NationStates Jolt Archive

My best friend is married , but has a lot of girlfriends too...
Most of them just "one night stands" but one time a year he has sex with one or two of them. While I discuss this issue with him, he tried to look innocent, and told me, that in his opinion its not a crime to have more than one woman...
What do you think ???

Is bad spelling a crime?

Hey, in th bible, there was a leader with many wives and mistresess. King solomen or somthing. And if he can get off with it why can't i?

In my opinion it's none of my business who your friend is banging. Probably none of your business either. It is kinda screwed up that he's cheating on his wife though.

"Polygyny" is, to my knowledge, not a crime.

However, "polygamy" is not so socially acceptable these days. However, I still see nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

Hey, in th bible, there was a leader with many wives and mistresess. King solomen or somthing. And if he can get off with it why can't i?

He had the power of life and death... you don't :p :p

In my opinion it's none of my business who your friend is banging. Probably none of your business either. It is kinda screwed up that he's cheating on his wife though.

It's ok if his wife is ok with it. If he's banging these other women on the side, without her knowledge and consent, he's cheating.

As it is, it's their business - not mine.

He had the power of life and death... you don't :p :p
Plus he was wise enough to offer to cut babies in half.

What you have described is adultery. That is not illegal, but is defined as wrong by a lot of religions, not saying that means you personbally shouldnt do it. Just saying.

Polygamy is illegal in a lot of countries.

Well, while probably not a crime, per se, if she takes his cheating ass to court for a divorce, the fact that he's involved in extramarital affairs is going to work against him big time. Statistically, in my county at least, I think the wife is something like 27% more likely to get her highest requested monetary settlement if the husband is sleeping around.

its not polygyny if he is just fucking other women on the side.

its only a crime in places where extramarital sex is a crime. there must be some few such places left in the world.

Simonist']Well, while probably not a crime, per se, if she takes his cheating ass to court for a divorce, the fact that he's involved in extramarital affairs is going to work against him big time. Statistically, in my county at least, I think the wife is something like 27% more likely to get her highest requested monetary settlement if the husband is sleeping around.

Only if done without her permission. If he can show the court that she gave him permission to do so, it makes her look really funny in court.

He had the power of life and death... you don't :p :p
Bah, thats not that big of a power. I have the power of.... well.... somthing i just don't know what yet.

Only if done without her permission. If he can show the court that she gave him permission to do so, it makes her look really funny in court.
True, but I'm pretty sure if he's doing it with her permission, she wuoldn't try to divorce him over it.

He's an idiot. He is placing his own health at risk and worse, his wife's.

Adultery (what is described) is not a crime. I think it's morally wrong in the "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." sense (I would not want it done to me so I don't do it, and think it is immoral for me to do it), but if the wife is ok with it, it is none of my buisness.

He's an idiot. He is placing his own health at risk and worse, his wife's.
Yes, because if he sleeps around with married or committed women, their husbands/boyfriends might beat him up. :D

(Besides the STD problems, I mean.)

The question isn't if he considers it a crime or not. The question should be, does he hurt his wife in doing so?
If she knows and is ok with it, then I think the situation is nobody's business but their own. If she doesn't know, however, I think your friend should either try and be honest with her or else seriously ask himself what his marriage is about, if he can't be honest to his wife.

its only a crime in places where extramarital sex is a crime. there must be some few such places left in the world.

...Like Nigeria, I think. Some country around that area. Actually, I heard one Western woman got arrested for adultery as it was a crime in that country. Taking into account that fact, do you think it was wrong for her do that?

He's an idiot. He is placing his own health at risk and worse, his wife's.

If he's using condoms, and doesn't engage in anal sex, according to the CDC, his risk is minimal.

The risk goes right through the roof if he engages in anal sex with virtually anyone, even if he's wearing a condom.

As a matter of comparison, the risk of getting HIV from someone who is infected, if you are the woman and engaging in vaginal sex, and there is NO condom, is 1 in 16,000. According to the CDC. Using a condom lowers that by a factor of 1000. Oral sex risk is even lower.

1 in 16 million is pretty low odds.

But if you're on the receiving end of anal sex, and the penetrating partner is infected, if he's wearing a condom, your risk of infection is still 1 in 4000 - without the condom it is 1 in 4 per event.

Adultery = not a crime.

Hence, he's right. It's not a crime.

Some would say, however, that it is immoral. I have no opinion on that as I am not in full possession of the facts.

Immoral != Criminal.

Edit: In the US anyway.

If he's using condoms, and doesn't engage in anal sex, according to the CDC, his risk is minimal.

The risk goes right through the roof if he engages in anal sex with virtually anyone, even if he's wearing a condom.

As a matter of comparison, the risk of getting HIV from someone who is infected, if you are the woman and engaging in vaginal sex, and there is NO condom, is 1 in 16,000. According to the CDC. Using a condom lowers that by a factor of 1000. Oral sex risk is even lower.

1 in 16 million is pretty low odds.

But if you're on the receiving end of anal sex, and the penetrating partner is infected, if he's wearing a condom, your risk of infection is still 1 in 4000 - without the condom it is 1 in 4 per event.

Yes, but how would you like to be that 1 in 16,000?
How would you like to be that 1 in 16 million?
How would you like to be that 1 in 4? Especially if you DON'T know that your partner has decided to make you take that risk?

Yes, but how would you like to be that 1 in 16,000?
How would you like to be that 1 in 16 million?
How would you like to be that 1 in 4? Especially if you DON'T know that your partner has decided to make you take that risk?

In my case, my partner and I know that we're taking the risk. We don't do anal, either.

You're taking more risk just riding in your car.

Like I said, it's a problem if they aren't in mutual agreement about it.

...Like Nigeria, I think. Some country around that area. Actually, I heard one Western woman got arrested for adultery as it was a crime in that country. Taking into account that fact, do you think it was wrong for her do that?
well, in a word, yes.

not because its more immoral in a place where it is also illegal but because she should have known the local laws and not put herself, her lover, her husband and the rest of her family at risk of substantial hurt.

My best friend is married , but has a lot of girlfriends too...
Most of them just "one night stands" but one time a year he has sex with one or two of them. While I discuss this issue with him, he tried to look innocent, and told me, that in his opinion its not a crime to have more than one woman...
What do you think ???
as long as he's legally married to ONE person, no. but should his spouse find out about those other "Good Friends" she is legally able to sue for divorce and make his life hell.

Adultery (what is described) is not a crime.

Nitpick: "polygyny" is also a correct term here.

To answer the original question:

If he married for the state and his lawful wedded wife (and his other women!) know of his actions and have no problem with it, I see nothing wrong either. Provided he will take responsibility for any offspring/takes precautions to prevent diseases etc.

If he married before a church or any institution that demands being "faithful" to your partner he is breaking his agreement with the institution. Even if his wife agrees I would consider that wrong - since the third party involved in the agreement considers it wrong. A "breach of contract".

If his wife or his other women does not know he is also in breach of contract, and they should be compensated when they find out.

If he is actually in a polygamous marriage there is obviously nothing wrong with polygyny.

Nitpick: "polygyny" is also a correct term here.

To answer the original question:

If he married for the state and his lawful wedded wife (and his other women!) know of his actions and have no problem with it, I see nothing wrong either. Provided he will take responsibility for any offspring/takes precautions to prevent diseases etc.

If he married before a church or any institution that demands being "faithful" to your partner he is breaking his agreement with the institution. Even if his wife agrees I would consider that wrong - since the third party involved in the agreement considers it wrong. A "breach of contract".

If his wife or his other women does not know he is also in breach of contract, and they should be compensated when they find out.

If he is actually in a polygamous marriage there is obviously nothing wrong with polygyny.
well no, technically it is NOT the correct term

polygyny is having more than one wife at a time. i suppose it can be stretched into "wife equivalents" so that maybe your mistress who you pay for and have an ongoing relationship with might count.

"friends with privileges" who you have sex with once or twice a year dont come under the definition. neither do the occasional one night stands.

Hey, in th bible, there was a leader with many wives and mistresess. King solomen or somthing. And if he can get off with it why can't i?

He didnt get away with it, this is what led to the collapse of his kingdom according to the bible. You didnt read the end of the story did you?


As to the main question of this thread, the answer is it depends. Depending on where you live polygamy may or may not be illegal. However, polygamy is when you marry more than one person, not when you have sex with more than one person that isnt your spouse. Having sex with someone other than your spouse is adultery, not bigamy. Adultery is also illegal in some places, but not many western societies (with a few exceptions like the US military).

well no, technically it is NOT the correct term

polygyny is having more than one wife at a time. i suppose it can be stretched into "wife equivalents" so that maybe your mistress who you pay for and have an ongoing relationship with might count.
Actually, technically, "polygyny" means "many women", not "many wives", from Greek "gynos" = "woman", as in "misogyny", etc.

Grammar lesson for the day... :D

Actually, technically, "polygyny" means "many women", not "many wives", from Greek "gynos" = "woman", as in "misogyny", etc.

Grammar lesson for the day... :D
look it up

mom lesson of the day

In California, you have to tell your wife if you have any STDs, and have to submit that information in other venues too, I believe..

However, you *don't* have to tell your wife if you have HIV, and the State can't ask you for any reason..

Edit: I'm referring to Marriage Licenses, btw.. the State screens you for all measure of diseases, but NOT AIDS.. and can't require you to disclose..

My best friend is married , but has a lot of girlfriends too...
Most of them just "one night stands" but one time a year he has sex with one or two of them. While I discuss this issue with him, he tried to look innocent, and told me, that in his opinion its not a crime to have more than one woman...
What do you think ???

Does his wife know, because while adultary is not a crime (having more then one girl friend while married is adultary unless they both live together) it can become a nasty civil matter.

You have confused adultary with polygyny, having two or more legal wives/husbands, which is very illegal in the United States. As for cohapitating with more then one girlfriend/boyfriend I think that depends on the state in which you live.