NationStates Jolt Archive

Omg how is it possible to be so afraid of making a phone call? I missed a call from a friend at the weekend and I've been too afraid to return it. Now you might be thinking that it's some big important call but it's not, it's just a friendly chat betwix'd pals. I've somehow managed to put off returning the call till tonight (reasoning that Thursday is a better day to recieve calls than any other day - wtf?), and even then I managed to find a billion other things to do before finally biteing the bullet and making the call. Guess what? - the fecking answering machine that's who answered, now I may have to go through all this again. Currently I'm still shaking slightly (ten minutes later) and I've made myself a strong cup of coffee - to act as a buscuit substitute.
The thing is a get like this for all phone calls, even if I'm just phoning up Argos or B&Q to find out when they close. This surely ain't normall.
Advice or presciption drugs are welcome.

. This surely ain't normall.
Advice or presciption drugs are welcome.
... I'm sorry I have to break the news to you, but .... no. It isn't normal. :p

I have exactly the same problem. I've sacrificed about ten potential friendships and six points off last year's quarter average by being deadly afraid of calling people, especially people I don't know.

As far as I know, all it comes from is a fear of rejection, which comes from depression and low self-esteem. The only way to raise your self-esteem is to find acceptance and friendship among others, or some kind of a healthy relationship (this is not necessarily a romantic one). This is according to some 20th-century psychologist who I am just quoting from memory, having been told this so many times myself. Of course, when you're too afraid, you need help of some kind. Everyone always recommended therapy for me, but it never helps. Never. Most of my psychologists have said I was either completely normal, or had some kind of minor depression problem, or had major physiological disturbances... but I'm running off-topic here.

Omg how is it possible to be so afraid of making a phone call? I missed a call from a friend at the weekend and I've been too afraid to return it. Now you might be thinking that it's some big important call but it's not, it's just a friendly chat betwix'd pals. I've somehow managed to put off returning the call till tonight (reasoning that Thursday is a better day to recieve calls than any other day - wtf?), and even then I managed to find a billion other things to do before finally biteing the bullet and making the call. Guess what? - the fecking answering machine that's who answered, now I may have to go through all this again. Currently I'm still shaking slightly (ten minutes later) and I've made myself a strong cup of coffee - to act as a buscuit substitute.
The thing is a get like this for all phone calls, even if I'm just phoning up Argos or B&Q to find out when they close. This surely ain't normall.
Advice or presciption drugs are welcome.
Just do it. Bite the fucking bullet and make the call already! Keep confronting this problem head on and it will go away.

I used to be deathly afraid of making phone calls like you described, but that was when I was somewhere in primary school IIRC.

However, to this day, I still don't like making phone calls. I generally don't like the phone PERIOD.

Do those of you who don't like to make phone calls dislike the way your voice sounds to other people?

I'm not a fan of phones either, and don't use them without a good reason. I never just ring people up for a chat.

I'm not really sure why this is though, I am fairly introverted but I wouldn't say I have low self-esteem. For some reason I focus a lot on the possibility that I'll be calling at a bad time, which is completely irrational since it really wouldn't be a big deal.

Do those of you who don't like to make phone calls dislike the way your voice sounds to other people?
Partly yes, but partly I'm afraid of saying something that will give the wrong impression to the other person.

Partly yes, but partly I'm afraid of saying something that will give the wrong impression to the other person.
Ah, I see. I just wondered, because my dislike of using phones is because I don't like the way my voice sounds to other people.
Interesting that you should be afraid of giving someone the wrong impression while on the phone, but not in face-to-face chat.

Ah, I see. I just wondered, because my dislike of using phones is because I don't like the way my voice sounds to other people.
Interesting that you should be afraid of giving someone the wrong impression while on the phone, but not in face-to-face chat.
LOL...no, I'm just as afraid of face-to-face chats. In fact, I go out of my way to avoid people I'm supposed to talk to, generally.

LOL...no, I'm just as afraid of face-to-face chats. In fact, I go out of my way to avoid people I'm supposed to talk to, generally.
Ah, so you're just afraid of people. Sounds like you have a general social phobia.

if you dont mind advice from a non professional....

it sounds to me like a form of agoraphobia (which is the fear of going out of your house). its highly treatable if you go to the right therapist and probably doesnt require that you be on drugs the rest of your life. you may get one of those zoloft/paxil kinda prescriptions for a while to reset something in your brain. if you hate drugs, im pretty sure it can be dealt with without using any.

It's a fairly common problem - from what I have been given to understand. I imagine that it is something to do with the fact that some people are uncomfortable talking to people they can't see because of the lack of visual cues &c. you normally get during face to face conversation, thus making it a little disorienting for those who really heavily on NVC.

Then again I know little and care less about psychology. Probably the official reason is something to do with repressed penis envy or some such shite.

The thing is a get like this for all phone calls, even if I'm just phoning up Argos or B&Q to find out when they close. This surely ain't normall.
Advice or presciption drugs are welcome.
I used to be terrified of making phone calls. I conquered my phobia by getting a temporary job where I *had* to make phone calls. I still avoid calls when it's possible to e-mail instead, but that's because I always have difficulty making out what people are saying (and no, I'm not deaf - it's only voices I have trouble with).

I'm not a fan of phones either, and don't use them without a good reason. I never just ring people up for a chat.

I'm not really sure why this is though, I am fairly introverted but I wouldn't say I have low self-esteem. For some reason I focus a lot on the possibility that I'll be calling at a bad time, which is completely irrational since it really wouldn't be a big deal.

Yes! That's exactly how I feel, thatmy phone call would be inconvient - which does sound like low self esteem just thinking about it - and I do go to alot of trouble to behave in a convient fashion.

Ah, so you're just afraid of people. Sounds like you have a general social phobia.
I prefer written communication over oral. I talk to people more on IM/NS on a given day than IRL.

Omg how is it possible to be so afraid of making a phone call? I missed a call from a friend at the weekend and I've been too afraid to return it. Now you might be thinking that it's some big important call but it's not, it's just a friendly chat betwix'd pals. I've somehow managed to put off returning the call till tonight (reasoning that Thursday is a better day to recieve calls than any other day - wtf?), and even then I managed to find a billion other things to do before finally biteing the bullet and making the call. Guess what? - the fecking answering machine that's who answered, now I may have to go through all this again. Currently I'm still shaking slightly (ten minutes later) and I've made myself a strong cup of coffee - to act as a buscuit substitute.
The thing is a get like this for all phone calls, even if I'm just phoning up Argos or B&Q to find out when they close. This surely ain't normall.
Advice or presciption drugs are welcome.
Just a side-note: Caffeine interferes with the body's ability to deal with anxiety, by interfering with the internal neurotransmitters that help us relax when we're agitated. Small amounts are not as problematic as large amounts, however, drinking coffee exactly when you're trying to relax and gain control of anxiety will likely make it more difficult.

I still don't like calling people but am getting better at it. Ask yourself what the worst case scenario is, and chances are whatever will happen will be significantly better than what you think is the worst thing that could happen. Then do it, be proud of yourself once you've done it, and over time you'll find it gets easier.

Good luck!