NationStates Jolt Archive

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/10/17/national/w112438D67.DTL

Now they've got to be desperate to cover "something". I mean, waiting outside for his wife to open the garage so they can see what he's got stacked inside - that takes the cake for idiot journalism.

I mean, he's not like that Clinton appointee who stuffed top secret documents into his pants.

What were they expecting to find in his garage?

They should have checked out his double-secret storm shelter.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! But Clinton!...

Oh come on! There is nothing evil or incriminating hidden in Karl Rove's garage.


All that stuff is hidden in his attic.;)

Sure you all can joke about it, but look at this:
_Some cardboard file boxes stacked one on top of the other, labeled "Box 6,""Box 4" and what appears to be "Box 7."
Seems nice and legitimate right, but then look at this:
No sign of boxes 1, 2, 3 and 5.
DUHN, DUHN, DUUUUUHHHNN!
The plot thickens. What was the fate of noble boxes 1, 2, 3, and 5? What is that evil Republican up to? Did the other boxes protest the war, and end up dissapearing?
No doubt they are currently being detained in some warehouse somewhere, possibly even be improperly stacked or subjected to air conditioning turned down to low. Some dumpy woman might even be pointing at them!
The horror doesn't stop there, oh no:
_A rather large wood crate marked "FRAGILE" and painted with arrows indicating which way is up. On top of the crate, two coolers.
Though the box is clearly supposed to be handled with care, someone has stacked not one, but TWO coolers on top of it.
Oh dear God, the directions aren't being followed. WHY!?! For the love of God, why!?
And then, well I need not comment on the next dark passage and its dread connotations:
_In one corner, the rear wheel of a bicycle sticks out, along with what appears to be a helmet.
OH SWEET JESUS, THE HUMANITY, THE HUMANITY!!!!!!

I demand that this monster, this vile, filthy monster be expelled from, not just the American government, but America (And I am using America properly from a global perspective, as I am refering to both continents, now piss off Canada) as a whole. And do it now, lest the fate that has befallen Box #1 befall us all!

Boxes 1, 2, 3 and 5 contained missing Gore votes...

_Another ladder, this one green, leaning sideways.

Clearly this is the item that should be causing the most interest. Army fatigues are gree. The leaves of most trees are green. Grass is greeen. And now, to top it all off,we learn Karl Rove owns a green ladder. The siginifigance of this will not be lost on conspiracy theorists. Note also the sideways nature of its placement, clearly indicating its involvement in contraband doughnut smuggling Heady stuff indeed.

What, no one noticed the unused thighmaster in the corner?

and this from the article:

_A rather large wood crate marked "FRAGILE" and painted with arrows indicating which way is up. On top of the crate, two coolers.

Obviously, this is the location of the lost Arc of the Covenant, which will be dramatically unveiled when Roy Moore announces his candidacy for President. Of course, Rove will have egg on his face when said face melts off.