NationStates Jolt Archive

What is the importance of having a father figure in your life? How does it affect your development as a young person? What's your father figure (for ppl with absent fathers).

Good question, I don't know. I could see how it could affect the development of a male but us females, dunno.

What is the importance of having a father figure in your life? How does it affect your development as a young person? What's your father figure (for ppl with absent fathers).we learned to be self-efficient from our father. Even my sister is independant and confident from the things she learned from my father. she can repair some electronics as well as do minor automotive maintanence as we (da boyz) can also do.

and on the flip side, I got my house keeping skills (as well as cooking skills) from my mother.

What is the importance of having a father figure in your life? How does it affect your development as a young person? What's your father figure (for ppl with absent fathers).
It affects both males and females. Males because a father tells a young man, "Here's the way a man is/acts." Females because a father tells a young woman, "Here's what you should look for in a future mate." Frightning, isn't it.

Of course there's lots more to it: young men who grow up with a good father-figure learn that it's ok to be a man, and that it's ok to love another man ( I hug my sons all the time ); young women who grow up with a good father-figure learn that men can be very loving and protective.

Many of the problems in those who grow up in single parent families, even when the parent is doing an outstanding job, can be traced back to not having a good example of what it means to have someone of the opposite sex to set a good example, either for a future mate or for their own behavior and character.

It affects both males and females. Males because a father tells a young man, "Here's the way a man is/acts." Females because a father tells a young woman, "Here's what you should look for in a future mate." Frightning, isn't it.

Of course there's lots more to it: young men who grow up with a good father-figure learn that it's ok to be a man, and that it's ok to love another man ( I hug my sons all the time ); young women who grow up with a good father-figure learn that men can be very loving and protective.

Many of the problems in those who grow up in single parent families, even when the parent is doing an outstanding job, can be traced back to not having a good example of what it means to have someone of the opposite sex to set a good example, either for a future mate or for their own behavior and character.nicely put. :)

nicely put. :)
Thank-ye. Sometimes I can sound almost rational! :D

I can't resist. I must post a transcript from another one of Chris Rock's standup routines that fits this thread nicely:

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy. There's some real daddy's out there, I'm not talking about the guy who fucked you and left, fuck him. There's still some motherfuckers out there that handle their business, but people don't give a fuck about daddy. Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio everything's "momma, dear momma, momma, momma, momma, I always loved my momma" What's the daddy song? "Papa was a rollin stone".

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy, nobody appreciates daddy. Momma has the toughest job I ain't gonna front but at least people APPRECIATE momma. Everytime momma does something right she gets a compliment cause women need to hear compliments ALL THE TIME. Women need food, water, and compliments....and the occasional pair of shoes.

Women have got to hear it all the time or they lose their mind, and your daddy makes sure you thank your momma for everything. "Tell your momma how good the food is, tell your momma how nice the house looks, tell your momma how good her hair looks, did you tell your momma? You better go in there and tell your momma!" That's right, tell your momma, tell your momma, nobody ever tells daddy SHIT! Nobody ever says "hey daddy thanks for knockin out this rent!" "Hey daddy I sure love this hot water!" "hey daddy it's easy to read with all this light!" Nobody gives a fuck about daddy! Think about everything that a dad does.

Pay the bills, buy the food, put a fuckin roof over your head, everything you could ever ask for, make your world a better safer place and what does daddy get for all his work?.......The big peice of chicken! That's all daddy gets! The big peice of chicken! And some women don't want to give up the big peice of chicken!!! Who the FUCK IS YOU, to eat the big peice of chicken!?!? How DARE you keep the big peice of chicken!?! A man can't work 12 hours and come home to a wing! When I was a kid my mom would lose her mind if one of us ate the big peice of chicken by accident! "What the fuck? You ate the big peice of chicken?!?! Oh LORD! No, no, no! Now I'm gonna have to take some chicken and sew it up! Give me two wings and a pork chop, daddy will never know the difference!"

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy, nobody appreciates daddy. Momma has the toughest job I ain't gonna front but at least people APPRECIATE momma. Everytime momma does something right she gets a compliment cause women need to hear compliments ALL THE TIME. Women need food, water, and compliments....and the occasional pair of shoes.

Women have got to hear it all the time or they lose their mind, and your daddy makes sure you thank your momma for everything. "Tell your momma how good the food is, tell your momma how nice the house looks, tell your momma how good her hair looks, did you tell your momma? You better go in there and tell your momma!" That's right, tell your momma, tell your momma, nobody ever tells daddy SHIT! Nobody ever says "hey daddy thanks for knockin out this rent!" "Hey daddy I sure love this hot water!" "hey daddy it's easy to read with all this light!" Nobody gives a fuck about daddy! Think about everything that a dad does.
ROFLMFAO!!!! OMG! LOL!

Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth in that. I sometimes feel much like "the forgotten man!" :(

ROFLMFAO!!!! OMG! LOL!

Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth in that. I sometimes feel much like "the forgotten man!" :(

Oh come now *pats you on the back* hopefully you get the big peice of chicken :p

Oh come now *pats you on the back* hopefully you get the big peice of chicken :p
CHICKEN??? Hell, son, if I get to eat a cold salmon pack to eat, I'm grateful! Heh!

CHICKEN??? Hell, son, if I get to eat a cold salmon pack to eat, I'm grateful! Heh!

haha! There's always a big peice of chicken at my place for ya! :p

I've never known my father, he left when i was little, but my grandads always sort of been my father figure, and now I'm sort of a mini (or not, I'm bigger than him) version of him.

I can't resist. I must post a transcript from another one of Chris Rock's standup routines that fits this thread nicely:

Reminds me of the Bill Cosby routine.
you get your son, and you wanna teach him alot, you buy a helmet and pads, you put it on him and you tell him to tackle you and you knock him down, but that's ok, you tell him to get back up and try again, and you do this for years. untill one day you don't tell him to tackle you cuz you don't wanna be hit no more, so you tell him to attack the tree, to bite it, gnaw at it, you work him till he gets to high school and he joins the football team.

then when he plays, he gets the ball and he's knocking the defense down, just ZOOM and he scores the touchdown... all the scouts are watching him and they fight each other to sign him up. Then he's playing for the big leagues and when he makes the gamewinning touchdown he looks straight into the camera and says "Hi Mom!"

me an my bro have been raised soley by our dad since i was 11, an i do have a lower opinion of females in general. i do love em, but i cant live with em an i cant live without em. i jus find it hard 2 trust em, so i tink it can have a negative affect if u dont ahve a mother figure 2.

haha! There's always a big peice of chicken at my place for ya! :p
KEWL! Long walk though. ;)

KEWL! Long walk though. ;)

I'm QUITE sure it would be no problem for you! :D

I suppose my personal belief of the matter is built upon a stereotype, however, this supposed stereotype has held up during numerous occasions, so it seems to be the norm..
that male offspring look towards their fathers as model and a justification for their own reactions, and towards their mothers for a more tender fostering of their own emotions. Or more basically, they look to their fathers on how to behave, and to their mothers when they need to be comforted.
Of course this is not always the case, as in the abscence of a parent (physically or emotionally) the child (male or female) learns to fend for themselves in different individual ways, unable to be predetermined (raising the old issue of nature versus nurture) as siblings may branch off in habits and personalities under similar conditions.
More specifically pertaining to the female offspring is the tendency to rely on their fathers for an idealized concept of the 'male' itself, and towards their mothers more closely for feminine bonding (including but not limited to; shopping, the sharing of emotions, fighting etc), also widely affected by the state/actions of the parents regarding their upholding of responsibilities and values. Or, as one example, Adam Corolla's insistence that girls who had bad daddies want abusive men.
However, a counter-trend predominately resides in other personality aspects of the developing psyche of children, such as the disorganized habits of a child of a neat freak parent and vice versa.
All of these beliefs and assumptions are held personally by me, and aren't particularly any part of a social or psychological viewpoint, rather just the personal expansion of a stereotype, so feel free to challenge or expand on them.

having a father around is VERY important,and it doesnt matter how strong the mother likes to think she is. she may be a great mom,but the kids will still be lacking many important lessons and experiences without a father around. this whole attitude "i dont need a man around, my kids and i will be just fine" is nothing more than sour grapes. you may not need a man,but your kids do. part of being a parent is putting your kids first,and sometimes that means making sacrifices and dealing with uncomfortable situations so your kids can have the things they need,be it emotional,physical,or financial. too many moms and dads today are way too self involved. just because you can produce offspring doesnt mean you are a good mom or dad. if you think your child support is enough,then you are pathetic in my opinion.

boys need a father around to learn strength(real inner strength,not fake macho bullshit),temperance,duty,and loyalty. many mothers cannot fill this spot because they are too emotional,and they let the boys run all over them. it takes a firm hand to keep boys in line and teach them to respect others.

girls need a father around to better understand males. they need to understand that not all men are bad. having a father around helps a girl to become well rounded and helps her to understand the male ego as well as male motivations. girls that grow up with no father often end up seeking male attention from all the wrong types of guys,and this can lead her to become bitter and deluded later in life. how can she pick a good mate when she doesnt know what to look for? what does she have for comparison?

in both situations,the father can be replaced by a strong male influence in the family such as a uncle or grandfather,but he has to have an active role in the childs developement,not just an occassional talk when the mom is at wits end. if mom doesnt want to be tied down with a man,then she needs to make sure there is another male in the family who is willing to help out on a regular basis.

alot of the problems with kids and young adults today is due to the fact that they grew up with an absent father. i highly commend a man who marries a woman who already has kids and sticks around to play the daddy role. comming into the family after the fact can be a challenge as pre-set habbits with kids are hard to break. those kids need a father rather they think they want one or not,and if he rolls with the punches until they finally see the light,then he is a real man in my book....

Dunno. I could tell you how it's supposed to help you, but not from personal experience.

My father is a complete and total asshole, who treats my family as if we're a corporation. I can't remember the last time he said "I love you", "please", "I'm sorry", or "I'm proud of you" to me. I CAN tell you thatt because of the hell he's put me through, it's made me stronger as an individual. I've learned all the things you should never do, if you become a parent and spouse.

As for father figures..Really, I don't have one.

I'm QUITE sure it would be no problem for you! :D
LOL! Your confidence in me is quite touching! ;)

alot of the problems with kids and young adults today is due to the fact that they grew up with an absent father. i highly commend a man who marries a woman who already has kids and sticks around to play the daddy role. comming into the family after the fact can be a challenge as pre-set habbits with kids are hard to break. those kids need a father rather they think they want one or not,and if he rolls with the punches until they finally see the light,then he is a real man in my book....
I married a woman who already had three children. We later had two more, and made certain we didn't favor any of them. Now my oldest son ( very difficult to think of him as a "step-son" ) is my best male friend in the world. All five of our children are responsible, compassionate adults who are doing very well in life, so we must have done something right. :)

Dunno. I could tell you how it's supposed to help you, but not from personal experience.

My father is a complete and total asshole, who treats my family as if we're a corporation. I can't remember the last time he said "I love you", "please", "I'm sorry", or "I'm proud of you" to me. I CAN tell you thatt because of the hell he's put me through, it's made me stronger as an individual. I've learned all the things you should never do, if you become a parent and spouse.

As for father figures..Really, I don't have one.
Do try to give the man the benefit of the doubt. He may be doing the best he can. A bit of sympathetic understanding could go a long way.

Do try to give the man the benefit of the doubt. He may be doing the best he can. A bit of sympathetic understanding could go a long way.

Eut, I've tried that, believe me. I even tried talking to him about the things he's done. He didn't see a single problem with it, and thought I was overreacting.

When I was at my Eagle Scout Ceremony (I had previously gathered my courage and told him that I wasn't going to be a nobody, like he told me I would be, and I'd get my Eagle Scout to prove him wrong), he simply stood there, acting bored, and didn't even say "I'm proud of you". Not once.

Edit: He may be doing the best he can, but it's abysmal. I may have a biological sire and someone who would provide the financial means for the family, but I never had a "father".

Do try to give the man the benefit of the doubt. He may be doing the best he can. A bit of sympathetic understanding could go a long way.true, but not everyone is a good father. I'm not a father but I feel that I have too many faults that would totally screw up my kids...

so I'm really not anxious to being a father. :) Something I've come to terms with a long time ago.

My father was my father figure for almost sixteen years. But since he came home and admitted to cheating on my mother with a married woman, I haven't really felt like seeing him. He wants to take me out for my birthday, but I'm thinking, "Not unless it's to New York to see Phantom of the Opera, because I'd let Robert Picton take me there, I want to go so badly."

i am one of the few lucky people whose parents are still together and have a good realtionship. I am a daddy's girl and don't know what i would do if i didn't have my father in my life....and while i am a daddy's girl, i must say i don't know what i would do if i didn't have my mother in my life either...i feel that i am very fornate and that father figures are important part of a person's life, i know there are people who get along well with no father figure in their life...i have friends who have no father figure and are doing fine but i think it makes it easier having a father figure and your life.

Good question, I don't know. I could see how it could affect the development of a male but us females, dunno.


Fathers are just important in a young womans life. Like it or not they take the father figure and either make it a part of what they look for in a mate in later life. If they had problems and end up not liking there father figure they will make it a image of the man they dont want to be with. It is a very complicated relationship between the father and daughter I think. Although my daughter is young I can see how she looks up to me in alot of ways. I would like to think she will be attracted to a man like myself because I am good with her and treat her well. Anyway all Im trying to say is both parents are very important in a boy or girls life growing up.

Compared to children in male-headed traditional families where their natural parents are married to each other, children living in female-headed single-parent, lesbian or other environments where they are deprived of their natural fathers are:

1. Eight times more likely to go to prison. (Prisoners are 8 times more likely to have been raised in a fatherless house than in one with their father)
2. Five times more likely to commit suicide.
3. Twenty times more likely to have behavioral problems.
4. Twenty times more likely to become rapists.
5. 32 times more likely to run away.
6. Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
7. Nine times more likely to drop out of high school.
8. 33 times more likely to be seriously abused.
9. 73 times more likely to be fatally abused.
10. One-tenth as likely to get A's in school.
11. On average have a 44% higher mortality rate.
12. On average have a 72% lower standard of living.

I can't resist. I must post a transcript from another one of Chris Rock's standup routines that fits this thread nicely:

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy. There's some real daddy's out there, I'm not talking about the guy who fucked you and left, fuck him. There's still some motherfuckers out there that handle their business, but people don't give a fuck about daddy. Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio everything's "momma, dear momma, momma, momma, momma, I always loved my momma" What's the daddy song? "Papa was a rollin stone".

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy, nobody appreciates daddy. Momma has the toughest job I ain't gonna front but at least people APPRECIATE momma. Everytime momma does something right she gets a compliment cause women need to hear compliments ALL THE TIME. Women need food, water, and compliments....and the occasional pair of shoes.

Women have got to hear it all the time or they lose their mind, and your daddy makes sure you thank your momma for everything. "Tell your momma how good the food is, tell your momma how nice the house looks, tell your momma how good her hair looks, did you tell your momma? You better go in there and tell your momma!" That's right, tell your momma, tell your momma, nobody ever tells daddy SHIT! Nobody ever says "hey daddy thanks for knockin out this rent!" "Hey daddy I sure love this hot water!" "hey daddy it's easy to read with all this light!" Nobody gives a fuck about daddy! Think about everything that a dad does.

Pay the bills, buy the food, put a fuckin roof over your head, everything you could ever ask for, make your world a better safer place and what does daddy get for all his work?.......The big peice of chicken! That's all daddy gets! The big peice of chicken! And some women don't want to give up the big peice of chicken!!! Who the FUCK IS YOU, to eat the big peice of chicken!?!? How DARE you keep the big peice of chicken!?! A man can't work 12 hours and come home to a wing! When I was a kid my mom would lose her mind if one of us ate the big peice of chicken by accident! "What the fuck? You ate the big peice of chicken?!?! Oh LORD! No, no, no! Now I'm gonna have to take some chicken and sew it up! Give me two wings and a pork chop, daddy will never know the difference!"

I remember that show (Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker) all too well. Chris Rock is a genius.

Compared to children in male-headed traditional families where their natural parents are married to each other, children living in female-headed single-parent, lesbian or other environments where they are deprived of their natural fathers are:

1. Eight times more likely to go to prison. (Prisoners are 8 times more likely to have been raised in a fatherless house than in one with their father)
2. Five times more likely to commit suicide.
3. Twenty times more likely to have behavioral problems.
4. Twenty times more likely to become rapists.
5. 32 times more likely to run away.
6. Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
7. Nine times more likely to drop out of high school.
8. 33 times more likely to be seriously abused.
9. 73 times more likely to be fatally abused.
10. One-tenth as likely to get A's in school.
11. On average have a 44% higher mortality rate.
12. On average have a 72% lower standard of living.
That all sounds quite bullshit to me. I'm quite certain people living in a single mother or non-"nuclear" family will more often than not, turn out just fine, if the parents care enough. I'd like to see your souce(s).

I can't say it has affected me. Sadly, the fact that I could see his ruin when he was present meant more to me.

That all sounds quite bullshit to me. I'm quite certain people living in a single mother or non-"nuclear" family will more often than not, turn out just fine, if the parents care enough. I'd like to see your souce(s).

You see, most people think that means single parents are bound to fuck up their kids... Those statistics do not say that.

Read them with the proper frame of mind.
A child who commits suicide (has already done it) is five time more likely to have come from a fatherless household). It does not mean that a child in a fatherless house hold is in immediate danger of committing suicide. You have to read all of those kinds of statistics by turning them around.

If the average teenage suicide rate is 5/1000 and 4 come from single parent homes it tells you nothing of the fact that 70% of the homes might be fatherless, for all you know. But the statistic still has meaning, when the original question is "What do fathers do."

None of those statistics should be used to attack individual parents. Household with single fathers and no mothers don't do any better than household with single mothers. The point is really that Fathers ARE necessary,and so are Mothers. The real lesson is that that both Fathers AND Mothers are necessary.


Swedish results seem quite similar...
Researchers found children of single-parent households were at an increased risk for suicide or suicide attempts, mental illness, injury, and addiction. After adjusting for factors such as socioeconomic status, and parents' addictions or mental disease, children of single-parent households were twice as likely as children of two-parent households to attempt suicide, to have a mental illness, or to have an alcohol-related disease. Girls living in single-parent homes had a threefold increased risk for narcotic abuse and boys of single-parent homes had a fourfold increased risk of narcotic abuse than children of two-parent homes.
http://www.jhbmc.jhu.edu/healthcarenews03/03012403.html

Fathers are good. A good Father is Great. A bad Father is worse than not having a Father.

I have two fathers and three mothers.

Ugh. I know what a good father figure is, and I have one... About half the time, and then, only about twenty percent of that.

A good father figure is essential, but a bad one can totally fuck you up.

Ugh. I know what a good father figure is, and I have one... About half the time, and then, only about twenty percent of that.

A good father figure is essential, but a bad one can totally fuck you up.
So WTF happened???

Eut, I've tried that, believe me. I even tried talking to him about the things he's done. He didn't see a single problem with it, and thought I was overreacting.

When I was at my Eagle Scout Ceremony (I had previously gathered my courage and told him that I wasn't going to be a nobody, like he told me I would be, and I'd get my Eagle Scout to prove him wrong), he simply stood there, acting bored, and didn't even say "I'm proud of you". Not once.

Edit: He may be doing the best he can, but it's abysmal. I may have a biological sire and someone who would provide the financial means for the family, but I never had a "father".
Ouch! I stand corrected. You have my utmost sympathies, and my admiration for rising above that. You could even say that I'm proud of you. :)

true, but not everyone is a good father. I'm not a father but I feel that I have too many faults that would totally screw up my kids...

so I'm really not anxious to being a father. :) Something I've come to terms with a long time ago.
Don't like the way you are? Change it.

My father was my father figure for almost sixteen years. But since he came home and admitted to cheating on my mother with a married woman, I haven't really felt like seeing him. He wants to take me out for my birthday, but I'm thinking, "Not unless it's to New York to see Phantom of the Opera, because I'd let Robert Picton take me there, I want to go so badly."
This is a mistake. As you get older, you'll probably become more sympathetic towards your father, but by then it may be too late. Don't sever ties with him. You'll regret it. :(

That all sounds quite bullshit to me. I'm quite certain people living in a single mother or non-"nuclear" family will more often than not, turn out just fine, if the parents care enough. I'd like to see your souce(s).
No. It's not bullshit. I didn't quote that survey because I couldn't find my link to it. It's actually quite sound.

having a father around is VERY important,and it doesnt matter how strong the mother likes to think she is. she may be a great mom,but the kids will still be lacking many important lessons and experiences without a father around.
'Father' is a socially constructed concept, and not one that is necessary in order to have a healthy functioning society.

this whole attitude "i dont need a man around, my kids and i will be just fine" is nothing more than sour grapes.
It may be in some cases, but in many cases it is simply pragmatic.

you may not need a man,but your kids do. part of being a parent is putting your kids first,and sometimes that means making sacrifices and dealing with uncomfortable situations so your kids can have the things they need,be it emotional,physical,or financial.
What do you mean exactly? That children will somehow benefit from their mother staying in an abusive relationship? That single mothers should jump at any opportunity for a long term live-in male companion even at the risk of exposing their children to abuse or to a very poor role model?

too many moms and dads today are way too self involved. just because you can produce offspring doesnt mean you are a good mom or dad. if you think your child support is enough,then you are pathetic in my opinion.
Most parents I know dont see their children as being support for them in any sense other than the emotional well being derived from catering to their children's well-being. Most parents consider the relationship works the other way, ie that the parent are there to support the children, not the other way around.

boys need a father around to learn strength(real inner strength,not fake macho bullshit),temperance,duty,and loyalty. many mothers cannot fill this spot because they are too emotional,and they let the boys run all over them. it takes a firm hand to keep boys in line and teach them to respect others.
That some mothers cannot do X does not necessitate that every child needs a male around to do X. Some fathers cannot fill that spot because of all kinds of reasons, so to say some mothers cant is irrelevent.

girls need a father around to better understand males.
No they dont. In some cases a father might facilitate this process, in others he might hinder it.

they need to understand that not all men are bad.
Sure, but doing so does not require a father.

having a father around helps a girl to become well rounded and helps her to understand the male ego as well as male motivations.
Being rich helps a child have access to food, but it isnt necessary for the child to have access to food and being rich does not necessitate the best outcome for one's children.


girls that grow up with no father often end up seeking male attention from all the wrong types of guys,and this can lead her to become bitter and deluded later in life.
Girls that grow up with a father often end up seeking male attention from all the wrong types of guys and this can lead them to become bitter and deluded later in life.

how can she pick a good mate when she doesnt know what to look for? what does she have for comparison?
Why wouldnt she know what to look for? Although in some societies females are closeted away from non-kin males, in most societies females are exposes to many males from the time they are born until they reach an age when they are ready to seek a mate.

in both situations,the father can be replaced by a strong male influence in the family such as a uncle or grandfather,but he has to have an active role in the childs developement,not just an occassional talk when the mom is at wits end. if mom doesnt want to be tied down with a man,then she needs to make sure there is another male in the family who is willing to help out on a regular basis.
alot of the problems with kids and young adults today is due to the fact that they grew up with an absent father. i highly commend a man who marries a woman who already has kids and sticks around to play the daddy role. comming into the family after the fact can be a challenge as pre-set habbits with kids are hard to break. those kids need a father rather they think they want one or not,and if he rolls with the punches until they finally see the light,then he is a real man in my book....
A lot of problems with kids and young adults throughout human history has been the presence of a parent who has a negative impact on them, or the continuance of a relationship between their parents that has a negative effect on them.

I can't resist. I must post a transcript from another one of Chris Rock's standup routines that fits this thread nicely:

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy. There's some real daddy's out there, I'm not talking about the guy who fucked you and left, fuck him. There's still some motherfuckers out there that handle their business, but people don't give a fuck about daddy. Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio everything's "momma, dear momma, momma, momma, momma, I always loved my momma" What's the daddy song? "Papa was a rollin stone".

Nobody gives a fuck about daddy, nobody appreciates daddy. Momma has the toughest job I ain't gonna front but at least people APPRECIATE momma. Everytime momma does something right she gets a compliment cause women need to hear compliments ALL THE TIME. Women need food, water, and compliments....and the occasional pair of shoes.

Women have got to hear it all the time or they lose their mind, and your daddy makes sure you thank your momma for everything. "Tell your momma how good the food is, tell your momma how nice the house looks, tell your momma how good her hair looks, did you tell your momma? You better go in there and tell your momma!" That's right, tell your momma, tell your momma, nobody ever tells daddy SHIT! Nobody ever says "hey daddy thanks for knockin out this rent!" "Hey daddy I sure love this hot water!" "hey daddy it's easy to read with all this light!" Nobody gives a fuck about daddy! Think about everything that a dad does.

Pay the bills, buy the food, put a fuckin roof over your head, everything you could ever ask for, make your world a better safer place and what does daddy get for all his work?.......The big peice of chicken! That's all daddy gets! The big peice of chicken! And some women don't want to give up the big peice of chicken!!! Who the FUCK IS YOU, to eat the big peice of chicken!?!? How DARE you keep the big peice of chicken!?! A man can't work 12 hours and come home to a wing! When I was a kid my mom would lose her mind if one of us ate the big peice of chicken by accident! "What the fuck? You ate the big peice of chicken?!?! Oh LORD! No, no, no! Now I'm gonna have to take some chicken and sew it up! Give me two wings and a pork chop, daddy will never know the difference!"

YAY! :D

me an my bro have been raised soley by our dad since i was 11, an i do have a lower opinion of females in general. i do love em, but i cant live with em an i cant live without em. i jus find it hard 2 trust em, so i tink it can have a negative affect if u dont ahve a mother figure 2.
Yes, most definitely, but sometimes the effect is different. Because my mother left my father and me right after I was born, I viewed girls as some sort of other race! Fortunately, I got over it. :D

'Father' is a socially constructed concept, and not one that is necessary in order to have a healthy functioning society.
And your proof for this would be???

Fathers in pre-history appear to have been vitally important in the biological evolution of the human race far beyond the mere contribution of their genetic material, according to many anthropoligists and biologists.

I have two fathers and three mothers.
OMG! Your genes must be FUBAR! :D

I wasn't actually 'born' in the traditional sense. I emerged fully grown from a vat of goo. The doctor slapped my ass and I kneed his groin. It was an interesting first day.

And your proof for this would be???

Fathers in pre-history appear to have been vitally important in the biological evolution of the human race far beyond the mere contribution of their genetic material, according to many anthropoligists and biologists.
The fact that the concept 'father' varies from society to society is a good clue.
Pre-history are pre-society are not synomonous.

The fact that the concept 'father' varies from society to society is a good clue.
Pre-history are pre-society are not synomonous.
"Society" existed for eaons before history, my man. You're seriously in need of some o' dat "higher educashun" shit. :)

I wasn't actually 'born' in the traditional sense. I emerged fully grown from a vat of goo. The doctor slapped my ass and I kneed his groin. It was an interesting first day.
Don't tell me ... you tried to put the make on the nurses, right? :D

"Society" existed for eaons before history, my man.
Exactly my point.
You're seriously in need of some o' dat "higher educashun" shit. :)
Why so? I dont see that being able to figure out that the fact of something being important in pre-history is not proof of that same thing being pre-social implies that I am in particular need of anything. :confused:

Don't tell me ... you tried to put the make on the nurses, right? :D

Nurses...doctors...patients...medical equipment...

I got around. :cool:

Ouch! I stand corrected. You have my utmost sympathies, and my admiration for rising above that. You could even say that I'm proud of you. :)

Thanks. It was a hard lesson as a kid to learn to have to rise above your own father.

No. It's not bullshit. I didn't quote that survey because I couldn't find my link to it. It's actually quite sound.

Are you absolutely certain? Because the figures seem very disproportionate to me. I've developed a hefty dose of skepticism for things like that without sources.

LG, I'd believe it, too. I bet you even have clown genes!

Thanks. It was a hard lesson as a kid to learn to have to rise above your own father.



Are you absolutely certain? Because the figures seem very disproportionate to me. I've developed a hefty dose of skepticism for things like that without sources.

LG, I'd believe it, too. I bet you even have clown genes!

Here's a photo of a single cell of mine:
http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/parawacky.JPG

Nurses...doctors...patients...medical equipment...

I got around. :cool:
ROFLMAO! Horny lil Mo-fo, eh? LOL! :D

Thanks. It was a hard lesson as a kid to learn to have to rise above your own father.

Are you absolutely certain? Because the figures seem very disproportionate to me. I've developed a hefty dose of skepticism for things like that without sources.
And rightly so, which is precisely the reason I didn't quote it in my post. :)

Every kid has to rise above their parents in some way, that's what evolution is all about. Some just have a higher mountain to climb. Just make sure you watch yourself when you have your own children. At least you can use your father as one way to NOT do things. I rather suspect you'll do just fine. :)

Here's a photo of a single cell of mine:
http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/parawacky.JPG
LOL! That cell looks suspiciously like a paramecium. :D

LOL! That cell looks suspiciously like a paramecium. :D

Just one of those happy coincidences. ;)

Just one of those happy coincidences. ;)
You're composed of paramicii! :eek:

Here's a photo of a single cell of mine:
http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/parawacky.JPG

Hehehe...Brought a much needed smile to my face.

Yeah, I hope I'll do fine, Eut, though I've decided (for other reasons) that I'll never have kids.

My parents split up before I was born. I grew up with my mum and my aunty and for the last 5 years, my twin cousins also. I haven't exactly had the greatest communication with my father. I've met/been with him aprox. 5-6 times over the last 15 years. I'm not quite sure who or what my father figure is. My Mum has done a pretty amazing job.
I don't mind that I grew up without a father, and I don't really let it bother me. I'm healthy, intelligent and so very good looking :p so I didn't turn out too bad.

My parents split up before I was born. I grew up with my mum and my aunty and for the last 5 years, my twin cousins also. I haven't exactly had the greatest communication with my father. I've met/been with him aprox. 5-6 times over the last 15 years. I'm not quite sure who or what my father figure is. My Mum has done a pretty amazing job.
I don't mind that I grew up without a father, and I don't really let it bother me. I'm healthy, intelligent and so very good looking :p so I didn't turn out too bad.
LOL! Well, you obviously don't suffer from a poor self-image! :D

LOL! Well, you obviously don't suffer from a poor self-image! :D
Heh. Was just joking... But I don't have any issues like that lol.
I've heard that can develop without having a father though, but I don't see why. Perhaps because I do have a father, I just don't see him much. Don't know, I don't give it much thought.

Well, can't say I didn't have a father because I did, so he's my father figure.
I am a counselor and teacher, and many children will look to me as a father figure if they do not have one. It is so depressing to think some parts of society believes a monthly paycheck is a decent replacement for fatherly parenting.
It is very evident; when a child does not know how to properly use a urinal, or does not know what an Adam's apple is.
Fathers, at least the way I see, are the more forceful element of parental love, charged with punishment and justice. From them we should learn eventually that a good scoulding can be just as loving as a warm embrace. Unfortunately this love is growing weaker, succumbing to outside societal forces.
Nonetheless, I shall continue to teach what is becoming forgotten, the obligations and debts a parent owes to those they have created.

Personally, I could have done without a father figure. I would have done brilliantly without the one I unfortunately had...

The problem I see in the discussion about a "father figure" is that people tend to end up believing that it's always better for the children to have a father, just like my mother did. If people hadn't kept telling her that she should stay with him for the sake of the children, i may have had ha happy childhood. Like this, I had abuse, violence, and psychological terror that haunt me to this day.

So, no. Children won't suffer if mothers start leaving abusive husbands. In that case, kids will do great without a father figure. Better than they would with it, really...

Also, why is it that I've seen a good number of threads about the importance of fathers, but none yet about the importance of mothers?

Well, I had a father; we didn't do fatherly things because I was never interested; even into my teens, I had no interest in doing the typical father son thing; I guess I was the stereotypical 'gay template' - but with that being said, it wasn't as though my father wasn't 'there' - it was simply the fact that I personally could never develop a good relationship because I was and still am so different to my father.

I mean, how *CAN* you relate to a son who has NO interest in sports?

But with that being said, I've turned out ok.

I take exception to the idea that single mother households turn out screwed up kids. My sister and I may range quite a bit on the strange side (ok, we damn well live there), but compaired to the rest of my cousins of my generation (large family), my sister and I are the only ones to have actually moved farther than a half an hour's drive from our parent(s) and have started our own lives.

My father died (Thanks to the US Goverment) when I was three, my mother didn't remarry till I was 16 and a junior in high school. During that time she taught my sister and I all the lessons we needed and encouraged us to explore the world and be far more independent that I have noticed others of my generation are.

I think what really shows is my step-father (wonderful man) has three children. He was there for them and tried to raise them the best he could, but all three of them dropped out of high school weeks before graduation and are struggling now to make ends meet and have gotten into some pretty hairy situations.

I have my BA, MS, and will go for my PhD in a few years. My sister is 2 years away from her BA. She lives in Oregon and I moved to the other side of the planet.

Father's are important, and I hope like hell to be the father that my own dad never got a chance to be, but I disagree that being raised only by a mother means that you're screwed for life. Hell, the only difference I've noticed between me and other men is that I never quite got just what was so interesting about watching sports on TV. ;)

Single Mums/Moms are awesome. Represent hehe.
Edit: Representing the fact that I have a single mum lol.

Witrh regard to the lack of mother threads, perhaps it is taken as a given that mums are the business? :) Because in general they are.

As a father however, what worries me is that there is a significant section of the population who appear to think that "fathering" is simply a biological process, after which the male might as well just up sticks and leave, because he adds nothing to the party. That saddens me. Apart form anything else, I KNOW that my little boy and girl have benefited from having me around, because I reinforce to their mother's discipline and she mine. The one thing I can say without fear of contradiction (he says tempting fate horribly) is that children thrive on having their boundaries set, and IF both parents are working together, that is what they get.
That is why I suspect that the figures regarding suicide etc. are true. They do not for one minute suggest that single parent families are doomed to failure, only that, unsurprisingly, some people living on their own find it more difficult to raise a family for whatever reason, thus leaving a child feeling lost. Likewise, I am sure that good single parent families are infinitely better than bad families with both parents being around.

The question isn't "does having a father make you happier", it is "does having a loving, caring father make you more likely to grow up feeling confident and valued". To that extent, there really isn't a debate to be had, I would have thought.

Well, can't say I didn't have a father because I did, so he's my father figure.
I am a counselor and teacher, and many children will look to me as a father figure if they do not have one. It is so depressing to think some parts of society believes a monthly paycheck is a decent replacement for fatherly parenting.
It is very evident; when a child does not know how to properly use a urinal, or does not know what an Adam's apple is.
Fathers, at least the way I see, are the more forceful element of parental love, charged with punishment and justice. From them we should learn eventually that a good scoulding can be just as loving as a warm embrace. Unfortunately this love is growing weaker, succumbing to outside societal forces.
Nonetheless, I shall continue to teach what is becoming forgotten, the obligations and debts a parent owes to those they have created.
You are to be commended, Sir or Madam. My hat is off to you and you have my utmost admiration and respect. [ lists Bjornoya as "one of the good guys" ]

Personally, I could have done without a father figure. I would have done brilliantly without the one I unfortunately had...

The problem I see in the discussion about a "father figure" is that people tend to end up believing that it's always better for the children to have a father, just like my mother did. If people hadn't kept telling her that she should stay with him for the sake of the children, i may have had ha happy childhood. Like this, I had abuse, violence, and psychological terror that haunt me to this day.

So, no. Children won't suffer if mothers start leaving abusive husbands. In that case, kids will do great without a father figure. Better than they would with it, really...

Also, why is it that I've seen a good number of threads about the importance of fathers, but none yet about the importance of mothers?
One of the points that this thread has been making is that fathers often seem to have been the forgotten man when kudos are handed out. There's no reason you couldn't start a thread in appreciation of mothers, if you like.

I don't think anyone is advocating that a woman stay with an physically abusive man "for the sake of the children." I know I'm certainly not. No one should have to put up with abuse. However, I have personally known women with children who left their husband for an incredibly wide variety of highly questionable reasons. One woman of my acquaintence left because her husband "kept looking at other women." That to me, is a totally unacceptable reason for jeapordizing the future welfare of one's children, and a mark of almost incredible immaturity.

Everyone should write this down and memorize it, engrave it into their minds:

If you're not mature enough to outgrow your own childishness, do not have children!

Single mom's son here.

I dont know what kind of impact not having a father has had on me, as I have nothing to compare it to.
Im a fairly well rounded person, and all my emotions seem controlable for the most part, so developmentally, I dont see any difference.

I can tell you that Im not wild about most kids.
I have a very small list of children that I like, and those on the list, are some pretty cool kids.
Ive always wondered if not having a father, had inhibited my ability to relate to children?

Some people have asked me what its like growing up with only one parent, and my answer is usually the same:

"Whats it like to grow up with both?"

Its all Ive ever known, so to me, its just the way things were.
Sure, Ive given thought to who this guy might be, but ultimately, it may not matter.

When it comes down to it, my desk chair has more impact on my life than my father does.
I use my chair all the time...in fact, even right now.

Ive had a few male role models, you could say, and thats how I probably learbed what "being a man" is all about, so in essence, I dont think Im missing much.

I don't think anyone is advocating that a woman stay with an physically abusive man "for the sake of the children." I know I'm certainly not. No one should have to put up with abuse. However, I have personally known women with children who left their husband for an incredibly wide variety of highly questionable reasons. One woman of my acquaintence left because her husband "kept looking at other women." That to me, is a totally unacceptable reason for jeapordizing the future welfare of one's children, and a mark of almost incredible immaturity.


Was he just like, watching other women as they walked down the street, or was a telescope involved? :p

Maturity is overrated. But people really need to learn to take responsibility for one's own actions.

Well, I had a father; we didn't do fatherly things because I was never interested; even into my teens, I had no interest in doing the typical father son thing; I guess I was the stereotypical 'gay template' - but with that being said, it wasn't as though my father wasn't 'there' - it was simply the fact that I personally could never develop a good relationship because I was and still am so different to my father.

I mean, how *CAN* you relate to a son who has NO interest in sports?

But with that being said, I've turned out ok.
Thankfully, almost all of us do manage to "muddle through" somehow. :)

I have seen some of my friends who happen to be gay develop absolutely great relationships with their fathers. I have also seen fathers so totally reject their sons who are gay that the son had serious "issues" as a result.

This entire thing is, IMHO, sad in the extreme. None of my three sons are gay, but had they been, I like to think that I could have dealt with it and found some way to relate to them. Your love for someone, particularly your own progeny, should never be dependent on them conforming to some preconcieved standard you carry around in your head. Your standards are not nearly as important as your child!

Look, people: So far as I know at this point, we only get one shot at this thing we call life ( although there seems to be some anecdotal evidence for reincarnation, but that's another thread ). If we can't even be compassionate and kind to others, especially to our own children, why even bother??? :(

The question isn't "does having a father make you happier", it is "does having a loving, caring father make you more likely to grow up feeling confident and valued". To that extent, there really isn't a debate to be had, I would have thought.
Amen!

Was he just like, watching other women as they walked down the street, or was a telescope involved? :p

Maturity is overrated. But people really need to learn to take responsibility for one's own actions.
LOL! He was just doing the usual "male thing" of glancing at women his psyche found attractive, as far as I know.

Maturity ... overrated? Hmmm. Perhaps we need to define the term. I agree with your saying people should take responsibility for their own actions, but I see this as part of being "mature."

Ive had a few male role models, you could say, and thats how I probably learbed what "being a man" is all about, so in essence, I dont think Im missing much.
Perhaps so. As I mentioned before, just because your father is absent or dead does not mean you're going to have "issues." It seems to depend upon a wide variety of factors, not the least of which is your genetic heritage. As some studies have indicated, there even seem to be "super-kids" who thrive despite extreme poverty, abuse, etc. At the other end of the spectrum are those more sensitive children who seem to be almost crushed by any adversity whatever.

One thing my father did for me was teach me to think. Thank God for that, since both my mother and step-mother are ( apparently ) borderline loons! Heh!

Thankfully, almost all of us do manage to "muddle through" somehow. :)

I have seen some of my friends who happen to be gay develop absolutely great relationships with their fathers. I have also seen fathers so totally reject their sons who are gay that the son had serious "issues" as a result.

This entire thing is, IMHO, sad in the extreme. None of my three sons are gay, but had they been, I like to think that I could have dealt with it and found some way to relate to them. Your love for someone, particularly your own progeny, should never be dependent on them conforming to some preconcieved standard you carry around in your head. Your standards are not nearly as important as your child!

Look, people: So far as I know at this point, we only get one shot at this thing we call life ( although there seems to be some anecdotal evidence for reincarnation, but that's another thread ). If we can't even be compassionate and kind to others, especially to our own children, why even bother??? :(

Hmm, too bad my parents are in denial - well, I'll just let them think that I have a really close friend who kisses and hugs me all the time :D

Hrmmm ....

To best answer the question at hand, I must ask whether or not my kids need me.

So, with that in mind, here's what my children would not have were I not around:

1] The best fried chicken ever. No contest.
2] One hell of a softball coach.
3] Getting to bang on my drums as loud as they want with no complaints.
4] Getting to sing "The Roof is on Fire", without having to censor out the "mother fucker" part, at the top of their lungs.
5] Getting to be messy without someone bitching about it.
6] Wall o' Poster Board Finger Painting Saturdays.
7] Getting to have several friends over, without notice, and have them all get fed and, yes, they can stay the night.
8] Homework is best done after dinner when there are no good cartoons on.
9] Ripped jeans? No problem! Just give them to Dad! He'll fix them right up.
10] Broken toy? No problem! Just give it to Dad! He'll fix it right up (even the delicate electronic ones).
11] Daddy can not only teach me how to ride a horse, but how to sew, cook, and play guitar.
12] Of course 7 is old enough to make your own grilled cheese. I'll just sit here and watch.

The more I think about it .... yes ... my children need me. I don't even require the big piece of chicken.