NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok so at school today we got an assignment making a brochure on the comp and it's supposed to be on a vacation spot or any location, anyway my friend decided to do his on Area 51 and about halfway through the thing he starts worring that because he's doing it on Area 51, the FBI/CIA will be going over to his place, confiscating the things he wrote and/or throwing him in juvenile hall. He supposedly got the idea from a documentary about some guy that did been doing some reasarch on Area 51 (or something of the sort) and some Federal Agents came and took all his work. Now, Im thinking that this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, the FBI doesn't give a shit about some 14 year old writing something about Area 51. I've been trying to tell him that "Area 51 is just an American Air Force Base", but he claims that a photo that he saw of an alien corpse and an Area 51 badge is real.

Can someone please tell me what to say to him so he can just shut up about all this FBI coming to his door and alien crap?

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

*Ahem*
Would you kindly provide me and the as of yet unnamed agency that I am affiliated with of the identity of this friend? It would make things so much easier for you and him both.
However, you can asure him that we would never use someone as clumsy and visible as the FBI. Oh no, we have our own people for these kind of situations.

Youn should slap your friend with a large trout.

Ok so at school today we got an assignment making a brochure on the comp and it's supposed to be on a vacation spot or any location, anyway my friend decided to do his on Area 51 and about halfway through the thing he starts worring that because he's doing it on Area 51, the FBI/CIA will be going over to his place, confiscating the things he wrote and/or throwing him in juvenile hall. He supposedly got the idea from a documentary about some guy that did been doing some reasarch on Area 51 (or something of the sort) and some Federal Agents came and took all his work. Now, Im thinking that this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, the FBI doesn't give a shit about some 14 year old writing something about Area 51. I've been trying to tell him that "Area 51 is just an American Air Force Base", but he claims that a photo that he saw of an alien corpse and an Area 51 badge is real.

Can someone please tell me what to say to him so he can just shut up about all this FBI coming to his door and alien crap?

your friend is either making stuff up about area 51 or he is using info that is freely available on the net. he is in no danger.

now if he had been taking long range pics of area 51 or had been interviewing people who had worked there then MAYBE.

in any case its a sucky place for a vacation.

Youn should slap your friend with a large trout.
We quit using that technique off interrogation years ago.
It seems that hitting people with fish actually made them less intimidated by our presence.
No we point salad shooters at their face and hurl freshly chopped lettuce and other healthy alternatives to fatty foods at them, that seems to work.

Youn should slap your friend with a large trout.

Nah, I'd go with mackerel...And if he still doesn't wise up, get a bunch of your other friends to dress up in black suits with sunglasses and "raid" his place. If he is really stupid, you get to keep a lot of free stuff. Plus, it'd be such a kickass prank.

We quit using that technique off interrogation years ago.
It seems that hitting people with fish actually made them less intimidated by our presence.
No we point salad shooters at their face and hurl freshly chopped lettuce and other healthy alternatives to fatty foods at them, that seems to work.
See, that's because you do it wrong. You have to angle the fish so that its back hits them. That way they dorsal spines can hook into their flesh and leave long, shallow wounds. It works best when targeted near the center of gravity.

See, that's because you do it wrong. You have to angle the fish so that its back hits them. That way they dorsal spines can hook into their flesh and leave long, shallow wounds. It works best when targeted near the center of gravity.
It still didn't work.
Once we even put nails through the fish, and coated it in razor blades.
People just kept laughing at us until they were dead, and one film critic even gave us a rave review before having have the skin on his face sheared off.
Not even the Hat of Ultimate Interrogation (http://www.whoknew.us/images/pimp-daddy-purle.gif) helped.

Well, did you try saying please? I did that once in an intense interrogation of a bus attendant regarding the nearest bathroom, and I daresay it worked astonishlingly well...

ATTENTION!

This thread has been declared a breach of homeland security. We may or may not use novelty-sized fish to interrogate people. That is of none of your concern. Please continue as if this thread never existed, in fact this thread DOES NOT exist. Failure to agree with the above statement is considered a crime against humanity, well us anyway.

:)

Well, did you try saying please? I did that once in an intense interrogation of a bus attendant regarding the nearest bathroom, and I daresay it worked astonishlingly well...
Please? PLEASE?! Whats the fun in that.
Next thing you know you'll be saying that we shoul ask the questions before we've started into the torture. I mean, whats the point of having all of your equipment ready if you are willing to give people a chance to not even be tortured just a little bit?

It could go like this "Would you please tell us what you have been doing looking up Area 51 on the National Enquirer website?"

Then after that, you begin to shoot him in the legs, one inch at a time. By the time you've reached his knees, he'll talk...:mp5:

Oh and Mr. Smith? That was freakin' brilliant.

Ok so at school today we got an assignment making a brochure on the comp and it's supposed to be on a vacation spot or any location, anyway my friend decided to do his on Area 51 and about halfway through the thing he starts worring that because he's doing it on Area 51, the FBI/CIA will be going over to his place, confiscating the things he wrote and/or throwing him in juvenile hall. He supposedly got the idea from a documentary about some guy that did been doing some reasarch on Area 51 (or something of the sort) and some Federal Agents came and took all his work. Now, Im thinking that this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, the FBI doesn't give a shit about some 14 year old writing something about Area 51. I've been trying to tell him that "Area 51 is just an American Air Force Base", but he claims that a photo that he saw of an alien corpse and an Area 51 badge is real.

Can someone please tell me what to say to him so he can just shut up about all this FBI coming to his door and alien crap?
Your friend sounds like a real dumbass. You should tell him that, as often as possible.

If your school has no rule against mace/beating sticks/baseball bats and their use, I recommend you bring one of them in. And use it on your friend.
Edit: You know what? Now that I think about it, bring it in anyway. It's worth getting punished for.

Your friend sounds like a real dumbass. You should tell him that, as often as possible.
Think of the emotional scars. Yay!

It could go like this "Would you please tell us what you have been doing looking up Area 51 on the National Enquirer website?"

Then after that, you begin to shoot him in the legs, one inch at a time. By the time you've reached his knees, he'll talk...:mp5:
Maybe sometimes. But you'd be amazed how many of the tricky bastards will start talking before you have had a chance for even a little bit of torture.
For awhile we tried to ask them to be stubborn and wait at least 10 minutes before telling us everything, but most of them just gave up immediatly.
No fun at all.

If your school has no rule against mace/beating sticks/baseball bats and their use, I recommend you bring one of them in. And use it on your friend.

Those are all really weak. Stun Guns are where its at.

Think of the emotional scars. Yay!
If emotional scars will stop the dumbasses from breeding, it sounds good to me.

Maybe sometimes. But you'd be amazed how many of the tricky bastards will start talking before you have had a chance for even a little bit of torture.
For awhile we tried to ask them to be stubborn and wait at least 10 minutes before telling us everything, but most of them just gave up immediatly.
No fun at all.

Then mess with their heads. Say "Were you not doing this without the prior dissent to not negatively affect this Man's view on Area 51?"

Hell, I can't even answer that one.

It still didn't work.
Once we even put nails through the fish, and coated it in razor blades.
People just kept laughing at us until they were dead, and one film critic even gave us a rave review before having have the skin on his face sheared off.
Not even the Hat of Ultimate Interrogation (http://www.whoknew.us/images/pimp-daddy-purle.gif) helped.
Hmmm.... Guess deep ones and humans are even more psychologically different than previously thought.

Try using a fetus with nails in it.

well this went off-topic fast

There was a topic? Oh yea...Well, oh well...fuck it. YEa

well this went off-topic fast
Actually, for a thread in General we exceeded the average by one post.

Hmmm.... Guess deep ones and humans are even more psychologically different than previously thought.

Try using a fetus with nails in it.

The real problem with using fetuses is that they go mouldy quickly and you can't fit many nails in before they become unwieldy. I'd recommend you wait until they're at least two to give more surface area for nailing and so the increased mass can be used to create more momentum.