NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, maybe it is, but false advertising is just so fun.

But I'll start it off on as good of a note as I can, and slowly get into the whinge. So you can leave when it starts to get emotional.

My homecoming was a few weeks ago(three, maybe). I thought I had had a date to it, but I was canceled upon after I had gotten my ticket. I went, and I was pretty glad I didn't have a date. I danced with a number of good looking girls, and did things I wouldn't have been able to do if I had had a date.

I met a girl there, who I will name katie for all intents and purposes. I had seen her around school a few times, noticing her because she reminded me a bit of someone who had been there the few years before. I hadn't talked to her or anything, but she was(is) pretty cute. I saw her at the dance, and decided to go dance with her. And so we danced for a bit.

After the dance, I talked to her a bit, and told her I would see her on monday. She was pretty fun to dance with, and seemed like she was a cool person, but I didn't think too much about it. Anyways, the next day(sunday), I had just added one of my friends to my myspace, and noticed this girl(katie) had left my friend a message... So I sent a friends request to katie, and she accepted.

While I would rather not go into some details, I found out we have mutual friends(Friends I havn't been great friends with, but pretty cool with). So I hang out with them at school now(which is much funner than when I was hanging out with another group of my friends... They smoke at school, I don't(cigarettes)). I've been getting to know katie better...

She really is an awesome person. I've liked girls before, what straight guy hasn't? But she really does seem special to me. I can't quite explain it, but she just really makes me feel happy, when I normally feel so depressed... Before I met her, I was depressed pretty much every day of the week(it hadn't been so bad before school started again).

She has a boyfriend, long distance relationship... But even if she broke up with him, or whatever, I really doubt she is interested in me. I'm just not quality material, to put it nicely. Anyways, she pretty much knows I'm interested in her, so I'm not sure the situation(we havn't talked about it, but I admitted it to a mutual friend, who said she already pretty much figured).

It doesn't really matter, though. Even if I'm not going out with her, she just makes me feel so good when I'm with her. I feel good right now, talking about her. I know I'm probably way too... needy, as the closest thing to a girlfriend I've had once told me, but I can't help it. The best thing I can do is mask it when I'm with her.

So yes, this is good. I really am happy when I am with her, and I have been feeling really good these last couple weeks. However, when I'm not with her, I start getting back to how I normally am: Moody, depressed, angry... I'll stop there, though it goes on.

I constantly find myself thinking about how bad things are. Time seems to go so slow, just wasting away. I have nothing to do; I try my best to occupy my time with sleep and buissiment, but its always creeping up upon me. I fear it.

I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no escape from my pain. Even as I try to make myself feel better, telling myself how my problems should be small, if existant at all, they still feel monumental to me.

Im not asking for help, nor advice. But it makes me feel better to write about this at least, so others can either know I'm a freak and alone, or that there is someone out there who has the same problems they have. On a final note, I'm not suicidal, but only because I'm too afraid of death.

"Funner?" "Funner?" :eek:

"Funner?" "Funner?" :eek:

I make up so many words, like buissiment, and you call me on that? :eek:

Crawwwwllllllllllliiiinnggggg Iiiiiinnnnn Myyyy Skiiiiiin!!!!!!

Crawwwwllllllllllliiiinnggggg Iiiiiinnnnn Myyyy Skiiiiiin!!!!!!

If you are going to associate me with a band, regardless of the allusion, can it not be such a bad one?

If you are going to associate me with a band, regardless of the allusion, can it not be such a bad one?

It was a round-about way of saying the post was emo.

I make up so many words, like buissiment, and you call me on that? :eek:
No. I was just a bit shocked is all. :D

Listen, now that I have your attention ( I DO have your attention, do I not? ), let me reiterate what I have said on here a number of times ...

If you want the girl(s), you gotta be the best you can be. Work on yourself first, then you can work on the girls. Girls like a man who knows who he is and where he's going and what he wants. You're no different from thousands and thousands of other guys your age who think there's something wrong with them. The only thing wrong with you is that you don't know who the frack you are! Find out ... NOW!

Do something ... ANYthing! Something you've never done before. Something that stretches you. Something that makes you become better at whatever. If you like, I can list some things for you. :)

It was a round-about way of saying the post was emo.

I understand this. But still, I can't stand that band(not that I can even remember who does that song... linkin park? I dunno).

I understand this. But still, I can't stand that band(not that I can even remember who does that song... linkin park? I dunno).

Neither can I. I guess 4chan references are lost on you Phillistines.

Neither can I. I guess 4chan references are lost on you Phillistines.
Who you callin' a "Philistine," you frakkin' barbarian? :D

Who you callin' a "Philistine," you frakkin' barbarian? :D

You. And anyone else who didn't get it.

No. I was just a bit shocked is all. :D

Listen, now that I have your attention ( I DO have your attention, do I not? ), let me reiterate what I have said on here a number of times ...

If you want the girl(s), you gotta be the best you can be. Work on yourself first, then you can work on the girls. Girls like a man who knows who he is and where he's going and what he wants. You're no different from thousands and thousands of other guys your age who think there's something wrong with them. The only thing wrong with you is that you don't know who the frack you are! Find out ... NOW!

Do something ... ANYthing! Something you've never done before. Something that stretches you. Something that makes you become better at whatever. If you like, I can list some things for you. :)

First off, this post wasn't about the girl. It was about my depression, I just talked about her because I like talking about her.

Second, if one more person tells me to be me(or the best me, etc), I will off myself on the spot, no questions asked. Its one thing to hate life, another to be told a lie for 18 years or so. I tried this when I was younger, I ended up even being sadder than now. High school has been, surprising to me now, a reprieve from my earlier schooling years. I am a loser. I am shy, fat, and mean. The only thing I have going for me is being smart, and that means being smart enough to mask who I really am.

I have nothing else to do. I have looked, but I have such a dull life, I simply cant get into anything.

No. I was just a bit shocked is all. :D

Listen, now that I have your attention ( I DO have your attention, do I not? ), let me reiterate what I have said on here a number of times ...

If you want the girl(s), you gotta be the best you can be. Work on yourself first, then you can work on the girls. Girls like a man who knows who he is and where he's going and what he wants. You're no different from thousands and thousands of other guys your age who think there's something wrong with them. The only thing wrong with you is that you don't know who the frack you are! Find out ... NOW!

Do something ... ANYthing! Something you've never done before. Something that stretches you. Something that makes you become better at whatever. If you like, I can list some things for you. :)

Very good advice indeed. Listen to him.

First off, this post wasn't about the girl. It was about my depression, I just talked about her because I like talking about her.

Second, if one more person tells me to be me(or the best me, etc), I will off myself on the spot, no questions asked. Its one thing to hate life, another to be told a lie for 18 years or so. I tried this when I was younger, I ended up even being sadder than now. High school has been, surprising to me now, a reprieve from my earlier schooling years. I am a loser. I am shy, fat, and mean. The only thing I have going for me is being smart, and that means being smart enough to mask who I really am.

I have nothing else to do. I have looked, but I have such a dull life, I simply cant get into anything.

You're not alone in that.
If you really want some sort of identity you can always be evil. You can be as mean as you want, and if you're good at it you'll come out on top. Plus, I've found that when you criticize others you stop criticizing yourself. Arrogance is bliss.

First off, this post wasn't about the girl. It was about my depression, I just talked about her because I like talking about her.

Second, if one more person tells me to be me(or the best me, etc), I will off myself on the spot, no questions asked. Its one thing to hate life, another to be told a lie for 18 years or so. I tried this when I was younger, I ended up even being sadder than now. High school has been, surprising to me now, a reprieve from my earlier schooling years. I am a loser. I am shy, fat, and mean. The only thing I have going for me is being smart, and that means being smart enough to mask who I really am.

I have nothing else to do. I have looked, but I have such a dull life, I simply cant get into anything.

Do you have any interests, or hobbies?

You're not alone in that.
If you really want some sort of identity you can always be evil. You can be as mean as you want, and if you're good at it you'll come out on top. Plus, I've found that when you criticize others you stop criticizing yourself. Arrogance is bliss.
[ Hurls! ] :rolleyes:

You're not alone in that.
If you really want some sort of identity you can always be evil. You can be as mean as you want, and if you're good at it you'll come out on top. Plus, I've found that when you criticize others you stop criticizing yourself. Arrogance is bliss.

This was me my first two years of high school, and I really did feel good about myself. But I did masturbate alot then too, so that probably was the main part.

Do you have any interests, or hobbies?

Yes, which I have exploited to their full. If it was that easy, I would have already done it.

First off, this post wasn't about the girl. It was about my depression, I just talked about her because I like talking about her.

Second, if one more person tells me to be me(or the best me, etc), I will off myself on the spot, no questions asked. Its one thing to hate life, another to be told a lie for 18 years or so. I tried this when I was younger, I ended up even being sadder than now. High school has been, surprising to me now, a reprieve from my earlier schooling years. I am a loser. I am shy, fat, and mean. The only thing I have going for me is being smart, and that means being smart enough to mask who I really am.

I have nothing else to do. I have looked, but I have such a dull life, I simply cant get into anything.
Shy you can get over if you have the courage to try, and keep on trying.

Fat you can overcome if you have the motivation to work it off.

Mean is a state of mind, most likely brought on by the poor self-image you give yourself by allowing the shyness and fatness to continue.

It's for damned sure that no one else will be able to take care of these things for you. It's up to you. All you have to do is find the courage to change. I can help you do this, but you have to want to change.

Do something ... ANYthing! Something you've never done before. Something that stretches you. Something that makes you become better at whatever. If you like, I can list some things for you. :)
I can list some things not to do:

1) Get really drunk all the time and start singing cheesy songs.
2) Dare that you can jump out of a third-story window and not get hurt.
3) Get tortured. (That stretches you...)
4) Desert from the army.
5) Touch an live wire with a fork.
6) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
7) Overdoes on acid.
8) Listen to advice from H N Fiddlebottoms VIII.
9) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
10) Shoot the moon.
11) Urinate into a strong wind.
12) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
13) Paint yourself green and tap-dance nude on top of a taxi while playing the heckelphone and wearing a necklace of sausages.

Oh, and did I mention not to eat year-old raspberry cobbler?

Anyway, that's my non-advice. Follow it carefully. :)

I can list some things not to do:

1) Get really drunk all the time and start singing cheesy songs.
2) Dare that you can jump out of a third-story window and not get hurt.
3) Get tortured. (That stretches you...)
4) Desert from the army.
5) Touch an live wire with a fork.
6) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
7) Overdoes on acid.
8) Listen to advice from H N Fiddlebottoms VIII.
9) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
10) Shoot the moon.
11) Urinate into a strong wind.
12) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
13) Paint yourself green and tap-dance nude on top of a taxi while playing the heckelphone and wearing a necklace of sausages.

Oh, and did I mention not to eat year-old raspberry cobbler?

Anyway, that's my non-advice. Follow it carefully. :)
How very useful. :rolleyes:

Shy you can get over if you have the courage to try, and keep on trying.

Fat you can overcome if you have the motivation to work it off.

Mean is a state of mind, most likely brought on by the poor self-image you give yourself by allowing the shyness and fatness to continue.

It's for damned sure that no one else will be able to take care of these things for you. It's up to you. All you have to do is find the courage to change. I can help you do this, but you have to want to change.

I've been trying not to be shy, I've only gotten marginal results.

I'm on a near starvation diet because of my fatness, which is slowly working... But atm, I am fat. Quite.

I give myself a poor self-image only because I know it exists. I don' t let the shyness or fatness, they happen, no matter how much I fight them.

No one else will be able to take care of these things, but I wont be able to take care of them either. I am a failed project, one that should be thrown away like a broken piece of equipment that has no real chance of being repaired.

I can list some things not to do:

1) Get really drunk all the time and start singing cheesy songs.
2) Dare that you can jump out of a third-story window and not get hurt.
3) Get tortured. (That stretches you...)
4) Desert from the army.
5) Touch an live wire with a fork.
6) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
7) Overdoes on acid.
8) Listen to advice from H N Fiddlebottoms VIII.
9) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
10) Shoot the moon.
11) Urinate into a strong wind.
12) Eat year-old raspberry cobbler.
13) Paint yourself green and tap-dance nude on top of a taxi while playing the heckelphone and wearing a necklace of sausages.

Oh, and did I mention not to eat year-old raspberry cobbler?

Anyway, that's my non-advice. Follow it carefully. :)

1. I do this as often as possible, but its expensive, and hard to get alcohol.
2. I don't have any three story windows to jump out of, and again, I'm too scared of death.
3. Nobody to torture me, and I'm also quite scared of pain.
4. I've missed my last two trainings, and I just need to call my recruiter to finalize my quiting. I've practically been deserting for the last few months.
5. I've stuck tweezers in electrical sockets, vacuumed water... These things never seem to do me any good.
6. None such to eat.
7. Acid too is expensive, and fairly hard to get. I also, again, don't want to die.
8. He needs to give me advice before I can follow it.
9. See 6.
10. No gun, otherwise, I would be doing other things with it.
11. No strong winds to piss into.
12. See 9.
13. No green paint, no heckelphone, no necklace of sausages. No access to a taxi. Don't know how to tap dance.

Your problem is that you're too emotional. If you think you have problems, just stop thinking about them! They will seem to magically disappear. I've personally totally stopped lamenting my total failure to find a gf, and instead of contemplating suicide, I've been contemplating the death of any punks who dare annoy me.

But really, you worry to much. Pick up some escapist hobby or something, to get your mind off of your perceived failings.

I've been trying not to be shy, I've only gotten marginal results.

I'm on a near starvation diet because of my fatness, which is slowly working... But atm, I am fat. Quite.

I give myself a poor self-image only because I know it exists. I don' t let the shyness or fatness, they happen, no matter how much I fight them.

No one else will be able to take care of these things, but I wont be able to take care of them either. I am a failed project, one that should be thrown away like a broken piece of equipment that has no real chance of being repaired.
Unadulterated bullshit!

You can't become "not-shy." The only way to leave a negative is to focus on a positive. Determine to become gregarious, personable. Observe those who are and copy behaviors from them that you think you can try. You have to have courage to do this because you'll be changing the image of yourself that you hold in your mind. That's never an easy task. Be prepared for ridicule and jokes. People who know you will be threatened by your attempts to change, and those who don't know you will make fun of your ( at first ) bumbling attempts.

You can't become "un-fat." The positive to focus on here is becoming healthy, whatever that means for you and your genetic makeup. Start with a few stretching exercises, then move on to walking. Walk a bit more each month or week. Then walk/jog. Then jog/walk. Then just jog. Research your body type to discover what sort of diet will work best for you, then focus on eating healthy for your body type.

The key is that you must never give up, never surrender, and take NO mother-frakking prisoners! You have a stubborn streak. USE it! No one with a self image like the one you have now is without a stubborn streak. Turn it around and use it to refuse to give up.

Everybody will sometimes reach a down point in their lives when it seems there is no way out or reason to go on. I was there once. And I remember what it was like. I kept going through the motions, not really understanding why exactly, doing it mostly just to confound those I had thought might take pleasure at my failure in life. Oddly enough, that worked. The power of negative thinking. I expected everything in my life to turn belly-up, and/or implode. Then if it did, well, I expected that, and it didn't disappoint me too much. When it did not and good things happened, I was delighted with the outcome. It was a slow process, but things got better eventually. The main thing is not to give up on yourself in the meantime. Be yourself. Give yourself a chance to succeed. Despite what you say, absolutely no-one is totally without a chance for happiness. You just have keep going. When you stop looking for happiness, it will find you.

What be Homecoming?

I've been trying not to be shy, I've only gotten marginal results.

I'm on a near starvation diet because of my fatness, which is slowly working... But atm, I am fat. Quite.

I give myself a poor self-image only because I know it exists. I don' t let the shyness or fatness, they happen, no matter how much I fight them.

No one else will be able to take care of these things, but I wont be able to take care of them either. I am a failed project, one that should be thrown away like a broken piece of equipment that has no real chance of being repaired.

You sound so emo... Stop exaggerating all your problems/faults. There are millions of people worse off than you.

Maybe I'm not so good at giving this kind of advice..

You want my advice then kid? Fine, you need to start stripping whenever she enters the room. Trust me on this, whipping off your clothes in someone's presence can convey any emotion you want to convey. All it takes is a bit of creativity, and you can show hatred, lust, love, lust, desire, lust, compassion, lust, anger, lust, joy, lust, appreciation for a favour, lust, congratulations, lust, hunger, lust, thirst, lust, rage, and lust without saying a word.
A further peice of advice, if Czardas tells you to do something, don't do it because he is being "witty." If Czardas tells you not to do something, don't do it because he is using reverse psychology. If Czardas omitts to tell you whether to do one thing or another, do neither because he is just playing with your head. Basically, live a life of empty apathy where your only interaction with the outside world is sporadic acts of violence and/or decorating the front of your house.

You sound so emo... Stop exaggerating all your problems/faults. There are millions of people worse off than you.

Maybe I'm not so good at giving this kind of advice..

You're absolutely right, there are millions worse off than me. It doesn't change the fact that I hate my life.

Your problem is that you're too emotional. If you think you have problems, just stop thinking about them! They will seem to magically disappear. I've personally totally stopped lamenting my total failure to find a gf, and instead of contemplating suicide, I've been contemplating the death of any punks who dare annoy me.

But really, you worry to much. Pick up some escapist hobby or something, to get your mind off of your perceived failings.

But again, I have nothing to do. I have done, or attempted to do, anything and everything I can to try to avoid thinking about these things. And I succeed for a good portion of time, but at school especially, I can't help but think about these things, as I simply lay my head down and don't pay attention in class.

You sound so emo... Stop exaggerating all your problems/faults. There are millions of people worse off than you.

Maybe I'm not so good at giving this kind of advice..
You know what, that is the stupidest reason I have ever heard for someone to cheer up. The fact that there is someone out there worse off than me has nothing to do with my situation. Unless I am in some sort of bizarre competition or I personally caused the others suffering, then the way their lives are shaping out has nothing to do with mine.

You're absolutely right, there are millions worse off than me. It doesn't change the fact that I hate my life.

Be like me then. Blame your sucky life on everyone else. It feels much better.

You know what, that is the stupidest reason I have ever heard for someone to cheer up. The fact that there is someone out there worse off than me has nothing to do with my situation. Unless I am in some sort of bizarre competition or I personally caused the others suffering, then the way their lives are shaping out has nothing to do with mine.

You're right, but it was worth a shot..

Unadulterated bullshit!

You can't become "not-shy." The only way to leave a negative is to focus on a positive. Determine to become gregarious, personable. Observe those who are and copy behaviors from them that you think you can try. You have to have courage to do this because you'll be changing the image of yourself that you hold in your mind. That's never an easy task. Be prepared for ridicule and jokes. People who know you will be threatened by your attempts to change, and those who don't know you will make fun of your ( at first ) bumbling attempts.

You can't become "un-fat." The positive to focus on here is becoming healthy, whatever that means for you and your genetic makeup. Start with a few stretching exercises, then move on to walking. Walk a bit more each month or week. Then walk/jog. Then jog/walk. Then just jog. Research your body type to discover what sort of diet will work best for you, then focus on eating healthy for your body type.

The key is that you must never give up, never surrender, and take NO mother-frakking prisoners! You have a stubborn streak. USE it! No one with a self image like the one you have now is without a stubborn streak. Turn it around and use it to refuse to give up.

You act like you have some magical advice for me that I have never heard before. I have done exactly what you are saying, and it doesn't work. What do I need to do? Be outgoing, and simply talk to more people. When I have nothing to talk about, and nothing to go do, I am at a constant block.

I don't want to be healthy. I want to look good. And I already walk all over the place, as I have no car, nor mode of transportation. I have a low low stage of asthma, but that and my fat make it incredibly hard to jog, etc. I don't have the determination to do it constantly, with as much as it hurts.

I am not a surrealist, sorry. I am a pudgy, pitiful person, who is probably going to die in a gutter with a bottle of vodka in my hand. I'm just trying to not think about it for as long as possible.

Everybody will sometimes reach a down point in their lives when it seems there is no way out or reason to go on. I was there once. And I remember what it was like. I kept going through the motions, not really understanding why exactly, doing it mostly just to confound those I had thought might take pleasure at my failure in life. Oddly enough, that worked. The power of negative thinking. I expected everything in my life to turn belly-up, and/or implode. Then if it did, well, I expected that, and it didn't disappoint me too much. When it did not and good things happened, I was delighted with the outcome. It was a slow process, but things got better eventually. The main thing is not to give up on yourself in the meantime. Be yourself. Give yourself a chance to succeed. Despite what you say, absolutely no-one is totally without a chance for happiness. You just have keep going. When you stop looking for happiness, it will find you.

I've been like this, to different degrees, since I can remember. Its just getting worse, constantly.

Its official. Someone has, again, told me to be myself. I swear to god, If only I had a gun...

You want my advice then kid? Fine, you need to start stripping whenever she enters the room. Trust me on this, whipping off your clothes in someone's presence can convey any emotion you want to convey. All it takes is a bit of creativity, and you can show hatred, lust, love, lust, desire, lust, compassion, lust, anger, lust, joy, lust, appreciation for a favour, lust, congratulations, lust, hunger, lust, thirst, lust, rage, and lust without saying a word.
A further peice of advice, if Czardas tells you to do something, don't do it because he is being "witty." If Czardas tells you not to do something, don't do it because he is using reverse psychology. If Czardas omitts to tell you whether to do one thing or another, do neither because he is just playing with your head. Basically, live a life of empty apathy where your only interaction with the outside world is sporadic acts of violence and/or decorating the front of your house.

I wish more people were like you. This is the first good advice I've gotten in years.

SNIP--

Do something ... ANYthing! Something you've never done before. Something that stretches you. Something that makes you become better at whatever. If you like, I can list some things for you. :)



Do something that stretches you? HOW ABOUT SOME FUCKING EXERCISE FOR STARTERS. And no, I don't mean the exercise your self-styled "smart" self gets in making up excuses for shitty behavior. If this person makes you feel human, then dammit, start ACTING human. I am sick to the teeth of "smart" people who know what's wrong with them and then steadfastly refuse to take any action, or worse, assume that because ONE course of action failed that all others are doomed to the same fate.

Get off the bleeding computer and move your fat ass around some, pal. YES, I'm being rude. Why? Because moving MY formerly fat ass around is what made me stop wallowing in the filth of my own fatuous self-negation and getting on with life. Was it easy? No. In fact, I still hate actually making myself hit the road and run. But I feel so much better once I've cooled down that I keep focused on that instead of everything that's so "wrong".

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket, man -- ANY fool can sit on a tombstone, write really bad poetry and complain. It takes some fucking initiative to change. If wanting to be a better person because of a girl motivates you, so be it. Just realize that if she disappears or becomes unavailable for any reason, you'll need to have another reason. That reason -- and agreeing with Eutrusca is causing me physical pain -- IS YOU. NEVER change for anyone but yourself. If "Katie" is the initial motivation, that's great. But the rest has to come from within. If not, then you WILL fail, and likely blame it on anything but yourself.

And if you're one of those whiny little maggots who hears advice like this and then continues to come over all morose and maudlin, and then wears that refusal like a badge of honor -- then please, do the world a favor and suck-start a shotgun.

This politically incorrect screed was brought to you by the Denis Leary Shut the Fuck Up Foundation.

Be like me then. Blame your sucky life on everyone else. It feels much better.

I don't have it in me to lie to myself. Thats why I'm an atheist.

I wish more people were like you. This is the first good advice I've gotten in years.
Trust me, there are enough Self-loathing, smart-ass, sociopathic, sexually degenerate, alcoholic, broke, bored College Students in the world as it is.

*Plunders thread out of shear idiocity of some people*

What is Homecoming?

You act like you have some magical advice for me that I have never heard before. I have done exactly what you are saying, and it doesn't work. What do I need to do? Be outgoing, and simply talk to more people. When I have nothing to talk about, and nothing to go do, I am at a constant block.

I don't want to be healthy. I want to look good. And I already walk all over the place, as I have no car, nor mode of transportation. I have a low low stage of asthma, but that and my fat make it incredibly hard to jog, etc. I don't have the determination to do it constantly, with as much as it hurts.

I am not a surrealist, sorry. I am a pudgy, pitiful person, who is probably going to die in a gutter with a bottle of vodka in my hand. I'm just trying to not think about it for as long as possible.

Why do you want to be gregarious? Why do you want to look good? If you can't change it, value it. Think about how shallow and stupid all the gregarious people are, or how shallow and frail all the good looking people are. If you truly think you're a monster, then relish it! Go stomp on a city! Hating others is a very good step towards not hating yourself. Declare yourself to be the best option, and everyone else to be inferior! Make people feel bad! Make them shun you, avoid you, because only then will they notice you, respect you, care about you. Find beauty in ugliness, kindness in evil! Stop being emo and turn satanist!

Do something that stretches you? HOW ABOUT SOME FUCKING EXERCISE FOR STARTERS. And no, I don't mean the exercise your self-styled "smart" self gets in making up excuses for shitty behavior. If this person makes you feel human, then dammit, start ACTING human. I am sick to the teeth of "smart" people who know what's wrong with them and then steadfastly refuse to take any action, or worse, assume that because ONE course of action failed that all others are doomed to the same fate.

Get off the bleeding computer and move your fat ass around some, pal. YES, I'm being rude. Why? Because moving MY formerly fat ass around is what made me stop wallowing in the filth of my own fatuous self-negation and getting on with life. Was it easy? No. In fact, I still hate actually making myself hit the road and run. But I feel so much better once I've cooled down that I keep focused on that instead of everything that's so "wrong".

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket, man -- ANY fool can sit on a tombstone, write really bad poetry and complain. It takes some fucking initiative to change. If wanting to be a better person because of a girl motivates you, so be it. Just realize that if she disappears or becomes unavailable for any reason, you'll need to have another reason. That reason -- and agreeing with Eutrusca is causing me physical pain -- IS YOU. NEVER change for anyone but yourself. If "Katie" is the initial motivation, that's great. But the rest has to come from within. If not, then you WILL fail, and likely blame it on anything but yourself.

And if you're one of those whiny little maggots who hears advice like this and then continues to come over all morose and maudlin, and then wears that refusal like a badge of honor -- then please, do the world a favor and suck-start a shotgun.

This politically incorrect screed was brought to you by the Denis Leary Shut the Fuck Up Foundation.

I have no initiative. I have no want to change for myself. I do, and will fail when I try to change myself. I have tried constantly, and failed every time.

I wish I was courageous enough to shoot myself, I really, really do.

Do something that stretches you? HOW ABOUT SOME FUCKING EXERCISE FOR STARTERS. And no, I don't mean the exercise your self-styled "smart" self gets in making up excuses for shitty behavior. If this person makes you feel human, then dammit, start ACTING human. I am sick to the teeth of "smart" people who know what's wrong with them and then steadfastly refuse to take any action, or worse, assume that because ONE course of action failed that all others are doomed to the same fate.

Get off the bleeding computer and move your fat ass around some, pal. YES, I'm being rude. Why? Because moving MY formerly fat ass around is what made me stop wallowing in the filth of my own fatuous self-negation and getting on with life. Was it easy? No. In fact, I still hate actually making myself hit the road and run. But I feel so much better once I've cooled down that I keep focused on that instead of everything that's so "wrong".

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket, man -- ANY fool can sit on a tombstone, write really bad poetry and complain. It takes some fucking initiative to change. If wanting to be a better person because of a girl motivates you, so be it. Just realize that if she disappears or becomes unavailable for any reason, you'll need to have another reason. That reason -- and agreeing with Eutrusca is causing me physical pain -- IS YOU. NEVER change for anyone but yourself. If "Katie" is the initial motivation, that's great. But the rest has to come from within. If not, then you WILL fail, and likely blame it on anything but yourself.

And if you're one of those whiny little maggots who hears advice like this and then continues to come over all morose and maudlin, and then wears that refusal like a badge of honor -- then please, do the world a favor and suck-start a shotgun.

This politically incorrect screed was brought to you by the Denis Leary Shut the Fuck Up Foundation.

Wow, someone who is meaner and less sensitive than me!

By the way, Eutrusca?

How in the hell can you expect anyone to take you seriously -- especially as a veteran -- if you are constantly censoring yourself? "Frakking"? Give me a fucking break. Is this some kind of "kinder, gentler" veteran makeover for you? Look -- by using the substitute for actual invective, you're actually announcing that you MEAN to say "fuck" but haven't got the scrote to actually type it. How sad is that? As George Carlin observed, "shoot" is "shit" with two O's. In short, if you're thinking "fuck" and you're thinking it out loud, then for fuck's sake, TYPE it. Otherwise, you're incurably lame and nobody you're trying to advise (with decent actual advice, by the way, good job) will buy anything you've got to say. More's the pity 'cause your heart's in the right place.

Why do you want to be gregarious? Why do you want to look good? If you can't change it, value it. Think about how shallow and stupid all the gregarious people are, or how shallow and frail all the good looking people are. If you truly think you're a monster, then relish it! Go stomp on a city! Hating others is a very good step towards not hating yourself. Declare yourself to be the best option, and everyone else to be inferior! Make people feel bad! Make them shun you, avoid you, because only then will they notice you, respect you, care about you. Find beauty in ugliness, kindness in evil! Stop being emo and turn satanist!

Again, I can't lie to myself. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would much rather be sad and active, like them, than sad and a blob, as I am now.

Why do you want to be gregarious? Why do you want to look good? If you can't change it, value it. Think about how shallow and stupid all the gregarious people are, or how shallow and frail all the good looking people are. If you truly think you're a monster, then relish it! Go stomp on a city! Hating others is a very good step towards not hating yourself. Declare yourself to be the best option, and everyone else to be inferior! Make people feel bad! Make them shun you, avoid you, because only then will they notice you, respect you, care about you. Find beauty in ugliness, kindness in evil! Stop being emo and turn satanist!

This is what I meant to say..

Again, I can't lie to myself. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would much rather be sad and active, like them, than sad and a blob, as I am now.

Wait.. was the point of this thread to wallow in your own misery? You really shouldn't bother making a thread like this if you're going to automatically reject all advice.

I have no initiative. I have no want to change for myself. I do, and will fail when I try to change myself. I have tried constantly, and failed every time.

I wish I was courageous enough to shoot myself, I really, really do.

No you don't, pal. If you really wanted it, you'd be dead by now.

Look -- personally, people as pathetic as you claim to be really tend to piss me off, but, on the pretense that you're actually serious -- and knowing how you'll respond in advance -- I'll ask the following:

1) Ever seen a psychotherapist or a counselor or had any meds prescribed? I'm on the generic for Celexa which balances out the chemicals in my head which, when out of whack, have me contantly irritated (even more than I am now). Point is, sometimes it isn't attitude, it's chemistry. Look into it (and I know you're going to say you have, so I'll pre-rebut with "try harder, fuckhead").

2) Ever try changing ANYthing in your daily or weekly routine? Ever volunteer for anything? Assisting others and learning about how the rest of the world operates (in REAL time away from monitors and such) can be at least interesting and eye-opening if not actually rewarding. At the very least, you get to look around at just how damaged the average person can be and realize that you're far from alone.

There's more ideas, but I'm getting tired. And besides, you're gonna brew up some kind of meretricious excuse that some folks will weep over for why you don't exert. If that's the case, then go fuck yourself and find a forum that gives a shit.

Wait.. was the point of this thread to wallow in your own misery? You really shouldn't bother making a thread like this if you're going to automatically reject all advice.

If you don't like it, don't read the thread.

Wow, someone who is meaner and less sensitive than me!

Bet'cher ass, brother.

Well, fuck! D'you honestly think the touchy-feely approach is gonna work on this whiny maggot? He's obviously too "smart" for that. He's figured out how to shoot down even the most commonsense suggestions, so I say let 'im rot. If he doesn't want to help himself, I merely suggested a way to help ease the tax burden he's setting himself up to become.

Mean? Was Jonathan Swift mean?

Well, yeah, but only satirically.....and my modest proposal only involves one kid.

Again, I can't lie to myself. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would much rather be sad and active, like them, than sad and a blob, as I am now.

You wouldn't be lying to yourself, you would be accepting the truth. You say you're a sad blob, be THE sad blob. If you're a miserable, whiny, failure, use that offensively! Be the person who always gets on peoples' nerves, who never gets a social hint, who'll never amount to anything but a parasite on others' backs. Stop starving yourself and binge into excess. Be disgusting, and you'll find it much more rewarding than you would think.

No you don't, pal. If you really wanted it, you'd be dead by now.

Look -- personally, people as pathetic as you claim to be really tend to piss me off, but, on the pretense that you're actually serious -- and knowing how you'll respond in advance -- I'll ask the following:

1) Ever seen a psychotherapist or a counselor or had any meds prescribed? I'm on the generic for Celexa which balances out the chemicals in my head which, when out of whack, have me contantly irritated (even more than I am now). Point is, sometimes it isn't attitude, it's chemistry. Look into it (and I know you're going to say you have, so I'll pre-rebut with "try harder, fuckhead").

2) Ever try changing ANYthing in your daily or weekly routine? Ever volunteer for anything? Assisting others and learning about how the rest of the world operates (in REAL time away from monitors and such) can be at least interesting and eye-opening if not actually rewarding. At the very least, you get to look around at just how damaged the average person can be and realize that you're far from alone.

There's more ideas, but I'm getting tired. And besides, you're gonna brew up some kind of meretricious excuse that some folks will weep over for why you don't exert. If that's the case, then go fuck yourself and find a forum that gives a shit.

1. I've been prescribed anti-depressants before, but I refused to take them. I just don't want to take meds.

2. Yes, yes. And I have yet to see anybody who seems as fucked up as I am, even though I logically know they exist. It doesn't change the fact that I hate my life.

I don't want pity. I've been depressed for long enough to realize it doesn't make me feel better.

If you don't like it, don't read the thread.

That's my boy! Give into your despicableness! Spread your despair like a plague! Become the beast you've always dreamed of being!

You wouldn't be lying to yourself, you would be accepting the truth. You say you're a sad blob, be THE sad blob. If you're a miserable, whiny, failure, use that offensively! Be the person who always gets on peoples' nerves, who never gets a social hint, who'll never amount to anything but a parasite on others' backs. Stop starving yourself and binge into excess. Be disgusting, and you'll find it much more rewarding than you would think.

Why the hell would I want to commit social suicide? So I can lose the few things in life that give me any pleasure at all?

If you don't like it, don't read the thread.

NO. NO. NO. Stop right there, maggot.

I'm not gonna sit by and let you say something like that. If you're so damned pathetic, and self-admittedly no less, then the problem is with you. We read threads like this because we imagine that we might be able to help. You write threads like this because you know that. Then you sit here and reject everything anyone says. I have a better idea. If you don't like that we don't like it, LEARN FROM THAT and STOP CRAFTING THREADS LIKE THIS. You're not even crying wolf, you're just whimpering. Hell, for all we know, you get off on pretending to cry over the spilled milk of human kindness. Well that makes you an asshole. Get help or get dead. At this point, I no longer care which.

That's my boy! Give into your despicableness! Spread your despair like a plague! Become the beast you've always dreamed of being!

But I havn't dreamed of being a beast. I want to be good, happy. I want to be like everybody else seems.

NO. NO. NO. Stop right there, maggot.

I'm not gonna sit by and let you say something like that. If you're so damned pathetic, and self-admittedly no less, then the problem is with you. We read threads like this because we imagine that we might be able to help. You write threads like this because you know that. Then you sit here and reject everything anyone says. I have a better idea. If you don't like that we don't like it, LEARN FROM THAT and STOP CRAFTING THREADS LIKE THIS. You're not even crying wolf, you're just whimpering. Hell, for all we know, you get off on pretending to cry over the spilled milk of human kindness. Well that makes you an asshole. Get help or get dead. At this point, I no longer care which.

If a drill seargant yelling at me will barely get through to me, you typing in bold font wont do the trick, thats for damn sure.

The problem is with me, sure. But that doesn't mean I can fix it. I would love if some magical advice could come through, that would fix everything, but I figure it won't. I sit here and reject things because I know that they wont work. I don't care if you don't like it, but I'm suggesting if you dont like it, then you can stop reading this thread. I honestly don't care what the people on this forum think.

I can neither get dead or get help.

1. I've been prescribed anti-depressants before, but I refused to take them. I just don't want to take meds.

2. Yes, yes. And I have yet to see anybody who seems as fucked up as I am, even though I logically know they exist. It doesn't change the fact that I hate my life.

I don't want pity. I've been depressed for long enough to realize it doesn't make me feel better.

Okay, then you've confirmed my suspicion. You're a fool. That's okay 'cause it makes you easy to write off. "I just don't want to take meds" -- what a complete waste of flesh. LOOK, JACKASS, the meds just might restore the chemical imbalance that could be inhibiting motivation. And guess what? The first prescription or two might not even work! My imbalance took the third 'scrip before I was leveled off -- and by that I mean restored to functionality without feeling like a zombie (Xanax) or like a Stepford person (Zoloft).

"I just don't want to take meds" -- then quitcher bitchin' and enjoy the bed you've made for yourself.

Okay, then you've confirmed my suspicion. You're a fool. That's okay 'cause it makes you easy to write off. "I just don't want to take meds" -- what a complete waste of flesh. LOOK, JACKASS, the meds just might restore the chemical imbalance that could be inhibiting motivation. And guess what? The first prescription or two might not even work! My imbalance took the third 'scrip before I was leveled off -- and by that I mean restored to functionality without feeling like a zombie (Xanax) or like a Stepford person (Zoloft).

"I just don't want to take meds" -- then quitcher bitchin' and enjoy the bed you've made for yourself.

I took some natural bullshit before, and I didn't like it. I don't do things I don't want to do. One of my few refuges' is my self-choice.

I was only suggested to take anti-depressants, and never got an official prescription. They never gave me one, and I eventually got out of therapy, so they obviously don't think I have a problem.

If a drill seargant yelling at me will barely get through to me, you typing in bold font wont do the trick, thats for damn sure.

It wasn't bold, it was size five. And I couldn't give a fuck if I get through to you or not. Sometimes a little futility at the end of the day is strangely invigorating.

I honestly don't care what the people on this forum think.

Well that's clearly bullshit. If you really didn't care you sure as hell wouldn't have started the thread, you little attention-seeking catamite.

I took some natural bullshit before, and I didn't like it. I don't do things I don't want to do. One of my few refuges' is my self-choice.

I was only suggested to take anti-depressants, and never got an official prescription. They never gave me one, and I eventually got out of therapy, so they obviously don't think I have a problem.

Well, you've solved the med question -- the "natural bullshit" was precisely that -- bullshit. It was probably St. John's Wort or some eco-loony crap like that.

Who were "they"? If "they" weren't licensed psychotherapists, then "they" couldn't write you a 'scrip. Suggest is all a counselor can do -- only psychiatric MD can prescribe medication. Try again, lame-o.

It wasn't bold, it was size five. And I couldn't give a fuck if I get through to you or not. Sometimes a little futility at the end of the day is strangely invigorating.



Well that's clearly bullshit. If you really didn't care you sure as hell wouldn't have started the thread, you little attention-seeking catamite.

You obviously care, in some miniscule part of your mind, if you keep posting advice.

I really don't care. I care about myself, and thats it. It makes me feel just a little bit better about myself, posting here.

Well, you've solved the med question -- the "natural bullshit" was precisely that -- bullshit. It was probably St. John's Wort or some eco-loony crap like that.

Who were "they"? If "they" weren't licensed psychotherapists, then "they" couldn't write you a 'scrip. Suggest is all a counselor can do -- only psychiatric MD can prescribe medication. Try again, lame-o.

I've had both counselors and therapists. I've never been taken to a psychiatric MD. I'm not about to go volunteer to go to one, either.

You obviously care, in some miniscule part of your mind, if you keep posting advice.

I really don't care. I care about myself, and thats it. It makes me feel just a little bit better about myself, posting here.

Well, I'm programmed to care -- against my will in some cases -- because I am a teacher.

And if posting here makes you feel better about yourself, then you're far more imploded than even you have already stated.

I've had both counselors and therapists. I've never been taken to a psychiatric MD. I'm not about to go volunteer to go to one, either.

Then (surprise) that's your loss and your problem, you walking vacuole.

Blah blah blah blah blah.....

And eventually being smacked around by the world will make you grow up and you'll look back on how you used to be and hate that former self even more.

Or you'll never change, never stop whining and just keep hiding behind excuses and continue to annoy the fuck out of anyone who comes near you.

I have little sympathy for the, "But I'm shy and no one likes me!" emo whining. I'm one of the most painfully shy people I know. But you know what? I fucking GREW UP and learned how to deal with it. I put myself through stressful social situations every damn day because I want to have friends and to connect with people. It works and it's worth it.

Well, I'm programmed to care -- against my will in some cases -- because I am a teacher.

And if posting here makes you feel better about yourself, then you're far more imploded than even you have already stated.

Ok.

Blah blah blah blah blah.....

And eventually being smacked around by the world will make you grow up and you'll look back on how you used to be and hate that former self even more.

Or you'll never change, never stop whining and just keep hiding behind excuses and continue to annoy the fuck out of anyone who comes near you.

I have little sympathy for the, "But I'm shy and no one likes me!" emo whining. I'm one of the most painfully shy people I know. But you know what? I fucking GREW UP and learned how to deal with it. I put myself through stressful social situations every damn day because I want to have friends and to connect with people. It works and it's worth it.

Good point, Ranchland, but it'll be lost on this waddling pile of diffidence.

Then (surprise) that's your loss and your problem, you walking vacuole.

You realize these people are expensive, right? Besides, I don't want all the attention that going to one of these would bring upon me.

Well, it's been lovely but I need sleep before wrangling my 8 o'clock music theory class tomorrow. This kid think's he's got problems. I teach music theory, jazz history and choral music in the whitest state in the union -- at a Catholic university!

Actually, I'm extremely glad to have this gig. Smart kids who want to be here and who actually put in the work you tell them they need. Yes, nuns run the place, but hey -- I'm doing what I love.

So what do you love, Chellis?

'Night all.

Jubal

Blah blah blah blah blah.....

And eventually being smacked around by the world will make you grow up and you'll look back on how you used to be and hate that former self even more.

Or you'll never change, never stop whining and just keep hiding behind excuses and continue to annoy the fuck out of anyone who comes near you.

I have little sympathy for the, "But I'm shy and no one likes me!" emo whining. I'm one of the most painfully shy people I know. But you know what? I fucking GREW UP and learned how to deal with it. I put myself through stressful social situations every damn day because I want to have friends and to connect with people. It works and it's worth it.

Except you are basing your knowledge on what I've posted in this thread. When I am with people, I mask this as much as I possibly can.

You realize these people are expensive, right? Besides, I don't want all the attention that going to one of these would bring upon me.

That's odd, you not wanting attention. Ain't that why you posted your offal here? Sure it is. And exactly what "attention" would you get? If you're really serious about not liking how you are presently, then isn't some inconvenience the price of admission? As far as expense, there's always ways around that for those in need. It takes work, but hey -- I'm not one to intervene on behalf of action to someone who complains and then refuses to take action because it might involve work. You wanna wallow? You're welcome to it. Rest assured you'll not hear from me again. You know where I stand, Skeezix.

Well, it's been lovely but I need sleep before wrangling my 8 o'clock music theory class tomorrow. This kid think's he's got problems. I teach music theory, jazz history and choral music in the whitest state in the union -- at a Catholic university!

Actually, I'm extremely glad to have this gig. Smart kids who want to be here and who actually put in the work you tell them they need. Yes, nuns run the place, but hey -- I'm doing what I love.

So what do you love, Chellis?

'Night all.

Jubal

Vocal Ensemble, modeling, and women.

Too bad I get so little time to do any of them.

Except you are basing your knowledge on what I've posted in this thread. When I am with people, I mask this as much as I possibly can.

Trust me, they can see it, Eraserhead.

That's odd, you not wanting attention. Ain't that why you posted your offal here? Sure it is. And exactly what "attention" would you get? If you're really serious about not liking how you are presently, then isn't some inconvenience the price of admission? As far as expense, there's always ways around that for those in need. It takes work, but hey -- I'm not one to intervene on behalf of action to someone who complains and then refuses to take action because it might involve work. You wanna wallow? You're welcome to it. Rest assured you'll not hear from me again. You know where I stand, Skeezix.

No, its not why I posted here at all. I don't care about the attention, I care about expressing myself, and how I feel. I've written this and more on paper, only to throw it away. Talking about this makes me feel better, even if it accomplishes nothing.

I would get attention from my parents and friends, who would act worried(though subconsciously at least, they don't care, or even feel contempt at me getting attention for it).

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Hey man, whatever tickles your sphincter. Lie to yourself all you want. Hell, that's the American way.

Trust me, they can see it, Eraserhead.

Says the person who doesn't know me in real life? The one who said he wasn't going to post anymore in this thread, like 3 times?

If they can see it, they don't mention it. I am as outgoing as I can be, but as dull as I am, there is little I can do.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Hey man, whatever tickles your sphincter. Lie to yourself all you want. Hell, that's the American way.

I don't like attention in certain ways, if you want me to be absolutely precise. I don't like it from parents, from authority figures, etc. I don't like it from people I don't know, unless I know of them.

I do like it from my peers, but not the kind I get with my depression. It only leads to more depression, and even if I cant lift myself up from depression, I can try to stop myself from getting more of it.

You act like you have some magical advice for me that I have never heard before. I have done exactly what you are saying, and it doesn't work. What do I need to do? Be outgoing, and simply talk to more people. When I have nothing to talk about, and nothing to go do, I am at a constant block.

I don't want to be healthy. I want to look good. And I already walk all over the place, as I have no car, nor mode of transportation. I have a low low stage of asthma, but that and my fat make it incredibly hard to jog, etc. I don't have the determination to do it constantly, with as much as it hurts.

I am not a surrealist, sorry. I am a pudgy, pitiful person, who is probably going to die in a gutter with a bottle of vodka in my hand. I'm just trying to not think about it for as long as possible.
My apologies then. I'm 62 years old. I've been through seven different sorts of hell and half of Georgia. I know whereof I speak. At one point in my life, I was much like you. Your fate is in your own hands. You choose. Good luck, my friend. I care about you, whether you care about you or not.

EDIT: Just one more word of advice for now ... if you truly are depressed, it's not something you can just "shake off." Depression is a very real illness. It needs to be treated by a doctor. Read up on the symptoms and treatment of depression (http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/depression.html) and if the shoe fits, visit a doctor.