NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, I've just started this band thing. First gig (for free....*grumble) is in my friend's church. Unfortunately, our best song is known as "My god is better than your god." You can see where this is gonna end up. Should I just play that and piss people off? SHould I do a bunch of crappy christian rock covers?

Maybe....I could play that song last, and run away really fast.

Heretic anthem maybe?:p

just do the Christian rock, it offends no-one and won't send you to hell... everyone's a winner.

Whatever pisses off the masses the most!

I dunno though.....I remember what the Catholics did to the people who pissed them off a few centuries ago. I'm pretty sure its still practiced at this church ;)

Play some Christian Rock! :D

Play some Christian Rock! :D

Don't be mean, he wont have a musical career after that.

Yea. I think I'm just gonna play my stuff......Who cares if they castrate me, boil me alive, take me out just before I die, hang me within another inch of my life, make my innards my outtards, then shoot me and quarter me?

Ok, I've just started this band thing. First gig (for free....*grumble) is in my friend's church. Unfortunately, our best song is known as "My god is better than your god." You can see where this is gonna end up. Should I just play that and piss people off? SHould I do a bunch of crappy christian rock covers?

Maybe....I could play that song last, and run away really fast.
you could delve into the Christian rock scene and see if there is some stuff that doesn't make you want to puke.

some places to look?

Audio Adrenanline
Pillar
Superchick
Sanctus Real
Kids in the Way

although audio adrenaline is my fav of the group. if you want some cool lyrics you could check out the Newsboys "breakfast in hell" is a pretty cool song.

(I know Christian Rock is an oxymoron to most and that cool is probably not the word you would use, but if it is a paying gig, then you are going to make money right? maybe you could spend it like a heathen to get back at them for making you play Christain tunes)

You should do a cover of "Golden Showers" by the Mentors.

With lyrics like "Bend up and smell my anal vapors/your face is my toilet paper"
you can't lose.

This is a great opportunity to learn to cater to your audience. That is one of the most important skills you can learn as a musician.

AKA selling out :rolleyes:


if you have your own songs, play them ... sucks for them if they don't like it, they're not even paying you

play cradle of filth's "remember those who died"

that would just be hilarious:p

AKA selling out :rolleyes:
what is the big problem with selling out anyway?
I mean I guess it would depend on why you are playing music anyway.

The first band I was in we played for 'artistic reasons' so we didn't accept gigs that didn't fit into what we were trying to do, the second we needed food so we took whatever gig we could, if that meant playing oldies covers at the fair so that we could pay our van insurance then we could doo wop with the best of 'em.

AKA selling out :rolleyes:


if you have your own songs, play them ... sucks for them if they don't like it, they're not even paying you

To be a musician is to be an entertainer. The goal of every great musician should be to entertain people. You cant do that if you dont know how to read your audience and figure out what they want. Every great band is this way. They know when to pull out the fireworks and when to unplug and go acoustic. They know when to skip certain songs and when to do a certain cover. The great musicians are in tune with their audience. It is an all important skill to learn.

Two suggestions really.

1) I know other people have already said it but whatever lol, not all Christian rock is bad (hey I'm a Christian, I'm allowed to say some of it is painfully cheesey :p - hell I've even played some of it. Please don't ask. It was painful lol) But yeh, you could try snooping around to see if there's anything not too appalling.

2) Just play something good, but universally inoffensive. Chilies covers are always good (more recent stuff at least. Everyone likes Chilies) or something like that. There are Christians out there who listen to other music than Gregorian Chants... but then if this church is as wwurggg! as you say then maybe... whatever. My point was trying to be that there's stuff out there that isn't Christian but can still be appreciated by Christians and stuff.

Play some Soul Thirst!

Ok, never mind. Probably no one on this forum but me has even ever heard of Soul Thirst, but they had some really good stuff. ((If you have heard of them, I might know you!!))

Play something where you just humm.

Here are some lyrics for you in case you're still looking for suggestions.

The Hedgehog Song, v1.11
------------------------

Reconstructed by Matthew Crosby and alt.fan.pratchett

from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett

-----


Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 1: The spines on his back are too sharp for a man
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can
The result I think you'll find will appall:
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a horse can often be fun
An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton
Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 2: The spines on his back are so awful thick
you'll end up with naught but a painful prick.
He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo
Will be entertaining to both her and you
Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 3: (So here's to the hedgehog, he's sharp as they come
You'll never get through his impregnable bum
With his nose up his arsehole and rolled in a ball
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all)

CHORUS

A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe (despite being so tall)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill
It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill
You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night
With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite
We already mentioned the horse, you may recall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down you should fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter
Or pego a pig after parting his trotters
Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat
Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing
Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,
Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb,
Or pork a few piglets if you have the time,
A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A sheep that's named 'Flossy' is warm you shall see,
You can try with a wasp, you can try with a bee.
You can hump with the dog that sleeps in the hall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A lion is frisky, a leopard is fun,
But to keep up with them you may have to run.
You'll be liked by the fleas at the flea-market stall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A hippo is funny but take care if underneath,
A pirhana is pleasant but watch out for his teeth.
Get a rodent, they can be found in the mall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You tail-lifting buggers from Ramtop or plain
If you take my advice you will save yourself pain
When the base urges strike you it's best to recall
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

CHORUS

Your hedgehog's a handful and cute as a bun
You'd think he'd be perfect for animal fun
But hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can top a giraffe if you stand on a stool
Though a Jack Russell might make you look like a fool
But the fact still remains that if you want to ball
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can hump a baboon if it doesn't hump you
And a wildebeest's really got something quite gnu
Carouse with a louse if your weenie is small
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

It's hard with a crab 'cause its bum's watertight
The best way is sideways, then twist to the right
If you screw one, be thankful as shorewards you crawl
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

Great opportunities to drop your pants
Are Great A'Tuin and his/her elephants,
Though beneath Discworld, you have to stroll.
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A severely perverted Ephebian sage,
Abandoned all hope, and flew into a rage.
He had tried every creature, the great and the small,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

For a sheep, best try Lancre; when in Klatch, match a camel
Genuese laws permit almost every mammal
The Sto plains have sprouts (now, that's sick. What's your call?)
And the Hedgehog...

It's great fun with a bunny, if you don't mind the queue
And a hamster can teach you a hot thing or two,
For a bush baby's come-to-bed eyes we all fall,
But the hedgehog...

You can bandit a bison or shirt-lift a lemming
No need for discretion, though folk are condemning
When molesting a marmoset, stand proud and tall,
But the hedgehog...

Try mating a mongoose, or prodding a panda,
Or ramming a male sheep, or goosing a gander.
When passing the zoo, come in one, come in all,
But the hedgehog...

I've tried a stick insect, with some satisfaction,
And a housefly (it's true), though with little reaction,
With a funnel-web spider the fun'll just stall,
And the hedgehog...

Have you jilted your jennet? No need to be crass.
Breaking her heart for a nice piece of ass.
For beasts all have feelings, be they large or small,
Though the hedgehog...

Some say that a porcupine is just as bad
With those quills which protect from a man, bloke or lad
But there is a way through, if you fancy the crawl,
Whilst the hedgehog...

Though they give you the glad eye and tip you the wink,
Bringing you to the point where you're just on the brink,
Spurning yona's advances will be your best call,
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

It a long long time from May to September,
But you'll be limp and shorter 'less you Kevlar you're member,
So remember this my lads, from summer to fall,
They are lithe and sensuous, but can't be buggered at all.

Ok, I've just started this band thing. First gig (for free....*grumble) is in my friend's church. Unfortunately, our best song is known as "My god is better than your god." You can see where this is gonna end up. Should I just play that and piss people off? SHould I do a bunch of crappy christian rock covers?

Maybe....I could play that song last, and run away really fast.
Anything elton john

Ohh I got one!
Stephen lynch

Priest



deep in prayer my cross to wear

i kneel upon the floor

temptations of a catholic priest aren't easy to ignore

but i can not control myself

he rips my soul apart

for one small sheep among my flock has

stolen the shepherd's heart



altar boy, altar boy

confess your sins to me

you will find the grace of god

inside my rectory



sunday mass or bible class

i catch him in my view

i close my eyes but there he lies

spread eagle on the pew

and when i see him in that frock

my concience goes araye

i'll give him some communion wine thats

spiked with spanish fly



altar boy, altar boy

is it gonna be heaven or hell

you can play my organ all night long

if you promise never to tell



our father

who art in heaven

hallowed be thy name

i could dress him up like the pope and then i'd...

oh dear god, the shame no no no

lead us not into temptation

deliver us from sin

we could pretend that he was jesus christ

and i was mary magdalene



altar boy, altar boy

confess your sins to me

you will find the grace of god

inside my rectory



oh altar boy, oh altar boy

confess your sins to me

you will find the grace of god

Ohh I got one!
Stephen lynch

Priest
Jeez. I own the CD. I got really weird looks from a carload of my friends and the CD immediately got ejected when it got to this song.

Jeez. I own the CD. I got really weird looks from a carload of my friends and the CD immediately got ejected when it got to this song.
I do too :) hehehe I also own his live at el-ray DVD ... gawd if you like the cd you will LOVE him live!

Ok, I've just started this band thing. First gig (for free....*grumble) is in my friend's church. Unfortunately, our best song is known as "My god is better than your god." You can see where this is gonna end up. Should I just play that and piss people off? SHould I do a bunch of crappy christian rock covers?

Maybe....I could play that song last, and run away really fast.
Just out of curiousity, why did your friend think it would be a good idea for you to play at his church:confused:

Play Monopoly. (http://www.boardgamesrus.com/images/Monopoly%201978%20G18.jpg)

Say you wont play anything else until you get real money.

I do too :) hehehe I also own his live at el-ray DVD ... gawd if you like the cd you will LOVE him live!
I've only seen him on comedy central. It's kinda dumb that they made him change his song Special Ed to Special Fred. I first heard of him from the Opie and Anthony show.

I've only seen him on comedy central. It's kinda dumb that they made him change his song Special Ed to Special Fred. I first heard of him from the Opie and Anthony show.
BUY that DVD! omg it is so awsome
puts his CD's to shame

lol it is my favorite DVD with friends now

In-a-gadda-da-vida, like Bart in the Simpsons.

In-a-gadda-da-vida, like Bart in the Simpsons.
Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll!

"Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.

Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll!

Yay! Someone else who's seen it! :fluffle:

Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll!
Supernintendo Chalmers?

Play 'Heresy', by NIN.

Or anything by Cannibal Corpse.

Supernintendo Chalmers?
Rev. Lovejoy, actually.

Wait a minute—this sounds like rock and/or roll.
-Reverend Tim Lovejoy, “Bart Sells His Soul”

If I were in church, I'd play ... on my game boy advance. Assuming I couldnt just leave.

Rev. Lovejoy, actually.

Wait a minute—this sounds like rock and/or roll.
-Reverend Tim Lovejoy, “Bart Sells His Soul”
My mistake.

My mistake.
No problem. It's hard to keep track of all the great simsons quotes that are out there.

No problem. It's hard to keep track of all the great simsons quotes that are out there.
This is true. I always find Ralph and Homer to be the most reliable, but some other characters always come off with genius lines.

In-a-gadda-da-vida, like Bart in the Simpsons.

Dammit, you beat me to it! (In the Garden of Eden; Iron Butterfly)

off topic trivia, but the song wasn't supposed to sound like innagoddadavida, but the lead singer showed up drunk for the recording. He slurred through it, the band listened to it, liked it, and decided to keep it the way it was.

Dammit, you beat me to it!

Mwoahahahaha!

Dammit, you beat me to it! (In the Garden of Eden; Iron Butterfly)

off topic trivia, but the song wasn't supposed to sound like innagoddadavida, but the lead singer showed up drunk for the recording. He slurred through it, the band listened to it, liked it, and decided to keep it the way it was.
If I remember the interview with the band they were high/drunk when laying down the lyrics (not nessisarily at the recording) and they decided to stick with what they wrote down rather then going with how they really ment it

The biggest question: are these Christians who can laugh at themselves? If so, then play your song. If not, find stuff that's even more tasteless!