NationStates Jolt Archive

Let's say you could be endowed with any super power or be equipped with any tool, but it they had to be unconventional items that a superhero would NEVER use because of it's pure silliness. My Hero:

Ibanezer Screwed- A mighty rock god equipped with a magical Ibanez Guitar, and has the power to serenade his enemies with riffs of destruction and justice.

(This may or may not be a familiar object to those outside the U.S...I know I never saw them either time I was in Europe)

You know those toy machines next to gumball machines...the ones with the "Sticky Hands"??

My tool would be a sticky hand that has two specific abilities.

1. Amazingly elastic capabilities that allow me to use it to swing around tall buildings like Spiderman.

2. The ability to whack things with the sticky hand and transmute them into anything else I desire...

...for instance, a piece of paper into a brick of gold...a gun into a squirrel...a porno magazine into a porno actre....

Oh man...that might just be TOO good. :p

Let's say you could be endowed with any super power or be equipped with any tool, but it they had to be unconventional items that a superhero would NEVER use because of it's pure silliness. My Hero:

Ibanezer Screwed- A mighty rock god equipped with a magical Ibanez Guitar, and has the power to serenade his enemies with riffs of destruction and justice.
Sounds alot like Val Hallen
http://www.geocities.com/beaucoupdargent/oevalhallen.gif

Everything you are asking can be summed up right here....
http://www.cs.rose-hulman.edu/~stinerkt/tickdocs/assh.html

Sewer Urchin
With the voice of Rainman and the smell of sewage, Sewer Urchin usually appears along with Die Fledermaus. Dressed in a purple, spiked suit with a yellow oxygen tank on his back, Sewer Urchin protects The City's sewer system.
http://ng.netgate.net/~mette/fandom/costumes/sewer/SewerOrig2.jpg

Captain Muscelage
Captain Mucelage sprays a thick, orange, brand-name glue at his foes from spouts on his head and arms.
http://www.thetick.ws/images/captainmuscelage.jpg

But of course the evilest of evil doers would have to be chairface...

Chairface Chippendale
One of the most infamous villains of The City, Chairface Chippendale had a birthday celebration to remember. Professor Chromedome planned to write Chairface's name across the moon as a birthday present for Chippendale. The plot was foiled before it was finished but Chromedome managed to write CHA on the moon. Later, The Tick tried to remove the CHA from the moon. Unfortunately, he was only able to remove the C.
Chippendale appeared again when Charles, the Brainchild, attempted to sell The Tick to the highest bidder.

http://www.vegalleries.com/misccels/34tick4.jpg

I would pick Sewer Urchin

Muahaa! I would have a superpower-chocolate tool!! :D
It would always make the kind of chocolate appropriate for any situation or mood :D
*off daydreaming* ;)

My super power would be somewhat X-rated, and would leave villains pleasantly exhausted after I used my powers on them. Fill in the blanks as you wish.

Sounds alot like Val Hallen
http://www.geocities.com/beaucoupdargent/oevalhallen.gif

I'm glad somebody noticed! :D

Captain Orange, with the power to control orange juice. Ironically, my weakness would also be orange juice.

My hero is a magical Rubiks Cube.

Captain Psuedorandom, with his power of pre-emptive causality. Symoblized by his superpowered pair of dice.

Whenever he needs to alter reality to conform to what he needs, he merely rolls the dice.

Hmm... the ability to make people randomly start mauling each other :) And then sit back with a bowl of popcorn and watch

Let's say you could be endowed with any super power or be equipped with any tool, but it they had to be unconventional items that a superhero would NEVER use because of it's pure silliness. My Hero:

Ibanezer Screwed- A mighty rock god equipped with a magical Ibanez Guitar, and has the power to serenade his enemies with riffs of destruction and justice.
You sound like you were in a kiss movie


As for me ... homeless man. "fighting crime ... wherever I might be that day"

"
Me: Hey superman can you drop me off?
Superman:Yeah sure where
Me: Wherever ... its cool
"

How about the boneless avenger? Born without any bones, the boneless avenger appears to be a disgusting blob of amorphous flesh, but when evildoers attack, he can squeeze through ventilation ducts, keyholes, etc. to bring them to justice by wrapping himself around them and holding them until the police arrive.

How about the boneless avenger? Born without any bones, the boneless avenger appears to be a disgusting blob of amorphous flesh, but when evildoers attack, he can squeeze through ventilation ducts, keyholes, etc. to bring them to justice by wrapping himself around them and holding them until the police arrive.
"Im going to break every bone in your body!"

"I wish for no bones!"

Let's say you could be endowed with any super power or be equipped with any tool, but it they had to be unconventional items that a superhero would NEVER use because of it's pure silliness. My Hero:

Ibanezer Screwed- A mighty rock god equipped with a magical Ibanez Guitar, and has the power to serenade his enemies with riffs of destruction and justice.
I think I'd go with the ability to turn water into acid. That would be pretty cool. I could call myself.....I dunno, Acid Reflux or something.

But can you imagine how cool? I could drink some water and then spit it at somebody and it'd eat away at their FACE!

I so wish....

My super power would be somewhat X-rated, and would leave villains pleasantly exhausted after I used my powers on them. Fill in the blanks as you wish.
Since when is Treadmill Man X-Rated? You have unusual censoring laws in whatever backwards country you originate from.

I would have to be Say That Again Man! In capable of understanding anything.
Villains trying to quickly explain their scheme before they flee would be confounded the police could arrive.
VILLAIN: And now, Say That Again Man, now we will assasinate the-
ME: What? The Weevil asked Nate?
VILLAIN: No, WE WILL ASSASINATE THE PRESIDENT!
ME: Who has precendent?
VILLAIN: No one has precendent! I SAID PRESIDENT! ASSASINATE PRESIDENT!
ME: Who you calling an ass, buddy!

It would also render me invulnerable. After all, what villain can resist the one liner before delivering the final blow?
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: Hope you don't catch a chill, Say That Again Man!
ME: Why, did you turn the air conditioner up?
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: What? No, that isn't it at all-
ME: Anyway, why are you so concerned about my health? I thought that we were enemies?
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: Well, yes, we are. I was being purposefully ironic, you see.
ME: Come to think of it, it is a little warm in here. Why would I catch a chill?
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: I'm going to shoot you with my Freezy Gun.
ME: I thought we were friends.
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: Why would you think that? I swore revenge after you killed my kitten, didn't I?
ME: But you were just worrying about my health.
CAPTAIN FREEZY GUN: Fuck it, I'm going to assasinate the president!
ME: You want me to ask Nate about our precendent? Why, what would Nate know?

Captain Penis....

and his powers of masturbation....

I had better not say any more...

I'd have the following superpowers.

My ego would be so big that it would automatically shield me from any attacks against me. I'd be so convinced that I'm invincible, that it would actually happen.

In addition, I'd have the power to detect and hack the passwords of wireless networks effortlessly, so I could connect to the Internet anywhere. :D

My ego would be so big that it would automatically shield me from any attacks against me. I'd be so convinced that I'm invincible, that it would actually happen.

In addition, I'd have the power to detect and hack the passwords of wireless networks effortlessly, so I could connect to the Internet anywhere.
*Imagines a Czardas roaming some jungle in Africa, searching for a wireless network*
You just do that.

I suppose that your weaknesses would be blows to your Self Esteem and being lost in the wilds far away from wireless networks?

*Imagines a Czardas roaming some jungle in Africa, searching for a wireless network*
You just do that.

I suppose that your weaknesses would be blows to your Self Esteem and being lost in the wilds far away from wireless networks?
Actually, apparently his weakness is blowing out on a conversation too early because you have a date, and thereby missing the sarcastic little comment he made about your date.

Admit it, Czardas -- I totally brought you down a couple notches.

(And whether or not you choose to admit it, I'm still going to tell everybody I humbled your ass....)

Let's say you could be endowed with any super power or be equipped with any tool, but it they had to be unconventional items that a superhero would NEVER use because of it's pure silliness. My Hero:

Ibanezer Screwed- A mighty rock god equipped with a magical Ibanez Guitar, and has the power to serenade his enemies with riffs of destruction and justice.

Sorry, Carl from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force had, more-or-less, that power. A magical belt that gave him all the powers of 70's "Supergroup" foreigner. The ability to blind people, or "fill their eyes with that Double Vision," to painfully overheat people, if they check it they'll see they've got a fever of 103, or to freeze people, so that they're "Cold as Ice."

I suppose I'd want the superpower of making people unable to lie in my presence, including to themselves.

If a cop is pulls you over "Do you know why I pulled you over? Because it's the end of the month and I have to make quota."

Political debate, "I vote Republican because it's easier to pretend that the guy who appeals to my anger and fear is more moral even though I've never bothered to research their information."

That would be great.

Simonist']Actually, apparently his weakness is blowing out on a conversation too early because you have a date, and thereby missing the sarcastic little comment he made about your date.

Admit it, Czardas -- I totally brought you down a couple notches.

(And whether or not you choose to admit it, I'm still going to tell everybody I humbled your ass....)
...WTF? I remember nothing of that.

(Yeah? Well, I'll go poison your cat! And if you don't have a cat, I'll give you a cat as a present, and then poison it! Haha, how'd you like that then? :p)

Corner-of-the-bathroom-man! Born with the unfaultering abillity to attract pubes and dead spiders Corner-of-the-bathroom-man simply repulses his enemies into submission; they try to clean him, but he just keeps comming back. His only weakness is tastefull, strategically-positioned house-plant that obscures him from sight.

...WTF? I remember nothing of that.

(Yeah? Well, I'll go poison your cat! And if you don't have a cat, I'll give you a cat as a present, and then poison it! Haha, how'd you like that then? :p)
I'll do one better! When you give me the cat for you to poison, I'll kill it on sight! I'll snap the bugger's neck! Then throw it at you, pout indignantly, and say "I asked for a unicorn".

Ha. ;)

*Imagines a Czardas roaming some jungle in Africa, searching for a wireless network*
You just do that.

I suppose that your weaknesses would be blows to your Self Esteem and being lost in the wilds far away from wireless networks?
Oh, and a wireless antenna grows out of my head, which is a self-router. :p

Oh, and a wireless antenna grows out of my head, which is a self-router. :p
That would get awkward should you get excited. Is that a Wireless Antenna sprouting out of your head, or are you that excited to see me?

Oh, and you so totally stole that whole give person thing so that you can remove it from them in a criminal manner thing from me. And I stole it from someone else, so now you have double stolen. :p

That would get awkward should you get excited. Is that a Wireless Antenna sprouting out of your head, or are you that excited to see me?

Oh, and you so totally stole that whole give person thing so that you can remove it from them in a criminal manner thing from me. And I stole it from someone else, so now you have double stolen. :p
Does anonymously poisoning a cat REALLY count as criminal? I mean....REALLY?

If killing cats is wrong, then I fear a world in the right.......

Oh, and you so totally stole that whole give person thing so that you can remove it from them in a criminal manner thing from me. And I stole it from someone else, so now you have double stolen. :p
But since theft is evil, that makes me evil. Mwahahahaha! And you! Kyahahahaha! And the person you stole it from! Ahahahahaha! And.... (etc.)

Simonist']I'll do one better! When you give me the cat for you to poison, I'll kill it on sight! I'll snap the bugger's neck! Then throw it at you, pout indignantly, and say "I asked for a unicorn".

Ha. ;)
Hmmm.... I'll have to go and murder all the unicorns in the world then, and refuse to let you kill even one!

Mwahahahaha!!

(Or I could resort to torturing the person/thing you most dearly love until you break down and I can execute you in the most painful way possible... but I don't suppose that would work. :D)

Hmmm.... I'll have to go and murder all the unicorns in the world then, and refuse to let you kill even one!

Mwahahahaha!!

(Or I could resort to torturing the person/thing you most dearly love until you break down and I can execute you in the most painful way possible... but I don't suppose that would work. :D)
Aw, if you executed me, you'd have nobody to love you on those cold, lonely nights.... ;)

Simonist']Does anonymously poisoning a cat REALLY count as criminal? I mean....REALLY?

If killing cats is wrong, then I fear a world in the right.......
That depends, to know if you should kill a cat just complete this simple test:

1) Is the cat a cat? <If yes go to 2; if no go to 1A>
1A) If the cat isn't a cat, why are you answering this test? Can't you follow directions, you diarhea face!? <If yes then go back to the start and do this quiz properly; If no, go sit in the corner.>
2) Is the Cat yours? <If yes go to 3; If no go to 5; If unsure go to 2A>
2A) Have you cleaned up more than 10 messes and/or provided $50 for said cat's welfare? <If yes go to 3; If no go to 5>
3) Has the cat participated in unspeakable acts with you? <If yes go to 4; if no go commit some unspeakable acts because the cat is your property and you should damn well use it how I please>
4) Were they good? <If no go to 5; If yes then DON'T WHACK THAT PUSSY!>
5) Have you got any arsenic in your house? <If yes go to 6; If no, go get some and go to 6>
6) Why haven't you poisoned the goddamn cat yet? Are you some kind of "compassionate" or "moral" person, or something? <If no go to 8; If yes go to 7>
7) Why are you lying? Moral people would never go near a hive of vileness like the Interweb, all that roams the Interweb (and especially NS) is Nazis and Communists eager to suck down fresh Jew Capitalist blood. <Roll a Save vs. Pine Cones, if you fail Go back to 6 and answer it properly, if you succeed take half damage, BLUE WARRIOR>
8) Have you at anytime found yourself to be a member of the following groups: Scientologists, NAMBLA, God Hates Fags, Canadians for the Proliferation of Nuclear Arms, or Giraldo Rivera? <If yes go to 9; If no go to 10>
9) Drink the poison. Have you drank it all yet? <If yes go to 9A; If no repeat this step>
9A) You can't still be reading this if you drank the poison, so go back to step 9 and do it properly
10) Is the cat named Fluffles, or some other cutesy name? <If yes kill that Cat; If no go to 11>
11) Has the cat ever been seen in public wearing an outfit? <If yes, put it out of its misery; If no then go to the last step>
12) Kill the cat anyway, but feel guilty about it later. In fact, send me large amounts of money to make up for what a terrible thing you have done. I except Brown Envelopes Slipped Under the Door and Suitcases Full of Hundreds.

Simonist']Aw, if you executed me, you'd have nobody to love you on those cold, lonely nights.... ;)
Yeah, but no one could psychologically torture me in the way described... ;)

Yeah, but no one could psychologically torture me in the way described... ;)
A thought.

I shall make a t-shirt. And upon this t-shirt shall be the words:
Czardas Loves Me

And this is how I will lure out the NSers from my area.

And do unto them some horrible acts.

......fucking cats.......*twitch*

Alright, I've got an appointment, I'm out of here. It's been grand.

The new adventures of....
Captain Teen Age Girl!

Captain Evil Villain: "Hark! I will kill the whole city!"
Captain Teen Age Girl: "Oh, I hate you! You're like, just like my mum. Y'know, the other day, she was all like 'clean your room', and I was all like 'no..'. Then she went 'you're not seeing Arnold for two weeks if you don't!' And I was all like 'Duhh! I dumped Arnold yesterday. Arnold was sooo un-cool. Mum, you're like sooo yesterday!'"
Captain Evil Villain: "Aaaarrrggghhh! Stop it!"
Captain Teen Age Girl: "Oh, stop nagging. You think you're the centre of the universe! You think YOU have a hard time! I broke a fingernail! I wish I was dead! I really hate you!"
Captain Evil Villain: "Noooo! Stop it! I'll join the Salvation Army!"

Simonist']A thought.

I shall make a t-shirt. And upon this t-shirt shall be the words:
-snip-

And this is how I will lure out the NSers from my area.

That sounds like a good idea. Especially since my name is the most easily recognizable one in this forum, except for maybe Lunatic Goofballs (which could anyway be mistaken for something else), Myrth, and perhaps Tink. Make a shirt/other (visible!) article of clothing or, if you're not in the habit of wearing clothing, a tattoo containing one of these names and NSers are sure to recognize you. :p

The new adventures of....
Captain Teen Age Girl!

<snippies!>
This makes me wonder though, what military is giving out all of these ranks?
Think about it, somewhere a military consists entirely of Captains. After all, you never here of Private First Class Obvious, or Second Lieutenant Invincibility. Hell, they don't even have anyone leading them, as I have yet to meet a General America.
Actually, that would explain why the Captains are all fighting each other all over the place, the upper ranks were wiped out (so they have no one to actually tell them whose side they are on) and the lower ranks have all quit (so that the Captains are spread far and few).

This makes me wonder though, what military is giving out all of these ranks?
Think about it, somewhere a military consists entirely of Captains. After all, you never here of Private First Class Obvious, or Second Lieutenant Invincibility. Hell, they don't even have anyone leading them, as I have yet to meet a General America.
Actually, that would explain why the Captains are all fighting each other all over the place, the upper ranks were wiped out (so they have no one to actually tell them whose side they are on) and the lower ranks have all quit (so that the Captains are spread far and few).
I know. There's also the stereotypes that Captains are always good, and Sergeants tend to be bad...Majors are always very stuffy and talk a lot, and Colonels always have conservative viewpoints... and Second Lieutenants always tend to be making witty comments about things...it's just sickening.

~Your friend, Captain-General (ha!) Czardas

This makes me wonder though, what military is giving out all of these ranks?
Think about it, somewhere a military consists entirely of Captains. After all, you never here of Private First Class Obvious, or Second Lieutenant Invincibility. Hell, they don't even have anyone leading them, as I have yet to meet a General America.
Actually, that would explain why the Captains are all fighting each other all over the place, the upper ranks were wiped out (so they have no one to actually tell them whose side they are on) and the lower ranks have all quit (so that the Captains are spread far and few).

Captain Teen Age Girl: "Wait until you meet my new boyfriend, Captain Boyfriend, and his father, Captain His Father. Like, I really hate you!"
;)

I know. There's also the stereotypes that Captains are always good, and Sergeants tend to be bad...Majors are always very stuffy and talk a lot, and Colonels always have conservative viewpoints... and Second Lieutenants always tend to be making witty comments about things...it's just sickening.

~Your friend, Captain-General (ha!) Czardas
And Generals tend to be condescending blow-hards whose arrogance gets alot of people killed and makes a bad situation worse, I believe.

Heh, New Power, the ability to enforce stereotypes in the surrounding 100 yards. Everything would play as pop-fiction would have it so you can automatically tell whose side everyone is on.

And faithful wards and youthful sidekicks give you that vaguely homosexual feeling....

Was Bruce Wayne a pederast?

I'd have the power to stop people talking crap. Possibly by making their heads explode.

I want to be Lady Physics!

"Excellent education, extensive practice and innate intelligence make her one of the best and most talented experimental scientists of our time. She tackles her work with energy and finesse, and doesn't look half bad doing it."

...too bad I'm not much like her at all.

And Generals tend to be condescending blow-hards whose arrogance gets alot of people killed and makes a bad situation worse, I believe.

Heh, New Power, the ability to enforce stereotypes in the surrounding 100 yards. Everything would play as pop-fiction would have it so you can automatically tell whose side everyone is on.
Then kingdoms are always good, and empires are always evil. The emperor is always a figurehead for the evil chief minister who is always plotting to betray or overthrow him under the guise of cool suavity. The Captain of the Guard is invariably very good-looking but is a condescending general-like figure, until the hero saves his life and then they become fast friends. And individual non-officer soldiers never have any personalities whatsoever, except for the main character.... ;)

This makes me wonder though, what military is giving out all of these ranks?
Noted at all how I totally didn't rank meself?

But if I had, I'd be stickin' with Admiral.

Simonist']Noted at all how I totally didn't rank meself?

But if I had, I'd be stickin' with Admiral.
I don't know if being an Admiral would be a good plan for someone who turns water into acid.
Overlord Bossman: DAMMIT, Admiral Acid Reflux! That is the third ship you've sunk this week, and then all of the men onboard were dissolved as soon as they fell off of the ship, you are fired!

Overlord Bossman (just so you know) has hired the entire planet. Thus he can have anyone fired at a moment's notice. Thus, his enemies must always judiciously guard their secret identities, for fear that their mild mannered alter egos may soon be getting the chop.

I don't know if being an Admiral would be a good plan for someone who turns water into acid.
Overlord Bossman: DAMMIT, Admiral Acid Reflux! That is the third ship you've sunk this week, and then all of the men onboard were dissolved as soon as they fell off of the ship, you are fired!

Overlord Bossman (just so you know) has hired the entire planet. Thus he can have anyone fired at a moment's notice. Thus, his enemies must always judiciously guard their secret identities, for fear that their mild mannered alter egos may soon be getting the chop.
Why must superheroes' alter egos always be "mild-mannered"? As opposed to what? Spicy-mannered?

Why must superheroes' alter egos always be "mild-mannered"? As opposed to what? Spicy-mannered?
Well, I daresay I'm quite nasty-mannered.

And the acid-turning would totally be something I'd have to choose to do, y'know? Otherwise I'd never be able to drink or bathe or any of that good stuff. And I think that heroes and villains alike should always smell charming, at the least.

Why must superheroes' alter egos always be "mild-mannered"? As opposed to what? Spicy-mannered?
Because the people who write/read/watch that stuff tend to be laid back and dorks ('tis funny cuz its true). As a result, the alter ego needs to be something with whom the reader can relate and someone for whom the writer can write with at least some degree of realism. This also means that Bruce Wayne is a punk because he violates this rule, and for that he and his Paedoboy side kick can rot in Hell (or at least New Jersey).
Or at least, I am assuming that they are using "mild mannered" as opposed to "aggressive mannered", I think my whole world would be turned upside down if I realized that they were really refering to the alter-egoes taste in sauce (my world is very unstable, and flips over regularly).

Simonist']Well, I daresay I'm quite nasty-mannered.
Have to agree with you there. :p

For several reasons...

Simonist']And the acid-turning would totally be something I'd have to choose to do, y'know? Otherwise I'd never be able to drink or bathe or any of that good stuff. And I think that heroes and villains alike should always smell charming, at the least.
Meh, I thought that it was supposed to work like the midas touch, and that you were also immune to acid. And immune to water. And immune to movies starring Eddie Murphy.

EDIT: What is the conection between water and Eddie Murphy? Signor Murphy's "humor" is watered down and kills people who immerse themselves in it for too long. Oh yeah, I so went there

....and for that he and his Paedoboy side kick can rot in Hell (or at least New Jersey).
Same thing, really.

Wait, am I a Superhero or a Villainess? 'Cause, my quintessential comic geek friend who's doing his own comic (isn't that sad that I actually have that guy?) put me as a villainess. A really hot, somewhat nude villainess, but y'know.....evil is what's important here.

I have a reputation to worry about.

Meh, I thought that it was supposed to work like the midas touch, and that you were also immune to acid. And immune to water. And immune to movies starring Eddie Murphy.
That last part is true. Is it a super power?

Because the people who write/read/watch that stuff tend to be laid back and dorks ('tis funny cuz its true). As a result, the alter ego needs to be something with whom the reader can relate and someone for whom the writer can write with at least some degree of realism. This also means that Bruce Wayne is a punk because he violates this rule, and for that he and his Paedoboy side kick can rot in Hell (or at least New Jersey).
Or at least, I am assuming that they are using "mild mannered" as opposed to "aggressive mannered", I think my whole world would be turned upside down if I realized that they were really refering to the alter-egoes taste in sauce (my world is very unstable, and flips over regularly).
Well, the alter egos of some superheroes are quite tasteless in sauce, IMNSHO. Especially Clark Kent. The guy had no personality, besides being Superman I mean. However, at least I got my daily protein. :D

Simonist']Same thing, really.

Wait, am I a Superhero or a Villainess? 'Cause, my quintessential comic geek friend who's doing his own comic (isn't that sad that I actually have that guy?) put me as a villainess. A really hot, somewhat nude villainess, but y'know.....evil is what's important here.

I have a reputation to worry about.
You'd be a good arch-nemesis, but up against someone like me you begin to look kind of pathetic. I recommend upping the sadism, and trying to make your torture of the heroes look a bit less like a rather violent type of ... something inappropriate for those younger than 17 on these forums. Also, to improve your reputation, all you need to do is get a legion of super-heroes to fall for you and obey your every command (not too hard really:p), and attack any rogue people—like me, and my unstoppable armies of genetically modified minion clone soldiers who are out to destroy democracy and freedom.

Wait a minute... ;)

Simonist']That last part is true. Is it a super power?
No. *points at self*

No. *points at self*
Oh, I get it. Were I immune to you, it'd be a superpower.

One moment...............................

Consider it done :D

Simonist']That last part is true. Is it a super power?
Look back up at my edit to the post and I explain the connection.
And you can be my villainess for so long as you desire. Maybe someday you'll even steal my Staff of Power (Yes, there is a literal staff in my closet back at home that is made out of metal and has "Staff of Power" inscribed on it. My Dad got it because he was a big geek, and then gave it to me when I was a big geek).

Well, the alter egos of some superheroes are quite tasteless in sauce, IMNSHO. Especially Clark Kent. The guy had no personality, besides being Superman I mean. However, at least I got my daily protein.
I'm going to go with the Kill Bill explanation, that Clark Kent was just Superman's commentary on humanity. He is pathetic because that is the way that all of humanity would look to aliens.
On the other hand, you have to be more specific about what sauce you used. Alien super heroes require a nice tomato base (and you have to chop the tomatos by hand), but I am going to bet that you used a canned sauce, and that just kills the flavor.

Simonist']Oh, I get it. Were I immune to you, it'd be a superpower.

One moment...............................

Consider it done :DNo, I meant I'm also immune to those types of movies.

Were I immune to you, that would be a superpower. ;)

Look back up at my edit to the post and I explain the connection.
And you can be my villainess for so long as you desire. Maybe someday you'll even steal my Staff of Power (Yes, there is a literal staff in my closet back at home that is made out of metal and has "Staff of Power" inscribed on it. My Dad got it because he was a big geek, and then gave it to me when I was a big geek).
And where is this......closet you speak of?

No, I meant I'm also immune to those types of movies.

Were I immune to you, that would be a superpower. ;)

You cant be immune to someone,people arent diseases.well not all of them....

No, I meant I'm also immune to those types of movies.

Were I immune to you, that would be a superpower. ;)
Nobody's managed it yet......

Alright. Drumroll pleease!

I would be Madame Crotch-Kicker. Her extrordinarily powerful kick paired with her ultra-pointy-steel-tipped shoes makes her a mean nemissis of men. Her weaknesses? Cups and acid semen (hehe).

:D

You cant be immune to someone,people arent diseases.well not all of them....
He means my enticing charm, of course.

Simonist']And where is this......closet you speak of?
Well, Guvna, y'see there's this Planet called Earth. It is three out from the Sol star, and spins around on a fairly predictable orbit.
At which point you have arrived at this pahticular locashun, you may have to search a bit to find a pahticular Country that goes by the moniker U.S.A. Its sort North of the Equator (but if you find people eating funny bacon and saying "eh", you are to far north) and sort of East of Japan (or West of Britain, however you want to say).
Once you reach there, you'll find this stadt, er, state, people there like that they call it Ohio.
Now, poking around there will almost certainly lead you to my pants! Which is how you'll know you've found my closet because I have all of my nice clothes hanging there while I scrounge for food in the bloody north, trapped in this College.

<snip>
Fiddle, next time you tie together "Staff of Power" and the phrase "my pants"....we may have problems.

Or intercourse.

No! Definitely problems.

Simonist']Nobody's managed it yet......
Don't be too sure. :D

Simonist']Fiddle, next time you tie together "Staff of Power" and the phrase "my pants"....we may have problems.

Or intercourse.

No! Definitely problems.
Ha. :p

Simonist']Fiddle, next time you tie together "Staff of Power" and the phrase "my pants"....we may have problems.

Or intercourse.
The two are intimately related, Oh Sole Object of My Affections (well, you and about 4 other posters as well as 11 people I know from the legendary RL).
However, you did hand the wind up to me on a sliver platter. If you wander into a room with someone, and you aren't wearing a bullet proof vest, you are just asking to be shot.
Simonist']No! Definitely problems.
Don't fight it! Just give in and join me in my magical paradise of death, torture, and fairy princesses. Riding ponies into battle whilst we butcher hordes of children for the glory of the Care Bears that guard the gates of Hell.
We shall know the innocence of insanity, so far removed from reality that we can splash each other with blood and play jump rope with the innards of our enemies!

The two are intimately related, Oh Sole Object of My Affections (well, you and about 4 other posters as well as 11 people I know from the legendary RL).
However, you did hand the wind up to me on a sliver platter. If you wander into a room with someone, and you aren't wearing a bullet proof vest, you are just asking to be shot.

Don't fight it! Just give in and join me in my magical paradise of death, torture, and fairy princesses. Riding ponies into battle whilst we butcher hordes of children for the glory of the Care Bears that guard the gates of Hell.
We shall know the innocence of insanity, so far removed from reality that we can splash each other with blood and play jump rope with the innards of our enemies!
Well, consider me ethically and spiritually seduced!

Don't fight it! Just give in and join me in my magical paradise of death, torture, and fairy princesses. Riding ponies into battle whilst we butcher hordes of children for the glory of the Care Bears that guard the gates of Hell.
We shall know the innocence of insanity, so far removed from reality that we can splash each other with blood and play jump rope with the innards of our enemies!
Yes -- move to Athar today! ;) [/subliminal]

Really though, that is the surrealist world I, Fiddle, and a few other posters live in. We have a running private joke about it. :p

Simonist']Well, consider me ethically and spiritually seduced!
Good, because I doubt that I have any hope of seducing physically. Well, maybe if I blinded you moments before we met, but then we would be sorely able to fully enjoy our time together.
Regretfully, we must wait until the time is right. Though I shall shed few tears for the greatest pleasures are enhanced by the agony of holding desire in check.
And always, always remember, but a few more years, my Sweet One, but a few more years.
Wait, is there an echo in here?

Good, because I doubt that I have any hope of seducing physically. Well, maybe if I blinded you moments before we met, but then we would be sorely able to fully enjoy our time together.
Regretfully, we must wait until the time is right. Though I shall shed few tears for the greatest pleasures are enhanced by the agony of holding desire in check. Or there's always the financial option... :p

]And always, always remember, but a few more years, my Sweet One, but a few more years.
Wait, is there an echo in here?
There is, and I'm causing it by repeating everything you say.


....Wait a minute....

Or there's always the financial option... :p
.....which, truth be told, usually works better for me on a long-term scale.

Oooh, speaking of, boyfriend's taking me to dinner soon. It's been real.

Then kingdoms are always good, and empires are always evil. The emperor is always a figurehead for the evil chief minister who is always plotting to betray or overthrow him under the guise of cool suavity. The Captain of the Guard is invariably very good-looking but is a condescending general-like figure, until the hero saves his life and then they become fast friends. And individual non-officer soldiers never have any personalities whatsoever, except for the main character.... ;)

Not the emperor. The Grand Vizier is always evil. The emperor's chief advisor...

Hmmm, Carl Rove comes to mind. I guess someone already has that "enforcing stereotypes" power.

Simonist'].....which, truth be told, usually works better for me on a long-term scale.
...While those of us without money might as well just give up hope as well.

Although, I'm sure I'd have somewhat of an advantage here. ;)

...While those of us without money might as well just give up hope as well.
Well, you'd have money if you just remembered to take the money from the Hookers before burying them alive. What is the point of doing something if you just intend to skip the important middle step?
Simonist']Oooh, speaking of, boyfriend's taking me to dinner soon. It's been real.
Thank you for affirming that this conversation has been real, otherwise I might become convinced that you were just another one of the voices in my head.
Wait, if you were a hallucination, you would deny being one because hallucinations aren't self aware, and so they can't know that they are fake. That means that this might not have been real.

Well, you'd have money if you just remembered to take the money from the Hookers before burying them alive. What is the point of doing something if you just intend to skip the important middle step? Oh yeah! I keep forgetting to take it from them! I guess the bloodlust is so strong after I've finished dragging the burning wire nets across their torsos and slicing off parts of their head that I forget to take the money from them, and it burns usually when I set the burial mound on fire afterwards, so I don't find it when I'm back to normal again. :headbang:

Thank you for affirming that this conversation has been real, otherwise I might become convinced that you were just another one of the voices in my head.
Wait, if you were a hallucination, you would deny being one because hallucinations aren't self aware, and so they can't know that they are fake. That means that this might not have been real.
She isn't real. No real person could ever possibly suggest that they even felt the faintest bit of affinity or sympathy for me (not that she does), let alone anything involving a real or metaphorical fluffle smiley. :rolleyes:

Oh yeah! I keep forgetting to take it from them! I guess the bloodlust is so strong after I've finished dragging the burning wire nets across their torsos and slicing off parts of their head that I forget to take the money from them, and it burns usually when I set the burial mound on fire afterwards, so I don't find it when I'm back to normal again. :headbang:
You forget to loot the hookers, used canned sauces when frying super hero aliens, and you expect to rule the world? No, no, no. I think that you need to go back to basics if you ever intend for me to become your personal asassin.
She isn't real. No real person could ever possibly suggest that they even felt the faintest bit of affinity or sympathy for me (not that she does), let alone anything involving a real or metaphorical fluffle smiley. :rolleyes:
But if she isn't real, but we've both been talking to her, whose hallucination is she? I got dibs!

Oh yeah, and 666th post (sad that I couldn't have reached this one while discussing my future plans, but fate is as fate does. or something)

You forget to loot the hookers, used canned sauces when frying super hero aliens, and you expect to rule the world? No, no, no. I think that you need to go back to basics if you ever intend for me to become your personal asassin. It wasn't canned, I ground it freshly myself. How many times do I have to tell you? Blood-based with crushed ice, lentil juice, strawberry preserve, and cucumber syrup concentrate. Blend it all together and the sauce is supposed to be good. And with most things, it is. Just this alien superhero... :(

But if she isn't real, but we've both been talking to her, whose hallucination is she? I got dibs!
Mine. It's more unlikely that someone would like me than you. Sorry. ;)

It ought to have been obvious. I knew no real person could possibly look that attractive, especially to a non-sexual like me... :headbang:

It wasn't canned, I ground it freshly myself. How many times do I have to tell you? Blood-based with crushed ice, lentil juice, strawberry preserve, and cucumber syrup concentrate. Blend it all together and the sauce is supposed to be good. And with most things, it is. Just this alien superhero... :(
TO-MA-TOE BASE! Human blood doesn't mix with alien blood without creating a mushy mess, and you lose the taste of both bloods.
Mine. It's more unlikely that someone would like me than you. Sorry. ;)

It ought to have been obvious. I knew no real person could possibly look that attractive, especially to a non-sexual like me... :headbang:
The She-Demon, seducing the non-sexed psychopaths like that. Lets go drink together and complain about women. Except I don't know where you are. And I don't think that you are of legal drinking age. And I don't have any money on hand at the moment.

My super-power would be kinda like the guy in the commercial who can turn inanimate objects into bottles of Heineken. Except my power would be that every plant I touched turned into Hydro.

My super-power would be kinda like the guy in the commercial who can turn inanimate objects into bottles of Heineken. Except my power would be that every plant I touched turned into Hydro.
That probably would make you very unpopular in France (who are almost exclusively nuclear power) and the Middle East (because of the desert and the oil).
Unless you were talking about herbological plants, in which case the ability to turn plants into water would probably come in handy when the world is attacked by Ex-PFC Plant hand (who has the power to make plants large and aggresive).

That probably would make you very unpopular in France (who are almost exclusively nuclear power) and the Middle East (because of the desert and the oil).
Unless you were talking about herbological plants, in which case the ability to turn plants into water would probably come in handy when the world is attacked by Ex-PFC Plant hand (who has the power to make plants large and aggresive).

Um...I'm going to assume that was sarcasm, or do you not know what Hydro is?

Um...I'm going to assume that was sarcasm, or do you not know what Hydro is?
Sarcasm's always a pretty safe assumption with Fiddlebutt.

By the way, Fid and Czar, do I get a say in whose delusion I am? Respond slowly and kindly -- this cell phone's browser capabilities are, well......slower than I'm used to.

TO-MA-TOE BASE! Human blood doesn't mix with alien blood without creating a mushy mess, and you lose the taste of both bloods.Ah. See, that was the problem. I knew it tasted funny.

The She-Demon, seducing the non-sexed psychopaths like that. Lets go drink together and complain about women. Except I don't know where you are. And I don't think that you are of legal drinking age. And I don't have any money on hand at the moment.
I'm in front of my computer, I'm a teetotaler anyway, and I have $2.16, which I don't think is enough to get a "drink". But I will complain about women anyway. :D

Simonist']By the way, Fid and Czar, do I get a say in whose delusion I am? Respond slowly and kindly -- this cell phone's browser capabilities are, well......slower than I'm used to.
No you don't, delusions have no voice... :rolleyes:

(Sure, fine. Go on, tell us. The suspense is killing me.)

Psudo Phlatulance Man: with his Woopie Cushion of Justice, he creates clouds of gas with various effects... from Knocking out wrong do'ers to chemicals that can eat through titaniam. with the assistance of a bic lighter, he can achieve jet assisted flight.

"A mighty cheer goes up when the "Ffffftt" of Justice sounds."

No you don't, delusions have no voice... :rolleyes:

(Sure, fine. Go on, tell us. The suspense is killing me.)
After much consideration and a trip to the bathroom to touch up my lip gloss (in case you were wondering what I've been doing), I think y'all should have joint custody.

Jesus Christ, I just said y'all. I'll blame that on Fiddlebottoms, who dreamt me up this week.

Simonist']After much consideration and a trip to the bathroom to touch up my lip gloss (in case you were wondering what I've been doing), I think y'all should have joint custody.

Jesus Christ, I just said y'all. I'll blame that on Fiddlebottoms, who dreamt me up this week.
They don't say "y'all" in Ohio. :D

How about Slab o'Butter man? His abilities include:

- Transforming into a stick of butter
- Growing a funny looking Mustache
- Wearing a ridiculously small bowler hat and a pair of lederhosen.
- Screaming "BUTTER!" in long, dis-jointed syllables as he rides down the street on his old-timey bike.
- Giving evil villans both ridiculously high-cholestorol and blood-pressure in a single sweep.
- Allowing the children of the world to enjoy their morning foods (yes, all of them) covered in butter (leading some to believe that children are his only enemies).

You can tell he would be a big hit among the Justice Friends. :D

Schmerdro - He has the ability to become invisible and ethereal OR invisible and can move objects as if he had super-human strength. When he is ethereal he doesn't need food and can't feel cold, heat, and the likes... also, he is immortal and looks like a 30 years old man.

It doens't get cooler than that.