NationStates Jolt Archive

It's a fault that to be honest is ruining everything...

It is almost impossible for me to think about myself. I'm constantly worried about how my decisions will affect others. I don't like to "bother" people even when it is neccessary.

Even when I'm trying to be nice it backfires. I was just picked up from school (I'm not as strong as I though I was, I still need to recover) and my mom was telling me how she was going to be late to a Halloween party for her kindergarden class. She told me she would have to split as soon as she dropped me off (I can handle myself). I said that it wasn't a problem, that I'd want her to go and have fun at a PARTY. And she just snapped saying that it was her job to do this, that it wasn't for "fun".

While I was in the hospital, weighing heavily on my mind was school and my damned Eagle project. I was constantly worried about how I was going to live up to everyone else's expectations.

You know what I want? I don't want to worry about school, I don't want to worry about reaching Eagle...and I don't want any more expectations. But I know that is impossible, because everyone expects so much of me. And -I am being totally honest here- I couldn't live with myself with everyone being dissapointed in me, even if it was in my best interest.

I envy those who have no conscience...

As you age you'll realise that most people are uncaring fools, too busy with their own lives to care if they hurt anyone. At this point you'll no longer care if people are disappointed in you, and realise that you (and only you) can judge whether you're doing the right thing.

As you age you'll realise that most people are uncaring fools, too busy with their own lives to care if they hurt anyone. At this point you'll no longer care if people are disappointed in you, and realise that you (and only you) can judge whether you're doing the right thing.

That's the thing. I don't want to be another uncaring fool.

My head is swimmin'...

That's the thing. I don't want to be another uncaring fool.

My head is swimmin'...
join the club.

my advice: start drinking or something.


my real advice: i think this has a lot to do with problems with self-confidence - you and me both buddy. try to do some stuff that'll help with that (god knows what)

join the club.

my advice: start drinking or something.


my real advice: i think this has a lot to do with problems with self-confidence - you and me both buddy. try to do some stuff that'll help with that (god knows what)

Learning a martial art improves confidence.

Bolol, do you need a hug?

That's the thing. I don't want to be another uncaring fool.
There's a difference between being uncaring and being selectively caring. If someone doesn't appreciate your help, there's little point giving it to them (and if they don't care for it, it will make little difference anyway). Convince yourself that selective caring makes more of a difference to the world than unconditional caring (for one thing, if people are only nice to other people who were nice, it gives good reason to be nice, if you see what I mean).

Bolol, do you need a hug?
He needs someone to clean the tire tracks off his face...

That's the thing. I don't want to be another uncaring fool.


So what you're saying is, "I don't wanna be another I-Don't-Care-Ican"?

Probabaly the best cure all for being a really nice person is to get a job that involves dealing with the general public on a regular basis (shop floor assitant in a supermarket would eb a good example).

The sheer stupidity and general arseholeness of the public will soon cure you. Unfortunatly it won't make you mean enough to progress up the retail ladder but it will give you enough to make the likes of IT a viable path where a lots of niceness backed up by a small bit of down right nastiness will get you far.

While this may appear to be at least partly in jest, i did find that my time working in a super amrket while at uni did do me a lot in learning how to deal with poeple and how to be selectively nice .

It's a fault that to be honest is ruining everything...

It is almost impossible for me to think about myself. I'm constantly worried about how my decisions will affect others. I don't like to "bother" people even when it is neccessary.

Even when I'm trying to be nice it backfires. I was just picked up from school (I'm not as strong as I though I was, I still need to recover) and my mom was telling me how she was going to be late to a Halloween party for her kindergarden class. She told me she would have to split as soon as she dropped me off (I can handle myself). I said that it wasn't a problem, that I'd want her to go and have fun at a PARTY. And she just snapped saying that it was her job to do this, that it wasn't for "fun".

While I was in the hospital, weighing heavily on my mind was school and my damned Eagle project. I was constantly worried about how I was going to live up to everyone else's expectations.

You know what I want? I don't want to worry about school, I don't want to worry about reaching Eagle...and I don't want any more expectations. But I know that is impossible, because everyone expects so much of me. And -I am being totally honest here- I couldn't live with myself with everyone being dissapointed in me, even if it was in my best interest.

I envy those who have no conscience...


This entire post reads like a manipulative plea for pity. What are you, 12?

This entire post reads like a manipulative plea for pity. What are you, 12?

...No.

Bolol, do you need a hug?

You're hugz is much appriciated! :fluffle:

He needs someone to clean the tire tracks off his face...

It was a Ford F150.

I envy those who have no conscience...

Me too. I'll sell you mine for five bucks?

Me too. I'll sell you mine for five bucks?

Why not sell it to Satan? He'd have better use for it.

Learning a martial art improves confidence.
Yes. I have the feeling that if I didn't know I could smash in the skull of anyone who would be annoying or bullying me with a single blow, I probably would never be able to leave the house.

Don't ask me to talk to people yet, though. I'm not exactly ready for that. But I will be at some point, maybe next year I might say something or...yeah, something like that. ;)

It's a fault that to be honest is ruining everything...

It is almost impossible for me to think about myself. I'm constantly worried about how my decisions will affect others. I don't like to "bother" people even when it is neccessary.

Even when I'm trying to be nice it backfires. I was just picked up from school (I'm not as strong as I though I was, I still need to recover) and my mom was telling me how she was going to be late to a Halloween party for her kindergarden class. She told me she would have to split as soon as she dropped me off (I can handle myself). I said that it wasn't a problem, that I'd want her to go and have fun at a PARTY. And she just snapped saying that it was her job to do this, that it wasn't for "fun".

While I was in the hospital, weighing heavily on my mind was school and my damned Eagle project. I was constantly worried about how I was going to live up to everyone else's expectations.

You know what I want? I don't want to worry about school, I don't want to worry about reaching Eagle...and I don't want any more expectations. But I know that is impossible, because everyone expects so much of me. And -I am being totally honest here- I couldn't live with myself with everyone being dissapointed in me, even if it was in my best interest.

I envy those who have no conscience...

i know how you feel, i go running when i feel sad, but you just got out of the hospital so that might not work for you. just do the best you can and it will all work out:)

Why not sell it to Satan? He'd have better use for it.
Yeah, but he only had $2.50 and a peice of bubble gum

i know how you feel, i go running when i feel sad, but you just got out of the hospital so that might not work for you. just do the best you can and it will all work out:)

Well...I plug in my PS2 and blow the living shit out of anything that gets in my path. Works for me.

Well...I plug in my PS2 and blow the living shit out of anything that gets in my path. Works for me.

meh, what ever works :)

I (heart) Bolol!

:fluffle:

My advice: Drink.

My real advice: Drink heavily.

Well...I plug in my PS2 and blow the living shit out of anything that gets in my path. Works for me.
Hmmm. I love going and blowing up random buildings when I'm down, it makes me feel a lot better.

Each to his (her) own, I guess.

Learning a martial art improves confidence.
Actually, my confidence didn't boost until I started punching walls. Once I was willing to fuck up my left hand doing something intensely supid and purposelss I really quit caring about whether I hurt other people or not.
Also people are less likely to cause you problems when your hand is in a cast.

My advice: Drink.

My real advice: Drink heavily.

Bah! Don't take this advice, Bolol. Drinking sucks. Smoke pot instead!

Seriously, though, you can be nice without being a doormat. Don't worry so much about bothering people or anything like that. People are more resilient to being bothered than you'd think. You don't need to accomodate everyone and people will respect you more if you don't just accede to them all the time.

You can grow some backbone without becoming an arse. For real and for true, you can, I promise!

It's a fault that to be honest is ruining everything...

It is almost impossible for me to think about myself. I'm constantly worried about how my decisions will affect others. I don't like to "bother" people even when it is neccessary.

Even when I'm trying to be nice it backfires. I was just picked up from school (I'm not as strong as I though I was, I still need to recover) and my mom was telling me how she was going to be late to a Halloween party for her kindergarden class. She told me she would have to split as soon as she dropped me off (I can handle myself). I said that it wasn't a problem, that I'd want her to go and have fun at a PARTY. And she just snapped saying that it was her job to do this, that it wasn't for "fun".

While I was in the hospital, weighing heavily on my mind was school and my damned Eagle project. I was constantly worried about how I was going to live up to everyone else's expectations.

You know what I want? I don't want to worry about school, I don't want to worry about reaching Eagle...and I don't want any more expectations. But I know that is impossible, because everyone expects so much of me. And -I am being totally honest here- I couldn't live with myself with everyone being dissapointed in me, even if it was in my best interest.

I envy those who have no conscience...

So you should, it makes life much easier

Actually, my confidence didn't boost until I started punching walls. Once I was willing to fuck up my left hand doing something intensely supid and purposelss I really quit caring about whether I hurt other people or not.
Also people are less likely to cause you problems when your hand is in a cast.

Being willing to hurt people isn't the same as having confidence.

Being willing to hurt people isn't the same as having confidence.

No, but the two often coincide. If you are concerned solely for others, how can you expect to be confidant and active in a conversation?

No, but the two often coincide. If you are concerned solely for others, how can you expect to be confidant and active in a conversation?

Being concerned for others' wellbeing doesn't make you unconfident, it's being worried about what they think of you. You can be nice without being a wimp.

Being willing to hurt people isn't the same as having confidence.
No, but if you are afraid of what other people will think about you, then you are thinking about how you affect them too much. This means that you need to get used to the idea that what you do may be detrimental too someone, especially if you ever intend to have authority or responsibility in life.
My point was that if you can hurt yourself for no reason at all, you should be able to hurt or order someone else because you needed something from them.

Being concerned for others' wellbeing doesn't make you unconfident, it's being worried about what they think of you. You can be nice without being a wimp.

but not assertive, I'm just quiet at times, but you should be assertive. Try alcohol, it normally works.

but not assertive, I'm just quiet at times, but you should be assertive. Try alcohol, it normally works.
Alcohol helps you be assertive, yes, but it makes you assert that you should drink more alcohol.

Alcohol helps you be assertive, yes, but it makes you assert that you should drink more alcohol.

not in moderation, or if you have an ounce of self-control

not in moderation, or if you have an ounce of self-control
Yes, but alcohol tends to sap your self-control, which is why you can become more assertive then usual. Unless we are thinking about different quantities, and it looks like we are so I'm just going to agree with you for the Hell of it.

Thanks for all your advice. I'm feeling better having rested a bit.

Thanks for all your advice. I'm feeling better having rested a bit.

Thats good. Now can I trouble you for a loan for a couple grand?