NationStates Jolt Archive


Post Your Ideal Home When the Zombies Come

Sierra BTHP
19-10-2005, 15:41
I think I've found it - now all I need is to come up with the millions of dollars...

http://www.silohome.com/index.htm
The South Islands
19-10-2005, 15:45
2000 lb blast door?

If the zombies come, I'm comming to live with you.
[NS]Simonist
19-10-2005, 15:54
2000 lb blast door?

If the zombies come, I'm comming to live with you.
Yeah, no freakin' kidding.....I get dibs on the good couch, though.

Actually I'd probably stick myself in one of these (http://www.ny17.com/id28.htm) out in the middle of friggin' nowhere with TONS AND TONS of weapons. Probably a motion-detection defense system of 1/2 mile or so at night, if the zombies get to be a real problem.

But mainly it's so I could die in a cabin.
The South Islands
19-10-2005, 15:56
Simonist']Yeah, no freakin' kidding.....I get dibs on the good couch, though.

Actually I'd probably stick myself in one of these (http://www.ny17.com/id28.htm) out in the middle of friggin' nowhere with TONS AND TONS of weapons. Probably a motion-detection defense system of 1/2 mile or so at night, if the zombies get to be a real problem.

But mainly it's so I could die in a cabin.

Bah! I get the guest room!

We'll go raid a gunshop before we go to Sierra BTHP's cabin. You bring the automated defense system, I'll bring the pie.
Verghastinsel
19-10-2005, 16:37
Silo home, obviously, but that's too far away.

Bodiam Castle (http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-vh/w-visits/w-findaplace/w-bodiamcastle/) would be my fall-back option.
The South Islands
19-10-2005, 16:39
Silo home, obviously, but that's too far away.

Bodiam Castle (http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-vh/w-visits/w-findaplace/w-bodiamcastle/) would be my fall-back option.

Erg...Zombies can swim, you know. :p
Syniks
19-10-2005, 16:45
Erg...Zombies can swim, you know. :p
Not in a moat filled with hydroflouric acid... (or aqua-regia...) :p
Czardas
19-10-2005, 16:47
Why do I need a home? The zombies are my legions. As are the skeletons, the Huntsmen, the Deathless, and the petroids. :p
Lewrockwellia
19-10-2005, 16:52
Why do I need a home? The zombies are my legions. As are the skeletons, the Huntsmen, the Deathless, and the petroids. :p

:eek:

*Runs and hides, vows never to do anything that might possibly incur the wrath of Czardas*
Czardas
19-10-2005, 16:58
:eek:

*Runs and hides, vows never to do anything that might possibly incur the wrath of Czardas*
iAdd to the quotes thread. ;)
Demented Hamsters
19-10-2005, 17:03
Now that is a pretty cool house.
But really, this in the spiel:
- Safe home/moutain getaway. With the reality of September 11th, why not have a safe haven to retreat to if one needs the option. At the same time, a great weekend or vacation getaway.
Oh, of course! 9/11 was just the pre-invasion softening up of the US. Anytime now the hordes of Al Qaeda are going to be launching themselves onto American soil in a full-blown invasion and the US will just nothing to defend itself with. Yep, best thing to is spend million$$ so you can hide in a bunker when this most definite eventuality occurs.
Sierra BTHP
19-10-2005, 17:07
Now that is a pretty cool house.
But really, this in the spiel:

Oh, of course! 9/11 was just the pre-invasion softening up of the US. Anytime now the hordes of Al Qaeda are going to be launching themselves onto American soil in a full-blown invasion and the US will just nothing to defend itself with. Yep, best thing to is spend million$$ so you can hide in a bunker when this most definite eventuality occurs.

They might as well put in a line about zombies, as I have.
Demented Hamsters
19-10-2005, 17:12
They might as well put in a line about zombies, as I have.
Zombie Bin Laden clones from the future with death-ray eyes!!!
Ravenshrike
19-10-2005, 17:26
Why do I need a home? The zombies are my legions. As are the skeletons, the Huntsmen, the Deathless, and the petroids. :p
Grabs flamethrower, mace and Mylar suit. Heads for Czardas'a house to exterminate the undead problem.



I'd head to SLC, Utah, simply cause the mormons are crazy enough to survive something like a zombie onslaught.
Dishonorable Scum
19-10-2005, 17:31
Alcatraz. Even if zombies can swim, they can't swim fast enough to fight the currents that would sweep them away from the Rock and out to sea.

Even better, the currents might sweep them across the bay and ashore in Oakland. I pity the zombie that attempts to invade Oakland.

:D
The Noble Men
19-10-2005, 18:00
Agh. I don't have enough money to build a silo house.

When the zombies come, I'm hiding in my high-school. No other place in my town is good enough.
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
19-10-2005, 18:03
Almost, but not quite. If I can just get a bomb shelter built up on some frigid northern island, that would be bliss.
Especially since I could lock myself down, declare myself an independent state, and refuse to accept the dominance off any "damned main-landers" who seek only to ruin my delicate local ecology.
Verghastinsel
19-10-2005, 18:08
Why do I need a home? The zombies are my legions. As are the skeletons, the Huntsmen, the Deathless, and the petroids. :p

YES! Someone else who has read of the exploits of Chappy Chappy, the world's favourite homicidal RPG character! Oh, and everyone else that he knows.
Uber Awesome
19-10-2005, 18:18
What kind of zombies are we talking about here? Apocalyptic virus type? Raised by a necromancer type? Hungry for human-flesh monsters?
Sierra BTHP
19-10-2005, 18:29
What kind of zombies are we talking about here? Apocalyptic virus type? Raised by a necromancer type? Hungry for human-flesh monsters?

You have to be ready for every kind.
Smunkeeville
19-10-2005, 18:47
I think I have seen enough zombie movies to know that potsmoking kids can pretty much fight them off with what they have around the house (shovels, brooms, ect.)

being that I no longer smoke pot and have stuff laying around my house like battliths (http://www.surplusstore.co.uk/catalog/images/battlith.jpg)
then I don't think it will be a huge problem if I just say home.;)

besides my husband is like 6ft 2in and 220lbs and all muscle so if I need to grab the kids and run I am sure he could keep about 50 of them busy for a while, so that I can escape:p
Cluichstan
19-10-2005, 20:23
http://history.sandiego.edu/gen/USPics8/58360.jpg
The blessed Chris
19-10-2005, 20:30
Why bother with a moat, I have a strecth of open sea, and then extensive walls and gun ports.

www.storytellingmonk.org/. ../mont_st_michel.jpg
The South Islands
19-10-2005, 20:35
How aboot a home on the Moon? Zombies can't get you there!
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
19-10-2005, 20:43
How aboot a home on the Moon? Zombies can't get you there!
What about Moon Zombies? Or Astronaut Zombies?

EDIT: If there is one thing that the Leprechaun series taught me, it is that in space, not only can stupid horror can get you, but no one can here you scream because, in all honesty, who the hell watches sequels that have "In Space" as the subtitle?
The South Islands
19-10-2005, 20:45
What about Moon Zombies? Or Astronaut Zombies?

MOON ZOMBIES!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

(I just watched Apollo 13, so i'm in a spacy mood. It would be really sweet to go to the moon, though.
The blessed Chris
19-10-2005, 20:52
MOON ZOMBIES!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

(I just watched Apollo 13, so i'm in a spacy mood. It would be really sweet to go to the moon, though.

Oh yeah, if I fortified it with automaton troops and armament batteries I could defend it forever, and shell earth for eternity....:p
Dishonorable Scum
20-10-2005, 17:25
How aboot a home on the Moon? Zombies can't get you there!

Zombies, being undead, do not need to breathe. And the excess radiation will probably make them even stronger and more vicious. There is the initial hurdle of getting there, of course, but if you can do it, so can they - all you need is one other person with your idea to get infected just before launch, and there you have it - Moon Zombies.

:p
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
20-10-2005, 17:30
There is the initial hurdle of getting there, of course, but if you can do it, so can they - all you need is one other person with your idea to get infected just before launch, and there you have it - Moon Zombies.
Hardly a hurdle at all, Crappy Scifi has been just as prominent in my education as Crappy Horror, and so I have learned that all spaceships have specially prepared "Villain Hatches" that allow evil things (and only evil things) to somehow survive and come after everyone for the sequel/twist ending.
The blessed Chris
20-10-2005, 17:32
Hardly a hurdle at all, Crappy Scifi has been just as prominent in my education as Crappy Horror, and so I have learned that all spaceships have specially prepared "Villain Hatches" that allow evil things (and only evil things) to somehow survive and come after everyone for the sequel/twist ending.

Yeah, but surely then one person will be destined to bring victory over humanity:p
Czardas
20-10-2005, 17:34
How aboot a home on the Moon? Zombies can't get you there!
We already control the Moon. Where did you think the original zombie attacks came from after all? :p
The blessed Chris
20-10-2005, 17:36
We already control the Moon. Where did you think the original zombie attacks came from after all? :p

Fine then, how about a subterranean fortress in the Himalayas. Come and get me there....
Luporum
20-10-2005, 17:36
Get me my parrot and eye patch (http://www.hnn.navy.mil/Archives/030711/reagan_030711.htm)

Seriously even if Zombies could swim they wouldn't be able to get up to the deck or any other opening in the ship. And if they managed to fly a plane then I'd just shoot the sob down.

Would be a pain in the ass to pilot by myself though...
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
20-10-2005, 17:40
Would be a pain in the ass to pilot by myself though...
I'll join you, as the treachorous lieutenant who will inevitably lead some kind of mutiny (every good pirate has, even evil pirates generally get at least one mutiny).
The one flaw in the plan, though, is that if we ever drift to close to zombie infested land, we might start encountering the fast sprinter zombies, and those buggers will probably build catapults to board us.
Czardas
20-10-2005, 17:43
Fine then, how about a subterranean fortress in the Himalayas. Come and get me there....
Oh, you mean that place? Apparently some locals wanted to be allied to us and showed us. You know, large white creatures about 5' high, resembling hairier versions of humans. They're a lot more sensible, too.

Anyway, point is, you can't escape us and we're going to take over the world. We've brainwashed all the major world governments into believing we don't exist, and now only you know of our sinister plot and you alone can defeat us. Of course, you never will, because you'll be waylaid by my ops and killed, leaving a manuscript in your pocket explaining the sinister plot so the real hero can go out and save the world.
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
20-10-2005, 17:43
We already control the Moon. Where did you think the original zombie attacks came from after all? :p
No, I control the Moon, you are merely there for the time being.
Speaking of which, this month's rent is going to be due soon, so you'd better have the 100 Souls of the Damned and the pint of goat blood ready when the time comes.
And this time I will not be excepting the payment in any other form. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find brokers around here that are willing to exchange goat semen for Souls of the Damned?
Hiberniae
20-10-2005, 17:51
If zombies came after me I'd have a couple things I'd need to do while they are persuing. First and foremost head south. Into the Bible Literalists territory. While running through bible thumber lan, I'll just keep yelling Jesus is coming from the direction I was running from. That should get an equally braindead army counter marching the zombies. Then I'd go join the dude in the castle surrounded by acid.
Czardas
20-10-2005, 17:53
No, I control the Moon, you are merely there for the time being.
Speaking of which, this month's rent is going to be due soon, so you'd better have the 100 Souls of the Damned and the pint of goat blood ready when the time comes.
And this time I will not be excepting the payment in any other form. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find brokers around here that are willing to exchange goat semen for Souls of the Damned?
Dammit, Fiddle, we were supposed to be working together on this. Besides, I certainly haven't seen you cleaning our headquarters recently, or even getting the Ringwraiths to do it for you. Honestly, Fiddlebottoms, how do you expect us to pay the rent when you don't even take care of the place properly? And besides, I thought I told you that the souls are collected by the Scions of the Damned, and do you know how hard it is to convince a Scion to give up their collection? Some of them resist ferociously. Over 600 of my zombie troops have been permanently mangled because of them. Can't you accept the equivalent of 50 Skeleton Warriors or 599403009049580380680084000030950906808732811 zombies? —And you can't tell me brokers don't want to exchange those. I know a zombie broker just up on Sol XVII.
Dishonorable Scum
20-10-2005, 17:57
What about Moon Zombies? Or Astronaut Zombies?

Or alien zombies? It would be bad enough to get eaten alive by a zombie, but to have an alien zombie anally probe you... :eek:

:p
HC Eredivisie
20-10-2005, 17:58
The Big Brother house, just imagine: BB Zombie:eek:
HC Eredivisie
20-10-2005, 17:59
Or alien zombies? It would be bad enough to get eaten alive by a zombie, but to have an alien zombie anally probe you... :eek:

:pand then they eat you:D
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
20-10-2005, 18:10
Dammit, Fiddle, we were supposed to be working together on this. Besides, I certainly haven't seen you cleaning our headquarters recently, or even getting the Ringwraiths to do it for you. Honestly, Fiddlebottoms, how do you expect us to pay the rent when you don't even take care of the place properly? And besides, I thought I told you that the souls are collected by the Scions of the Damned, and do you know how hard it is to convince a Scion to give up their collection? Some of them resist ferociously. Over 600 of my zombie troops have been permanently mangled because of them. Can't you accept the equivalent of 50 Skeleton Warriors or 599403009049580380680084000030950906808732811 zombies? —And you can't tell me brokers don't want to exchange those. I know a zombie broker just up on Sol XVII.
Is it my fault that your warriors keep losing bits all over the floor? Your zombies keep trying to bite off parts of ever cleaning crew I send. And I'd thank you kindly if you quit bringing up the Ringwraiths, they quit two years ago when I refused to sue Peter Jackson for the Character Defacement that his movies landed them with. (For your information, they had much better dress sense, and wouldn't be caught dead bothering with that Liv Tyler woman).
Furthermore, are you aware of the amount of money it costs to keep repairing the turbines in the generators? I've already got a balcony around the Massively Deep Core That Seems To Serve No Real Purpose and for most people, that wouldd be enough. But No, your minions have to keep falling in, and then they have to be cleaned out. The entire cleaning budget is used up by the time the turbines are cleared and running again (and I fail to see why I should have to clean it anyway. Try strapping mops to the feet of a few zombies.)
And why don't you exchange your own damned zombies! Last zombie dealer I met ran off with an entire undead planet without paying me a cent, untrustworthy to the last, lousy necromancers. You spend a century buying out the vampire lords, and then some jerk with a staff and a name like Skullface DeathTytan (real subtle, punk) steals the whole thing without paying me any of the box of cookies that I am rightfully owed!
Terrorist Cakes
20-10-2005, 18:17
On mls.ca, search the MLS #V546757. 18.5 million dollars (Canadian)...11,500 square feet...
Luporum
20-10-2005, 19:31
I'll join you, as the treachorous lieutenant who will inevitably lead some kind of mutiny (every good pirate has, even evil pirates generally get at least one mutiny).
The one flaw in the plan, though, is that if we ever drift to close to zombie infested land, we might start encountering the fast sprinter zombies, and those buggers will probably build catapults to board us.

Yes and I'll be the stumbling idiot captain who is actually a tactical genius. Ahh the generic admiral.

This could be a promosing rp ;)
Bolol
20-10-2005, 19:34
Personally, I think a prison would work quite well. It's fortified, is well stocked with everything from food to medical suplies to weapons.

Now if we could just get all those convicts to cooperate...
The blessed Chris
20-10-2005, 21:33
Oh, you mean that place? Apparently some locals wanted to be allied to us and showed us. You know, large white creatures about 5' high, resembling hairier versions of humans. They're a lot more sensible, too.

Anyway, point is, you can't escape us and we're going to take over the world. We've brainwashed all the major world governments into believing we don't exist, and now only you know of our sinister plot and you alone can defeat us. Of course, you never will, because you'll be waylaid by my ops and killed, leaving a manuscript in your pocket explaining the sinister plot so the real hero can go out and save the world.

Nice, seriously though, it would work, as would a lair in the middle of the Amazon several hundred feet under ground and the entrance to which is hidden by the second largest river in the world. Find me and kill me there, and yo can have a reeeaaaaalllll big cookie.:p
Ravea
20-10-2005, 21:46
Thank god I have the power of flight. I'd just wisk my way up to mount everest.

Did I mention that I'm Immune to Cold?

(Atlantis might be a nice second option...)
DrunkenDove
21-10-2005, 10:35
The HL2 Citadel should do it. Half a mile high and protected by swarms of manhacks, striders, tanks, forcefields, suppressor fields and combine overwatch
http://www.techimo.com/photo/data/509/154028citadel.JPG
Harlesburg
21-10-2005, 11:24
I would say a Double story Building with a Double Doored Garage made of Stone or Brick.
It would have to be on top of a Hill.
6ft Fence or wall surrounding it compleltly except for 2 Exits with Wrought Iron Fences.
Beyond the fence could be a Bush or Forrest but the Trees could not be closer than 50 Meters from the Fence.
Helicopter Pad and a Swimming Pool.
Lunatic Goofballs
21-10-2005, 21:43
The International Space Station.

http://members.nova.org/~sol/station/iss-sta2.jpg

:D
Grainne Ni Malley
21-10-2005, 22:34
Sure, the silo sounds great but what about when the food supply runs out? How do you get groceries without running into a zombie checker?

I opt for an "nameless" underground military base in Nevada that conducts and maintains research with aliens. Who better to kick zombie butt than Grand Lord Ma'aalkarf from the planet "Zombie-butt-kickerz".:D
Cheese penguins
21-10-2005, 22:38
Sure, the silo sounds great but what about when the food supply runs out? How do you get groceries without running into a zombie checker?

I opt for an "nameless" underground military base in Nevada that conducts and maintains research with aliens. Who better to kick zombie butt than Grand Lord Ma'aalkarf from the planet "Zombie-butt-kickerz".:D
why does everybody want to hide away, you could make a game of who can kill teh most dead zombies... think of the fun!
Greill
21-10-2005, 23:49
Wherever I can fit the most landmines. Best zombie killers, ya know. Little bastards just keep going forward, groaning and moaning when POW! they get blown into doggy food. Not to mention I'd have a spiked ditch with high water flowing through to clean them out after they make undead shishkabob. After the ditch, there would be a sheer rise, followed by an incline covered in land mines, then a 40 foot stone wall covered in barbs, on top of which would be a roll of barbed wire 6 feet high. Then there would be another sheer drop, no water (since to be able to feed it out of the walls I would have to put some kind of drain or something, which the zombies could get through.) Then after that, there would be spy cameras and motion detectors, and everyone would have transponders to tell the system that they weren't the living dead. If the living dead come in, there would be an alarm. In all the sectors there would be flamethrowers, which are better than guns because A.) you don't have to aim them as much and B.) they can take down more zombies at a time. If, miraculously, the living dead manage to get past that defense, the house would be something kinda like the silo house.

Yes, I do think about this a lot.
Skaladora
22-10-2005, 02:27
Oh, you mean that place? Apparently some locals wanted to be allied to us and showed us. You know, large white creatures about 5' high, resembling hairier versions of humans. They're a lot more sensible, too.

Anyway, point is, you can't escape us and we're going to take over the world. We've brainwashed all the major world governments into believing we don't exist, and now only you know of our sinister plot and you alone can defeat us. Of course, you never will, because you'll be waylaid by my ops and killed, leaving a manuscript in your pocket explaining the sinister plot so the real hero can go out and save the world.

Question: is there any way that I could barter keeping my pitiful, pathetic life and juicy brain by some sort of treachery against my fellow human beings?

If so, then by all means, I'll be an honorary zombie for you.

Certainly, if you're a real evil genius and villain, you must be aware that competent underlings are hard to come by. I guarantee you won't regret sparing my life to see me grovel at your feet.:p