NationStates Jolt Archive

Here's the "love poem" my boyfriend sent me this morning:

I appreciate prodigious posteriors
And I am incapable of obfuscation
Those of you with whom I feel a fraternal bond cannot abnegate
That when a female homosapien ambulates in with a microscopic midsection and a globular object in your visage
You experience a restriction of venous flow by hydraulic pressure in your genital region.

You yearn to approach enthusiastically
Because you have ascertained that the hindquarters in question is brimming
Abysmally in the dungarees in which the feminine entity is attired
I am engrossed and am impotent to bring my own scrutinization to a conclusion
Oh, one for whom I feel affection, I desire to engage in intimate relations with you
And record your appearance in a photographic medium

My companions made an attempt to remonstrate me
But that derriere you possess compels me to become drastically amorous

Oh, glutial area of unvarying surface uniformity
You express a desire to gain ingress to my fine and expensive German-engineered motorized vehicle?
Well exploit me, exploit me,
Because you lack the qualities of the unexceptional enthusiast

I have beheld them promenading
And I would like to send courtshipment to the Inferno of Judeo-Christian tradition
She embodies the abstract concepts of perspiration and saturation
She is propelled much like an owner-improved American-made high-performance ground-based conveyance

I am exasperated by monthly print publications
Declaring that complanate haunches are desirable and prevalent
Acquire the quotidian human male with a high concentration of dermal melanin and query him on the subject
He will inform you that it is imperative that an inamorata possess abundant fundament.

So those of masculine gender
(Affirmative!)
Those of masculine gender
(Affirmative!)
Does you paramour boast a voluminous torsal extremity?
(I swear so on the name of the theological realm of eternal torment!!)
Well brandish it, brandish it, brandish it, brandish it, brandish that robust rear end!

The object of my ardor maintains generous buttocks.

That's brilliant. Reward him appropriately.

That's brilliant. Reward him appropriately.

And take pictures. Then post them here.

Is this a transliteration of some other text?

must... not... post... dirty... thoughts... will get banned... thoughts too dirty... :p

Is this a transliteration of some other text?
"I like big butts and I cannot lie,
You otha brothas can't deny..."

And so forth.

Sir Mix-A-Lot can eat his heart out.

I have to wonder aloud whether Bottle fits the description of the woman in the song.

I have to wonder aloud whether Bottle fits the description of the woman in the song.
methinks that's why greater valia suggested posting pictures :p

I have to wonder aloud whether Bottle fits the description of the woman in the song.

I prefer not to wonder such things about people I may later have to debate against, or with.

Although I disagree, I must say that this is the best poem I have ever read.

I prefer not to wonder such things about people I may later have to debate against, or with.
come on, let the dirty thoughts all flow out... you're dirty thoughts probably won't get you banned, unlike mine

Your boyfriend is a true romantic, I hope you appriciate him. :D

I have to wonder aloud whether Bottle fits the description of the woman in the song.
Sadly, I do not possess a particularly abundant fundament. But I harbor a not-so-secret thesaurus fetish...

come on, let the dirty thoughts all flow out... you're dirty thoughts probably won't get you banned, unlike mine

I assure you, it's a purely professional aversion. It's just hard to take someone seriously when you think the phrase "Ghetto booty" every time you see them post.

Your boyfriend is a true romantic, I hope you appriciate him. :D
Oh, I'll be appreciating the hell out of him, never you fear...;)

"I like big butts and I cannot lie,
You otha brothas can't deny..."

And so forth.

I thought it sounded familiar.

Oh, I'll be appreciating the hell out of him, never you fear...;)
with pictures? oh miss, suit you miss!

Sadly, I do not possess a particularly abundant fundament. But I harbor a not-so-secret thesaurus fetish...

Thesaurus fetish, you say? I'll be certain to remember that.

Sadly, I do not possess a particularly abundant fundament. But I harbor a not-so-secret thesaurus fetish...
thesaurus fetish, eh? i'm not going to ask what you do with those...

with pictures? oh miss, suit you miss!

It's been my mission near two years now to one day get my hands on a picture of Bottle. :)

thesaurus fetish, eh? i'm not going to ask what you do with those...
We optate synonyms. All night long.

with pictures? oh miss, suit you miss!

Oh, yes! Would you please? :p

Hmph. That's old. I saw it about two years ago.

It's been my mission near two years now to one day get my hands on a picture of Bottle. :)
i see... oh sir, suit you sir! is she a pale girl sir? doe-eyed girl sir? like a frightened deer, cornered by the hounds?

It's been my mission near two years now to one day get my hands on a picture of Bottle. :)
So YOU'RE the one hiding in my bushes with the telescoping lens...

Hmph. That's old. I saw it about two years ago.
Lol, somebody's in a grumpy mood today :).

So YOU'RE the one hiding in my bushes with the telescoping lens...
wait a second, now i recognise you, sorry - that was me peeping (it was a birthday present so i had to try it out)

We optate synonyms. All night long.
I am both disturbed and intrigued.

We optate synonyms. All night long.
I'd like to optate your synonyms, baby. [leer] :D

So YOU'RE the one hiding in my bushes with the telescoping lens...

I am hardly so crude.

I'm in the car down the street, actually. Bushes. Hmph.