NationStates Jolt Archive

Have any of you ever read those 'Chicken Soup for Teenage Soul' books? Basically they're books with emotional stories and in the end someone learns a lesson and it's terribly cliche'. Well, how about a different take There wil be emotionally charged stories will make you wonder the what the hell is wrong with those people. We could make...dollars!

I like chicken soup.

*slurp*

Have any of you ever read those 'Chicken Soup for Teenage Soul' books? Basically they're books with emotional stories and in the end someone learns a lesson and it's terribly cliche'. Well, how about a different take There wil be emotionally charged stories will make you wonder the what the hell is wrong with those people. We could make...dollars!
Or at least dollar!
Maybe I'll make up a story, maybe I'll pass out in a puddle of may own vomit with a dead prostitute in each arm! My life is just crazy like that.

i dont read crap but a parody could be fun

give me a couple typical storylines and ill see what i can do.

i dont read crap but a parody could be fun

give me a couple typical storylines and ill see what i can do.
Two kids are high school buddies. One is a straight-arrow student, the other is a bastard little thief. The bastard littel thief saves the straight-arrow kid's life. Then there's a war. The thief is a bum and the student is a middle-class worker. The thief sees his old friend. Out of emotion and love for his friend, the students invites the thief to stay with him. The thief then robs the student blind and fucks his wife and drives away.

That was my parody.

Here's a story that I remember.
Some kid gets addicted to drugs and he fights a long struggle to overcome his addiction.

Some kid gets addicted to drugs and he fights a long struggle to overcome his addiction.

After getting out of rehab he is run over and killed by a semi.

so as long as "fighting the good fight" leads to disaster, itll fit?

so as long as "fighting the good fight" leads to disaster, itll fit?
Yes. ;)

Mmmm, teenage soup.

Note: I am not responsible for teenagers being turned into a thick, creamy soup. I cannotbe held legally resposnbile and any attempt to do so will result in the destruction of your property.

Note: I am not responsible for teenagers being turned into a thick, creamy soup. I cannotbe held legally resposnbile and any attempt to do so will result in the destruction of your property.

mmmm...that sounds really good right now...mmmmmm

http://www.blountseafood.com/stuff/contentmgr/files/33057abef7f1195aba567e5eb9e9d256/photo/clamchowderrecipe.jpg

Two kids are high school buddies. One is a straight-arrow student, the other is a bastard little thief. The bastard littel thief saves the straight-arrow kid's life. Then there's a war. The thief is a bum and the student is a middle-class worker. The thief sees his old friend. Out of emotion and love for his friend, the students invites the thief to stay with him. The thief then robs the student blind and fucks his wife and drives away.
Wait, where did the war come from/go to? Or was the war supposed to come first for the theif to save the start arrow's life in?

Here's a story that I remember.
Some kid gets addicted to drugs and he fights a long struggle to overcome his addiction.
KID gets addicted to drugs because KID 2 decides that drugs are fun. KID runs away with KID 2 and they both become prositutes in San Fransisco, and they use the money they have to get more drugs.
Eventually, however, KID 2 overdoses on drugs, and KID is stoned out of his skull, and so just watches his friend die.
KID is distraught, then, and so he attempts to kill himself by ODing as well, but KID 2 used all of their supply on himself, so KID is out of luck. KID then goes out with a desire to jump off a bridge, but stops on the way to help an old woman cross the street.
The old woman then proceeds to pick KID up, and the two of them go back to her nursing home for some geriatric assistance. KID realizes that he has fallen in love with the old woman while going out to but mily for her, and in thinking upon her features and the love that she showed him he realizes that he has wasted his life until that moment.
KID drops to his knees to thank whatever power has given him this second chance, only to be run over by a passing Grey Hound Bus.
The morale is never to drop down to your knees in the middle of a busy street, you useless fuck.

EDIT: Yeah, that was far too long, but most things I write are, it also was probably horribly off topic, but that is also true about most things I write.

timmy and johnny, best friends, go into the local convenience store one day. timmy suggests to johnny that it would be great to have some gum. neither he nor johnny have any money. timmy suggests that they just put some gum into their pockets and walk out. johnny refuses. timmy does it anyway

timmy gets caught, johnny is innocent.

timmy learns his lesson and next time he puts the gum into johnny's pocket instead of his own.

adventures ensue

johnny ends up in prison, timmy ends up in congress.

Wait, where did the war come from/go to? Or was the war supposed to come first for the theif to save the start arrow's life in?


KID gets addicted to drugs because KID 2 decides that drugs are fun. KID runs away with KID 2 and they both become prositutes in San Fransisco, and they use the money they have to get more drugs.
Eventually, however, KID 2 overdoses on drugs, and KID is stoned out of his skull, and so just watches his friend die.
KID is distraught, then, and so he attempts to kill himself by ODing as well, but KID 2 used all of their supply on himself, so KID is out of luck. KID then goes out with a desire to jump off a bridge, but stops on the way to help an old woman cross the street.
The old woman then proceeds to pick KID up, and the two of them go back to her nursing home for some geriatric assistance. KID realizes that he has fallen in love with the old woman while going out to but mily for her, and in thinking upon her features and the love that she showed him he realizes that he has wasted his life until that moment.
KID drops to his knees to thank whatever power has given him this second chance, only to be run over by a passing Grey Hound Bus.
The morale is never to drop down to your knees in the middle of a busy street, you useless fuck.

now thats the kind of moral i wish i had taught my son!

Two kids,one stoner,one straight arrow.during big exam straight arrow kills himself cos he cant take the stress,stoner is all relaxed about it,cheats and gets highest scores possible,ends up surgeon general.the morale of the story:the surgeon general is a stoner idiot

timmy and johnny, best friends, go into the local convenience store one day. timmy suggests to johnny that it would be great to have some gum. neither he nor johnny have any money. timmy suggests that they just put some gum into their pockets and walk out. johnny refuses. timmy does it anyway

timmy gets caught, johnny is innocent.

timmy learns his lesson and next time he puts the gum into johnny's pocket instead of his own.

adventures ensue

johnny ends up in prison, timmy ends up in congress.
johnny gets screwed up the ass, timmy screws people up the ass.

johnny gets screwed up the ass, timmy screws people up the ass.
hahahah exactly!

Chicken soup don't make me laugh. How about.....

Cheap, sainsbury's vodka for the teenage soul

Chicken soup don't make me laugh. How about.....

Cheap, sainsbury's vodka for the teenage soul

teenagers would know more about cheapo vodka

teenagers would know more about cheapo vodka

Precisely, and its a damn sight stronger. At £4.84 per 500ml its good value too......:p

Chicken soup don't make me laugh. How about.....

Cheap, sainsbury's vodka for the teenage soul

How about no, because that stuff is vile. Vile I tell you. And not funny.

Note: I am not responsible for teenagers being turned into a thick, creamy soup.
That creeped me out. I took it in a "Cream of Sum Yung Gai" kinda thing.
*shivers*

Note: I am not responsible for teenagers being turned into a thick, creamy soup. I cannotbe held legally resposnbile and any attempt to do so will result in the destruction of your property.
XD Brilliant!

Ok, how about this one:

Kid from really well off family with wealthy parents and good start in life, blows it all away and is widely renowned as a complete dunce. He gets into an Ivy League college anyway, spends most of his time partying and getting arrested for speeding. Graduates anyway (with fairly lousy grades). Then goes into business, all the while struggling with alcoholism. Fails in all his ventures, but keeps being bailed out by his father. Eventually, he renounces alcohol and accepts the Lord, promptly buys up baseball company (still doesn't really work that well), before he's elected as, wait for it, governor of a major US state. Then, after a term spent frying people and little else, he's elected (major twist here) President of the United States and goes round, as you'd expect, doing crazy stuff.

I know, it could never happen, just too unrealistic and I did write it in a bit of a hurry. As a said, it's just too outlandish to be...

Oh wait.

C**p (weeps softly as the enormity of it all dawns on him).

C**p (weeps softly as the enormity of it all dawns on him).


LMAO. Not at the actual joke, but at you self sensoring the word crap.

What the recreational love-making?

That creeped me out. I took it in a "Cream of Sum Yung Gai" kinda thing.
*shivers*
I tend to have that effect on people.

hrgejhrfgwrbumpfsfgedg

Ok, how about this one:

Kid from really well off family with wealthy parents and good start in life, blows it all away and is widely renowned as a complete dunce. He gets into an Ivy League college anyway, spends most of his time partying and getting arrested for speeding. Graduates anyway (with fairly lousy grades). Then goes into business, all the while struggling with alcoholism. Fails in all his ventures, but keeps being bailed out by his father. Eventually, he renounces alcohol and accepts the Lord, promptly buys up baseball company (still doesn't really work that well), before he's elected as, wait for it, governor of a major US state. Then, after a term spent frying people and little else, he's elected (major twist here) President of the United States and goes round, as you'd expect, doing crazy stuff.

I know, it could never happen, just too unrealistic and I did write it in a bit of a hurry. As a said, it's just too outlandish to be...

Oh wait.

C**p (weeps softly as the enormity of it all dawns on him).

You forgot the cherry ontop; whilst in office, when a decision is made, and regardless of the outcome (I guess to cover his ass in both instances), he claims he got a email from God telling him what he should do. His supporters, who seem to be lacking the required cynicism that keeps people from being extremists in their chosen dogma, claim that the email from God to be proof that America is a chosen nation by God.

a email from God

an email. an email. It's not hard.

I'm afraid someone beat you to it.
http://rinkworks.com/peasoup/

Two kids, KID1 and KID2, live in a small town. KID1 convinces KID2 to cheat on a test, so they both get high grades and go on to college.

Much later on, just before graduation on the last year of college, KID2 is feeling guilty about having cheated on the test, but knows that if he tells someone, he will be expelled from college and not get his degree. He eventually decides to do the right thing anyway and goes off to the principals office. However, KID1 intercepts him, realizes what he is going to do, and shoots him.

Moral: Learn to run faster than your enemy can shoot!

I'm afraid someone beat you to it.
http://rinkworks.com/peasoup/
Goddamn it!

an email. an email. It's not hard.

:P

And yes it is hard, and I wish you were over here so that I can share it :fluffle:

:P

And yes it is hard, and I wish you were over here so that I can share it :fluffle:

Finally, someone who shares my blender fetish!:fluffle:

Finally, someone who shares my blender fetish!:fluffle:

I just hope that my boyfriend doesn't find out ;) :fluffle:

I just hope that my boyfriend doesn't find out ;) :fluffle:

You and me both. Getting my ass kicked by a woman is one thing, but by a gay guy? :eek: :p

You and me both. Getting my ass kicked by a woman is one thing, but by a gay guy? :eek: :p
You know you'd like it.

You know you'd like it.

Yes, yes I do know that. This is why it must never happen.

Well, unless you're offering...:fluffle:

Yes, yes I do know that. This is why it must never happen.

Well, unless you're offering...:fluffle:
LOL! :D

You and me both. Getting my ass kicked by a woman is one thing, but by a gay guy? :eek: :p

You have nothing to worry about; I punch and throw like a girl <girly tap on sholder>

So its more the case of my ass getting pounded, to which I would not complain :p

LMAO. Not at the actual joke, but at you self sensoring the word crap.

What the recreational love-making?

Oh excrement, how right you are!

I've got an idea for a story.

Two people both go to the same college coming from really different backgrounds. One guy comes from a poor family, and he studies some phony degree so he can play on the college football team, meet up with hot girls and piss the night away. He barely graduates, and his football career is devastated when he's paralysed from the waist down. Having spent not much time actually learning how to do things, he winds up a desk clerk in the social services. To stave off his depression and his lack of purpose, he ups the medication intake and winds up with a drug addiction that ends up getting him fired.
Another girl comes from a rich family, but she's a complete workaholic. She studies day in, day out, determined to be the best in her field, even at the expense of getting to know those around her. Eventually, she graduates top of her class and has her choice of companies who flock to recruit her. However, when she's finally gotten a place in the field of her dreams, it turns out to be not quite the romantic ideal she thought it to be. Those at the top are abusive and self-absorbed, and she ends up being drawn into a scandal of epic proportions that would have her killed if news of it ever spread. Work becomes impossible in the understanding of what her organisation does, the phone-calls from the press start to filter through as rumours spread from other sources and she is constantly put under duress by both Police and corporate lackeys in her own home.

These two rarely met in school, but would know of each others' successes in their own areas.

They both, in a state of desparation, decide their lives have been a waste, and strive to end it. The guy wishes he'd actually spent some time picking up academic skills, while the girl really regrets not being able to spend some time to get to know people and make the most of her youth.

They meet up on the roof of the tallest building in town by sheer coincidence. They get talking, realise who each other are, and it suddenly dawns on them.

It doesn't matter what they did at college. They're fucked either way.

Ending A) The girl asks to get fired from her post and promises not to talk as long as she gets a significant payoff. The company agree. She and the guy get a big house in the country, where they live off the guy's disability allowance. She makes up for lost time by enjoying his company. Every night. He's just glad to get some.

Ending B) Splat.