NationStates Jolt Archive

If you don't laugh, then you just can't relate. Guess you had to have been there one time or another..........


One Star Hangover (*): No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well; however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.



Two Star Hangover (**): No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.



Three Star Hangover (***): Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****): Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the Bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****): You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are probably still drunk. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater'seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now!


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

I think I've gone beyond the 5 star hangover before. It's not pretty and it involves repeatedly vomiting up a corrosive, viscous, pinkish-yellow bile-like substance. Also one cannot stand up, much less walk without stumbling dizzily. It's a condition I strive to avoid nowadays.

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.



but.. but... I haven't had a **** all night drinkstable

I've had a "Marlon Brando wearing a brine-soaked wolly jumper and trying to kick-start a Harley Davison Fatboy in a vat of porridge in my stomach while a hippo does trampolining exercises and an elephant uses a pneumatic hammer to chip off several centuries of congealed egg in my head" - type hangover before.

It wasn't pretty.

It was mostly due to drinking (by the end of the night) whisky, home-brew beer and a gastly wine spirit called 'Purple death'.
All in the same glass.
At the time it tasted A-O-K.

Not the next morning.

I think I've gone beyond the 5 star hangover before. It's not pretty and it involves repeatedly vomiting up a corrosive, viscous, pinkish-yellow bile-like substance. Also one cannot stand up, much less walk without stumbling dizzily. It's a condition I strive to avoid nowadays.

I have been so hungover I've cryed for hours on end, whilst being convulsively sick.

Teehee. I've noticed that some of my friends were perfectly capable of carrying on a normal conversation while piss drunk. That was very scary.

I see you speak from experience...

Ive definately had a 5 star.

Maybe even higher.

The worst Ive ever been, was at a party at a friends home, while his parents were away.

There was a perfectly good keg of cheap beer, and it seemed a shame to waste it. Also, there where rather copius amounts of weed, and as I'm partial to the stuff, it seemed a good idea, to consume as much as I possibly could.

There was a drinking game involved.
With dice....and memory gets shakey here, but the name "3-Man" comes to mind...
Let's just say, that I must have won the game, becuase the only objects in these types of games is to get stupid sloshed.

I wandered away from the table where the game commenced, and found a nice soft couch to lay upon, as my own feet simply wouldnt follow simple orders anymore.

Thats when the evil came.

The evil, is when you become prone on a couch, or any flat surface in wich you can lay down, and becuase youre all hammered, coupled with being obnoxiously high from all the smoking you did...

...you get the spins.
Head starts spinning around, equilibrium gets distorted, and ultimately, like a bad county fair ride, you get nausea.

There was barfing.
There was also a lame attempt by me to stifle the barfing, by covering my mouth with my hand.
But, as I could not rise, and was most assuredly going to continue the demonic barfing, this cuased the barf to spray.

I remember hearing voices noticing the technicolor yawning, (hard not to) and the next thing I know...im being helped into the shower, (YAY!) wich was good, as Im not fond of being covered in vomit.
Mine, or anyone elses.

I could go on, becuase that was only half of the adventure, but I digress.
Suffice it to say, the very Devil himself, resides in the form of the game known as "3-Man".

but.. but... I haven't had a **** all night drinkstable

ROTFLMAO!!!

And how many stars does "It's nine hours later and I'm still more drunk than I would normally be on a night out?" count as?

<snip>
Suffice it to say, the very Devil himself, resides in the form of the game known as "3-Man".
Don't know about "3-Man", but if you play "Thorogood" (sometime calld "Bad George") properly you end up in a coma...

(One Burbon, One Scotch & One beer.... every time he sings it.... that's 10 burbons, 10 scotches, 9 beers and one gin - for 3 repetitions of the song - :eek: )

I think there should be another set of categories based upon the 'still drunk from the night before' option. Not so long ago, I woke up at 2pm after drinking from 8pm to 4am (not remembering from 12am onwards). When I woke up, I thought 'Hey, I'm not hungover! How'd I manage that one? WINNER.' Then, I stumbled on the way to the bathroom (due to alcohol but put it down to tiredness) and had a shower. Then I sobered up in the shower. I got out and ate some lunch. At 4pm, I saw that lunch again. Then the stomach acid helping to make the chyme. Then the bile, destined to emulsify and neutralise the chyme. Then something else, possibly from somewhere in my small intestine, which made me retch more because of the smell. Then I went to bed, but couldn't sleep for dry retching. The pain in my gut eventually left me at 10pm.

On the upside, no headache at all. What measure does this deserve?

EDIT: Oh yes, all of this was because of a lovely little drink called coffee sambuca. It is Satan's sputum, make no mistake.

I've never had a headache when hung over, i've just either felt sick or actually being sick. That sucks worse. Glad I switched to weed.

I have this weird thing with alcohol & my neurochemistry.

The only thing that can get me silly drunk is Sake - and then it usually takes 750ml warm.

I have drunk full bottles of Jim beam without noticable effect.

I have drunk Everclear martinis with little noticable effect.

I spoke with a toxicologist once and he posited that I could likely drink distilled liquors until I dropped dead from alcohol toxicity without passing through "drunk".

Maybe that's why I have never been hungover. Ever.

(That and/or by refusing to drink sweet/girlie drinks... ;) )

*****+ and a migraine.

Death is a welcome pospect on days like that.

I can't drink golden rum anymore due to a series of terrible mornings that were the result of a lot of that.

I also don't think that it hurt that one of those nights one of my friend's friends broke a pen and got the ink all over his carpet and my friend thought it would be a good idea to clean it with the high alcohol content rum... not the 40% alcohol one... the like, 80% alcohol one...

Oh, and also, I have learned: Do not drink wine and beer in the same evening. It does not mix well the next morning.


Oh, and the secret to curing most hangovers is gatorade and saltine crackers.

I heard the best hangover cure is burnt toast, since the body has lost a lot of carbon and the burnt bits in the toast replenish it. Still, I tried it once and didn't feel any better.

lol very good :p

I think I've gone beyond the 5 star hangover before. It's not pretty and it involves repeatedly vomiting up a corrosive, viscous, pinkish-yellow bile-like substance. Also one cannot stand up, much less walk without stumbling dizzily. It's a condition I strive to avoid nowadays.
i been there, though i don't remember the colour of it... all i remember is the bin was next to my bed (thank god), i fell over the instant i got out of bed, was unable to walk and, what with crawling difficult enough, just lay on the floor in an uncomfortable heap until i was able to drag my sorry ass back into bed - all while still really quite drunk. i stayed there moaning "i wanna die, i wanna die!", vomiting occasionally, until about 8pm when i finally got up for a toke (and that made it all better :))
worst damn hangover i ever had that. sill felt it the day after that as well :p


there are some things about uni i really don't miss :P

oh and they say weed is so bad for you compared to booze, too ;)



edit: suprisingly, thats not the most booze i've ever drunk though. following that particular fateful night (the reason i no longer drink whiskey or port, and when people thought i needed a stomach pump), i woke up the next morning without so much as a headache. go figure :confused: :D

i swear i was drunk non stop for like three days straight and had not one bit of a hangover, non stop drinking fun, school was hard to explain that was my sobering up time... o god.

I think I've gone beyond the 5 star hangover before. It's not pretty and it involves repeatedly vomiting up a corrosive, viscous, pinkish-yellow bile-like substance.

Stomach lining?

Also, there where rather copius amounts of weed, and as I'm partial to the stuff, it seemed a good idea, to consume as much as I possibly could.

heh reminds me of more of what i can remember of that night i mentioned in my edit above (the one where i drank loads but no hangover). i don't remember from about 8pm, but there are some very blurry bits and bobs from then after... i probably remember this one from teh searing pain...
i remember being in the garden (it was a house party), my mate's gf passes me this spliff and says 'you have to hold it both ends cos its not rolled too well' (or words to that effect). i say 'yeah yeah whatever'.... the next thing i know the thing's unravelled and spilt tons of fucking boiling, burningly hot hotrocks of doom down into my CROTCH! and to make it worse i didn't notice for a good few seconds or so :eek:

no idea what i did to get rid of the burning, but it probably wasn't pretty :P

Oh, and also, I have learned: Do not drink wine and beer in the same evening. It does not mix well the next morning.

Such common knowledge that it even has it's own little phrase:

Don't mix the hops with the vine.

It's a shit saying, but still true.

.... the next thing i know the thing's unravelled and spilt tons of fucking boiling, burningly hot hotrocks of doom down into my CROTCH! and to make it worse i didn't notice for a good few seconds or so :eek:

no idea what i did to get rid of the burning, but it probably wasn't pretty :P


Sniff*

...sniff*

Whats that smell?

Is someone cooking suasage?

i should be hungover but i couldn't drink last night cause i'm too poor and had to drink tap water at the bar :(

There was a magical and wonderful period in my life during which I could get completely hammered but wake up feeling fresh and rested the next morning, with not the slightest hint of a hangover. That time has since passed, but since I rarely drink and never get drunk anymore, its not really a problem.

However, the first time (I was 15) I ever got really, properly drunk, I drank until I passed out (a mix of alcohol and vodka)

It was @ a cast & crew party for school production I was in. We'd rented out a couple cabins at the local KIwanis Club (no idea what Kiwanis is. Seems to involve strange old people) I woke on the floor of one of the cabins covered in my own puke, (my sleeping bag it later transpired, was ashes in the campfire outside) almost no recollection of the previous evening, and feeling like the entire Crackhead Sychronized Swim Team was doing the funky chicken in my stomach while a van full of (and piloted by) crackbabies careened through my head, crashing against the inside of my skull with alarming regularity. I immediately got up and ran outside to puke on the remains of the campfire (and my my sleeping bag)

I somehow managed to find some of my friends, most of them in a similar state to mine. Somehow I managed to get a bunch of them in a car and moving towards town (we were about a 45 min. outside of town) The entire time I had to struggle not hurl. By the time we arrived by my house, I thought I was feeling better. However, this was just the calm before the storm...

I spent the rest of the day feeling like I wanted to die and having my dad alternately admonishing me, helping with various hangover cures and laughing his ass off at me. Eventually my grandpa's cure of cognac and coffee settled things down enough for me to eat some toast that didn't shoot out of my mouth with 30 seconds of entering my gullet. Then I passed out in bed for a couple hours and had a headache for the remainder of that horrible day.

For the next 9 years I could not get hangover. My theory is I had used up all my Hangover Neurons (frying my brain the process) and it took that long until my body could once again produce the chemicals needed to give me a hangover.

i should be hungover but i couldn't drink last night cause i'm too poor and had to drink tap water at the bar :(

The uses of dihydrogen monoxide are varied and growing:

As an industrial solvent and coolant;
In nuclear power plants;
In the production of styrofoam;
As a fire retardant;
In many forms of cruel animal research;
In the distribution of pesticides;
As an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products;
Large quantities of the substance are dumped into rivers and streams by factories;

The list of risks associated with dihydrogen monoxide include:

The substance is a major component of acid rain;
Contributes to soil erosion;
Accelerates corrosion and breakdown of metals and electrical equipment;
Excessive ingestion may cause various unpleasant, though generally not life-threatening, effects;
Prolonged contact with its solid form results in severe tissue damage;
May cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes;
Inhalation, even in small quantities, may cause death;
Its gaseous form may cause severe burns;
It has been found in the tumors of terminal cancer patients;
Withdrawal by those addicted to the substance causes certain death within 168 hours;

Nevertheless, the government and corporations continue using it widely, heedless of its grave dangers.

You should consider yourself lucky you're still alive!

There was a magical and wonderful period in my life during which I could get completely hammered but wake up feeling fresh and rested the next morning, with not the slightest hint of a hangover. That time has since passed, but since I rarely drink and never get drunk anymore, its not really a problem.
I used to really piss off the troops when I was in the Army because I found that the best way for me to perform really well on an early morning PT test was to go on a bender the night before.

I convert Alcohol directly to calories. :D

Next question: how hung over will I be in the morning?



Actually, I'd say only one or two stars atm. I'll probably just sleep all day.

I sweart I've seen this rating before...I think on collegehumor. Eh fuck it.

But as for me I've gotten to 3... I have a high tolerance for hangovers. Even a night after keg stands, shots of cheap cheap liquor and those endless games of beer pong that seem to last forever cause you can't stand up straight let alone throw a ping pong ball into a cup. Ah...college how I love it here.

And Leonstein that was actually a really funny thing when Penn & Teller got Enviromental activist to sign a petition to ban it...doesn't quite work as effectively here.

After a big night out with friends, and friends of friends, I got to a point that the whole of the world was spinning and seemed to implode in to my head. Now, having the whole word in your head is NOT a nice thing to happen, not only that, but the next morning, there seemed to be a rather large, fully working dwarf mine in my head.

Not nice. At all. And despite this, spent the next afternoon in a pub watching England kick Scotlands asses at rugby. And did it again... I'll never learn.