NationStates Jolt Archive

is self-confidence linked to being good in things? can one simply delude oneself with dreams of grandeur and self-importance to inflate one's ego and confidence? is confidence linked solely to the ego?
just some thoughts i've been having recently...

i was thinking particularly about my days in school. it was always the confident kids who were popular. and the confident ones tended to be the sporty people - the ones on the school sports teams and the like. now, did their confidence come simply from the fact that they were good at something? can that 'something' be anything?
it has to be something that other people respect, or, more succinctly, it has to be something that the person in question believes other people respect.

take a more geeky kid like myself... i've always been pretty decent at most things, but never great at anything. hence i've never been very confident in myself, as, in school, i knew there are other people who are better than me. at uni, when i got depressed, i knew that in the whole world, there would always be someone - doubtless millions - who were better than me. i'm not talking being 'best' here, i mean just 'good' as in, better than average (i was always mr. average in tests and that :()


take another geeky kid, Helen, one of my friends in school. she was super-brainy, a real bookworm, and she got consistantly great grades. however she was never, ever that confident in herself because while she was indeed good at something, she didn't believe that other people felt what she was good at got respect. in fact, that was quite true - good grades don't get you much respect in most schools - until a-level or so, when suddenly grades mattered to everyone, and as a result her confidence shot up like a rocket. ok, she never became one of the 'popular' kids (mostly because the cult of who's popular and who's not was firmly entrenched by then), but at least she got respect, and had enough self-confidence to enjoy herself and that.


and then you had some people - i won't name names - at my school who weren't great at anything in particular, and yet were very confident in themselves. how so? they tended to be the assholes - the ones who put other people down to make themselves feel better, to patch the holes in their artificially inflated egos and maintain their illusion of superiority.

can one still have high confidence in oneself if you're not 'great', or even just good, at anything particular? can you do this without turning into an asshole? is this healthy?



so, out of all that, is confidence simply based on superiority? i do hope its not... but if you reverse it, it becomes near undeniable: a lack of confidence is caused primarily by inferiority. the problem is the feeling of inferiority is highly subjective and varies from person to person - hence why you can have two people of similar abilities and achievements, and have one happy with themselves and where they are, and the other miserable as sin...
i think either way its self-evident that confidence requires a healthy ego.


or is, of course, confidence based on something else entirely and i'm just talking out of my ass? ;)


anyways, thats just a little rant... i was stuck in bad traffic for about an hour today so i had plenty of time to let my mind wonder like this and just had to get it out of me :P

i was thinking particularly about my days in school. it was always the confident kids who were popular. and the confident ones tended to be the sporty people - the ones on the school sports teams and the like. now, did their confidence come simply from the fact that they were good at something? can that 'something' be anything?
it has to be something that other people respect, or, more succinctly, it has to be something that the person in question believes other people respect.

It could be said that confidence leads to being good at things, not vice versa. I wasn't good at sports, but then, I never went in with a confident and determined attitude.

I would say that the confidence I have comes, at least partially from knowing I have the determination to do what it takes to succeed.

I think that the biggest hinderance to ability is one's own anxiety.

It could be said that confidence leads to being good at things, not vice versa. I wasn't good at sports, but then, I never went in with a confident and determined attitude.

I would say that the confidence I have comes, at least partially from knowing I have the determination to do what it takes to succeed.

I think that the biggest hinderance to ability is one's own anxiety.
indeed, quite true...

...the plot thickens ;)

indeed, quite true...

...the plot thickens ;)
....and its getting hard to stir.

self confidence is an attitude. it comes from the way you were raised mixed with your innate attitude toward life.

you are good at many many things, you just dont count those things as important. the only things that are important in your estimation of yourself are the things you DONT do well.

other people look at what they are good at as important and utterly overlook the ways they are inadequate. they have self confidence.

I have a great amount of self confidence and yet I am not really good at anything. I am mediocre at a lot of stuff though.

My confidence comes from me knowing that I am the best person that I can be under the current circumstances.

I may be better some day or may have been better in the past but the circumstances were different.

Be the very best you that you can be and you have no reason not to be confident.:)

Well, to bring this down to high school.....I was one of those mostly popular kids (you know the type.....went to all the parties, could get along with almost EVERYBODY in the school, but when you think of her, you can't put a set stereotype to her, and she certainly doesn't seem "popular"), I was top of my section in music all four years (depending on what ensemble I was in), I was crew chief in many theatre productions, and I was a member of the National Honors Society. Yet, outside of PERHAPS my musical ability, I had no real self-confidence. In fact, I can safely say that I turned out the way I did because of lack of that confidence -- I attended parties, whether or not I really liked the people, to make myself feel welcome and appreciated. I continually out-performed my fellow students for further recognition, even though I didn't enjoy school in the least bit. I went above and beyond what was needed of me in the theatre department because I wanted people to think of me as a role model.

You know what it got me? A hefty coke addiction and an abusive relationship, straight out of high school.

I'm really lucky I turned around though.....and maybe, in some crazy coincidence, or by definite connection, I can safely say I love myself more than anybody else could stand a chance to now. Not in the sappy way, either.....I'm just really self-obsessed.

Simonist']Well, to bring this down to high school.....I was one of those mostly popular kids (you know the type.....went to all the parties, could get along with almost EVERYBODY in the school, but when you think of her, you can't put a set stereotype to her, and she certainly doesn't seem "popular"), I was top of my section in music all four years (depending on what ensemble I was in), I was crew chief in many theatre productions, and I was a member of the National Honors Society. Yet, outside of PERHAPS my musical ability, I had no real self-confidence. In fact, I can safely say that I turned out the way I did because of lack of that confidence -- I attended parties, whether or not I really liked the people, to make myself feel welcome and appreciated. I continually out-performed my fellow students for further recognition, even though I didn't enjoy school in the least bit. I went above and beyond what was needed of me in the theatre department because I wanted people to think of me as a role model.

You know what it got me? A hefty coke addiction and an abusive relationship, straight out of high school.

I'm really lucky I turned around though.....and maybe, in some crazy coincidence, or by definite connection, I can safely say I love myself more than anybody else could stand a chance to now. Not in the sappy way, either.....I'm just really self-obsessed.
wow. it is like my life story :eek:
I have been noticing that on the threds today, you and I have a lot of similar experiences. freaky how we turned out so different too. we should be friends anyway :)

wow. it is like my life story :eek:
I have been noticing that on the threds today, you and I have a lot of similar experiences. freaky how we turned out so different too. we should be friends anyway :)
Hahaha, sounds good to me. Certainly better than worrying that there's one more intellectual out there who could someday best me and really make a fool of me in front of my respected cohorts :eek:

We're really not all THAT different.....we're just variably more or less extreme on certain issues, I'm sure.

Simonist']Hahaha, sounds good to me. Certainly better than worrying that there's one more intellectual out there who could someday best me and really make a fool of me in front of my respected cohorts :eek:

We're really not all THAT different.....we're just variably more or less extreme on certain issues, I'm sure.
probably. anyway it is fun to debate with you so I wouldn't want us to be too similar anyway, at least I know you aren't ever going to resort to flaming.:p
Good intelligent discussion, yes, that is nice:D