NationStates Jolt Archive

The funniest joke you've heard? Post it here.

Fass
;)

Fass
;)
HAHA lol!!!:D :D :D

Good one:p

I just can't help it, I gotta laugh! :p

Ever had Ethiopian food?

(Neither have they)

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A pool table.

Two pigs are in a field. One says "It's hot out here".

The other says "Oh my God, a talking pig!".

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

What would be better than this thread? You not making it.

A baby seal walks into a club....

This is a good one ready?

A pig walks into the complaint department and says, I wish I were taller.

Haha, oh man, I'd like to see that complaint get rectified.

What's green and jumps?

A Frog...

I heard this from a movie.

What do you call a woman with PMS and ESP?
A bitch who knows everything.

This is only funny in the right context.

Go up to an airport security guy and...
Knock knock
who's there?
A BOMB!!!

then run away

This is only funny in the right context.

Go up to an airport security guy and...
Knock knock
who's there?
A BOMB!!!

then run away

This is only funny in the right context.

Go up to an airport security guy and...
Knock knock
who's there?
A BOMB!!!

then run away

How do you make an Essex girl pregnent?

Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

A baby seal walks into a club....

I like that one. :D

Alright, this racist hick is driving through some random backwoods of some redneck state in his truck. Suddenly he spots a black guy walking on the side of the road about 1500 feet ahead of him. Looking around, he realizes that no one is around. Satisfied, he speeds up, hits the black guy, and speeds off.

He rides along for another mile or so when suddenly he spots another one. "Well, damn, it's my lucky day," he says to himself, and he quickly hits the black guy and drives off.

Every few miles he sees black guy after black guy, and he hits every one. He's getting a real kick out of it - havin' a good old time - when suddenly he sees some smoke up ahead.

Slowing down as he passes, he realizes that it's his priest, and that his priest's car has broken down. Stopping, he asks his priest if he needs a ride into town. The priest gladly accepts, and climbs in.

So he's driving along, and finally he spots another black guy. He feels almost compelled to hit the guy, but he doesn't want to do it with his priest in the car. As he approaches, he can't decide what to do. Hit him, miss him, hit him, miss him... he thinks to himself. I want to hit him so bad, but if I do it I'll go to Hell. About 500 feet from the black guy, the redneck decides he can't resist, and heads straight for his target. Before he makes contact, however, he has second thoughts, and swerves to dodge the guy at the last second. Then he hears a sickening thump.

Oh, shit, I hit him, I'm goin' to Hell, he thinks to himself, and, scared for his immortal soul, he looks over to his priest. To the redneck's surprise, his priest has a huge grin on his face. "Don't worry," the priest says. "I got him with the door."

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question: How did I
get here?
Her mother told her, "God sent you."
"Did God send you, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear," the mother replied. " What about Grandma and
Grandpa?" the child persisted.
"He sent them also" the mother said.
"Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.
"So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family
for
200 years? No wonder everyone's so damn grouchy around here."

:D

How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? depends how thin you slice them

what's the difference between a sack of dead lawyers and a Mercedes?I don't have a mercedes in my garage.

What do you have if you have 4 lawyers buried up to thier necks with sand?not enough sand

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first one
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
peer pressure
why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
It was doing a monkey impression.


Dead baby jokes aren't permitted, or I'd have loads more...

Ever had Ethiopian food?

(Neither have they)

Actually, Ethiopian food is quite good. If you have the chance, go to an Ethiopian restaurant and order kitfo and whatever vegetable combination they have. You won't be able to identify anything, but it's good anyway.

Oh, yes, funny stuff...here goes:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
I have that on a shirt.

Edit: Oh yeah, a joke.

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting coefficient of friction.
Interrupting coe-MU!

The old ones are the best ...

The McCartney kids are at home anxiously awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"

last one ...

One day a woman who was born with no arms and no legs is wheeled out to the beach. While she's lying on her beach towel she notices an oil lamp that has been half buried in the sand beside her. She wriggles over to it and manages to rub her cheek on the lamp.
A genie appears and he says "I am the genie of the lamp, you have released me and I grant you one wish."
The woman thinks about what she is going to wish for and she replies "I have no arms and no legs. I've never been fucked before, and I wish to get fucked!"
So the genie picks up the woman and throws her into the ocean and says "Now you're fucked!"

This is a good one ready?

A pig walks into the complaint department and says, I wish I were taller.

Haha, oh man, I'd like to see that complaint get rectified.
Nice Seinfeld rip-off.

Real short:
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?


answer here\/
run she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Two guys are pissing off a bridge. One guy says to the other "man, this water is cold!"

The other guy looks at him and says "yeah, it's deep too"

Two guys are pissing off a bridge. One guy says to the other "man, this water is cold!"

The other guy looks at him and says "yeah, it's deep too"

....I don't get it....