NationStates Jolt Archive

The US government has a website, www.ready.gov (http://www.ready.gov)

The thing is that the pictures from the site are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

When running upstairs, don’t set yourself on fire.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image1.gif

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image2.gif

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image3.gif

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image4.gif

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image5.gif

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one (1) armless hand.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image6.gif


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the heck away.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image7.gif


Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image8.gif


Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image9.gif


If a door is closed, karate chop the hinges.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image10.gif

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, change the focus point to your head.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image11.gif


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image12.gif


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image13.gif


If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run away fast.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image14.gif


If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image15.gif


If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not breaking wind.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image16.gif

If you lose a contact lens after a terrorist attack, be sure to look for it. If you cannot find it, it is probably best to have a good cry.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image17.gif


Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image18.gif


A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image19.gif

Holy crap that's fantastic! I actually did LOL.

It was funnier the first time I saw them.

I can't find the pics when I click on the link. :confused:

That is awesome! Well done mate!

http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_choke2.gif
If you are being approached by a hurricane or colorful streamers, immediately choke yourself to show them that you are a bad ass and scare them away.

http://www.ready.gov/i/nuc_vis_escape4.gif
In case of an explosion, consult the nearest mall directory.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
http://members.cox.net/edhresko/image19.gif
This one made me think of the days when SNL was funny. "Knock-knock. Candygram ..."
Don't open the door if radiation knocks and pretends to deliver a candygram.

If you find that your farts are noxious, fall to the floor to get some fresh air.
http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_smoke2.gif

If your project comes crashing down around you, get under your desk before somebody blames you.
http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_table2.gif

Should the sun rise as a red, fiery ball, swerve to the right to avoid it.
http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_car_road2.gif

Do not build a bridge atop power lines and road signs.
http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_car_bridge2.gif

If you live in Missouri, you've had it.
http://www.ready.gov/i/bio_vis_towns3.gif

Giants should always enter buildings.
http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_bldg2.gif

Do not set fire to your home.
http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_burning_bldg2.gif

In case of terrorist attack, buy more electronic devices
http://www.ready.gov/i/bio_vis_media2.gif

If you see this, bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.
http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_rad_bomb3.gif

This thread rules.

http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_choke2.gif

WARNING: LSD may be present in water system.

http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_dont_run2.gif

Do not light your farts.

http://www.hlj.me.uk/curry.jpg

http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_dont_run2.gif

Do not light your farts.
:p great minds think alike

:p great minds think alike

Hehe. Just remember, so do poor ones. ;)

Hehe. Just remember, so do poor ones. ;)
crude ones at least for sure :D

crude ones at least for sure :D

:D

http://www.ready.gov/business/i/icons/promotefamily-l.gif

Standard size houses may not be large enough for obese familly

http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_car_radio2.gif

Just turn the volume up, dumbass.

http://www.ready.gov/i/sni_left.gif

Cigarette butts are an adequate emergency food source.

http://www.ready.gov/i/nuc_vis_shelter3.gif

In case of nuclear attack, take up even more of the emergency services time by throwing yourself down the stairs.

http://www.ready.gov/i/bio_vis_clocks2.gif

Avoid your business being completely destroyed by storing electrical equipment in several time zones.

http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_elevator2.gif

Use blinds rather than curtains.

http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_fire2.gif

Warning! Lucky golden tickets may be flamable.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v48/proMonkey/pestControl.gif

Now this one just confuses me

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v48/proMonkey/pestControl.gif

Now this one just confuses me

If this happens, just give up.

Emergency supplies should always include a bong.
http://www.ready.gov/business/i/icons/emersupplies-l.gif

From the people who brought you Alien vs. Predator...
http://www.ready.gov/i/sg_left.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v48/proMonkey/pestControl.gif

Now this one just confuses me
Um, Bow down before our giant insect overlords?

http://www.ready.gov/business/i/icons/supportemp-l.gif

If someone cries sit them down and pat them on the back.

http://www.ready.gov/i/ca_left.gif

If a hurricane occurs, where a mask for protection

http://www.ready.gov/i/fp_left.gif

All across American for only 5 cents a minute!

http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_fish2.gif

For now on, no more eating fish or birds.

If you live in Missouri, you've had it.
http://www.ready.gov/i/bio_vis_towns3.gif

Hooray! Missouri is going down, nice knowing you all.

Hooray! Missouri is going down, nice knowing you all.

I'm sure there'd be more than a few guys here volunteering to head to Missouri to rescue you. ;)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v48/proMonkey/pestControl.gif

Now this one just confuses me

When attacked by giant insects, be sure to tie your shoelaces.

I'm sure there'd be more than a few guys here volunteering to head to Missouri to rescue you. ;)

Well its just Town A, B, and C who seem to be in danger. Town C is around the St. Louis area, Town B is around Springfield, and I have no idea whats around Town A.....corn fields probably. It looks like Kansas City will be spared ;).

But if someone is so compelled to come rescue me from Missouri, then I won't complain :).

But if someone is so compelled to come rescue me from Missouri, then I won't complain :).


I'm leaving right now then. :p

http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_shelter3.gif
If you're playing tag, they can't tag you in the green zone

http://www.ready.gov/business/i/icons/employeewellbeing-l.gif

Beware the ghosts of previous newsreaders.

http://www.ready.gov/business/i/icons/secureequip-l.gif

A paperclip will not pick larger locks. Try a forklift truck instead.