NationStates Jolt Archive

Disclaimer: I do not expect much serious advice. I do expect a lot of spam, strangeness and flaming. If I get good advice, that's great. If I don't, no worries.

That said, lets get to the part with the naked woman.

When I was on holiday over the summer with some mates, I met this girl. On the last night of the holiday, I helped her to hook up with a friend of mine, because she wanted it and she's probably the best he'll ever get in his entire life. She is hot; dark hair, big dark eyes, slightly plump but all it really does is give her bigger boobs, and cuddly is how I like them anyway. She's also smart, which is a massive plus.

The other day, she comes on MSMMessenger and tells me that she didn't want to sleep with my mate, she wanted to sleep with me, but she thought I wasn't interested. After I stopped laughing, I told her that ofcourse I would have been interested, gave her some good compliments, etc. and then my computer bollocksed up and died on me in the middle of the conversation. I rush back as soon as my shitty computer will let me, but she's gone.

Come back this morning, she's there, we chat for a bit, I apologise for my lame computer, more compliments from me to her. (her compliments to me were "you're nice" and "I thought you'd have been great- you gave off this kind of needy vibe":rolleyes: ). Anyway, she starts asking me life questoins: what do you do in your spare time (to which I avoided the temptation to answer masturbation), what music do you like, what books do you read, all that stuff. Then she asks me if there's anything I want to know about her. Well, twat mode kicks in, and i say "what's your bra size?" She says she'll tell me if I really want to know, but I said no, it was just a joke. Twat mode must have gone for a piss or something, but he was back soon enough to follow that up with "I can always come to London to find out" (I'm at uni in manchester; it's a long way). She says "If you do come to London, you're not leaving until you find out".

Hot damn, I'm in there! it also turns out that she lives close to my sister, so it's all cool if I do go and can't stay the night at her place (she lives with her parents, she's 17, I'm 18)

But the question is, do I go? Help me decide, General forumites! If you could vote sensibly on the thread, that would be great, or at least know someone who is going to vote sensibly.

You should get one of those measuring devices that are advertised in Airplane catalogues. Then, once you have gotten her topless (by selecting the proper conversational options this can generaly be accomplished quickly) you measure her with device, say "aha", scribble the size down in a notebook, and immediately drive back to Manchester.
Oh yes, and remember to wear a handlebar mustache at the time, because there are few other things that give a man that animal appeal then the ability to twist facial hair.

flirt with her a while longer and see if she is worth the trip, if she is moderatly worth the trip then use the excuse that you are going to visit your sis, and can drop by and hang out if you have time, if she is definatly worth the trip, play it like you are really going just to see her, if she isn't worth the trip then I don't know what to tell you, maybe just visit her if you get the chance.....

that is my best secular advice, I assumed you didn't want the Christian kind, so I will keep that to myself.....;)

It depends. Statutory rape is a bad thing. I'm not sure on the age of consent in the UK but I'd find that out first.

depends. Statutory rape is a bad thing. I'm not sure on the age of consent in the UK but I'd find that out first.

16, she is overage

16, she is overage

Well then why are you still here?

You're only young once. Go to London and have a good time before you're old enough to know better.;)

Hey, fool, you ain't allowed to vote in your own poll. That unbalances everything, and it is completely contrary to the purpose of offering polls about your personal life. (The purpose, in case you are curious, is to allow other people, who you will probably never meet in RL, to dictate your every move because they know how to manipulate the ethereal fiber of the Interweb, and are therefore more knowladgeable then you).

Manchester to London - 185 miles
Toronto to Ottawa for Pussy - 219 miles (352 km, some sources say 500km)

Yeah so quit your whining and get the hell down to London. You want some advice? I go from Toronto to Ottawa every two weeks to get some- I mean see my girlfriend at University of Ottawa.

DO IT! Honestly, why are you still in Manchester? Its worth it! See the scenery of London... and remember this; I traveled from Toronto to London for some piece. (Well, technically I was on a Rugby Tour, but still.)

Hey, fool, you ain't allowed to vote in your own poll. That unbalances everything, and it is completely contrary to the purpose of offering polls about your personal life. (The purpose, in case you are curious, is to allow other people, who you will probably never meet in RL, to dictate your every move because they know how to manipulate the ethereal fiber of the Interweb, and are therefore more knowladgeable then you).

Okay, there will be one less vote for me going to london. Which means that as of right now, I have as much support for me going as I do for me getting some man loving.

It was better when I was voting

Okay, there will be one less vote for me going to london. Which means that as of right now, I have as much support for me going as I do for me getting some man loving.

It was better when I was voting
Come on, its not just any man-loving its me, Neo Kervoskia and some weirdo named Artitsa. What better use is their for your time?

Dude, whatever Melkor says. How could you not listen to advice from a joint smoking skull with sunglasses?

Come on, its not just any man-loving its me, Neo Kervoskia and some weirdo named Artitsa. What better use is their for your time?

You make a persuasive case, but wihout Fass it's just not the same.

Come on, its not just any man-loving its me, Neo Kervoskia and some weirdo named Artitsa. What better use is their for your time?

That was just hurtful :(

Well then why are you still here?


I concur. Get your bitch ass to London before I kick you squa in da nuts!

(my best Eric Cartman impersonation)

You should get one of those measuring devices that are advertised in Airplane catalogues. Then, once you have gotten her topless (by selecting the proper conversational options this can generaly be accomplished quickly) you measure her with device, say "aha", scribble the size down in a notebook, and immediately drive back to Manchester.
Oh yes, and remember to wear a handlebar mustache at the time, because there are few other things that give a man that animal appeal then the ability to twist facial hair.
Seconded.

That was just hurtful :(
Well, I really don't know who you are, and I default to needless aggression in the face of my own ignorance.

like you need to ask

my only advice is that you wait for a long weekend

but only if its not too too long a time to wait.

id suggest thanksgiving. too bad y'all dont have that.

I concur. Get your bitch ass to London before I kick you squa in da nuts!

(my best Eric Cartman impersonation)

yeah, it really wasn't that good, y'know?

What art thou, gloopy? If thou art an oomny bratchny thou shalt get thee thyne sharries to london, droog, and have thee a sammy shive of that like, beautyous devotchka.

yeah, it really wasn't that good, y'know?

Screw you guys, I'm goin home.

What art thou, gloopy? If thou art an oomny bratchny thou shalt get thee thyne sharries to london, droog, and have thee a sammy shive of that like, beautyous devotchka.

What language is that? Is that that gypsy stuff Brad Pitt was speaking in Snatch?

You're only young once. Go to London and have a good time before you're old enough to know better.;)
You damn skippy--get your ass out there, son!

What language is that? Is that that gypsy stuff Brad Pitt was speaking in Snatch?
Try A Clockwork Orange.

Disclaimer: I do not expect much serious advice. I do expect a lot of spam, strangeness and flaming. If I get good advice, that's great. If I don't, no worries.

That said, lets get to the part with the naked woman.

When I was on holiday over the summer with some mates, I met this girl. On the last night of the holiday, I helped her to hook up with a friend of mine, because she wanted it and she's probably the best he'll ever get in his entire life. She is hot; dark hair, big dark eyes, slightly plump but all it really does is give her bigger boobs, and cuddly is how I like them anyway. She's also smart, which is a massive plus.

The other day, she comes on MSMMessenger and tells me that she didn't want to sleep with my mate, she wanted to sleep with me, but she thought I wasn't interested. After I stopped laughing, I told her that ofcourse I would have been interested, gave her some good compliments, etc. and then my computer bollocksed up and died on me in the middle of the conversation. I rush back as soon as my shitty computer will let me, but she's gone.

Come back this morning, she's there, we chat for a bit, I apologise for my lame computer, more compliments from me to her. (her compliments to me were "you're nice" and "I thought you'd have been great- you gave off this kind of needy vibe":rolleyes: ). Anyway, she starts asking me life questoins: what do you do in your spare time (to which I avoided the temptation to answer masturbation), what music do you like, what books do you read, all that stuff. Then she asks me if there's anything I want to know about her. Well, twat mode kicks in, and i say "what's your bra size?" She says she'll tell me if I really want to know, but I said no, it was just a joke. Twat mode must have gone for a piss or something, but he was back soon enough to follow that up with "I can always come to London to find out" (I'm at uni in manchester; it's a long way). She says "If you do come to London, you're not leaving until you find out".

Hot damn, I'm in there! it also turns out that she lives close to my sister, so it's all cool if I do go and can't stay the night at her place (she lives with her parents, she's 17, I'm 18)

But the question is, do I go? Help me decide, General forumites! If you could vote sensibly on the thread, that would be great, or at least know someone who is going to vote sensibly.
'k, if you want expensive sex (travel costs), go for it. Edit: Maybe not so expensive, seeing as you're both in England. I don't know the cost of public transport there.

If you want a long lasting relationship, build up friendship via the phone and IMs, and date long-distance, see her for the Christmas break, or in the summer.

Really, just try to be casual about it..Don't let your "OMG, SEX!!!" reaction (if you ahve one) bleed through. Let her know you're interested, but don't let her think you're obsessed. Too casual, you turn her off..too obsessed, the same result.

The nerdy vibe thing was meant as a compliment, I'm guessing. It means she likes your intelligence and education, etc.

I love how nobody voted "Don't go to her, come to me. I'll show you real loving."

If it was me and I really liked this girl, I would definitely save up, wait for some holiday, and go.

HOWEVER, most girls, especially young girls, are teases and will flirt with you outrageously with no intention of following up on it. She may be telling you all these things because she thinks there's no chance you'll be in London in the forseeable future, and if you show up at her doorstep with a big grin and a raging hard-on you both might be in for an unpleasant surprise.

You sir, have got well and truly owned.

If you decide to not go, can you give her my MSN?:D

Hey, it worked for a friend of mine. Although she came to him.
Stop off at a chemist's on the way ;)

What the hell are you still doing in Manchester?

Why are you not there yet? Do I need to send you condoms or something, jeez!

I love how nobody voted "Don't go to her, come to me. I'll show you real loving."
Hey, there were three votes for man-loving (Hell, man-loving was in the lead for a little bit at the beggining) doesn't that count for something?

I would advise you to paint yourself green and tap-dance naked on the front lawn with the sprinklers running wearing a necklace of sausages and playing Tchaikovsky's Chanson Triste on the heckelphone while wearing a top hat.

If you don't know how to play the heckelphone, you'd be better off looking for the soap.

Now hang on a minute while I go snipe at poodles with a custom-made RPG from my apartment window.




....Seriously, it really is your decision and I don't see why you're asking us for advice. Do whatever you think is right and we won't laugh at you. Well, ok, I can't promise that. But...you know what I mean.

Which side of me do want advice from?

The natural side of me, or the religous side.

Okay, natural.

Go for it dude. (But ask melkor first, definantly)

I would advise you to paint yourself green and tap-dance naked on the front lawn with the sprinklers running wearing a necklace of sausages and playing Tchaikovsky's Chanson Triste on the heckelphone while wearing a top hat.

If you don't know how to play the heckelphone, you'd be better off looking for the soap.
My advice was much better, but I think that you came up with a better way to get her topless, playing the heckelphone is definitely better than going through all those conversation menus.
However, the part about measuring the size, writing it down, and running away still stands. (Remember the handle-bar mustache).

Get your @$$ to london RIGHT NOW, MISTER!!!! :gundge: :cool: :D

:fluffle: her good, alrighty?

How 'bout this. If you don't go to london, I'll nuke it. :D

I'd wait, dunno why, just seems kinda desparate going to London.

How 'bout this. If you don't go to london, I'll nuke it. :D
Then I'll send in a fleet of Daggers, Shocktroops, and Spec Ops to brutally murder and destroy everyone and everything that's left. :p :D

My first thought was, what are you waiting for?

But when I saw her age, 16, I have to agree---she is probably just a tease. I have had phone calls like that, from girls who misdialed my number, liked my voice, and started calling back. That young, you would be very lucky, and it would be very unlikely, that you found one mature enough or sleazy enough to really mean what she is saying.

I want to change my vote. Have her come to you.

Also, for us nerds, there will more opportunities in the future. Always expect the unexpected. It has happened to me, more than once---although I was too scared to take advantage (scared of STDs).

I once worked for the telephone company, and was approached while sitting in my truck, writing up some paperwork. A woman in a housecoat came up and started inviting me into her house (not on my list of visits for that day) for wine. I said no, she switched to weed,I said no, she switched to water, I still refused, then she said "anything you want". I said no, started up the van , and drove away.

Another time, still working for the phone company, went to an apartment to repair a phone, the woman who made the appointment was not there, but her roommate, clad only in a short robe, was there. All the lights were out, and the shades drawn, so it looked like a cave. She kept inviting me in, but I figured, these women waiting at home all day for service guys, must be desperate, and may have diseases that won't go away. And I don't normally carry a condom, so...

But the point is, opportunities will come, from now until you die, so don't worry about it. If she comes, have fun, but be protected.;)

</snip>

meh, that's nothing. I'm going to a different country to see a girl ;)

meh, that's nothing. I'm going to a different country to see a girl ;)

well, it seems your mind is made up. Good luck to you, and give her one from me;)

As for my problem, whoever suggested she come to me might have been onto something.

Wait until you're married, then you can have sex...

Wait until you're married, then you can have sex...

Seriously? Thats bloody hilarious,I mean, who actually adheres to that now, really?

Seriously? Thats bloody hilarious,I mean, who actually adheres to that now, really?
me... :rolleyes:

me... :rolleyes:

I'm guessing visits to Rosie Palm and her five lovely daughters don't count.

Good for you, though, Blu-Tac, although I don't think I'll be doing that.

This should be your plan:

1. Go to London.
2. Suprise sex her IDB.
3. Post links to pics and vid in the General forum.
4. ????
5. Profit!

This should be your plan:

1. Go to London.
2. Suprise sex her IDB.
3. Post links to pics and vid in the General forum.
4. ????
5. Profit!

I'm trying to work out what IDB stands for, and all I can come up with is "in da butt"

I'm trying to work out what IDB stands for, and all I can come up with is "in da butt"

We have a winner! Give that man a kewpie doll! :p

http://www.sowatzka.com/antiqueREPRO/pics/Kewpie.jpg

We have a winner! Give that man a kewpie doll! :p

http://www.sowatzka.com/antiqueREPRO/pics/Kewpie.jpg

Yay! (I think)

Go fuck her brains out but make sure you wrap your shit. And this shouldn't be considered Women Troubles. This is a transportation issue, anytime a hot chick wants your nuts its not a problem.

Seriously, GO! What do you have to lose? If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out & you're stronger for the experience. You can learn from it & do better next time. If it does work out, then you're in luck. Who know, it might even be the start of something really good. In my experience, it's better to have tried, but failed, than to never have tried at all & then sit there forever wondering "what if". I hope it works out for you. :)