NationStates Jolt Archive

Ah, such gems people make. The website is in Finnish, but the failures are in English. Click Here (http://www.students.tut.fi/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/~hyotynen/trek_failure.pl)

The quartz processor is failing!
- Our clocks are off!

The neuralizing torpedos are behaving abnormally!
-Torpedoes that erase your memory?

Errors in the paraphased tractor beam!
- I keep giving the command over, and over, and it won't take it!

Interference in the tactical translators!
- Why don't we just get a Captain who speaks English?

Fluctuations in the gravity translators!
- Gravity wants to talk to us again.

The invasive holochip is unstable!
-We can no longer spy in the showers!

Fluctuations in the mobile holoprobe!
- No, I don't WANNA know.

Malfunction in the tricyclic weather modification net!
- So that's why it's raining inside.

The quartz subspace entity is behaving abnormally!
- The damn clocks are at it again!

The central geologic displacement is unstable!
- What the hell is a volcano doing on a ship?

Interference in the cooling suit!
- What, no AC??

The cooling rec deck is failing!
- They really need to fix that AC.

The tetracyanate dynoscanner is failing!
-That explains the dinosaurs.
Equalize the axionic rec deck with portable adjuster
-Why can’t you find the remote?
Failure in the anyon converters
-I’ve always wanted to see the rand anyon, but not here.
Tune the ion actuators with directional injectors
-Or you could have just said “press up”.
The linear Linguacode is down!
-We really need a captain that speaks English.
Control the multineural interphase with life-energy communicator
-Maybe life energy wasn’t the best choice for a friend.
Fluctuations in the sub-emissive intermix formula!
-The who with the what now?
Trim the ultraviolet holosustainer with level-1 security alert
-Why put a lock on the tanner?

Some more.

The evacuation section is down!
- Apparently everything outside the ship is broken.

Variances in the modesty nacelle!
- :eek:

Anomalies in the antimatter transwarp injectors!
- think i saw that episode

Errors in the ultraviolet polarity!
- This ship sucks. It can't even make ultraviolet light right.

Anomalies in the docked weapon polarity!
- Modulized weapons? Now that actually makes good senes...

The temporal teaser is down!
- Obviously to call people names from other time periods.

The nitrium clamps are behaving abnormally!
- Bad nitrium clamps! Bad!

The central holodeck matter is off line!
- The ... the matter is off line? I think we have some serious problems here.

Variances in the quartz combadge!
- Their wrist watches are all flashing "12:00".

The focused neurotransmitters are off line!
- He's dead, Jim.

The metaphasic biochip is failing!
-Prepare for immediate reality check!

Trim the mobile reaction with lithium bridge!
-Blackjack?

The inverted polarities are behaving abnormally!
-Dear God, I hope so.

The progressive transwarp propulsion system is failing!
-Damn, I hope the back-up beeper is still functioning.

Neutralize the central subspace arrays with lithium subspace armor!
-Wouldn't a subspace phaser work better?

Tune the progressive interlink with rubindium warp enhancers!
-Damnit Jim, I am a doctor not a radio repairman!

Failure in the trellium-D power transfer conduits!
-Some one get the flashlights.

Adjust the impulse autodestruct with magnetospheric imaging!
-Because blowing up just isn't colorful enough without the magnetospheric imager.

The cabrodine subspace armor is failing!
-I told you these flimsy subpsace armor things were useless.

The teryon emulator is down!
-Crap, now we will have to go out and by an actual Teryon™ to play games on.

The rear phasers are down!
-We’re so gonna get pulled over.
Equalize the rubindium warp control with baffle polarity emitter.
-I’m baffled already.
The bionic subspace grid is off line.
-Robots scare me.
Operate the kemocite laser weapons with level-1 warp compensators
-Or you could have just told me to shoot.
Anomalies in the synaptic weapons.
-And I thought they were just different.
Readjust the transfered warp core with central computer.
-Wouldn’t it be smarter to keep it in the computer?
The self-sealing transporter crystal is behaving abnormally!
-You mean I have to seal it?
Control the paraphased photon launcher with port photons.
-What’s wrong with starboard photons?

The tripolymer photon module is failing!
- Are you sure, sir? It means we'll have to change the bulb.

Errors in the luvetric containment field!
- The shower curtain's broken.

The atmospheric transporters are down!
- Mega-Maid is foiled again!

Errors in the evacuation collector!
- The lifepod is stuck in the tube.

The temporal structure is down!
- Time has broken. Please re-boot universe.

Anomalies in the inverted emulator!
- Damnit, I can't play SENS games now.

Malfunction in the primary armband!
- *riiiiip*

The static structure is offline!
- The ship's exploded, sir.

Power surge in the emergency conditioner!
- and it's hot in here!

Errors in the matter-antimatter translator!
- The warp engine is talking again.

Variances in the inverted chip!
- I suggest turning it over, personally.

The isolinear neurotransmitter is off line!
- He's dead.

Anomalies in the holographic converters!
- The hologram is stuck doing "The Robot" again.

Errors in the bio-neural subspace transponder!
- Hmm, a transponder with a brain! $10 says it wants to take over the universe.

Compensate the Heisenberg transwarp factor with emission thrusters!
The tritanium generator is off line!
-Wow, those actually make sense.

Fluctuations in the mnemonic holoconverter!
-Now the imaginary people will forget they arn't real!

Adjust the capacitance gateways with toranium phasers!
-Couldn't we just turn that knob there?

The emergency transmuters are unstable!
-My lead is being turned into squirrels instead of gold!

Power surge in the promethean transporter pads!
-And thus, future man discovered fire.

Control the bionic magnetometers with docked amplifiers!
-Rock on Val Hallen, rock on.

Flaws in the tricyclic subsystem!
-Revert to the bicyclic one then.

You guys are fun. More! :D

Errors in the anyon memory crystal!
-Which explains why I don't remember what an anyon is.

Readjust the sub-evasive thruster with thalmerite warp core polarity!
-Are you coming on to me?

Failure in the Dermatiraelian launchers!
-Bring out the catapaults, we will have to use those to launch the Dermatiraelians now.

Interference in the power teaser!
-The cam-whore's webcam is on the fritz!

The luvetric bubble is failing!
-I.. I.. I don't want to know.

The auxiliary engine is down!
-Well as long as the primary one is ok..

Balance the command gel pack with command integrator!
-So we are to integrate gel packs in the commander then?

The evacuation section is down!
- Apparently everything outside the ship is broken.
That's about the silliest thing I've ever heard!

Anomalies in the energy photon bank.
-Dang it. My life savings are there.
Equalize the atmospheric stardrive with directional patterns.
-Leveling off the plane, sir.
Errors in the dilithium memory purge.
-Now the dilithium will still have his memory.
Neutralize the bi-neural security alert with central gel pack.
-Wouldn’t a fork unlock the door better than pouring gel on the computer?
Interference in the flight bridge.
-Someone’s blocking traffic.
Readjust the multisynaptic ship recognition protocols with forced sub-routine.
-Ummm, the ship won’t recognize itself?
Power surge in the security shield generators!
-That’s good, right?
Tune the bipolarized holomodules with docked drives.
-Can’t the holomodules come out of their drives and tune themselves?
Variances in the eisilium torch.
-I won’t get burned, will I?
Trim the ion battle rifles with ion biofilter.
-We didn’t get these from France, did we? I hope not.

Please post more. These messages from the generator are getting more and more erotic. It's scaring me.

The argine communicators are disrupted.
-But the argine wanted to tell me something.

The scary thing is that I know what most of the failures mean. :eek:

Anomalies in the Altonian inhibitors!
-Brace the gates, the Altonian's are coming!

Interference in the impulsive transporter crystal!
-Thank God, maybe it will stop randomly transporting people into space.

The paraphased life support is unstable!
-Oh no, we may have to use the unabridged version!

Compensate the iconic structures with bipolarized dynoscanner!
-I think the people will notice if we replace the statues of Mary with Geiger counters.

Interference in the mnemonic memory!
-Obviously.

The Borodhium biochip is offline!
--Send in the FemBOTS!!! Oh, wait. We can't.

Anomolies in the invasive detector!
--OK, we can get away with that anal probe now.

Interference in the ionic communicator!
--Damn those ions! What do they want to talk about now?

Readjust evasion transporter banks with promethean bomb!
--Finally, a bomb that thinks ahead

Errors in the bipolar warp amplifier!
--Great, the ship's manic-depressive

The sonic transporter is down!
--So, we can't beam that stereo system down to the surface with you.

Errors in the carbon Linguacode!
-- That new communications officer is f---ing nuts!

Interference in the Heisenberg bridge!
--Five yard penalty, repeat second down.

Balance the mutual polarity units with linear proximity!
-- Put these two magnets next to each other.

The Dermatiraelian data network is off line!
--That computer the Dermatiraelians sold us is a piece of crap.

Stabilize the quartz holosensors with gravitic subspace pasers!
--Troubleshooting: if clocks still do not work, hit them with the butt of your gun.

"The forced beam emitters are disrupted!" "Control the isolinear magnaspanner with trellium-D subspace opti-cable!"

(Tie this rope to that hook)

The static warp drive is off line!
-There's the problem! The warp drive is supposed to make us go places. Balance the ionizing display with portable sub-routine!

Errors in the forward injectors!
-What, they don't have treatments for sexual dysfunction in the 24th century? Align the impulsive adjuster with focusing tablet!

Malfunction in the mobile security bypasses!
-I lost my keys.

Failure in the subsonic chip!
-Damn, blew out the subwoofer again.

Malfunction in the rubindium amplifiers!
-AND the tweeters. Damned cheap speakers!

Anomalies in the harmonic discriminator!
-There went the CD player too. :(

Flaws in the forced transporter unit!
-The prison bus crashed - film at 11!

The dilithium warp sphere is failing!
-Hey, didn't that happen in Galaxy Quest?

The tractor photon launcher is disrupted!
-Sir, did you know your headlights are out?

Malfunction in the invasive shunt!
-Ouch. :eek:

Power surge in the multineural teaser!
-Too much porn!

Fluctuations in the evasion sustainers!
-Run away! Run away!

The emergency sequencer is down!
-All the emergencies are happening at once!

Flaws in the trilithium android!
-Data's gone insane again. Wasn't that last week's plot too?

The temporal phase transition is behaving abnormally!
Oh, that explains it. This is last week's episode again!

Anomalies in the primary autodestruct sequence!
Come on, blowing up the ship never works!

The forward deflector dish is down!
-These are supposed to be funny. Get with the program, Mr. Crusher!

(Yes, it really generated that last one.)
:p

The docking subspace combadge is disrupted!
- Damnit, just use your rear-view mirror.

The ionizing damper is behaving abnormally!
- Your hair is standing up, Captain.

Compensate the bio-neural hull polarity with aluminum transporter node!
- Hull with brains, Check. Aluminum transporter, Check. Wouldn't brains be more useful in the transporter?

Tune the bionic carrier waves with quantum combadges!
- Captain? The combages are trying to take over the universe again.

The bioregenerative chip is failing!
- We need to work on that "regenerative" part.

The bipolarized imaging scan is disrupted!
- Circuit City, warp 5.

Malfunction in the inverted generation!
- inverted generation = degeneration?

Variances in the ionizing subspace hatch!
- They have a hatch to subspace? This will be easier than I thought!

Compensate the antimatter displays with dilithium microreplication system!
- That explains why the consoles are always exploding.

Control the gravitational entities with gravitic phase transition!
- Quick! Kill gravity by throwing it into another universe.

The emergency subspace atmosphere is behaving abnormally!
- Subspace atmosphere? Wouldn't that kill everyone on board?

Interference in the interphasic holodeck matter!
- We're having trouble with Matter again.

- The thalmerite composite is unstable! -
.... Happens all the time. Data, get me a cup of tea, and help me pretend I know what I'm talking about.

- Calibrate the impulse subspace seal with port polarity inducers! -
Sweet god! Unless we polarise the thalmerite composite, the port polarity inducers will let all subspace loose.

- The capacitance phaser type-1 is off line! -
Ah, yes. That's why, children, God invented the phaser type-2.

- Control the tricyclic transwarp engine nacelle with sarium krellide combadge! -
.....Stupid computer! *whacks it*

- Interference in the graviton transporter field! -
Ah, the Gravitons. Lovely people. Unfortunately, they can't come up for tea and crumpets! Damn you, evil Enterprise!

- Readjust the fuel subspace phaser with port subspace combadge! -
Ah, the fuel subspace phaser. My mum bought me that for my birthday! NO! NO! You can't touch it, it's mine

- Failure in the sensing biochip! -
Ewwww..... Spock, I know what you did to that thing. And I'm not touching it till it gets cleaned up.

- Stabilize the tantulus holocrystal with cabrodine subspace phase emitters!
Yarhar! I am a pirate! I have no goddamn idea what I'm talking about! Look at me!

Fix (67579958476):

- Realign the gravitic phase transition with matter-antimatter torpedos! -


'nuff said.

The mutual communicators are behaving abnormally!
-Isn't Counselor Troi supposed to prevent this sort of thing?

Malfunction in the sonic subspace duotronics!
-Damn it, Scotty, I thought you fixed those speakers yesterday!

The security photon rifle is disrupted!
-Luckily, Mr. Worf has that funky sword-thing for backup.

Malfunction in the modesty compositor!
-Great, more scantily-clad alien females!

Fluctuations in the life-energy drill!
-Damn it, Jim, do you have to hit on every scantily-clad alien female we meet?

Equalize the linear teasers with emission emitter block!
-In other words, use a condom this time.

The universal adjusters are down!
-What, we can't adjust the universe any more?

The harmonic engines are behaving abnormally!
-We're never going to get the stereo system working right again, are we?

The temporal translators are failing!
-Oh great, another time-travel episode.

Fluctuations in the sonic polarity emitter!
-Give it up, Scotty, the stereo's a total loss.

Power surge in the non-linear subspace opti-cable!
-Geordi, call me crazy, but aren't cables supposed to be linear?

Variances in the mobile photon!
-How many Starfleet engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

The atmospheric rematerialization subroutine is behaving abnormally!
-Why did you dematerialize our atmosphere in the first place?

Interference in the subcutaneous propulsion!
-It's enough to make your skin crawl.

Anomalies in the lithium inhibitor!
-More work for Counselor Troi, then.

The verterium cortenide shunt is behaving abnormally!
-This is because of the protomatter in the Genesis matrix, right?

Malfunction in the aluminum tricorder!
-I told you we should have spent the money for the titanium one!

The sensing communicator is behaving abnormally!
Counselor Troi has gone insane? Now that is a problem.

Power surge in the rear subspace phaser!
Don't ask. Don't tell.

:p

The sub-evasive phaser is failing!
-- There goes our stealth weapon.

The navigational shield is unstable!
-- This ship has no idea where the hell it's going.

Malfunction in the positronic nuerotransmitter!
-- Data's gone insane.

Flaws in the sub-evasive combadges!
-- Stealth communicators?

Malfunction in the navigational polarity beam!
-- That explains why the ship is flying upside down.

Errors in the internal suit!
-- My underwear's too tight.

The photonic communicator is behaving abnormally!
-- Now the holo-doctor is insane.

Malfunction in the central particles!
-- That's never a good sign...

Adjust the positronic subspace polarity with impulse neutrino field!
-- So we can fix a problem before it occurs.

The synaptic combadges are down!
-- Now we won't be able to communicate telepathically.

You people make me cry. You make me cry with happiness. I wish I was witty...

Align the linear warp pattern with impulse graviton polarity sources!
-Why oh why don't we just call it the "sling-shot" effect.

The environmental subspace seal is behaving abnormally!
-You have broken reality. Game over. Please insert coin(s).

Realign the tactical pattern enhancers with life-energy torpedo banks!
-:eek:

Flaws in the cooling shield envelope!
-It burns, my god it burns!

Anomalies in the impulse polarities!
-Damn, backwards again?

Power surge in the power subspace pulse!
-Isn't that the idea?

Stabilize the defence Linguacode with central photon infuser!
-Just because the tactical computer doesn't display English doesn't mean we have to blow it up.

Failure in the docking subharmonics!
-Captain, the back-up beeper has failed.

The adaptation psi-waves are off line!
-You will never hypnotize us now, Moldovian-hypnotist!

The stational sail towers are behaving abnormally!
-That makes the most and least sense of all of these.

The bio-neural laser weapons are down!
-How will we subvert our enemies now?

The fuel battle bridge is behaving abnormally!
-It's gonna blow!

Malfunction in the promethean holodeck imaging!
-Well, your new holoemitters are shot, I can probably fix it, but it will cost ya'.

It doesn't work for me... :(

It doesn't work for me... :(

Every time you hit refresh/reload, it gives another randomized saying.

The adaptive section is behaving abnormally!
-Evolution failed, game over. Insert coin(s).