NationStates Jolt Archive

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!
Find a short, ill-tempered, mean lil SOB of a Barrister! :D

For my generation, marriage is quite simply a bad investment decision. It makes no financial sense. Seven years is the average, those aren't good odds when you consider the financial penalties you incur in the event of failure.

It is a shame that it has come to this, but yours is just one of many stories that make it unlikely that me or my male friends will ever be signing that particular contract.

My sister incidentally, has been interning as a forensic accountant this summer, tracking down assets that men have given away to friends amd family rather than have them confiscated. It doesn't work.

Quite simply, it isn't. The system is skewed, and truly needs to be fixed.

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!

The house is still half yours. Charge her rent for the half of yours that she's living in. The fella too if he's moved in with her.

Eutrusca your American right? Take a quick study of UK divorce and family law, I'm fucked no matter how good my lawyer is. What I'm saying is that the law fusking sucks, and it is totally unfair. Why am I deemed a bad parent because our marraige failed, yet the circumstances behind its failure or not examined? Why does the women automatically (over 95% of British cases) get custody op the children? Fuck the single life, I want the mess and disorder of chlidren yet am being denied this by an unjust and unfair legal system.

Eutrusca your American right? Take a quick study of UK divorce and family law, I'm fucked no matter how good my lawyer is. What I'm saying is that the law fusking sucks, and it is totally unfair. Why am I deemed a bad parent because our marraige failed, yet the circumstances behind its failure or not examined? Why does the women automatically (over 95% of British cases) get custody op the children? Fuck the single life, I want the mess and disorder of chlidren yet am being denied this by an unjust and unfair legal system.
Yes, I'm 'Merican. Things are a bit better here, I gather, but surely there's something you can do? :(

Maybe you should call Batman and Robin (http://www.fathers.ca/batman_and_robin.htm) !

I felt sorry for you Ollieland.
All I can say that your ex-wife is a friggin slut going out with a man whore!!!
Laws like this gotta change these days...

Do what the Swede's or w/e do. Just stay together and never get married. Too much legal BS. xD

seems as if women want equality, only if that means they get treated better then men, then its equal. not too sure how courts are like in the uk, but here in the USA, you could easily get at the very least time to see your kids.

Depends on what state you are in America. But here its basically the same damn thing. My brother is a doctor and swears he will never marry. Reason is the way the system is setup. You become a slave to your ex-wife. Its a totally f*cked situation. They wonder why the decline in marriage in the US. This is one of the reasons why.

Do what the Swede's or w/e do. Just stay together and never get married. Too much legal BS. xD
Er, right...

That's just freaky, Ollie. Some major problem in the legal dep. if it works that way, I'd say.

They wonder why the decline in marriage in the US. This is one of the reasons why.
The thing is, love has not changed. It's just that there's a cold business decision involved - you're dealing with a massive financial risk, and the stats on it are stock-market-scary. I hope when I meet someone I'd like to stay with, she would understand that avoiding clear financial risk is a legitimate concern, and is not a 'lack of trust', the death of romance or anything stupid like that. :(

Marriage is a contract. It seems like your wife broke it by cheating. She is in breach of contract as far as I'm concerned.

If you really can't do anything, then your legal system is teh sux0r. Yet another reason for me to stay virgin until 30...marriage is too much of a financial hassle. :D

Yet another reason for me to stay virgin until 30...marriage is too much of a financial hassle. :D
Hey, who said anything about virginity? :p

Last I checked, you don't need a contract for that. :fluffle:

The thing is, love has not changed. It's just that there's a cold business decision involved - you're dealing with a massive financial risk, and the stats on it are stock-market-scary. I hope when I meet someone I'd like to stay with, she would understand that avoiding clear financial risk is a legitimate concern, and is not a 'lack of trust', the death of romance or anything stupid like that. :(

Actually, they are worse than stock market. There is roughly a 70% chance each year that the S+P 500 will be up, but only a 50% chance for a successful marriage in that year. Ovewr the long term the chance of success goes up in the market, even if you start at a bad time. Not so with marriage.
(Not to mention, it is OK and in fact encouraged to own more than one stock...) :)

Take everything thing you have and let her starve.

Hey, who said anything about virginity? :p

Last I checked, you don't need a contract for that. :fluffle:


GOD.

Hey, a few of us still believe in sexual chastity, and use religion as an excuse for a lack of willingness to pay maintenance, if you know what I mean. :D

Courts always side with women on more issues than just divorce really women can get off of anything just by saying "abuse" or "sexual harassment" truth is men are the weaker sex in this society, sadly its been a sort of pendulem where after we have started giving women the ame rights as men the momentum has carried us into women having MORE rights than men not only that but women reap the pros of being discriminated against as well as the pros of equal treatment

what? the law in great britain says that whatever she demands she gets? doesnt seem right to me. go get a freaking lawyer and find out what the law IS. dont make assumptions.

Feminism, or FemiNAZIism

Feminism, or FemiNAZIism

indeed

Er, right...

That's just freaky, Ollie. Some major problem in the legal dep. if it works that way, I'd say.


Oooohh.. You're Swedish. So maybe it was the Dutch I'm talking about. :p

GOD.

Hey, a few of us still believe in sexual chastity, and use religion as an excuse for a lack of willingness to pay maintenance, if you know what I mean. :D
Hey, you're the one who uses "Evil Woody Thoughts" as a nick, pal. You don't have to be a skilled practitioner of Freudian psycho-analysis to work out what's going on. :p

Hey, you're the one who uses "Evil Woody Thoughts" as a nick, pal. You don't have to be a skilled practitioner of Freudian psycho-analysis to work out what's going on. :p

You read too much into the middle word.

My last name is Woodard. Therefore, my nickname all throughout school was "Woody." I hated it, but it was ascribed to me.

Now, you can read into "evil thoughts" all you want. But that just means I'm a political subversive. :D

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!

Got friends in other countries? ;) That's the Mexican way of paying for divorce.. just head south for a while. You get a nifty poster with your face on it at the Post Office (e.g. Wanted: Pepe Dominguez - $2,300,000 in Child Support Owed!), and you can return later with a new alias and documents, no problem. That is, unless your government has your fingerprints, which would give them like a %0.001 chance of ever finding you.... Ah, the joys of lax border control. :)

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!


Surely you get half of all those things?

Meh.

Is this conversation for misogynists only or may others be heard?

Nevermind. It isn't worth it.

You could always get nasty and report her to the social security offices. I don't know how it works in Britain, but in NZ if a woman starts living with a man she has to declare this to the welfare office who then assess his income to work out how much to give her. What you give her would also be taken into account.
In NZ, a solo Mum's payment is dependent on just that - that she's solo. If she's living with a bloke and not telling them, they can - and will - come down pretty hard on her. She's making a false declaration.

Is this conversation for misogynists only or may others be heard?
Heh, I'm not a misogynist, but economic realities being what they are, I'd choose cohabitation. That says nothing about my ability to love. ;)

Meh.

Is this conversation for misogynists only or may others be heard?

Nevermind. It isn't worth it.
Whoah. Great comeback there. Witty, succinct, well-thought out, intelligent and well-structured argument presented.
Hope I never have to debate against you.

Whoah. Great comeback there. Witty, succinct, well-thought out, intelligent and well-structured argument presented.
Hope I never have to debate against you.

Actually, you probably don't. The Cat-Tribe is one hell of a well-informed debator.

Meh.

Is this conversation for misogynists only or may others be heard?

Nevermind. It isn't worth it.

I believe you are female...and a lawyer, perhaps?
Just trying to find a reason for your post.

I believe you are female...and a lawyer, perhaps?
Just trying to find a reason for your post.
Aha, because goodness knows it is not in any way an appropriate response to a thread with gem posts like "feminism or feminazism".... :rolleyes:

The fact is there are people of both sexes who are self interested and no such thing as a perfect law.

Ollieland, have you even seen a lawyer? Or are you another one of those weak little guys that complains about 'the system' without taking any responsibility?

There is a reason why your wife left you. Women don't do these things just because they can. Divorce is stressful for everyone and she would have been concerned about the kids. If she was happy with you then she would not have left. So put on your big boy undies and grow up.

Make sure you see a lawyer and find out what you can do. If she is living with the new guy your support payments will be significantly less. If you simply can't afford it then talk to your lawyer and they should be able to convey this to the court who will take this into consideration when setting your support payments.

But you also have to look at how much your children need. If you're concerned she's spongeing off you then open a joint account with her for the kids. Then set a certain amount that you both contribute into the account which in your case will be all of your child support. She pays the same and uses a credit card to make purchases from that account for the kids. That way you can see exactly what she's spending the money on and you can see that she is also contributing.

Whatever happens, there's no point coming here to have a whinge about how hard your life is because people here really don't care about you. So stop whinging and go spend time with your kids.


To everyone who says they'll never get married. You're going to miss out on a lot but I bet you'll get married anyway.

You could always get nasty and report her to the social security offices. I don't know how it works in Britain, but in NZ if a woman starts living with a man she has to declare this to the welfare office who then assess his income to work out how much to give her. What you give her would also be taken into account.
In NZ, a solo Mum's payment is dependent on just that - that she's solo. If she's living with a bloke and not telling them, they can - and will - come down pretty hard on her. She's making a false declaration.

I'm fairly sure it's the same. If she's with another guy he probably doesn't have to pay maintenance, although I think he still has to pay child support.

There is a reason why your wife left you. Women don't do these things just because they can. Divorce is stressful for everyone and she would have been concerned about the kids. If she was happy with you then she would not have left. So put on your big boy undies and grow up.

From what he said it seems she left him because she found a different man.

I'm fairly sure it's the same. If she's with another guy he probably doesn't have to pay maintenance, although I think he still has to pay child support.

Yeah.. in California that's true, except she'd have to be re-married, not just dating someone else. In fact, some women stay "single," even when cohabitating, just to keep the cash coming. It's pretty common. No clue how it works in Europe, though.

Meh.

Is this conversation for misogynists only or may others be heard?

Nevermind. It isn't worth it. Men are all misogynists deep down. You should know that by now.

Ollie, a friend of mine recently got screwed by his wife in much the same way. They were married for only a year and the day she got her passport, she's from South America so needed to wait to get her passport, was the same day she went to the police to accuse him of physically abusing her, and the same day she filed for divorce.

The guy got arrested at work as a result of her accusation, thrown in jail, and when released the next day he was presented with a restraining order. Just for the record: the guy doesn't have a record, so it was just his wife's word against his.

What he did was take all his money out of the bank, have his family write IOU's and 'pay off the debts', in reality that money went 'underground'. Next he stopped paying the rent for his house, after all, he didn't have any money left in theory so there was nothing he could do, hence no legal cause to persecute him.

He used to work literally from 7am till 11pm, making a tidy sum of money that way, and based on this she filed for an allemoney of $1.800 a month. So, he quit virtually all his work, working only enough hours to take care of himself. Next he signed a lease contract that had him pay $750 rent, leaving basically nothing for allemony. I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she found that out in court! lol

Fortunately he had friends and family to stay with, and enough money to pay what he needed, unlike his wife who had to live in a house where they cut off utilities, not to mention that the bank wasn't too happy about the mortgage not being paid. The woman didn't even have money for food for the baby as her 'friends' weren't exactly generous or supportive.

The judge asked him what happened to his savings and he showed him the IOU's, and when asked why he quit most of his work he said "Why should I work for a woman who treats me like shit?"

Long story short, the judge thought it was all very suspicious.

1) we have a wife who waits with reporting the abuse till the day she got her passport.

2) she bears no signs of physical abuse. no bruises or hospital treatments, neither old or recent, nothing.

3) according to her statement she was also physically abused on weekdays during the afternoon. which made the judge ask her "How can your husband abuse you when he is at work?"

So, instead of getting the house, savings, and a fat allimony she got an inquiry thats pointed in her direction and nothing else. :)

Anyways, what my friend decided to do regardless of the outcome of the inquiry, is to move to either Ireland, Norway or Canada. He doubts that they will track him there and he knows that eventually they will pin a hefty allimony on him as soon as he starts to earn more, but he thinks that if he lives out of the country they will loose track of him. I don't know if this is true, but if it is you might consider taking up and choose a new place to live. :)

There is a reason why your wife left you. Women don't do these things just because they can. Divorce is stressful for everyone and she would have been concerned about the kids. If she was happy with you then she would not have left. So put on your big boy undies and grow up.



You seem to be forgetting that there are some really nasty bitches out there upon whom all reason is lost.

Don't bank on everyone being healthy and reasonable cause that notion doesn't reflect reality.

Mind you, this is not saying that Ollie's wife is one of those per se, just that its a variable that should not be ignored.

I believe you are female...and a lawyer, perhaps?
Just trying to find a reason for your post.


Hey! No need to hurl insults!

I believe you are female...and a lawyer, perhaps?
Just trying to find a reason for your post.

HEY HEY! No need to insult lawyers!

Ollie, a friend of mine recently got screwed by his wife in much the same way. They were married for only a year and the day she got her passport, she's from South America so needed to wait to get her passport, was the same day she went to the police to accuse him of physically abusing her, and the same day she filed for divorce.

The guy got arrested at work as a result of her accusation, thrown in jail, and when released the next day he was presented with a restraining order. Just for the record: the guy doesn't have a record, so it was just his wife's word against his.

What he did was take all his money out of the bank, have his family write IOU's and 'pay off the debts', in reality that money went 'underground'. Next he stopped paying the rent for his house, after all, he didn't have any money left in theory so there was nothing he could do, hence no legal cause to persecute him.

He used to work literally from 7am till 11pm, making a tidy sum of money that way, and based on this she filed for an allemoney of $1.800 a month. So, he quit virtually all his work, working only enough hours to take care of himself. Next he signed a lease contract that had him pay $750 rent, leaving basically nothing for allemony. I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she found that out in court! lol

Fortunately he had friends and family to stay with, and enough money to pay what he needed, unlike his wife who had to live in a house where they cut off utilities, not to mention that the bank wasn't too happy about the mortgage not being paid. The woman didn't even have money for food for the baby as her 'friends' weren't exactly generous or supportive.

The judge asked him what happened to his savings and he showed him the IOU's, and when asked why he quit most of his work he said "Why should I work for a woman who treats me like shit?"

Long story short, the judge thought it was all very suspicious.

1) we have a wife who waits with reporting the abuse till the day she got her passport.

2) she bears no signs of physical abuse. no bruises or hospital treatments, neither old or recent, nothing.

3) according to her statement she was also physically abused on weekdays during the afternoon. which made the judge ask her "How can your husband abuse you when he is at work?"

So, instead of getting the house, savings, and a fat allimony she got an inquiry thats pointed in her direction and nothing else. :)

Anyways, what my friend decided to do regardless of the outcome of the inquiry, is to move to either Ireland, Norway or Canada. He doubts that they will track him there and he knows that eventually they will pin a hefty allimony on him as soon as he starts to earn more, but he thinks that if he lives out of the country they will loose track of him. I don't know if this is true, but if it is you might consider taking up and choose a new place to live. :)

Hah! This guy should be nominated for some kinda award or medal or something.. that's a heartwarming tale to say the least. Patience + cunning can always ruin a vindictive broad's day.. she got beat like a dog. Good to hear it.

You seem to be forgetting that there are some really nasty bitches out there upon whom all reason is lost.

Don't bank on everyone being healthy and reasonable cause that notion doesn't reflect reality.

Mind you, this is not saying that Ollie's wife is one of those per se, just that its a variable that should not be ignored.
i think the biggest variable is ollie not standing up for himself but just handing his wife over everything she demands. in a split, if one person rolls over, the other will step on them. its just human nature.

My wife threw me out. I'm not 100% why, but it was only a month ago and she already has a new fella - not pointing fingers, but there you go.

Anyway, she has got our children, house, car and savings. I earn about £1200 a month and gave her about $700 of this leaving me enough to pay my debts. We have three children. Now shes telling me she wants £300 a month, but my bloody rent on my new place is £550, let alone my council tax, utility bills etc. Plus shes raking in over £1,000 a month in social security. This situation is totally beyond my fault or control, yet financially I'm fucking hurting! How the HELL is this FAIR or JUST?!

You could always kill your wife, that seems like the best way.

You could always kill your wife, that seems like the best way.

Well, she certainly deserves it...

My fiancee's father went through the exact same thing with his first wife...it's a damn shame he's dead and she isn't.

OK, so the guy and the megabitch get married. Pretty soon she's not working at all, and not only that, but she makes him sign over his paycheck every two weeks and gives him the occasional $5 to get by. This is $5 for gas, food, etc. That's about $20 in today's dollars, but still, that's nothing, especially with gas as expensive as it is not and was then. She verbally abused him and basically used him like a bad credit card.

On top of that, she made it plainly obvious she didn't give a damn about him by forcing him to go to work even if he was sicker than a dog. Why did she do this? Hmmm...let's see. This all ties into the money that's his that she takes. One day, his employers told him he was too sick to stay at work and to go home and rest up, so he does. When he gets there, a neighbor tells him to go to a motel to find his wife...who, needless to say, is screwing another guy at a motel bought by the hour. With HIS money.

He tried to keep the marriage together for the sake of his daughter (who, it turns out, probably isn't even his...go figure...and the daughter is just like her asswipe mother.) SHE ends up divorcing him and robbing him blind. If he wanted to see his daughter, even when he remarried to my future mother-in-law, he had to play by all of her rules, which included letting her steal his money and leave the bathtub water running to the point of overflowing and damaging the nice new house. She did all this under the instruction of her mother, of course.

I sure as hell hope I have better luck with my current fiancee. If I don't, there probably won't be anyone else. There are a million reason not to get married. I will not be screwed over. I will not end up like my parents, or God forbid my dad's parents...bu those are stories for another day.

Ollieland, have you even seen a lawyer? Or are you another one of those weak little guys that complains about 'the system' without taking any responsibility?

There is a reason why your wife left you. Women don't do these things just because they can. Divorce is stressful for everyone and she would have been concerned about the kids. If she was happy with you then she would not have left. So put on your big boy undies and grow up.

Make sure you see a lawyer and find out what you can do. If she is living with the new guy your support payments will be significantly less. If you simply can't afford it then talk to your lawyer and they should be able to convey this to the court who will take this into consideration when setting your support payments.

But you also have to look at how much your children need. If you're concerned she's spongeing off you then open a joint account with her for the kids. Then set a certain amount that you both contribute into the account which in your case will be all of your child support. She pays the same and uses a credit card to make purchases from that account for the kids. That way you can see exactly what she's spending the money on and you can see that she is also contributing.

Whatever happens, there's no point coming here to have a whinge about how hard your life is because people here really don't care about you. So stop whinging and go spend time with your kids.


To everyone who says they'll never get married. You're going to miss out on a lot but I bet you'll get married anyway.

You've offered some good advice for the most part, but I'd suggest leaving out what I've bolded. There's no reason to insult him like that. If you could just stick with the advice though, then you'll be fine. Just don't do it in the future.

Ollieland, have you even seen a lawyer? Or are you another one of those weak little guys that complains about 'the system' without taking any responsibility?

There is a reason why your wife left you.
Women don't do these things just because they can.
Divorce is stressful for everyone and she would have been concerned about the kids.
If she was happy with you then she would not have left.
So put on your big boy undies and grow up.
you also have to look at how much your children need.

Whatever happens, there's no point coming here to have a whinge about how hard your life is because people here really don't care about you.

So stop whinging and go spend time with your kids.
.

Let me hazard a wild guess; you are a divorced woman receiving child support/alimony.