when your getting on, with your cell phone* "Yeah Bob I'm getting on the elevator. Yeah, the same one that took George with it. Yeah. God rest his soul..."

...while bouncing one leg up and down, sucking air in between your teeth and grimacing painfully:

"Come on, ice cream - !"

"Does anyone else hear that sinister voice telling them to kill...?"

"Does anyone else hear that sinister voice telling them to kill...?"
Spin-off...

"Does anyone else hear Allah telling me to kill the infidels...?"

*Is Muslim, btw*

Spin-off...

"Does anyone else hear Allah telling me to kill the infidels...?"

*Is Muslim, btw*
That reminds me of an Australian comic, Achmal Salyah, you have to admire any Muslim with the balls to chant "Allyah Akbah!" just to get out of an awkward conversation on a aeroplane.

That reminds me of an Australian comic, Achmal Salyah, you have to admire any Muslim with the balls to chant "Allyah Akbah!" just to get out of an awkward conversation on a aeroplane.

:p
Thanks - I just woke up my house.:D

:p
Thanks - I just woke up my house.:DWhat can I say... I live to please *shrugs*

"First day out on bail..."
*On a phone* "I TOLD YOU TO REFILL THOSE FUCKING SEDATIVE PERSCRIPTIONS!"

start singing off key

What can I say... I live to please *shrugs*

*snort* Yeah well - whatever you do, do it right. Right?

*on cell* "BUY! BUY! WHAT? NO SELL IT YOU FOOL! WAIT...WAIT....THEN BUY IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Do this - In San Fran - Waving one of those plastic guns that shoot little yellow bullets :p

*snort* Yeah well - whatever you do, do it right. Right?

*on cell* "BUY! BUY! WHAT? NO SELL IT YOU FOOL! WAIT...WAIT....THEN BUY IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Do this - In San Fran - Waving one of those plastic guns that shoot little yellow bullets :p
gotta love air soft guns

Spin-off...

"Does anyone else hear Allah telling me to kill the infidels...?"

*Is Muslim, btw*
o_O

Fake a gassy burp, then weakly mumble something about "Too much Sauerkraut and Cottage Cheese"

Fidget around and say Damn man... they'r'a comin' to get mehhh and then throw your palms backward against the elevator wall :p
:mp5: :mp5:

"I think that 5th burrito really did me in... got a spare pair of pants? Anyone??"

"Everytime I get on one of these things, I throw up. I just can't -ermph- er *gag*"

"I remember when my boyfriend an I were on an elevator. I think we covered every square inch. Best sex I ever had- hey wait! This is the elevator!!"

Laugh a little maniacly and shout in short bursts " Tehe! BLEH@! " and make your head shiver a little.

Hey i just got out of the toilet and my zip is stuck could you zip me up?

Take a bunch of wire ends out of your jacket, the rest trailing inside.

"Now, was it the red wire? Or the blue?"

"Now, I'd like to tell you all about a man named Jesus."

Make up your own lyrics to the elevator music and sing them just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"ah..interesting.. watching the discovery channel last night...apparently there is a certain model of elevator that has a defect that cases the bottom to fall out of it after a certain amount of years....ooo, what a coincidence, this elevator is made by the same company"

And then there is the common:

Wrap your arms around your head, rock back and forths saying, "stop the voices! stop the voices!" whilst making random hissing and foaming at the mouth.

"Has anyone seen my tampon???"

While fumbling through your purse as if to look for something, pull out a dildo and hand it to someone saying, "Could you hold this please?"

Mumble and gripe to yourself, interjecting with a point at another elevatee. Hit the buttons for 2 adjacent floors. Get off on one, run the stairs to the next floor. Be standing there when the doors open and say, "I heard that!"

Turn to a guy (or woman, I guess), and ask: "Hey, do you ever get this burning sensation...?"

Say to someone "My doctor says I might have bird flu"

Fill your pockets with dry ice.

*speaking into cell* "...so I said to my doctor, to Hell with anti-psychotics, I don't need any damn drugs!"

Fill your pockets with dry ice.
This, I must try.:D

~say 'Anyone else a Jehovah's Witness?'

Can I interest anyone in a timeshare????

Say nothing... simply stare and drool.

A classic one is start binding your arm up like your about to shoot up, then going nuts when you can't find your syringe or if you want to go one step further start to cook up something that resembles herion.

A classic one is start binding your arm up like your about to shoot up, then going nuts when you can't find your syringe or if you want to go one step further start to cook up something that resembles herion.

Some of these sound quite possible, actually. And I do use the list every day. Hmm.

My hands are cold, can I use your pockets?

I've cleared elevators before by simply walking in, wearing my pistol in the open.

It's perfectly legal, but some people don't understand it. Sometimes, a person will ask, "Are you a cop?" and I say, "No."

I get a mixed reaction. Some people are OK with it, and even fascinated. Some are offended, and others are frightened (hoplophobes).

"have you ever wanted to have sex in an elevator?"

Don't say anything at all... Just walk to the back of the elevator, and, with your nose touching, or almost touching, the wall, simply stand there. That alone will bend the other occupant's minds.

Or, stop just inside the door, and face them. Say nothing, just look into the distance. This, too, will mess with their heads.

To mess with the heads of people whom haven't even boarded the elevator, step up to the door, so you're nose-to-door. When the door opens, you'll be right in their faces, and no one expects that, especially in an elevator that's not jam-packed.

have your significant other with you, as soon as the elevator stops at any floor, start kissing and groping heavily, when the door opens, shoot a glance over and invite them to join...

have your significant other with you, as soon as the elevator stops at any floor, start kissing and groping heavily, when the door opens, shoot a glance over and invite them to join...

if its two girls count me in! :D

if its two girls count me in! :D
Well, if it appears to be someone that would join in...glare and exclaim: "Do you mind! Perv!" as you reach over and stab the 'door close' button...

Ask if its getting hot in here and start taking off random articles of cloathing.

While on a cell phone say something to the effect of Listen man if Charlie doesn't pay I'm going to break both his kneecaps and then just stare at the other people in the elevator.

"Now, I'd like to tell you all about a man named Jesus."

Ooooh you are a creature of evil!

Well, there's always the classic:

On your cell phone, just say "so there I was, elbows deep in this guy's ass when in walks his mom....and you know how that goes..."

"Now, I'd like to tell you all about a man named Jesus."

Or on the flipside "So how many of you have accepted Satan into your life?"

On cell phone,

"Yes, I did it."
pause...
"Yes, twice in the head"
pause...
"No, no one saw me..."

*on cellphone* "Ok, I have 20kg of C12 and a few other plastics, the timer's set for 30..."
*on cellphone* "...apparently it's a very acute form of claustrophobia, it involves screaming and clawing violently at anything nearby, and the doctor told me to avoid small enclosed spaces..."
"Hey, anyone around here know how to detonate a remote bomb?"
*with heavy accent* "Does anyone speak Arabic?"
*on cellphone* "I always seem to vomit after eating that, but it hasn't happened ye--" *begin coughing as if about to throw up*
"SIEG HEIL!!!"
*Walk in wearing a black mask, armor, and cape and saying, "Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!"*
*Walk in naked.*

*Walk in naked.*

*ding*ding*ding*

We have a winner!

repeat the words: "pull my finger" over and over...

*ding*ding*ding*

We have a winner!
Yay! ;)

If a mirror is available gaze longingly into it. Deepen your voice and say, "I'd fuck me." ala Silence of the Lambs.

If a mirror is available gaze longingly into it. Deepen your voice and say, "I'd fuck me." ala Silence of the Lambs.

Even better:

On a cell phone: "I need to go, I'm having an old friend for dinner..."

See how many people catch the reference...

Even better:

On a cell phone: "I need to go, I'm having an old friend for dinner..."

See how many people catch the reference...

And do that crazy sucking/hissing thing he does after the liver/fava beans/chianti line.

"Has anyone seen my tampon???"

While fumbling through your purse as if to look for something, pull out a dildo and hand it to someone saying, "Could you hold this please?"
You can leave for that!

You can leave for that!

But where am I supposed to go? :(

And do that crazy sucking/hissing thing he does after the liver/fava beans/chianti line.

* shiver *


"SIEG HEIL!!!"
*Walk in wearing a black mask, armor, and cape and saying, "Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!"*
*Walk in naked.*

Brilliance, you - sir- deserve a cookie *hands banduria a cookie*