NationStates Jolt Archive


Contemplations

Neo Kervoskia
09-10-2005, 03:05
I was bored so I wrote this, it's a just a ranting that I hope to devlop into a story.

My life has never been of any interest to anybody. When I reflect on my life's work, which didn't amount to anything that could be held in high esteem, I observed that it was one rather lengthy act in mediocraty. I never excelled in a particular fied of study, nor did I receive any congratulatory gestures for my trite accomplishments. However, disappointment was never familiar to me. This was because of my philosophy, which has kept me alive for this many long years. My philosophy is to hold all optimism in low regard and to expect little, if any, personal gain from my labour.
It's worked wonderfully for me thus far. I have been able to endure the pride and arrogance of others. I have not others to have anything of mine, not my compassion, my limited intellect, or even my pity.People regard me as cold because I have such a grim view of life. The truth is that I have no faith in humanity. That may seem to be a rather common trait in society today, but in my case it's different in one regard. Whereas the majority of those that hold my same view had faith in humanity at some particular point in their lives, I had never had any. To be perfectly honest I don't have faith in anything.
God is any empty concept, albeit an addictive one. Whenever you give someone an inkling of an idea of life's purpose, that person will cling to it. Whether or not the idea is fact is entirely irrelavent. People crave for a sense of purpose, it's quite a pathetic spectacle. A person will sacrifice is life to maintain his ignorance. Many philosophers reject that practice, as do I. However, they do so to become enlightened or to attain a greater level of some such nonsensical concept. I reject the practice because I see it as futile to do otherwise. Life is painful and not even the most potent ignorance can numb that feeling completely. So, I accept that life is pain and I simply live through it all.
Whenever I see someone mourn the death of a loved-one, I cannot help but pity them. There is absolutely nothing they can do, or could have done. There is no use in shedding tears for those who are no longer productive, which is a better description of our materialistic life hidden in a Pandora's Box of spirituality. I walk past the mourners and give them a subtle nod. I do it not our of charity, but out of curiosity. When a loved one has died, the mourner does not seem alive. To use an old phrase, they are a shell of the people they once were. I disagree with that phrase. I believe that people are only shells of what they want to be. Their aspirations are what they see, not themselves.
That's why at funerals the family and friends of the deceased praise the dead so highly. They are only able to see the deceased's aspirations. It would hurt the mourners too much if they took the fucking time to actual look at his life. It was probably a relatively mediocre one. Working from nine until five and going home, following a routine, and then repeating the cycle the following day.
People are ignorant, not to say that I am "enlightened", to use a tired old term. To be perfectly frank I just don't give a fuck. Why should I? There are precious few options in life. I could be a philosopher and contemplate about life, but never take any action. I could be an obedient worker bee and spend my life trying to give it some shread of meaning. Or I could simply not care and live comfortably with that fact.
I've chosen the third path, but now I've grown weary of it. I have don all that I can with it and I can go no further. Excuse me, that was misldeaing. I never went anywhere, I am exactly at the point from which I started. Isn't that grand? People try to move from A to B and most of them end up someplace worse, whereas I started at A and I will end at A. It's time for me to depart from this world, there's nothing in it that interests me. I haven't decided how I'm going to do it. Pills would be nice, but that's a luxury that I can't afford. Besides, pills are for depressed housewives and teenagers who think they're lost in life. A razor blade, now there's an idea, but I don't have one. None of the options will do. I'll simply wait here and when it is time, I'll leave.

Edit: Goddamn Jolt, why can't I indent?!
Tactical Grace
09-10-2005, 03:11
Dude.

Read Albert Camus' 'The Stranger', now.

Bookshop. Tomorrow morning. You will see yourself reflected in it, as I once did. I was having a bad time, and my father said it would reveal myself to me, and you know what, I was so much more fulfilled for it. :)
The South Islands
09-10-2005, 03:11
Paragraphs, NK, paragraphs! :D
Tactical Grace
09-10-2005, 03:13
You may also find it called 'The Outsider'. It is a masterful existentialist character study.
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:15
Couldn't agree with TG more. You sound exactly like Meursault. (Just make sure to cry at appropriate moments and not drink white coffee over your parents' coffin, or else they'll lop your head off for being funny-looking.)
Kroisistan
09-10-2005, 03:15
...

maybe if I where high...? :confused:
Czardas
09-10-2005, 03:15
It reminds me of a story I'm now writing, a little bit. The central character is obviously based on me, as you can tell from the first paragraph:

"I am an outcast. Having been rejected by the race of men, I regard them with that mix of pity and amusement that all animals must feel on regarding the ways of that species. Humanity is drowned in folly, steeped in greed and jealousy; the only way to save mankind from itself is to destroy the society in which it thrives."

Of course, there the main character has been 'literally' cast out and branded forever with a special mark enabling all to recognize him as shameful. It's a science fiction/fantasy adventure-type story, with a lot of autobiographical material in it however. I wrote the intial 3-page speech in a fit of depression and despair, and continued with the rest afterwards in third person.
Tactical Grace
09-10-2005, 03:17
Couldn't agree with TG more. You sound exactly like Meursault. (Just make sure to cry at appropriate moments and not drink white coffee over your parents' coffin, or else they'll lop your head off for being funny-looking.)
I read the first chapter on my radio show earlier tonight. Previous book was Antoine de Saint-Exupery's 'Flight to Arras' (you may note a slight pattern here), and The Stranger is the current one.
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:19
"I am an outcast. Having been rejected by the race of men, I regard them with that mix of pity and amusement that all animals must feel on regarding the ways of that species. Humanity is drowned in folly, steeped in greed and jealousy; the only way to save mankind from itself is to destroy the society in which it thrives."

You must know how much it galls me to admit this, but that actually reads quite well. You should write more in that style on NS: 'tis quite good.
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:21
I read the first chapter on my radio show earlier tonight. Previous book was Antoine de Saint-Exupery's 'Flight to Arras' (you may note a slight pattern here), and The Stranger is the current one.

That's quite a coincidence. I'm reading a passage from 'The Rebel' on my next one.
Czardas
09-10-2005, 03:26
You must know how much it galls me to admit this, but that actually reads quite well. You should write more in that style on NS: 'tis quite good.
Thank you. /bows

It took me quite a while to write that actually; the whole speech is reproduced in my own 'Reflections', which currently run to 29 pages and contain all of my insane views on how the universe actually works. I might publish them someday. In the meantime, I will continue to improve my writing style on NS.

(Currently I'm trying to stick with third-person present tense—the action is more gritty and in-your-face—and due to time constraints, I can't edit as much as I'd like to.)
Neo Kervoskia
09-10-2005, 03:27
Thank you. /bows

It took me quite a while to write that actually; the whole speech is reproduced in my own 'Reflections', which currently run to 29 pages and contain all of my insane views on how the universe actually works. I might publish them someday. In the meantime, I will continue to improve my writing style on NS.

(Currently I'm trying to stick with third-person present tense—the action is more gritty and in-your-face—and due to time constraints, I can't edit as much as I'd like to.)
At least you have a writing style, my 'Contemplations' is dribble. It hasn't a definite style.
Tactical Grace
09-10-2005, 03:32
At least you have a writing style, my 'Contemplations' is dribble. It hasn't a definite style.
Dude, you've worked out enough of what makes you feel the way you feel, or have absence of feeling, to spend a while reading some real existentialist literature. And then I believe you will understand yourself better. I suggest you do that. You've come a lot further than the idiots who never come close to figuring anything out, and go down the self-destructive route. I've known people who have fallen by the wayside, and I can tell you, a life in an indifferent arbitrary universe is a far richer experience than no life at all.
Czardas
09-10-2005, 03:32
At least you have a writing style, my 'Contemplations' is dribble. It hasn't a definite style.
It's a bit like what my 'Reflections' were like before I edited them. You just need a competent editor.

...Well, of course, my paragraphs had their own style before, I just had to polish them up. You'll find yours. It's just why you weren't cut out to be a RPer.
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:39
It's a bit like what my 'Reflections' were like before I edited them. You just need a competent editor.

*Coughs editorially*

Anyway, this is more interesting than Marcus Aurelius's stuff anyway, so I wouldn't worry. Czardas is right, though: the rawness of your style is fine, but it does need editing. (I appreciate we're now analysing something that you 'wrote because you were bored', but we too are bored.)
Czardas
09-10-2005, 03:43
*Coughs editorially*

Anyway, this is more interesting than Marcus Aurelius's stuff anyway, so I wouldn't worry. Czardas is right, though: the rawness of your style is fine, but it does need editing. (I appreciate we're now analysing something that you 'wrote because you were bored', but we too are bored.)
I'll start with editing your post!

You used 'anyway' twice in the first sentence. Delete one of them. Also, add 'that' between 'appreciate' and 'we're' in your third sentence. Otherwise, it looks fine to me.

We can move on to Neo Kervoskia's now. :D
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:47
I'll start with editing your post!

You used 'anyway' twice in the first sentence. Delete one of them. Also, add 'that' between 'appreciate' and 'we're' in your third sentence. Otherwise, it looks fine to me.

We can move on to Neo Kervoskia's now. :D

Right on the first count, wrong on the second. Or at least, it's accepted as common or standard use, even if it's technically incorrect (which I'm not sure it is, in any case).
Neo Kervoskia
09-10-2005, 03:49
*Coughs editorially*

Anyway, this is more interesting than Marcus Aurelius's stuff anyway, so I wouldn't worry. Czardas is right, though: the rawness of your style is fine, but it does need editing. (I appreciate we're now analysing something that you 'wrote because you were bored', but we too are bored.)
At first I try to make it fit a certain style, but after a while I forget about it and let the words flow onto the screen. Have you any suggestions? (I'm sure you do. If you don't have any, then I'm very disappointed in you.)
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 03:53
I haven't done any copy-editing in a while - mainly just proofing - so bear with me two ticks while I read it over again.

To think some people accuse me of taking this too seriously.
Neo Kervoskia
09-10-2005, 03:54
I haven't done any copy-editing in a while - mainly just proofing - so bear with me two ticks while I read it over again.

To think some people accuse me of taking this too seriously.
Someone needs to be the straightman.
Czardas
09-10-2005, 03:58
Right on the first count, wrong on the second. Or at least, it's accepted as common or standard use, even if it's technically incorrect (which I'm not sure it is, in any case).
It's technically incorrect, but what the hell. I'll take it anyway.
Gruenberg
09-10-2005, 04:04
It's technically incorrect, but what the hell. I'll take it anyway.

According to what? It must be an American rule: there doesn't seem to be anything about it in my books.
Czardas
09-10-2005, 04:05
According to what? It must be an American rule: there doesn't seem to be anything about it in my books.
Yeah, it probably is American then...