NationStates Jolt Archive

Add your own, comment, etc.

1) Easy answer to the Katrina disaster: http://awks.ytmnd.com/

2) Road trips would solve everything. Road trips, fix all bad stuff. Missing the mother who deserted you? Road trip. Need to learn how to appreciate life fully? Road trip. Faulty credit report? Road trip. Out of touch with your local criminal element? Road trip! Iran's got the bomb? Road trip.

3) Extra live with every 100 coins would greatly increase personal incentive in a free enterprise system.

4) More hot women and men.;)

5) More sex, marital or otherwise, see above to combine that with this.;)

6) Hitmen, drug dealers and car thieves would be a lot more charming and friendly.

7) Sex would heal you!

8) HUDS and inventory screens would make organising your stuff and remembering your car keys a lot easier.

If it flashes you should either eat it or shoot it.

Also, there is no /ignore command in real life...;)

Hmmm...then again...: http://buddylist.ytmnd.com/

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/102504/no-underwater-level.gif

Some parts of life already feel a lot like a video game.

http://advancewarsafghanistan.ytmnd.com/
And war fare would be easier, too!:D

- The most powerful weapon in the universe: the "Save" feature.

Actually, life wouldn't be so bad if you could save and load...

- The most powerful weapon in the universe: the "Save" feature.

Great idea!

*Saves game*

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl*

[She is a local woman]

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl's shirt*

[She is dressed in common street clothes.]

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl's skirt*

[She is dressed in common street clothes.]

*Clicks eyeball icon more accurately directly in the middle of girl's skirt*

[She begins to look at Zexaland strangely]

*Clicks hand icon on girl's skirt*

[She snarls and strikes Zexaland down with extreme agility. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

[GAME OVER]

Damn... :D

*Restores saved game.*

Great idea!

*Saves game*

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl*

[She is a local woman]

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl's shirt*

[She is dressed in common street clothes.]

*Clicks eyeball icon on girl's skirt*

[She is dressed in common street clothes.]

*Clicks eyeball icon more accurately directly in the middle of girl's skirt*

[She begins to look at Zexaland strangely]

*Clicks hand icon on girl's skirt*

[She snarls and strikes Zexaland down with extreme agility. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

[GAME OVER]

Damn... :D

*Restores saved game.*
lol why would she strike you when she can pull a gun out of her skirt/thin air.

lol why would she strike you when she can pull a gun out of her kirt/thin air.

Oh...yeah..right...

[Without flinching or stopping to say a cheesy one-liner, the girl fires three 9mm slugs at Zexaland. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

You had to say it, didn't you?

*Restores saved game.*

Oh...yeah..right...

[Without flinching or stopping to say a cheesy one-liner, the girl fires three 9mm slugs at Zexaland. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

You had to say it, didn't you?

*Restores saved game.*
Now thats more Videogamistic.

Also relvolutions will appear on a regular basis as one person will be capable of killing thousands of people without breaking a sweat.

- The most powerful weapon in the universe: the "Save" feature.

That, and casting Life to save your planet from a meteor.

That was so lame.

That, and casting Life to save your planet from a meteor.

That was so lame.

Indeed.

If it were like movies, the good guys would win. Just existing would be better.

If it were like movies, the good guys would win. Just existing would be better.
Unless you exist in a black and white noir kinda film.

Unless you exist in a black and white noir kinda film.
But then we'd all get voice overs, and that would make life so much easier.
ME: Hmm, now how do I get back to home?
GRAVELY VOICE: Stumbling, I made it the three blocks left to the D Train.
ME: Ah, veeerrry good! *Stumbles to the right*
GRAVELY VOICE: Left, stumbled left!
ME: Oh, sorry Mr Voice, sir.

The best parts of movies over life, however, are:

ANYTHING can be accomplished by a montage. German test on the morrrow? Just sit down at a table with the book the night before, and BOOM, within five seconds its morning and you are "Wie geht es Ihnen"ing away like you been a kraut all yer life. Gotta clean up the dorm before your parent's arrive? Starting stacking things, and within five minutes (and one zany accident) everrything is squared away.
All of these pointless scenes that further the plot in no way would have been cut. Does anyone want to watch me at work? No, so then why have I got to act them out.
I'd get my own soundtrack. Who doesn't want a soundtrack? My own would be a Clockwork Orange style creation, lots of Beethoven and similar works, with periodic interruptions by crappy pop and the occasional bizarre violin/metal guitar thing.

I'd get my own soundtrack. Who doesn't want a soundtrack? My own would be a Clockwork Orange style creation, lots of Beethoven and similar works, with periodic interruptions by crappy pop and the occasional bizarre violin/metal guitar thing.
[/LIST]

Having a soundtrack to life would so be the best thing. Along with just being cool, it'd warn you if something scary is about to happen.

I swear that if I somehow manage to get stinking rich, I'm hiring some person to follow me around and pick and play songs to fit what's happening in my life.

Having a soundtrack to life would so be the best thing. Along with just being cool, it'd warn you if something scary is about to happen.

I swear that if I somehow manage to get stinking rich, I'm hiring some person to follow me around and pick and play songs to fit what's happening in my life.
Best to get a whole band, and perhaps a chorus as well (so that your two combined would number in the 10-15 range). However, to make it work you have to ignore them at all times, and if anyone makes a reference to them, you must refuse to speak about them.

Us British could all be evil and have a morally clean slate because it's seen as "natural" for us to be so devious, muahaha!

If the good guys always won, like in the movies, hmm...

Begins imagining a big group of people clamoring with cameras as a loudspeaker announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States". Al Gore walks out waving.

(sighs)

My life already reads like a movie, or a really well plotted history textbook.

Lord Czardas first came to power during the Twelfth Reich of Hizutengard, when leading a charge of 420 Kanguardians he conquered Stargate AF-2104. Then, he was known simply by his chosen name of Yon-Darth Taveïs—"Slayer of Enemies"—or as Tishn'uregnor, the Destroyer. The young Taveïs, still less than four aërës old, was an enigmatic and charismatic figure at this time, greatly removed from what he is now. Taveïs held the Stargate for several weeks during the Talïîsmaånries Revolution, but finally entered into an alliance with Galactic Ruler J. H. V. H. Allapiter, Lord Thyrm, who adopted Taveïs as his apprentice.

Thyrm rose to the rank of Ruler of the Universe and quickly Ruler of the Multiverse, with Taveïs his ever-faithful apprentice. Until one day, Taveïs murdered Thyrm and took on the name Yon-Darth Taveïs, Lord Czardas. In a swift coup, millions of his well-trained Kanguardians attacked Tranj'ehfidden, capital world of the Multiverse, and devastated it with an atomic explosion. Czardas moved his capital to Gy'jirhansofts, where he rose to the rank of Ruler of the Omniverse within several weeks.

Among the many assassination attempts on the Lord, one in particular must be noted. Sky Al'jerdon the Avenger, leader of a Skiddlanfres clan from Tzantaroth, shot and blasted his way through Czardas's security, attacking his face and body with corrosive acid before Czardas's guards seized him and tortured him for hours, finally leaving him to die in a horrible manner.

Czardas survived the attack, but half of his face became a skeleton, grinning and frightening, which is why in his later years he always wore a hood to cover his head, as well as the typical black cloak. Czardas's eyes became permanently bloodshot and appeared red to all who saw them. After that attack, Czardas was a changed being. He began a new rule of autocracy and terror. Those who disobeyed his commands, inevitably...they died.

Mass extinction. AIDS. Planet destruction. Miïseraturae. These horrific phenomena were all His work as He sought to rule the Omniverse as best He saw fit. Only one person could save creation from its ruler. One brave young person, armed only with their wits and courage. Against an enemy leading billions of deathless soldiers...

[This is where the young hero(ine) comes in.]

If the good guys always won, like in the movies, hmm...

Begins imagining a big group of people clamoring with cameras as a loudspeaker announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States". Al Gore walks out waving.

(sighs)
Oh, and pointless and fully unrealistic dream sequences would have that fluffy stuff around the end of them so no one could confuse them with reality.

Oh, and pointless and fully unrealistic dream sequences would have that fluffy stuff around the end of them so no one could confuse them with reality.
To be used when anyone thinks of a Republicrat presidential nominee as a “good guy.”

My life already reads like a movie, or a really well plotted history textbook.
Actually, you point out the one element of superiority that reality has. No one feels the need to run around throwing about apostrophes, umlauts, or anyother random puctuation to be sure that their names look alien. Even Hitler had the self respect not to make things to complicated for his typewriting brethren, and he was German (and German speakers do love their damned umlauts).
[This is where the young hero(ine) comes in.]
About that, I don't think you should wait up. You know how heroes have to be all edgey and eXtreme these days? Well she took up crack to increase her street cred, and now she is serving 15-20 in the Federal System.
Which brings up the fact that in movies you can do illlegal things (beat down cops, shoot out a moving vehicle, violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics) and never have anyone gripe even the slightest bit about it.

Add your own, comment, etc.

1) Easy answer to the Katrina disaster: http://awks.ytmnd.com/

2) Road trips would solve everything. Road trips, fix all bad stuff. Missing the mother who deserted you? Road trip. Need to learn how to appreciate life fully? Road trip. Faulty credit report? Road trip. Out of touch with your local criminal element? Road trip! Iran's got the bomb? Road trip.

3) Extra live with every 100 coins would greatly increase personal incentive in a free enterprise system.

4) More hot women and men.;)

5) More sex, marital or otherwise, see above to combine that with this.;)

6) Hitmen, drug dealers and car thieves would be a lot more charming and friendly.

7) Sex would heal you!

8) HUDS and inventory screens would make organising your stuff and remembering your car keys a lot easier.

People who live in a fantasy world are usual found in an institution or are on legal or illegal drugs.

To be used when anyone thinks of a Republicrat presidential nominee as a “good guy.”
I think of politics more in the terms of Aliens vs. Predator.
We're screwed either way, but the longer both sides remain active, they're much more likely to stabby-stab the other one then bother with humans.
Not to say that the occassional politician doesn't stalk a few guys while invisible, or burst out of a voters chest when they get bored. They're just less likely to get bored is all.

Best to get a whole band, and perhaps a chorus as well (so that your two combined would number in the 10-15 range). However, to make it work you have to ignore them at all times, and if anyone makes a reference to them, you must refuse to speak about them.

Heh! I was just thinking of having some dude with a bunch of song-packed MP3 players plugged into some speakers attached to his body.

I'd still refuse to speak about him to anybody asking about him.

Although, maybe I should get two people, and dress one in black and the other in white and then I can hold 'imaginary' conversations with them, and then act affronted when people mention that they can hear me, and accuse them of reading my mind. Ohoho.

As long as school is not designed by the creators of Gran Turismo, living in a video game world would be OK.

But seriously, if you could save & load, starting now, the world would be destroyed in the shortest time possible (probably a few days).
The fuckers would always trying to make a new record...until the most efficient way is discovered!

edit: oh yeah we could just switch servers.

I think of politics more in the terms of Aliens vs. Predator.
We're screwed either way, but the longer both sides remain active, they're much more likely to stabby-stab the other one then bother with humans.
Not to say that the occassional politician doesn't stalk a few guys while invisible, or burst out of a voters chest when they get bored. They're just less likely to get bored is all.

Oh man, that killed me. :D Best view of politics ever.

Ah...tests in a videogame:
DREAM SEQUENCE

English teacher: You failed the test
Me: F11

Actually, you point out the one element of superiority that reality has. No one feels the need to run around throwing about apostrophes, umlauts, or anyother random puctuation to be sure that their names look alien. Even Hitler had the self respect not to make things to complicated for his typewriting brethren, and he was German (and German speakers do love their damned umlauts). Yeah, but Hitler lived on the same planet as the rest of his species... he had to take some kind of pity on them.


Which brings up the fact that in movies you can do illlegal things (beat down cops, shoot out a moving vehicle, violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics) and never have anyone gripe even the slightest bit about it.
I know, that is quite ridiculous.

AIDE: We're outnumbered sir, there are 6000000 enemy planes and we have only three!
PILOT: *grimly* Could it be any worse?!
AIDE: Yes, sir. We're all out of ammunition, sir.
PILOT: Accelerate all planes to hyperdrive.

RANDOM GUY: My life is awful. I know what to do! I'll start taking illegal drugs!
COP: Fine with me if it's fine with you, buddy...

Or in video games:

WARRIOR: Oh no, an enemy troop! All my plans could be foiled!
*They fight and WARRIOR kills enemy troop*
OTHER ENEMY TROOPS: *stand around whistling until warrior arrives*

If life were like the movies, it would be entertaining until one realized how predictable everything became.

If it were like video games, people would play for about 5 minutes, find documentation for a walkthrough, and be done with it in about half an hour.

If life were like the movies, it would be entertaining until one realized how predictable everything became.

If it were like video games, people would play for about 5 minutes, find documentation for a walkthrough, and be done with it in about half an hour.

Denounce my topic will you?

*Clicks hand icon on PasturePastry*

[Zexaland is beaten down by Pasture Pastry. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

Darn...

*Restores saved game.*

To be used when anyone thinks of a Republicrat presidential nominee as a “good guy.”

And here's what happened to that dream: http://cloudisdead.ytmnd.com/

If life were like the movies, it would be entertaining until one realized how predictable everything became. Life is predictable, but not entertaining...

If it were like video games, people would play for about 5 minutes, find documentation for a walkthrough, and be done with it in about half an hour.
Also, in video games, you're in full control of your character, and hangovers are neither so common nor so painful.

If you're stupid and get killed, you'll just respawn.

Also, any training or education could be stuffed into a 30 minute patronizing tutorial if life was more like a videogame.

Would the US presidency be more like redneck rampage?

[[From biography docs]]

You could go through high school in a 15-minute discussion, if it was really interesting. If not, that's cut down to 10 minutes. Ah, bliss! ;)

[[From biography docs]]

You could go through high school in a 15-minute discussion, if it was really interesting. If not, that's cut down to 10 minutes. Ah, bliss! ;)

just keep jabbing at the buttons so you can skip all that useless dialogue...

Every conversation would be meaningful, and everything everyone would say would be witty and intelligent.

Life ends at the first kiss.

Everyone would know how to shoot, and well.

There would be a lot more coincidence in the world.

There would be a lot more meaning and symbolism of objects in the world.

If it were like movies, the good guys would win. Just existing would be better.

I'm not so sure.

There would be ALWAYS dark monsters lurking around every corner and/or thousand of deamons and/or mad scientist ready to destroy the world.

On the other hand I would be the main character so ... ^__^'

Of course, it all depends on what kind of character you are:

- The hero, who gains all manner of power-ups and levels to save the world.

- The heroine, that will always fall for the hero because he's there.

- The hero's party, which consists of people that could save the world just as easily but have to sit and wait in their everyday life until the hero finds them.

- The villain, who could easily destroy the hero from the start but will inevitably wait for the hero and party to aquire said power-ups to destroy him/her, preferably after the divulging all evil plans.

- The random encounter thug, who only gets to exist for about two minutes and is then killed and forgotten, but who often has the advantage of re-spawning.

- The random villager, who has no name and can only say the same bit of useless information over and over again, and who by the way doesn't mind at all if the hero barges into their home and pillages their belongings.

- The comic relief character, who is useless but invincible.

just keep jabbing at the buttons so you can skip all that useless dialogue...

*Presses A button to scroll through post by Monkeypimp.*

It would be very dangerous to leave your home if you lived in the outskirts of town though. You'd open the door, take one step and a thug would materialize out of nowhere with a cosh and a semi-auto. Or maybe a darwinian nightmare who wants to see how your liver tastes like.

I don't know. Would be interesting at first, but after your 3rd reload, I think people would want to be able to leave their homes without being molested after 2 or 3 steps.

If you're stupid and get killed, you'll just respawn.

Dude, careful, you'll tempt fate and-[Zexaland is shot three times by strangely appearing bad guy. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

Fudge.

*Restores saved game.*

Dude, careful, you'll tempt fate and-[Zexaland is shot three times by strangely appearing bad guy. ZEXALAND IS DEAD. *Play game over music from Metal Gear Solid.*]

Fudge.

*Restores saved game.*

It's what I love about Team Fortress and Counterstrike - you always come back to life. Makes me very reckless during gameplay, and really pisses off the people who keep trying to stay alive by camping.

It's what I love about Team Fortress and Counterstrike - you always come back to life.

Reckless as in charging down 3 armored men who are armed with SMGs while you have a shotgun through a narrow corridoor and at least 50-75 feet between you?

Or reckless as in trying to outsnipe a person using a .338 magnum chambered rifle at 150+ feet with just a .50 handgun?

Although it cannot compare to one person I saw who played with a non-functional monitor and only a knife.

Reckless as in charging down 3 armored men who are armed with SMGs while you have a shotgun through a narrow corridoor and at least 50-75 feet between you?

Or reckless as in trying to outsnipe a person using a .338 magnum chambered rifle at 150+ feet with just a .50 handgun?

Although it cannot compare to one person I saw who played with a non-functional monitor and only a knife.

No, reckless as in Team Fortress where I loved to play an Engineer. I loved charging around the corner where two or three people and a smart gun were waiting for me (I was sure to be killed). And I would spam EMP grenades as I rounded the corner.

Instead of running away, I would stand there. And instead of running away, they would stand there and shoot at me - and get blown up.

Really pisses people off when you do that over and over and over again.

Loved sacrificing myself to lob grenades into a pocket where a sniper was camping.

I hate campers...

I could add that I would not like it if life were like the movies (as opposed to video games).

Movies are full of gun-fu, which I already have spent a lifetime to master. I wouldn't like a world where every Tom, Dick, and Jane running up and down the street could do the same thing.

No, reckless as in Team Fortress where I loved to play an Engineer. I loved charging around the corner where two or three people and a smart gun were waiting for me (I was sure to be killed). And I would spam EMP grenades as I rounded the corner.

Instead of running away, I would stand there. And instead of running away, they would stand there and shoot at me - and get blown up.

Hrmmm, generally, I took the flamethrower unit and ran around putting everything on fire. Sometimes, that included me too. I don't know whether that would fall under reckless or just insane?


Loved sacrificing myself to lob grenades into a pocket where a sniper was camping.

Nothing induces more panic and frustration than the taste of being on fire. Even compared to a grenade. ;)

Hrmmm, generally, I took the flamethrower unit and ran around putting everything on fire. Sometimes, that included me too. I don't know whether that would fall under reckless or just insane?

Nothing induces more panic and frustration than the taste of being on fire. Even compared to a grenade. ;)

I used to do that, too, just to change up.

My favorite flaming was always of camping snipers. They're so intent on sniping that they don't notice that you're there until they're all on fire.