NationStates Jolt Archive

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?

You should compromise. Don't just forgive them right off, because you don't want to be a doormat. But don't hold a grudge about this, because that doesn't help anyone. Maybe try and be more positive in future, but having said that, don't let them change who you are as a person. I think you do have the right to be angry, because this is an extremely immature way of dealing with this (how old are you, btw?) but don't go too far with it. If you value these friends, you might have to be the bridge builder.

I think that you should offer forgiveness to the female, if she volunteers to help you kill all the others and hide the bodies (Of course, if she refuses, you should kill her too).
Then get a machete, a shot gun, a hockey mask, a box of cookies, and a flask of vodka. Drink the vodka, and pick off your former friends one by one, being sure to either act in complete silence or have a pun for each kill. When the hunt is over, sell me your life story, eat the cookies and run off to be a fugitive in Kuala Lumpir.

You should compromise. Don't just forgive them right off, because you don't want to be a doormat. But don't hold a grudge about this, because that doesn't help anyone. Maybe try and be more positive in future, but having said that, don't let them change who you are as a person. I think you do have the right to be angry, because this is an extremely immature way of dealing with this (how old are you, btw?) but don't go too far with it. If you value these friends, you might have to be the bridge builder.



Do I value them as friends? Not anymore, really. I have managed to make a few new friends this semester, so you could say that I don't necesarly need them. I don't want to loose the girl that came to me with this, though. And I'd like to be able to be less negative, so I'm in therapy trying to undo a lifetime of abuse. It's giong to take me a while, and I'm not sure that in the mean time, I can fake being happy and cheerful.

What does "being negative" mean?
And how could that possibly be enough of a reason to pull a stunt like that?

I say you walk away. If that girl didn't want to be a part of it anymore, then that's good - she's allright then.
But screw the rest of them, seriously.

With the one who actually came forward and told you, forgive her. I had this happen actually during this summer with two girls I knew. The one who i was better friends with I confronted and we ended up hammering all the shit out but still. The one who came forward and said she felt bad about it you should forgive. For the the rest of them, just fuck em. you don't have to pretend you to be ok with what they did. I still haven't forgiven one of the girls who did it to me. Just choose your friend wisely, cause if your negative, there's got to be a reason for it and if they don't help then they aren't that good of friends.

The way i see it, you're all at fault, to an extent.
Granted, it's not necessarily your fault that you're so negative, but people tend not to like people who are negative all the time.
And granted, you didn't deserve this just for being negative. It was a stupid idea on your friends' parts.
Like H-M W said, don't let them change you as a person, but take their advice on board. And you might not value them as friends anymore, but it isn't worth having a fallout just because of something like this.
One of the greatest things you'll ever learn is forgiveness. You might not want to forgive them, because they hurt you (and quite deliberately), but it sounds like this was the only way they knew of getting through to you. You really don't need to have this grudge against them going on in your head.
But don't just forgive them. Tell them what they did wrong and how it hurt you -- just so they know.

Do I value them as friends? Not anymore, really. I have managed to make a few new friends this semester, so you could say that I don't necesarly need them. I don't want to loose the girl that came to me with this, though. And I'd like to be able to be less negative, so I'm in therapy trying to undo a lifetime of abuse. It's giong to take me a while, and I'm not sure that in the mean time, I can fake being happy and cheerful.

In that case, just stick with the girl that apologised, and leave the rest of them to their own devices.

So a bunch of dumbasses think you are "too negative" and voted to ignore you. FUCK 'EM!!! If that is the way they think and act, you don't need them as friends.

Do what you feel is right and screw trying to please your peers. Don't seek acceptance. Instead, march to the beat of your drummer, no matter the cost, and you'll find yourself surrounded by TRUE friends, not those that seek to manipulate you into their way of thinking.

What does "being negative" mean?
And how could that possibly be enough of a reason to pull a stunt like that?

I say you walk away. If that girl didn't want to be a part of it anymore, then that's good - she's allright then.
But screw the rest of them, seriously.


I talk about my problems too much.

I think that you should offer forgiveness to the female, if she volunteers to help you kill all the others and hide the bodies (Of course, if she refuses, you should kill her too).
Then get a machete, a shot gun, a hockey mask, a box of cookies, and a flask of vodka. Drink the vodka, and pick off your former friends one by one, being sure to either act in complete silence or have a pun for each kill. When the hunt is over, sell me your life story, eat the cookies and run off to be a fugitive in Kuala Lumpir.

You rule. Seriously.

I talk about my problems too much.

My advice: find new friends. Hang out with acquiantances and build friendships from there.

I've had your situation happen to me before (guys can be bitches too), and in each instance, i've managed to find a better group of friends. I've worked my way up to the point where I no longer have any problems. :p

You rule. Seriously.
Its like I have always said: when properly applied, violence and cookies are the answer to every problem.

ive had this happen too. long time ago. i never forgave them for it (not that they asked)

your "friends" are assholes. perhaps you are "too negative" or you talk about your problems too much. i wouldnt know. what i DO know is that they were (and still are?) being unnecessarily cruel to you. their treatment of you cant be considered "for your own good" its just mean.

be "friends" with whomever wants to be friendly to you. just like any relationship it has to be good for you. if they come back, refuse to apologize, and you find yourself consumed with anger when you are around them, drop them.

you will probably find that as your therapy progresses you will demand more reasonable conduct from your friends anyway. when youve been treated like dirt your whole life, it takes insight to realize that you dont have continue allowing it.

oh btw, if your asshole friends havent ruined the memory of it, how did the trip go? i was just thinking yesterday that i should start a thread asking people for updates on stuff they posted about in the past. did you go to all the theme parks? did it eat up all the money you had?

They crossed you, it's war. You must get them to come to you.. or get even with what they did to you. They seem stupid, ignoring you for having a negative attitude when what they did.. Hypocrites if you ask me. As for the girl, keep her as a friend, she seems like a good one.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
Sounds to me as if you need to reassess the meaning of the term "friend." I have had literally thousands of acquaintences over the years, but I can count my true friends on the fingers of one hand.

In my mind, a friend is someone who will hide you when the police are after you. A friend is someone who will accept you for exactly who and what you are, warts and all, rather than wanting you to be someone else. A friend will take a bullet meant for you. A friend will rouse himself ( or herself ) from a sound sleep at 3 AM when you knock on their door or call them because you need to talk, and not complain about it. A friend will notice that you're down or unwell and do things for you to make you feel better, without being asked.

What you're referring to in your post are "acquaintances," not "friends."

oh btw, if your asshole friends havent ruined the memory of it, how did the trip go? i was just thinking yesterday that i should start a thread asking people for updates on stuff they posted about in the past. did you go to all the theme parks? did it eat up all the money you had?


It was a blast. Two weeks with unlimited access to every nook and cranny of Disney World. And yes, I spent every cent I had. :)

It was a blast. Two weeks with unlimited access to every nook and cranny of Disney World. And yes, I spent every cent I had. :)
wooohooo! did it make you want to move to florida? my sister went to that area in march one year (she lived in south portland at the time) went home, sold the house and moved down.

I talk about my problems too much.


Well, real friends would listen if you'd have trouble..
But to often people only want to hang out with you if you smile and play happy. So you create a mask, and smile. The more it hurts, the more you smile. Till it becomes too much. And they all say: "Gee, we never saw this coming, he/she was always smiling".

Today's problem, people don't listen to each other. It's amazing how few friends you have left when you actually need them. Sometimes even none.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?

My advice is find new friends. These are jerks.

If they're not being friendly towards you, then surely they aren't friends? Forget them. They are no longer a part of your life. Do not regret that time's passing. Embrace the future.

I think trying to deal with your problems is important too, find help or so, i dunno..

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
sounds like a bunch of know-it-all busy-bodies, sticking their noses where it collectively doesn't belong. if they can't accept you for who you are, fuck em. if this is their way of trying to help you - when perhaps a simple chat would have sufficed - fuck em.

if you feel you are too negative, do something about it.

I'm glad you found some new friends. Hope for you they'll stay. Nothing more sad than being alone while you got trouble to deal with.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?They're being bastards. There is no justification for intentionally hurting someone like that. I can see how they might not want to associate with too negative a person, but why wouldn't they tell you in as kind as possible a way to lessen the blow?
Because they're assholes, that's why.
You deserve better. Give the fuckers a piece of your mind, then consider yourself lucky to be rid of such "friends".
I hope that it works out for you. Not having friends sucks, but not quite as much as being associated with hosers does.

wooohooo! did it make you want to move to florida? my sister went to that area in march one year (she lived in south portland at the time) went home, sold the house and moved down.


Nahh... I'm still looking for a place with Florida's winters and Maine's summers.

sounds like a bunch of know-it-all busy-bodies, sticking their noses where it collectively doesn't belong. if they can't accept you for who you are, fuck em. if this is their way of trying to help you - when perhaps a simple chat would have sufficed - fuck em.

if you feel you are too negative, do something about it.


I'm trying to do something about it. That's what the therapy is all about.

I'm glad you found some new friends. Hope for you they'll stay. Nothing more sad than being alone while you got trouble to deal with.


I hope they'll stay too. This whole thing has me a little paranoid, and has shaken what little faith I had in my fellow man.

Hey man.
Exact same thing happened to me.

Fortunately I was at a stage in my life where I was old enough to fly the coop. Thats exactly what I did.

Your best option as you have done is to find new friends, the old ones obviously didn't deserve you.

Leave them in your dust trails and never look back.
Do not compromise, do not appologise.
You are you and you should never have to compromise or appologise for yourself.

I think that you should offer forgiveness to the female, if she volunteers to help you kill all the others and hide the bodies (Of course, if she refuses, you should kill her too).
Then get a machete, a shot gun, a hockey mask, a box of cookies, and a flask of vodka. Drink the vodka, and pick off your former friends one by one, being sure to either act in complete silence or have a pun for each kill. When the hunt is over, sell me your life story, eat the cookies and run off to be a fugitive in Kuala Lumpir.Best advice yet. The only advice I have is to follow this advice, and I'm never wrong.

I think most people have pretty much summed it up.

Find new friends...the old "friends" (except the one female) are complete fucksticks, and were I in your position, I wouldn't consider them worthy to lick dogshit from the bottom of my shoe.

They chose to pass collective judgment on you, and in a most unfair manner, so return the favor unilateraly. :D

Best advice yet. The only advice I have is to follow this advice, and I'm never wrong.
Indeed, we are wise in all things.
Except for rubix cubes, I never could figure one of those damn things out.

Except for rubix cubes, I never could figure one of those damn things out.

In that instance, the wise thing is to hurl them against the wall (or at a particularly annoying living thing) and not waste time bothering with the useless things.

They weren't your friends to begin with.

See my signature for a definition.

They weren't your friends to begin with.

See my signature for a definition.As I always tell my best friend: "A friend would help you move, a best friend would help you move a body, and I would help you kill the guy, no questions asked".

In that instance, the wise thing is to hurl them against the wall (or at a particularly annoying living thing) and not waste time bothering with the useless things.

Or peel the stickers off and then put them back in the winning order and fool everyone into thinking you're really smart.

My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
okay I didn't bother to read the thred because I didn't want my advice to be tainted.
You have the right to feel however you choose to feel about this, I might choose to be hurt initially too.
If there is something about you that you don't like it is your responsibility to change it. I have negativity problems too, it is an uphill battle to put a positive spin on things sometimes. It is hard, but I have no doubt that you can do it, at least 1/2 the time to start out with.
You should forgive all of them, holding in anger and hurtful feelings will just make you more negative. Just because you forgive them doesn't mean you have to be their emotional doormat though. If they continue to abuse your friendship, then it is time to find new friends (which will be pretty easy with your new improved positive attitude.)
Friends should be there through thick and thin, you deserve nothing less. :)

Or peel the stickers off and then put them back in the winning order and fool everyone into thinking you're really smart.

:D

Or better yet, take a red sticker from another rubiks cube, peel off one of the white stickers on the original one, replace it with the red sticker, give it to someone, and promise them $100 if they can solve it.

Ditch them all, never forgive them, and move on to a new set of friends. Never forgive, never forget.:)

:D

Or better yet, take a red sticker from another rubiks cube, peel off one of the white stickers on the original one, replace it with the red sticker, give it to someone, and promise them $100 if they can solve it.

:cool: There are not sufficient words for the hilarity of that.

Here's the latest update. I've talked with two of the three new friends I have, and they're still cool with me (I'll see the third tomorrow). In fact, one offered to help me take revenge if I wanted to. I don't think I will, though. This whole thing says far worse things about the kind of people they are than about the kind of person I am. I think I'll just continue to be a better person than them. I don't need their shit.

okay I didn't bother to read the thred because I didn't want my advice to be tainted.
You have the right to feel however you choose to feel about this, I might choose to be hurt initially too.
If there is something about you that you don't like it is your responsibility to change it. I have negativity problems too, it is an uphill battle to put a positive spin on things sometimes. It is hard, but I have no doubt that you can do it, at least 1/2 the time to start out with.
You should forgive all of them, holding in anger and hurtful feelings will just make you more negative. Just because you forgive them doesn't mean you have to be their emotional doormat though. If they continue to abuse your friendship, then it is time to find new friends (which will be pretty easy with your new improved positive attitude.)
Friends should be there through thick and thin, you deserve nothing less. :)


I understand what you're saying, but clinical depression isn't a matter of simple volition. If I could simply will myself out of depression, believe me, I'd do it. And should I really forgive people who think they were totally right and justified to do what they did and think they've done nothing to be forgiven for?

Hmm... that's a very harsh, probably uncalled-for measure. Did these "friends" give you any indication beforehand that they disapproved of your negativity? And if they did, was it very clear, strong, and continued disapproval? Only in this case would I even think of siding with them, and even then they're still assholes.

Its like I have always said: when properly applied, violence and cookies are the answer to every problem.


Can I put that in my sig?

Hmm... that's a very harsh, probably uncalled-for measure. Did these "friends" give you any indication beforehand that they disapproved of your negativity? And if they did, was it very clear, strong, and continued disapproval? Only in this case would I even think of siding with them, and even then they're still assholes.


No. When I left for vacation, everything was fine, so I thought. This was done while I was gone, and hit me without warning.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
I would be fucking pissed off. If they thought that your attitude was "too negative" then why didn't they confront you about it? No, apparently they just decided not to speak to you, like little children. If I was you, I would forgive the girl who confessed it though. She has shown good feelings for you by telling you the whole thing. Be friends with her, forget the other stupid pricks.

Can I put that in my sig?
Sure, what NS needs is more sigs that quote my wisdom.

OK, here's the update. My new friends are still on my side. I may very well choose not tomaintain a friendship with my "informer" since she is putting conditions on remaining friends.

I understand what you're saying, but clinical depression isn't a matter of simple volition. If I could simply will myself out of depression, believe me, I'd do it. And should I really forgive people who think they were totally right and justified to do what they did and think they've done nothing to be forgiven for?
I understand completly about clinical depression, I have been depressed before, my positive attitude is something I do to try to keep from getting so low again. I can't help getting depressed sometimes (can't control chemicals) but I can control how I think, and that makes it easier to get back to normal sooner (that and meds of course) Try to think of one positive thing a day,and see if you don't feel a little better, it won't cure clinical depression, but it might help you get through the day.

and you are forgiving them for your sake, not thiers, you don't even have to tell them, you can just say to yourself "sometimes people are idiots, they can't help it, I can't control them, I can choose not to care what an idiot thinks about me, so from now on, I don't care anymore" say that at least once a day until you don't care what they think anymore, because believe me , they don't sound like the type of people you need to be worrying yourself with esp. if you are already depressed.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
What good are friends that act like kindergartners if you're too negative, especially if its because you have clinical depression? Ditch the douches. You can always make new friends.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
Either friends will help you, have your back, trust in you, be trustworthy, and lay down their life for you, or they aren't friends at all.

Sounds to me like you don't have any friends.

I understand completly about clinical depression, I have been depressed before, my positive attitude is something I do to try to keep from getting so low again. I can't help getting depressed sometimes (can't control chemicals) but I can control how I think, and that makes it easier to get back to normal sooner (that and meds of course) Try to think of one positive thing a day,and see if you don't feel a little better, it won't cure clinical depression, but it might help you get through the day.

and you are forgiving them for your sake, not thiers, you don't even have to tell them, you can just say to yourself "sometimes people are idiots, they can't help it, I can't control them, I can choose not to care what an idiot thinks about me, so from now on, I don't care anymore" say that at least once a day until you don't care what they think anymore, because believe me , they don't sound like the type of people you need to be worrying yourself with esp. if you are already depressed.


I get what you're saying. I'm working on it.

Either friends will help you, have your back, trust in you, be trustworthy, and lay down their life for you, or they aren't friends at all.

Sounds to me like you don't have any friends.


Actually, I may have now. We'll see what happens when the chips are down.

Everytime you see one of your old crowd be polite. If they don't reply thank them for not talking to you. Be EXtremely polite. Then find out the name of the instigator. All but one or two will agree on the name. Then do the vodka, cookies, machetee route mentioned. But before you do anything read Machevelli's(sorry about the spelling) The Prince.

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
If they cant fucking take you for who you are they do not DESERVE to be your friends

What a fucking asswhole move

If you were being negitive they should have been GOOD friends and tryed to help and tell you
why they were having trouble with you and what you can do to fix it

Instead they pulled a damn fool juvinile move and were acting like horrible people

That girl deserves a second chance ... the rest of them obviousy need help

Yeah, replying to the first post... you're in highschool, right? (sorry if you answered that already)

Seriously, if they were going to talk to you about it, and go things over with you, etc then maybe you could call them good friends. But what they are doing/have done is stupid and pointless, the only possible thing it could have done was make you confused and angry (making you more negative in teh process:rolleyes: )

The girl who told you maight be a good friend but for the rest... are you in the "popular/bitchy" group at highschool, cause this is sounding like something they would do...

:fluffle: and *hugs* I'm guessing you need 'em right now...

Indeed, we are wise in all things.
Except for rubix cubes, I never could figure one of those damn things out.
Oddly enough, never could I. I didn't even have enough patience to peel off the stickers and rearrange them.

Ditch the old crowd, except for the girl, it may be possible to still be friends with her.

As for the others, dont' worry yourself about them. They're not worth your time. I think their behavior is absurd. They decide to utterly stop communicating with you, because you're too negative? That's utter hypocrisy. Don't even consider resuming friendship with them unless they make genuine apologies. In the meantime, get new friends, the old ones obviously sucked.

...when properly applied, violence and cookies are the answer to every problem.

AMEN. I love cookies. And violence. Oh that's great. You're my new Mr. Quotable. I'd have a hat made for you. Or a badge. But I really couldn't be bothered.

I get what you're saying. I'm working on it.
That is a really good first step, trying.
There will be days when effort seems worthless, and any progress made seems meaningless. Just remember, you are doing the very best you can under the circumstances, and your very best is all you can do. Don't get overwhelmed, and don't let other people tell you what you "should" be doing. (except me j/k) They don't dictate how you "should" feel, they don't know anything about you. I know you are not exactly Christian, but would it be okay if I prayed for you?

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?

well the fact that your instinct is to forgive her, means in my opinion that your not all that negative.
Your friends should accept you for who you are, and you them. If they can't fuck 'em

wow everyone seems to be saying more or less the same thing.....

I really hate to hear this happening to someone- being excluded like that has to suck.
If they were tired of your negativeness or any other behavior, this certainly wasnt a good way of dealing with it-if they really cared. My guess is, there is likely one mean-spirited ring leader in this group, that probably brought the subject up while you were away, spurned the others on in discussion and then offered this poor solution. Its likely this person is getting a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure at making you feel like shit.
I bet you know which one it is out of the group too. You dont need this person anymore- they are trying compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy by victimizing you. This is more cowardly than the standard in your face bully that pushes you around or steals your lunch money through size or strength advantage. This is a mealy-mouthed weasel, that needs to skulk behind your back and manipulate others to support them, but not take a leading role.
Fuck this person. They will get whats coming to them down the road. Be patient.
As for the girl that confessed out of shear guilt- this one could still be a good friend, but dont let your guard down totally. She has some nerve to betray her group and speak to you. But she could be a fence sitter, going whichever way was best for HER in the end.

Good luck. Dont let this get you down. That, after all, was the goal of this premeditated gang-bang conspiracy against you. This is almost a forced opporotunity to start other, new friendships. Break the ice with other people-make a new friend. You have likely outgrown these old ones.

Good luck. Dont let this get you down. That, after all, was the goal of this premeditated gang-bang conspiracy against you. This is almost a forced opporotunity to start other, new friendships. Break the ice with other people-make a new friend. You have likely outgrown these old ones.
I agree. Plus it's an opportunity to become more self-sufficient. As I've indicated before, a true friend wouldn't give in to this sort of group pressure. Time to become a bit introspective, decide who you are, decide what the word "friend" means to you, and time to move on. :)

Yeah, replying to the first post... you're in highschool, right? (sorry if you answered that already)

Seriously, if they were going to talk to you about it, and go things over with you, etc then maybe you could call them good friends. But what they are doing/have done is stupid and pointless, the only possible thing it could have done was make you confused and angry (making you more negative in teh process:rolleyes: )

The girl who told you maight be a good friend but for the rest... are you in the "popular/bitchy" group at highschool, cause this is sounding like something they would do...

:fluffle: and *hugs* I'm guessing you need 'em right now...


No, High School was a long time ago. "Non-traditional" college (university to you non-americans) student. That meand I'm alittle older than the average college student, but so are the ones that screwed me over.

That is a really good first step, trying.
There will be days when effort seems worthless, and any progress made seems meaningless. Just remember, you are doing the very best you can under the circumstances, and your very best is all you can do. Don't get overwhelmed, and don't let other people tell you what you "should" be doing. (except me j/k) They don't dictate how you "should" feel, they don't know anything about you. I know you are not exactly Christian, but would it be okay if I prayed for you?

Prayer never hurts. :D And, we've been over this one before, dear. I am christian, just not an evangelical christian. Thank you for the support. :)

I really hate to hear this happening to someone- being excluded like that has to suck.
If they were tired of your negativeness or any other behavior, this certainly wasnt a good way of dealing with it-if they really cared. My guess is, there is likely one mean-spirited ring leader in this group, that probably brought the subject up while you were away, spurned the others on in discussion and then offered this poor solution. Its likely this person is getting a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure at making you feel like shit.
I bet you know which one it is out of the group too. You dont need this person anymore- they are trying compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy by victimizing you. This is more cowardly than the standard in your face bully that pushes you around or steals your lunch money through size or strength advantage. This is a mealy-mouthed weasel, that needs to skulk behind your back and manipulate others to support them, but not take a leading role.
Fuck this person. They will get whats coming to them down the road. Be patient.
As for the girl that confessed out of shear guilt- this one could still be a good friend, but dont let your guard down totally. She has some nerve to betray her group and speak to you. But she could be a fence sitter, going whichever way was best for HER in the end.

Good luck. Dont let this get you down. That, after all, was the goal of this premeditated gang-bang conspiracy against you. This is almost a forced opporotunity to start other, new friendships. Break the ice with other people-make a new friend. You have likely outgrown these old ones.


Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know who the ringleader is. He's can be a self-righteous jerk. He may be biting off more than he can chew, though. I've been told that I'm not the only one in our dorm that has complained about him and the others.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know who the ringleader is. He's can be a self-righteous jerk. He may be biting off more than he can chew, though. I've been told that I'm not the only one in our dorm that has complained about him and the others.

Good-then you're already onto his game. He'll get his and maybe you'll have a front row seat to enjoy it.
Whatever the outcome, you're already better off than people that would conspire to do this to someone. In the near future. you'll look back at this situation and have a laugh.

Pick and choose your Battles.
This seems like a good one to fight.
Accept the Friendship of the one that came clean if the others still have a problem Fuck them if the one that told you what was happening dosent like it fuck her too.
If they were real friends they wouldnt shit on you like that.

Fuck them.

Prayer never hurts. :D And, we've been over this one before, dear. I am christian, just not an evangelical christian. Thank you for the support. :)
sorry. I was confused (it is happening a whole lot more lately:( ) Telegram me if you need anything, I will pray for you. :)

Can anyone help me with a problem I'm having? At the end of August I went on vacation for two weeks. When I came back none of my friends would talk to me, not even to say why they weren't speaking to me. I just found out from one of them that what happened is they all got together and decided to do this, and that they would not tell me why (yes, they apparently decided that,too). This person told me because she said she felt guilty that they were "deliberately hurting" me (her words). She said the reason they had done this was that my attitude is too negative. My question is this: given that they're right, and I am too negative most of the time, do I have the right to be angry that they would do this simply to hurt me, or did I just deserve it? Right now, my gut instinct is to forgive the girl who confessed, and says she still wants to be friends, but not the others. However, if I do that, I may have to pretend that I'm ok with what they did, or the one who still wants to be friends may drop me again. what should I do?
Do both: forgive her, and don't pretend you're okay with what they did, because you're obviously not. Be real. Negativity happens, and if they can't deal with it, would rather shut it out by shutting you out (rather than addressing it and working through their problem with you), then they're childish fools. The one girl who allowed her conscience to guide her shows more promise than the lot of them combined.

Last update, folks. I find that after my initial reaction of shock, anger, and disgust I'm now more or less ok with it. My newer friends are still on my side, so I don't need those idiots. Screw 'em. I may very well not keep up my friendship with my "informer", though. She's putting conditions on us remaining friends. She's strongly implied that I should make amends with those people (as in beg their forgiveness), and that I should keep it to myself if I'm upset of unhappy about something. Not a good idea in my case. I had to do that when I still lived with my parents, and ended up trying to kill myself. I do not want to get back to that point. Thank you all for the support and advice.

As I always tell my best friend: "A friend would help you move, a best friend would help you move a body, and I would help you kill the guy, no questions asked".

I like this, but I've always said it a different way.

A friend is someone you can call at 3 am and tell them you need help, you're in jail. A best friend is someone who'll come bail you out at 3 am, but I'll be in the cell with you!

Its like I have always said: when properly applied, violence and cookies are the answer to every problem.


Quick Question : Mind if I sig that?