NationStates Jolt Archive

Now since there seems to be an epidemic of dateless wonders in the general forum of late, I'm offering my services as a date doctor of soughts. Though given I've been banned by my university from calling myself Dr at random intervals, let's just ignore that.

Note: If you're a girly, replace "guy" with "girl" and you should be fine. Assuming your gay...

Here's a great scenario you can use when clubbing or what-not.

Step 1: Be confident. A limp dick personality indicates a limp dick in general. Noone likes limp dicks. If you're not confident, fake it. If you have a limp dick, shake it.

Step 2: DO NOT USE PICKUP LINES. Every line you know sucks ass through a straw and will either earn you a backhand or knee to the crotch. Instead try this "hi". Or substitute with appropiate greeting from your country of residence.

Step 3: Smile. Look directly into her eyes. Not her lips, not her cute best friend, AND NEVER HER CHEST.

Step 4: Wait for a response. If the response is a smile, you've acheived your goal. If it's an appropriate response (ie "hey") even better.

Step 5: Ask her to dance. Open your body language to allow her room and indicate the dancefloor by inclining your open palm. NOTE: You are not trying to take her hand stupid, just indicate where the floor is. If she declines, smile, shrug, half turn and leave. It looks pretty cool. If she says yes, let her lead the way.

Step 6: YOU SUCK AT DANCING: Trust me on this one. Keep your movements loose but compact. Draw yourself an imaginary box on the floor about 3foot^2. Stay inside it. Draw yourself another box, slightly wider then your hips and from your pelvis to that triangle bit in your ribcage. Keep your hands in this space. Move from side to side in time with the music, if you can't do this. Match her timing.

Step 7: When the song finishes. Remove a pre-written peice of paper with your name and number -Note: Not a bussiness card- and slip it to her. Turn to leave. She will either leave to or indicate you should stay. Either is good.

Repeat ten times and you will get at least one phone call the next day. With this system followed exactly I garuntee* you success.






*I garuntee nothing! MU HAW HAW. Nah Seriously, try it.

Except for Step 1, I can agree with everything. Step 1 is useful, just something that I disagree with.

Except for Step 1, I can agree with everything. Step 1 is useful, just something that I disagree with.
$10 {{imploded economy nation}} says your a girly... ;)

insightful. thanks, Dr.

I'd like some chicks from the forum to advocate this before I believe it. It just seems too simple, but if someone here admits they would actually go out with a guy who did that then I'll believe.

Can I order this "10 step Rotovia plan to poon"?

$10 {{imploded economy nation}} says your a girly... ;)Girly as in female or girly as in "feminine"? Or both?

Can I order this "10 step Rotovia plan to poon"?
lol. I'm planning on putting it my book. Which I will shamelessly promote, when I'm finished. I wouldn't be so shameless as to create an entire webgame devoted to promoting it though. I might be shameless enough to use one someone else created though.

Girly as in female or girly as in "feminine"? Or both?
The prior.

The prior.
Cool, thanks, I get $10. <Holds out hand.>

Cool, thanks, I get $10. <Holds out hand.>
Let's see {{imploded economy nation}} to USD exchange... here you go *hands over .0003cents*

Let's see {{imploded economy nation}} to USD exchange... here you go *hands over .0003cents*Lol. I'll take a copy of your book when it's finished instead.

Do you have a title yet?

Lol. I'll take a copy of your book when it's finished instead.
Deal :D

Do you have a title yet?
My Thoughts On: Is the working title. If you have read any of these threads "My Thoughts On: Abortion" "My Thoughts On: Capital Punishment" or "My Thoughts On: The Modern Liberal Movement" they are exerts from my manuscript.

Deal :D
Awesome. May I ask you what about my post made you think I was female?

I haven't read any of those (haven't seen them actually), can they be found on your website?

Awesome. May I ask you what about my post made you think I was female?
Oh the opposition to my idea every guy should be or pretend to be confident is usually held by females. Or a select group of them.

Oh the opposition to my idea every guy should be or pretend to be confident is usually held by females. Or a select group of them.Oh, I see. Well, I wasn't opposed to the idea per se - I'm sure it would work well in the dating world. I was opposed to it on a personal level - I prefer a lack of confidence, personally.

I haven't read any of those (haven't seen them actually), can they be found on your website?
No, I'm lazy. They were written under my old NS account Rotovia. (Hence Rotovia-). But one of my newer ones is. "My Thoughts On: The Mugabe Regime" Tommorow I'm putting an exert from "My Thought On: Freedom" That's my personal favourite. If I do say so myself.

Oh, I see. Well, I wasn't opposed to the idea per se - I'm sure it would work well in the dating world. I was opposed to it on a personal level - I prefer a lack of confidence, personally.
My ideal women is shy and sweat on the street, but a freaky deaky sexpot behind closed doors.

My ideal women is shy and sweat on the street, but a freaky deaky sexpot behind closed doors.Ah, I see. I suppose it makes sense that you should be confident - your ideal girl would never approach you, so you would have to approach her.

Oh, you wacky straight people, with your silly mating rituals.

Oh come now, every non-asexual multicellular being has some sort of a ritual or practice.

Oh, you wacky straight people, with your silly mating rituals.Well, there is a gay mating ritual, too. It's "wanna hook up?"

Well, there is a gay mating ritual, too. It's "wanna hook up?"

That's not a ritual. That's telling the other person what you want, giving them opportunity to accept or decline. You know, sanity.

That's not a ritual. That's telling the other person what you want, giving them opportunity to accept or decline. You know, sanity.Ah, I see. I suppose you could look at it that way, too.

Ah, I see. I suppose it makes sense that you should be confident - your ideal girl would never approach you, so you would have to approach her.
Indeedy. But we would never meet. Because dispite dishing loads of advice on meeting women. I insist on having the girl make the first move. So it's more of a little flight of fantasy for me.

Indeedy. But we would never meet. Because dispite dishing loads of advice on meeting women. I insist on having the girl make the first move. So it's more of a little flight of fantasy for me.

So basically, you've no experience in what you're trying to teach? Kooky. No wonder it's so difficult for you straight sods...

So basically, you've no experience in what you're trying to teach? Kooky. No wonder it's so difficult for you straight sods...

Wouldn't it be easier if everyone was homosexual?

Wouldn't it be easier if everyone was homosexual?

My message is finally taking root!

Indeedy. But we would never meet. Because dispite dishing loads of advice on meeting women. I insist on having the girl make the first move. So it's more of a little flight of fantasy for me.I suppose you have yourself a paradox there. I don't know that it's possible to be both shy and confident. But I can empathize, I have a paradox of my own. But it's too explicit to post on this forum, so I shan't do so.

So basically, you've no experience in what you're trying to teach? Kooky. No wonder it's so difficult for you straight sods...
Ah poor Fassy. Yes, I have used my technique when nessacary. IE that drop dead sexy blonde flirts, but won't come over. But it's far more fun to hold the upper hand.

I'd consider joining your team if you had a better dental plan, by the way. ;)

I suppose you have yourself a paradox there. I don't know that it's possible to be both shy and confident. But I can empathize, I have a paradox of my own. But it's too explicit to post on this forum, so I shan't do so.

Explicit is my middle name*! You can tell me.

*Well, not really. I don't have a middle name, as I was never baptised, bless my secular parents.

Ah poor Fassy. Yes, I have used my technique when nessacary. IE that drop dead sexy blonde flirts, but won't come over. But it's far more fun to hold the upper hand.

I'd consider joining your team if you had a better dental plan, by the way. ;)

Wait wait wait, gays have a dental plan?! Why didn't you say so!

Im IN!

*Gets down with Fass*

Ah poor Fassy. Yes, I have used my technique when nessacary. IE that drop dead sexy blonde flirts, but won't come over. But it's far more fun to hold the upper hand.

Pfft, silly games.

I'd consider joining your team if you had a better dental plan, by the way. ;)

Oh, we have an excellent dental plan. It's right there in the basic package, along with the other accoutrements of "fabulous."

*Gets down with Fass*

*gets down with The South Islands*

Well, I never denied I was easy!

Explicit is my middle name*! You can tell me.

*Well, not really. I don't have a middle name, as I was never baptised, bless my secular parents.


i never knew that having a middel name had any thing to with getting baptised...new one to me but what ever

*gets down with The South Islands*

Well, I never denied I was easy!

w00t!

I scored!

Sigging!

i never knew that having a middel name had any thing to with getting baptised...new one to me but what ever

Oh, the tradition here is that the middle name is appended when the child is baptised. No baptism -> no middle name for me.

Oh, the tradition here is that the middle name is appended when the child is baptised. No baptism -> no middle name for me.

ah...well what ever works...thats kind of cool though

Explicit is my middle name*! You can tell me.Oh, I probably could, but a lot of the others might take offense.

Oh, we have an excellent dental plan. It's right there in the basic package, along with the other accoutrements of "fabulous."
Yes, there has to be a dental plan. Teeth that aren't crooked are easier to guard behind lips when you're...never mind.

w00t!
I scored!
Sigging!

Ah, there's that feeling of self-loathing after bedding a conservative, again.

Oh, the tradition here is that the middle name is appended when the child is baptised. No baptism -> no middle name for me.
I'm Catholic and I thought the tradition was that you were called by your middle until baptism when form then on "you are to be called by your Christian name". The idea being that since you can be called by a name by covenent with God, this name is entered into The Book of Life and against it your sins are recorded and before this since you have no name you can neither ascend into Heaven nor Hell, because there can be no sins nor good works recorded. Hence Limbo.

Ah, there's that feeling of self-loathing after bedding a conservative, again.

Don't worry, I feel the same way about bedding a socialist.

Oh, I probably could, but a lot of the others might take offense.

I have a telegram box, you know.

Yes, there has to be a dental plan. Teeth that aren't crooked are easier to guard behind lips when you're...never mind.

Bolstering the brandished baton? True.

I'm Catholic and I thought the tradition was that you were called by your middle until baptism when form then on "you are to be called by your Christian name". The idea being that since you can be called by a name by covenent with God, this name is entered into The Book of Life and against it your sins are recorded and before this since you have no name you can neither ascend into Heaven nor Hell, because there can be no sins nor good works recorded. Hence Limbo.

Or, maybe that. Secular parents -> no religious stories for me, but Christians here are mostly lutherans, anyway.

w00t!

I scored!
Can I join in? Or at the least take pictures?

Can I join in? Or at the least take pictures?

The first NS threesome!

Awesome!

Don't worry, I feel the same way about bedding a socialist.

Aww, pink even? That's trite, but cute.

Aww, pink even? That's trite, but cute.

Do you approve?

BTW, its "Magenta" :D

Do you approve?

No, but that's inconsequential really.

BTW, its "Magenta" :D

See, you're turning gayer than me already.

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!

See, you're turning gayer than me already.

http://www.nndb.com/people/384/000049237/christopher_lowell_chair.jpg

Fass is being a silly goose...

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Keruvalia, do you want to join our threesome?

http://www.nndb.com/people/384/000049237/christopher_lowell_chair.jpg
Fass is being a silly goose...

I have no idea who that is.

I have no idea who that is.
He's an incredibly flaming interior designer on one of those cable TV commercials. Makes Richard Simmons look butch by comparison.

I have no idea who that is.
Christopher Lowell (www.nndb.com/people/384/000049237/)

He's an incredibly flaming interior designer on one of those cable TV commercials. Makes Richard Simmons look butch by comparison.

Richard Simmons?

Richard Simmons?

Richard Simmons. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Simmons)

Keruvalia, do you want to join our threesome?

*moment of pause*

Ummmm ... yeah!

*back to yo mama*

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Richard Simmons. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Simmons)

For a homophobic nation, you sure are obsessed with camp celebrities.

For a homophobic nation, you sure are obsessed with camp celebrities.

The United States is truly a land of contrasts.

The United States is truly a land of contrasts.

If that's PC for "loony."

The sexy, loony United States... God Bless America

If that's PC for "loony."

PC = System in which people beat around the bush to avoid minorly offending someone... :p

The Original and -ergo- The Best!

Fass... you and that... conservative. I mean.... open engagement, yah, but a conservative?

I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.

Well, until you get on at least. :p

~Knoot, posting from a moronic puppet due to... problems.

I'm Catholic and I thought the tradition was that you were called by your middle until baptism when form then on "you are to be called by your Christian name". The idea being that since you can be called by a name by covenent with God, this name is entered into The Book of Life and against it your sins are recorded and before this since you have no name you can neither ascend into Heaven nor Hell, because there can be no sins nor good works recorded. Hence Limbo.
It sounds to me like this is a national/cultural difference. I'm an American Protestant, and I had two names from the day I was born. I was baptized some days later (in the Methodist church, which ironically I rarely participated in), but I was being called by my first and middle names the whole time because that's the way things are done where I'm from.

I have two names but was never baptised. Always called by my first name. Which is, I suppose not really a Christian name then. Oh well.

I had personally never heard of the second-name-calling tradition over here. But then, Catholics tend to baptise their kids pretty much immediately. Never heard about protestants doing it.