NationStates Jolt Archive

As a utopia, this nation exists on a tiny island somewhere, and the rest of the world has yet to discover it. A wall surrounds the island completely, and guard turrets have been constructed to make sure no one escapes.

Soldiers are the most priveleged class and the only actual citizens. They are also, incidentally, the only ones with access to firearms.

The other policies of the state don't matter: you hate them. You hate them, and you're fairly certain that 5/7 of the population hate them as well. How do you escape?

Burn everything to the ground.

Here's the poll... but I'm afraid you fall in with "something else in mind", Neo Kervoskia. :D

What the fuck? WHere is the joke option? And isn't this another goddamn ideal nation thread in disguise? God help you if I decide it is.

are you SURE you are allowed to call this a utopia??

id OBVIOUSLY set up a BDSM service and find a soldier who is way into being dominated by a woman who disarms him, then forces him to lead her to where the boats are. after ravishing him on the dock, i shoot him in the head and sail off into the sunset.

are you SURE you are allowed to call this a utopia??

id OBVIOUSLY set up a BDSM service and find a soldier who is way into being dominated by a woman who disarms him, then forces him to lead her to where the boats are. after ravishing him on the dock, i shoot him in the head and sail off into the sunset.

Now that's an escape plan! :cool:

are you SURE you are allowed to call this a utopia??

id OBVIOUSLY set up a BDSM service and find a soldier who is way into being dominated by a woman who disarms him, then forces him to lead her to where the boats are. after ravishing him on the dock, i shoot him in the head and sail off into the sunset.
I'd like to be that soldier.

Viva la Revolution!

What the fuck? WHere is the joke option? And isn't this another goddamn ideal nation thread in disguise? God help you if I decide it is.

Eh. Those threads gave a set of policies and asked "would you live here". This one gives no policies (except those concerning escape/revolution plausibility), presumes that you don't like them, and asks what you do about it.

In this sense, I kind of intended the "I wanna be a soldier!" option to be a joke, considering it's presumed that you hate the government policies.

If the mods decide it's a copycat thread anyway, then ah well. ::shrug:: I think it's a different focus, though.

Burn everything to the ground.

Seconded

Now that's an escape plan! :cool:

Dude, I know! It even comes with a prostitute side-kick!

EDIT: Oh wait, I misread. The guy's version of this would be to take a soldier's weapon while he was with the lady friend and work from there, fleeing with the lady friend. THAT gets you the side-kick.

Eh. Those threads gave a set of policies and asked "would you live here". This one gives no policies (except those concerning escape/revolution plausibility), presumes that you don't like them, and asks what you do about it.

In this sense, I kind of intended the "I wanna be a soldier!" option to be a joke, considering it's presumed that you hate the government policies.

If the mods decide it's a copycat thread anyway, then ah well. ::shrug:: I think it's a different focus, though.

It would appear you do not need divine intervention. Out of interest, how many mid-quality hooker-hours can a soldier afford per year in your country?

Leave? I'd take over, how do you ask? It's simple.

1. Get everyone hook on a drug that I have total control over.

2. Promise the soldiers an unlimited supply as long as they obey my every whim and order and desire.

It's that simple, but what drug would I use?

Whatever I could find.

Leave? I'd take over, how do you ask? It's simple.

1. Get everyone hook on a drug that I have total control over.

2. Promise the soldiers an unlimited supply as long as they obey my every whim and order and desire.

It's that simple, but what drug would I use?

Whatever I could find.
I've been declared a narcotic.

It would appear you do not need divine intervention. Out of interest, how many mid-quality hooker-hours can a soldier afford per year in your country?

What kind of question is that? Oh, right, silly me. I didn't put any of the government's policies, so you didn't know. Let's see...

Economy
There is no currency. You work for the state in exchange for enough substinence to keep working for the state.

So any prostitution would probably have to be done with extra food (the soldiers would have an excess, being the only citizens). If you're clever enough, maybe you can get them to trade firearms... they'd be executed painfully if caught, though.

You sure you have that right, Colodia?

Me, I'd pretend to agree with the policies and become a soldier, then kill my comrades and escape in a boat. Simple. ;)

bribery or suicide. im not in the mood for a revolution

What kind of question is that? Oh, right, silly me. I didn't put any of the government's policies, so you didn't know. Let's see...

Economy
There is no currency. You work for the state in exchange for enough substinence to keep working for the state.

You stole that from teh ubercuntry, i.e. me.

So any prostitution would probably have to be done with extra food (the soldiers would have an excess, being the only citizens). If you're clever enough, maybe you can get them to trade firearms... they'd be executed painfully if caught, though.

Well, the reason I asked was to see if it was worth being a soldier here. It's not, unless I can convinceAshmoria to take me with her as a love slave afer the hot dominatrix action

Secretly build a radio to contact the outside world enter the nation with stealth planes, so they can pruvde me with superweapons, which will be used to fight a revolution, and get out. Or if that fails do the revolution unarmed, as the entire civilian population would suppert the revolution. Then we will fight until we have killed the border control forces, and then destroy the walls, and leave your dystopia uninhabited.

You sure you have that right, Colodia?

Me, I'd pretend to agree with the policies and become a soldier, then kill my comrades and escape in a boat. Simple. ;)
The government declared it.

So I'm obliged to warn people everytime they set me on fire.

You stole that from teh ubercuntry, i.e. me.
Just because you put that in your nation does not mean they got it from you.

Well, the reason I asked was to see if it was worth being a soldier here. It's not, unless I can convinceAshmoria to take me with her as a love slave afer the hot dominatrix action

Well, you know, as a soldier... in a nation where soldiers have full authority... Yeah. You'd have concubines. The rest depends on your level of morality....

TERRIBLE! Rape is terrible! Which is why you have to escape this nation or burn it to the ground. I like the answers so far. :D

Just because you put that in your nation does not mean they got it from you.

Yes, because I am clearly mad as hell at Passivocalia for stealing my idea. In fact, I'm so mad I spend all my time not getting jokes and generally being a twat.

NO, wait, the last part is you. 'Tard.

Well, you know, as a soldier... in a nation where soldiers have full authority... Yeah. You'd have concubines. The rest depends on your level of morality....

TERRIBLE! Rape is terrible! Which is why you have to escape this nation or burn it to the ground. I like the answers so far. :D

Sorry, stopped listening and started masturbating when you said I was getting concubines. Damn I love that word. It's another reason why rap sucks: they always talk about hos, and never about concubines.

What kind of question is that? Oh, right, silly me. I didn't put any of the government's policies, so you didn't know. Let's see...

Economy
There is no currency. You work for the state in exchange for enough substinence to keep working for the state.
Ah, thats brilliant then. If nobody has money, then we have a barter system, so I'll be a soldier. All I have to do is steal weapons from my superiors and give them to those non-soldiers that are willing to swear loyalty to me. Then I, as the trustworthy loyalist surrounded by gross military corruption that I must be, turn my superiors into whatever this place has as an Internal Affairs department.
Eventually, I'll command the entire army, at which point I simply have to order the bulk of the military out to some desolate shore based on a (nonexistent) escape attempt.
Next, a simplte Coup D'etat and me and my personal army can take over the island.

Ah, thats brilliant then. If nobody has money, then we have a barter system, so I'll be a soldier. All I have to do is steal weapons from my superiors and give them to those non-soldiers that are willing to swear loyalty to me. Then I, as the trustworthy loyalist surrounded by gross military corruption that I must be, turn my superiors into whatever this place has as an Internal Affairs department.
Eventually, I'll command the entire army, at which point I simply have to order the bulk of the military out to some desolate shore based on a (nonexistent) escape attempt.
Next, a simplte Coup D'etat and me and my personal army can take over the island.

When you do all that, can I still have concubines?

The government declared it.

So I'm obliged to warn people everytime they set me on fire.
Ah. That happens often, evidently. You must resemble a cigarette to a great degree.

OK, so first off - how to get materials. I'm pretty sure that obtaining the necessary materials for an escape method (forged documents claiming you are a soldier on a reconnaissance mission around the island in their single, solitary luxury yacht; wood to build a ship with should prior plan fail; a pair of fake breasts to allure, and later knock out, the guards with; etc.) so you need to plan this first. The usual and most reliable methods of obtaining necessary items include blackmail (oh look, mister soldier, wouldn't your wife and the entire community love to know about your escapades in the barrack room showers?), bribery ("I need an anti-tank missile launcher - here is a shiny gold coin") and 'la resistance' (shady meetings, dark whisperings, a complete disregard for when the secret shack needs a new lightbulb, etc.).

The safest, but most short term method is the blackmail - people do NOT want their dirty little secrets aired in public, but will grow bold after a time. Use blackmail to get items that seem unrelated and partially worthless in their own right - planks of wood, nails, whatever - because when the target eventually refuses, they cannot show any evidence of wrong-doing outside of blackmail.

Once this runs short, attempt bribery. This is more dangerous - you have to know the guy well enough to know they will accept bribes. You also have to know their limits; to attempt to bribe a private for, say, 1000lb of C4 would be stupid. Ammunition might be feasable (although stealing may be cheaper) but other, 'veiled' items might be better ("yeah, I need an AK to show off to my friends. No rounds so no danger, right? Oh, and make that 100 - I have a lote of friends ;)" ). Also, blank documents and security passes would be quite useful.

Once you have 'acquired' the necessary items available through bribes, move on to a resistance movement. BIG NOTICE - people are always pissed off with the government, hence you can always find people to fight your corner. They may not share your ethics, but frankly who cares? They want out and so do you - politics goes out the window. The resistance will be helpful in many ways - information gathering ("so yeah, they leave the BIG MAIN GATE TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD open between 3 and 3:30. No reason why, but yeah"), key assasinations ("the only guard in the watchtower? *makes throat cutting action*"), working on projects ("so how's the giant bird of freedom coming along?") and generally looking cool with secret handshakes and black berets (only worn at meetings and socials). These people, with a bit of coercion, will gladly hide in bushes and run from the law at every opportunity, but can be guilted into working hard later. They will build 'the project' which I will come onto now.

Your method of escape should not be overly complex - building a starcruiser complete with giant frikkin' laserbeams and nuclear death torpedoes is not an option. However, it should not be too simplistic - a 6 man rowing boat for 50 people travelling thousands of miles across the sea aint gonna work. A boat is probably the best way, and sails, while flimsy, are easily repaired and require less manpower than rowing. Begin the construction of this in a location quite close to any plausible exit points (you may have to make these yourself using homemade explosives, a definite last resort). Keep it in pieces until the last moment, as this wil aid your stealthy construction. Remember that the boat needs to store you and food and water, so either make it large or keep the resistance small. Only on the chosen night (windy, dark, party in the mess hall, etc.) should the boat be fully assembled, possibly by making it from interlocking parts sealed with tar or resin. Make the necessary arrangements (drug guards, bribe guards, seduce guards, shoot guards, make necessary holes, etc.) and begin your escape.

Possible problems pre- and post-escape:
Getting spotted/rumbled. Unless you can safely remove the spotter (shoot, maim, bribe, make disappear) it's pretty much game over. Keep watch at all times and make sure everyone is alert. Well, that or bribe most of the island...

Not enough material. You aren't looking hard enough or standards are too high.

Spotted by watchtower where the snipers live. Have your own snipers take out those guards as you leave. Hopefully, by the time they realise you will be long gone.

But mh, what do I know? There are thousands of holes in this post that even I can see:p

What if I was to just ask to leave? I'm pretty sure I left the iron on and I've left my inhaler in my bedroom.:confused:

POison the soldiers food supplies, and start the revolution.

When you do all that, can I still have concubines?
That depends, have you got a fu manchu mustache and a big cloak? Because I need an Advisor for the Department of Evil, and he gets several concubines. Alternately, you could become my Advisor for the Department of Agriculturalogy, as he get several cucumbers.
The other positions as Advisor for the Departments (Defense, Internal Investigations, Hats, Shadowy Plots, Mad Science, Back Stabbing, and Hot Sauce) are all taken up.

I'd be a soldier. from there, we'll see.
probably wait for the proper chance and bring down several wall sections, arm the rebels, or make friends among the populace.

That depends, have you got a fu manchu mustache and a big cloak? Because I need an Advisor for the Department of Evil, and he gets several concubines. Alternately, you could become my Advisor for the Department of Agriculturalogy, as he get several cucumbers.
The other positions as Advisor for the Departments (Defense, Internal Investigations, Hats, Shadowy Plots, Mad Science, Back Stabbing, and Hot Sauce) are all taken up.

I do have a fu manchu moustache and a big cloak. Excellent.

I do have a fu manchu moustache and a big cloak. Excellent.and the uber long fake press on nails?

a violent rebelion involving spoons and monkeys!

and the uber long fake press on nails?
Hm, I forgot about that one. I'm sure that the Heroin Warrior can find some.
However, JuNii, you seem to be very knowledgable about cliches, I believe that I could create an Advisor for the Department of Advisors for you. Easy job really, you just have to help me pick new advisors, and you get all the bicycle repair kits you can eat!

Hm, I forgot about that one. I'm sure that the Heroin Warrior can find some.
However, JuNii, you seem to be very knowledgable about cliches, I believe that I could create an Advisor for the Department of Advisors for you. Easy job really, you just have to help me pick new advisors, and you get all the bicycle repair kits you can eat!hmmm... well, I was told to add more minerals to my diet...
throw in a one free slave girl (I get to pick the one) and you got a deal.

hmmm... well, I was told to add more minerals to my diet...
throw in a one free slave girl (I get to pick the one) and you got a deal.

Wow. Should I be concerned about how many of these "something different in mind" answers probably involve couping the government and becoming the new totalitarian despot?

Wow. Should I be concerned about how many of these "something different in mind" answers probably involve couping the government and becoming the new totalitarian despot?*Hides secret plans for revolution*

err... why no sir... its all just rumors and unsupported lies... nothing to worry about... please go back to bed... you didn't see anything...

hmmm... well, I was told to add more minerals to my diet...
throw in a one free slave girl (I get to pick the one) and you got a deal.
Consider it done, Advisor. I was going to you one for Christmas anyway, so I'll just move that up a bit.

No one likes my idea of getting everyone hooked on drugs that you control the supply of in order to seize power?

Ah, Shucks!

No one likes my idea of getting everyone hooked on drugs that you control the supply of in order to seize power?

Oh, you were included in the list of "alternative despot" coups I was talking about. :)

No one likes my idea of getting everyone hooked on drugs that you control the supply of in order to seize power?

Ah, Shucks!
Actually, it's a very funny idea :).

Step 1: Spread the idea of revolution amongst those who you know would be up for it. These should be highly motivated and trustworthy people willing to work with you.

Step 2: Find some people you dont like, who also dont like the government. Tell them about the revolution. Their hate towards you must be less than their hate for the government. Have them organise for a meeting. Tip off the guards to gain trust with the government.

Step 3: Become a guard and try to work your way up, while slowly learning as many weaknesses as you can.

Step 4: Set a date for the revolution.

Step 5: Find others amongst the guards who may be willing to revolt with you, you must be very careful. Have a back up story that you were just testing them for disloyalty if any report you.

Step 6: You can other defector guards raid the armory at the beginning of the revolution. Open it up to the general populous.

Step 7: Revolution!

Step 1: Spread the idea of revolution amongst those who you know would be up for it. These should be highly motivated and trustworthy people willing to work with you.

Step 2: Find some people you dont like, who also dont like the government. Tell them about the revolution. Their hate towards you must be less than their hate for the government. Have them organise for a meeting. Tip off the guards to gain trust with the government.

Step 3: Become a guard and try to work your way up, while slowly learning as many weaknesses as you can.

Step 4: Set a date for the revolution.

Step 5: Find others amongst the guards who may be willing to revolt with you, you must be very careful. Have a back up story that you were just testing them for disloyalty if any report you.

Step 6: You can other defector guards raid the armory at the beginning of the revolution. Open it up to the general populous.

Step 7: Revolution!
WEll, thats a good way to get weapons if any part of my plan fails.

I would various improvise, from nails, caltrops of assorted sizes; manufacture (from household substances) and requisition (as from the storage buildings of construction sites) primary explosives (to be detonated in governmental facilities, troop barracks, etc., either through concealment within sensitive locales, planting by roadsides or the like [esp. within such nondescript containers as tin cans or the innards of animal cadavers] frequently traversed by military convoys, or suicide bombing by way of disaffected youth); similarly synthesize various poisons and nerve agents (to be delivered via arranged ingestion, blowgun, or explosive device - an example of the latter being the so-called rat poison bomb); sow various biological agents in bulk foodstuffs (thus constricting net supply and fostering discontent amongst both general populace and military); take hostages and carry out de facto executions; generally "monkey-wrench" (as by arson) with the aim of damaging domestic and military-industrial infrastructure, examples being adulturation of fuel or destruction of armories; fabricate imminent threats with intent to siphon armed personnel from peripheral sectors; etc.; etc.

In the words of Mike Roselle: "This is Jihad, pal. There are no innocent bystanders, because in these desperate hours, bystanders are not innocent."

My aim, per se, is not flight. That being said, I would simultaneously investigate conveyance of pleas to external authorities by way of migratory birds or reinforced paper balloon, and aerial escape (namely, employment of arrayed kites) under cover of dark.

An edit to the scenario.

The soldiers are now no longer human; they are Terminator-esque cyborgs. They can no longer be bribed or seduced, and traitorous humans can no longer join their ranks.

All coups involving hijacking the military are now void, unless they involve an elaborate computer virus.

An edit to the scenario.

The soldiers are now no longer human; they are Terminator-esque cyborgs. They can no longer be bribed or seduced, and traitorous humans can no longer join their ranks.

All coups involving hijacking the military are now void, unless they involve an elaborate computer virus.
Make a fucking huge electromagnet. If the soldiers don't get stuck to it, their drives would all get scrambled by the EMP.

Insert myself amongst the soldiers and then try to slip out quietly while on guard

Insert myself amongst the soldiers and then try to slip out quietly while on guard
They can no longer be bribed or seduced, and traitorous humans can no longer join their ranks.
Unless this is City 17, that is, in which case you'd just become Combine anyway.

Viva la revolucion!

I've changed my mind. I think I could headbutt my way to running the island and liberate the people.

I've changed my mind. I think I could headbutt my way to running the island and liberate the people.
Only if you wore my patented thermonuclear helmet.

Personally, I would become a slodier, obtain a tenure of command, lead a sect away from the establishment to enact a military led, publically sympathetic insurrection, and then establish a dictatorship under my leadership. Mwa ha ha ha.

Personally, I would become a slodier, obtain a tenure of command, lead a sect away from the establishment to enact a military led, publically sympathetic insurrection, and then establish a dictatorship under my leadership. Mwa ha ha ha.The soldiers are now no longer human; they are Terminator-esque cyborgs. They can no longer be bribed or seduced, and traitorous humans can no longer join their ranks.
Can no one read anymore?

Can no one read anymore?

I simply made a reply, sorry.

In that case, I would become an industrialist, manufacture and import weapons and lead an insurrection and become dictator.

Can no one read anymore?

Bananas? How will they help?

Only if you wore my patented thermonuclear helmet.
Is there anyother way to head butt people?
However, if there are Terminators, then there are also time machines, so I'll go back in time and kill you before you could make the situation rediculously complicated. Then I would kill everyone else before they could steal my idea of pwning the military from within and becoming dictator (thats right, it was my plan, and I did it better). Then I'd kill myself before I could blatantly break the fourth wall with this post.

In that case, I would become an industrialist, manufacture and import weapons and lead an insurrection and become dictator.

Seriously, WTF happened to creativity? Why is nobody planning to replace the communication programming with the MSWord paperclip guy so that the soldiers can't talk to each other? Am I the only one planning to make a giant paper aeroplane and fly out?

Use your imaginations, guys.

Making the soldiers cyborgs will actually improve my chances of winning. I could just adjust the radio to such a strong signal it will jam the wireless network powering the millitary.

Seriously, WTF happened to creativity? Why is nobody planning to replace the communication programming with the MSWord paperclip guy so that the soldiers can't talk to each other? Am I the only one planning to make a giant paper aeroplane and fly out?

Use your imaginations, guys.

Actually, I was going to propose becoming a carpenter, building a giant catapult, and launch myself, a life raft and the capital from a bank job, over the wall and into the water beyond.

Or, perhaps, fuse thousands of bottles into a submarine, and swim to safety.

Actually, I was going to propose becoming a carpenter, building a giant catapult, and launch myself, a life raft and the capital from a bank job, over the wall and into the water beyond.

Or, perhaps, fuse thousands of bottles into a submarine, and swim to safety.

That's better. Keep up the good work.

Seriously, WTF happened to creativity? Why is nobody planning to replace the communication programming with the MSWord paperclip guy so that the soldiers can't talk to each other? Am I the only one planning to make a giant paper aeroplane and fly out?

Use your imaginations, guys.
But my idea had electromagnets. ELECTROMAGNETS!!!

But my idea had electromagnets. ELECTROMAGNETS!!!

Yeah, I wasn't talking to you. Electromagnet away!:cool:

Yeah, I wasn't talking to you. Electromagnet away!:cool:
Plus, mine would look cool as all the computers on the iland fried instantly. Also, the cyborg soldiers would rapidly disassemble as their metal parts got sucked away from the fleshy exterior. Explodarific!

Doesn't sound very 'utopian' to me.

Plus, mine would look cool as all the computers on the iland fried instantly. Also, the cyborg soldiers would rapidly disassemble as their metal parts got sucked away from the fleshy exterior. Explodarific!

We need to make you a film producer

I'd befriend some machinists, or become one, and make illegal firearms.

Arson would also be a favorite activity. I would just raise hell in general, and get a bunch of other people to also commit seemingly random acts of destruction.

As for the soldiers, I'd befriend some chemists, or just learn some chemistry and figure out what could take them out, and then conduct terrorist activities against them using what I found.

Or, I could just blow holes in the wall with bombs every so often, without attempting to escape. Just to make trouble. All the while, while creating all these problems for the regime, I'd be covertly arming the majority of the population, who hate the government. I'd do so in a very convoluted way, of course, so that it would be very difficult to trace the illegal weapons back to me.

Or I could just do the old message in a bottle trick and just wait for the foreign fighter jets to come roaring overhead. But that would take a lot of waiting and hoping and just sitting around on my ass.

Doesn't sound very 'utopian' to me.

Au contraire. Ever since I edited the scenario to make the soldiers Terminator-esque cyborgs, the "I wanna be a soldier option" has shot up to third place!

Of course, that could have happened *before* I arbitrarily changed the situation; I wasn't really paying attention, you see.

From my job as a lowly IT minion, i woudl accidentally repalce the overall comand code for the guards with soemthing that make them sing and dance to the badger song, of course that would drive everyone nuts leading to mass sucide at the sheer horror of terminators chanting "badger badger badger, mushroom mushroom".

After much friutless searching in the server room i would realise i left the backup tapes at home, next to the unstable amatuer bomb that got set off by the vibrations caused by the dancing robots.

Of course this would at the same time i'm trying to explain to the big boss why the latest round of Group policy changes has barred his access to mongolian midget porn....